What to expect from a therapist

[Sarah-RT]

Hey All!

I was curious about, as the title suggests, what to expect from seeing a therapist. The last several weeks, since I posted a thread asking how often do you think about dressing and the mentality of such etc and Ive found I havent been able really to stop thinking about dressing constantly, I feel like im driving myself mad. My step dad suggested I could see a therapist if I wanted when I came out to my parents a few months ago and Im wondering if thats not such a bad idea, though the reason I declined was because I felt ''in control'' of myself and didnt see the point as well as the perceived costs to where now im thinking of calling the men in white coats.

What does a therapist really do for you all? and what kinds of things do they ask, I find describing my dressing difficult because my opinion on it changes so regularly, When I joined the forums many moons ago I was a teenage boy who liked wearing girls clothing and now im 25 and feel Im avoiding the fact I could be more than just a crossdresser, though I currently identify as genderfluid, but of the last few months im moving around the gender spectrum like the Richter scale and im beginning to struggle with this lack of identity. ( Ive avoided adding in every issue I have to spare you all a long read)

Thoughts, advice? :confused:

Sarah

[tifftg]

I went to therapy for a couple years for a lot of issues but primarily driven by my need to examine how far I wanted to go with my dressing. I was fortunate that I found an understanding therapist who was very knowledgeable about gender issues. I was so nervous when I first met her that for the first three sessions, I was Jane Doe. Dressed in drab, (ultimately had some sessions dressed enfemme) but still Jane Doe. I was shaking but need to speak out loud. I found some balance to my dressing and doubt that I will ever transition. I am at a later stage of life. Good luck on the journey and I hope you are able to find someone to help you find out who you are and want to be.
Hugs,
Tiffany

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I've been seeing the same therapist for over 7 years now. She is in another state and it's a 6 hour round trip for me each time. That being said she is a wonderful woman and has helped me a lot. I went to her with issues about work, my dressing and it's impact on my wife and family. I look forward to our visits and miss them when I'm out of the country for work.

I would suggest that you search the forum for previous threads on finding a therapist. There is a mountain of good advice. I was extremely fortunate to find somebody who I meshed with immediately. I know my daughter took 3 tries before she finally found a therapist who listened to her.

One thing I will stress is that you want somebody who is knowledgeable about gender issues. Too many times over the years I've read countless stories of the patient educating the therapist. It ain't supposed to be that way! Also, if the therapist starts off by saying they'll cure you; RUN!!!!

That's the best advice I can give right now. The right therapist can be very fulfilling. The wrong one can lead to disaster.

Good luck and please let us know how it turns out.

[pamela7]

I guess you mean "gender therapist"?
Thing is, therapists are so varied in how they work, their methodology, their worldview, and their niche.
As one myself, I get people to list everything they want, and then everything is based on that, including "getting clear on what they want" for example, but then i don't do advice as part of my work, wheras you will find others do offer advice. A niche therapist might know about drugs or medical matters, about groups and support services for their niche.

So if you're going to get one, first work out clearly what you want from it, cos that will define if the therapist is the right match. And remember, their business is your problems, so be clear on when you want to end/get out/finish/close/be happy enough.

[TrishaTX]

When my wife first found out...she was really upset and me being deceitful and lying. I had done things outside the marriage that were not right. Dishonesty is not good. I went away to Arizona for a week "to find myself" and eventually came back. I found a marriage therapist for most of us and it helped but not enough. Finally I found the lady I am with now, she is a gender therapist. My wife has become more understanding and I have come to learn allot about women in general. I finally feel like we as a couple are making progress.

I am a crossdresser that will not go away, it how you handle what comes forward that makes the difference.

[dee anne]

Sarah, it appears to me that you are very mature and thoughtful regarding this issue. You have recognized an issue and are working through it. Your thoughts of weather you are more than just some one who likes to wear woman clothes is revealing. As you have told your parents, that has given you room to explore other options and if you are still on a road to something more so be it. You are an attractive girl and intelligent. Explore, investigate and share your concerns with people you trust. You will find your way. Do not beat yourself up over this. There are plenty of clinics and the like where you could go and talk to someone, consider trying that first, they may even be able to refer you to a specialized therapist.
I hope this helps ( I am not the most articulate person) but I wanted you to know that you have my support and I am sure many of us on this site.
Good luck Dee Anne

[Wendy me]

i saw a therapist for a while gender issues came up he told me he thought it was something from my child hood i never realy liked this one he pushed twards it was sexual and as long as i was alone and never went out it could be worked out ......next time i went dressed as Wendy i told i was not a "THING" .... stopped seeing him .... got hooked up with a female therapist that went well.....

all i can say is find someone your comfy with speak up if your not growing stop going and find someone that makes you feel comfy....

[Krisi]

I've seen therapists for extended times twice in my life. Not because I wanted to go, but because it was required of me (I won't go into why but it wasn't about crossdressing). In my experience, a therapist is like a business consultant, someone you pay to tell you what you want to hear. I have read more than one story here about someone going to a therapist who tells her how nice she looks in her outfits. Well that doesn't help, but it keeps them coming back (and paying).

A mind is not like a piece of machinery where someone can trouble shoot it and make an adjustment or replace a part. Nobody knows exactly how a mind works and there is no miracle cure or adjustment that can fix it if it is "broken".

Go if it makes you feel better, they have to earn a living. Or, figure out what you think is wrong with yourself and fix it yourself.

[Cheryl_Layton]

Therapists and counsellors are people that listen to you, establish where you want to go with your dressing or how you can incorporate it into your life. The key is the word ‘you’. Only you can decide where you want to be in, say, 12 months from now with regard to dressing.

What most of us need is someone who is a good listener to enable us to explore our own minds. Yes, it’s nice if the listener can ask incisive questions that help you to arrive at conclusions or to help you understand your own thought processes.

Crossdressing is, for a lot of us, a very lonely pastime. Some CDers are lucky who have a fully understanding SO who will accompany them to the shops, go out for meals etc and discuss the issue of crossdressing. But for the rest of us we either live totally in the closet or live a DADT situation. However, what most of us want to do is to talk to others. Going to a support group or being a member of the forum works up to a point but not many of us develop a friendship with someone to whom we can fully divulge our innermost thoughts.

And of course, what we want are answers that pertain to us as individuals. Knowing that I stand somewhere on a gender spectrum doesn’t answer the burning questions that ‘I’ want answering about myself (and boy, do I have a raft of them!).

So that leaves the option of a therapist. Yes, they will listen (so will I if you pay me) but really the answers are already in your head. It’s just a case of teasing them out.