As I Pass

[deebra]

As some of you know that have read my previous posts/threads my experiences/encounters with women in shoe stores while trying on and walking in the store in heels, pumps, boots have all been very positive, complimentary and accepting. While in Payless and Burlington I was complimented by women around me in the store on how well I walked in heels and they saw nothing wrong with a man wearing these. In DSW I was just ignored or blended in with all the female shoppers trying on shoes and the SA was quite helpful. All of this while wearing girl jeans, hose that could be seen while trying on and walking in strappy and open toe heels and the rest of my clothing being male.

Now for your input. To wear fem boots with a tapered heel under boot cut girl jeans in Walmart, Macy's or the mall what do you think those that I will pass will be thinking? The cut of the boot cut girl jeans and the small front and heel of the boot definitely give the feminine look from the waist down that we all love. Based on my encounters in the first paragraph is the public "now"accepting and O.K. with this, has CDing, unisex clothes and the far out dressing of teenagers made this ready for acceptance? Another thing I'm confused on; the middle aged women in the first paragraph I honestly felt were sincere in their acceptance, some young women posting on this site are also very open and accepting, some women I think resent a man wearing their female clothes and taking on the female shape/look and the rest I just don't know about.

I would really like some good common sense opinions, and ReineD yours too will be very much appreciated.

[Pat]

What will they be thinking? They'll be thinking, "I wonder if Sears has the shear pins I need for my snowblower?" and "If I rearrange my spending and eat ramen for a week, I can get that jacket NOW, but maybe I should put it on lay-away -- I can wait a month." Who do you imagine is going to care about what YOU are wearing? Some people will notice, most won't. Those who notice will either shrug it off or file it for later amusement of their friends. What they see and what they think is THEIRS and you have no control over it. And you shouldn't care because if you didn't wear the boots you like, they'll be smirking at your jacket or your belt or the bit of broccoli stuck in your teeth from the food court. Please yourself. That's where the win is.

I do know that you're probably concerned about provoking a violent or humiliating response but that's rare and has nothing to do with your choice of footwear. Make yourself happy.

Quick edit: I think you may be missing the sound the boots make when you walk in them. I learned that early on -- even if the shoes don't call attention to themselves, the sound will. So you have to decide if that's a deal-breaker for you.

[Krisi]

I think they will be thinking that you are gay but it doesn't really matter unless you run into someone you know.

There's a "People of Walmart" website where there are hundreds of photos of people wearing strange outfits while shopping at Walmart. You might find your photo on that site.

[Beverley Sims]

Some might think you are gay, others will think you are a cool dresser.

After engaging in conversation with some people, cool dresser is the answer I got. :)

[Lorileah]

"What time do the kids get out of school? I wonder what to make for dinner. I need new shoes...oh gee those that that guy has on are cute, maybe they will fit me. Nope those are 11s I need a 8. Is the potluck this weekend? Bob will be home soon. Damn I forgot Halloween candy. Oh...look at that dress on the rack over there.."

That's what they are thinking. You are a passing blip on the radar

[Amy Lynn3]

Many will say....wish I was brave enough to wear my boots out in public. It would not surprise me if another cder does not say hello to you.
Make sure to make plenty of sound with your heels, to attract the attention of other sisters, because all the other people will just be doing life.:brolleyes:

[docrobbysherry]

Deebra, "Passing" doesn't mean women think u "look good" in women's things. Or, that they r overly polite and complmentary. It means they see u as a Caitlyn Jenner type. Or, a man in women's things.

If they really think u r a female, they would treat u as one. That means: Pretty much ignoring u. Or, if you're wearing an inappropriate outfit? Give u a quick glance, then forget u. SA's will be polite or bored. They won't normally be overly polite or too helpful. Unless they realize you're a man and NEED extra asistance.

It's nice that u can go out and not be disrespected. But, passing is a completely different animal!:battingeyelashes:

[AllieSF]

Jennie-cd said it all and much better than I could. Don't worry and be yourself. As to the sound that some women's shoes make with hard heels (flat, low heels or higher), if you like the boots and want to quiet the sounds you make when walking in them, just take them to a good shoe repair store and have the heel sole replaced with a nice synthetic rubber plastic type. It will deaden most of the sound and probably give you much better traction. That better traction comes in handy when you are walking in a high end restaurant and go from carpet to a hardwood floor and slip and almost do a face plant in front of the all innocent diners at the tables all around that seem to be looking directly at you just before that nearly fatal slip. As you may realize that has happened to me a few times at that favorite restaurant of mine.

[OCCarly]

Like Krisi said, in this day and age, the worst that happens is that someone takes a cell phone photo of you and posts it on "People of WalMart."

[ReineD]

To wear fem boots with a tapered heel under boot cut girl jeans in Walmart, Macy's or the mall what do you think those that I will pass will be thinking?

I think we've touched on this before, but we cannot say that *all* people will think one way or the other. The reality is that you will encounter lots of different reactions, based on people's ages, gender and backgrounds, whether they adhere to more liberal or more conservative values, what stereotypes they believe in, etc.

Some people will not notice especially if they are hurried and enmeshed in their own concerns and some people will notice. The people who do notice will think one or several of all the following:


"Whatever."
"I wonder if he's like Kaitlyn Jenner."
"Oh, he must be gay."
Oh look! That guy is wearing girl clothes!"
"There goes another one of those TGs. What's the world coming to."
"Good on him for dressing how he feels like."
"Oooh, kinky! :heehee:"
"God I wish these guys would dress like that in private."


And lots of variations on the above.


But you can be assured that the vast majority of people do keep their negative reactions to themselves.



Another thing I'm confused on; the middle aged women in the first paragraph I honestly felt were sincere in their acceptance, ...

Most of us have different rules about what we tolerate or accept when it does not impact our personal lives (like seeing strangers present a certain way) and when it does impact our lives (like seeing our husbands dress a certain way). Think of all the people who support Kaitlyn Jenner in the comments below online articles. It's common to find "Good for her, you go Kaitlyn", right? But ask any of the commenters how they would feel if their spouses, children, parents, etc dressed like that and their attitudes would change.

Even then, people who are accepting to your face can feel different things simultaneously although they will only share with you their positive feelings. Some of the middle aged women might have thought that you walk well in high heels (for a guy) all while thinking they are glad their husbands aren't doing this, while others didn't give it a second thought.

I have to say though, that comments like "Oh you walk so well in heels" seem patronizing to me. It's like my son being amazed that I changed the battery in my car. Why shouldn't I be able to look up a youtube video and then go out and do it. LOL. It's not rocket science and to comment on it makes me wonder what he thinks of my ability to follow simple instructions. :p Also, people who truly accept that everyone should dress the way they please regardless of gender boundary, don't think it odd enough to comment on when they do see people cross the gender boundaries.

So the best thing you can do is to stop caring what others think. Some won't notice, some won't care, some won't approve, and some will approve with or without mixed feelings. Is any of this going to stop you from wanting to go out dressed in heels?

[Jacqueline StGermain]

Hi Deebra, I think you are mixing Passing with Acceptance
To me, passing is being taken as a woman, in appearance and actions.
I want to blend in with the crowd, but stand out for the right reasons. i.e. Wearing something nice, or having my hair done really well.
"Acceptance" means different things to different people. It can range from simply NOT having a negative experience, to being truly welcomed into the circle of genetic women and your family, friends, co-workers, etc...
We all will experience varying degrees of both.
If you're going out wearing women's clothes, but otherwise look and act like a guy, you may be "accepted" in the fact they don't make a public reaction , (who knows what they really think) , when you're shopping, they want your money! " I know
From someone that worked at JCPenneys, they have a specific policy for working with the TG community". But they probably aren't thinking of you as a female customer.
In the " Takes one to know one" experience, I have been out, both as a guy and in femme , where I have seen other cd/TG/TS, the presentation was from done very well , to "mommy, that's a guy in a dress !" ( yes , I saw a little girl do that to someone who was an employee there)
Whatever you're comfortable being and doing is up to you, but keep in mind some advice I was given ages ago, is that " you represent the entire community , don't reinforce the negative stereotypes"
Not sure if this answers you're post, I'm not trying to be negative, just don't confuse passing with acceptance, be who you are, even if you're still figuring it out.
Of course, in the end, have fun.

[deebra]

And just to add a little more, and to Beverly Simms thread #4 above I broke the zipper in my tall boots, took them to this shoe repair/alteration shop run by a Japanese lady in her fifties and after she fixed the zipper I wanted to "push the situation" a little bit to get her reaction, so I slipped the boot on my foot, zipped it up and walked in it with her watching. Her teeth didn't fall out but she did say I thought that was your wife's boot. She warmed up real quickly to me wearing women's boots and because of my long legs thought it very "cool" and stylish. She wanted to know if I was an artist or had any natural talents to dress with stylish feminine clothing. The male shoemaker was also accepting. So what did this CD(me) do next? After she said she could alter clothing I came back with my boot cut girl jeans, put them on with the boots and had her alter the length. We are now friends and I feel very comfortable going back to her. I did get some quick looks when other customers came in the store and glanced at me in the boots. As above threads have said, forget them and enjoy.