Tone of voice can make such a change.

[Gabby6790]

I was talking with the SO last night about my shaved legs (I am not out to her) and she was kind of saying it was silly.

I said, "Don't they look so nice though?".

She said, "Yes, they look nice with your pretty toes. You should wear a skirt".

The pink cloud shrouded mind of mine wants to take that as "It would be fun for you to wear a skirt or you really would look good in a skirt"

The reality is it was "Your a 6'1" big dude with painted toenails and shaved legs. That is so silly we should take a step further and have you put on a skirt to put it completely over the top".

Oh well, if this CD thing and society/SO were acceptance were easy anybody could do it right??:heehee:

[Shelly Preston]

Gabby
As the saying says Many A True Word Spoken in Jest.

She may actually have meant it. Next time just ask if she has one you can borrow. :D

[Krisi]

That's an opportunity. Ask her to go to the store with you and help you pick out a skirt.

[Sharon B.]

Never look a gift horse in the mouth as the old saying goes. You should have asked if she had one you could try on.

[Gabby6790]

She has made a few of those comments in the past but I always take them the bad way.

Maybe I will have to make a commitment to call her bluff next time.

[Kate T]

Wow seriously. Do you think your wife is blind? It might be time to think about how much you love and trust your wife and whether you should be talking to her about your feelings.

[Gabby6790]

Kate,
I probably think about it two dozen times a day.

[Kate T]

Look Gabby, everyone is different, everyone's relationship and path is different. And telling a partner is a hell of a gamble. It is NOT a step to be taken lightly.

BUT you need to ask yourself this. Are you not talking to her about your feelings because you don't want to hurt her or because you are scared that it will actually hurt you? Ask yourself this carefully and truthfully. Once you know the answer, the true answer stripped of any fears or selfishness, then you will know whether and how to tell her.

[Tracii G]

Walk out into the room with a skirt on and see what happens.

[UNDERDRESSER]

The reality is it was "Your a 6'1" big dude with painted toenails and shaved legs. That is so silly we should take a step further and have you put on a skirt to put it completely over the top"I am a 6'2" dude with shaved legs in a skirt. No painted toenails at the moment, but they have been painted in the past. I don't feel over the top, I feel comfortable like this. Do it.

[Sarah.Jane]

She has made a few of those comments in the past but I always take them the bad way.

Maybe I will have to make a commitment to call her bluff next time.

Maybe she knows you better than you think she does, shaved legs and painted toes are all little clues, and I'm sure there will be other clues you let slip, like a smile when she suggests you wear a skirt. try suggesting it yourself and see what happens.
Good luck

[Claire Cook]

Sounds like we are all saying the same thing ... maybe you should start it out gently ...

[Gabby6790]

Look Gabby, everyone is different, everyone's relationship and path is different. And telling a partner is a hell of a gamble. It is NOT a step to be taken lightly.

BUT you need to ask yourself this. Are you not talking to her about your feelings because you don't want to hurt her or because you are scared that it will actually hurt you? Ask yourself this carefully and truthfully. Once you know the answer, the true answer stripped of any fears or selfishness, then you will know whether and how to tell her.

Thanks you for this response. It is probably the best out of the bunch. I don't know about the selfishness because hiding this all is very difficult and I know I would be so much happier if I was out and had a little acceptance. Fear and a lack of communication skills are probably the biggest hurdles. Like many, I was brought to address emotions with anger and defensiveness. So, communicating in a non-emotional way has always been a difficulty for me.

But, and this is a big but, there is also the fear of ruining a 20 year relationship. A relationship that I have put more work into than any other thing in my life. And top that off with having a young child in the equation. That is a big stumbling block for me.

- - - Updated - - -


Walk out into the room with a skirt on and see what happens.

I have kind of done this (literally by mistake) but I was so surprised I was wearing a skirt I didn't pursue the conversation.

[Katey888]

Hi Gabby,

I missed this post until now and feel a need to respond to another sorority Closeteer here, and specifically one who is not out to their nearest and dearest... :)

I suspect we are in similar circumstances in that my wife knows I have smooth legs, pluck my eyebrows and occasionally paint my nails... recently she has even seen me walk in heels (not hers - long story short - goods for a charity sale that we're collecting and they were fortuitously my size... ;)) and complimented me on the way I walked ("elegant" she said... :battingeyelashes:) - and I get those same feelings of sometimes just wanting to blurt it out all at once: "By the way I do the full transform - wanna see the pics...???" :facepalm:

Bad idea...

Sometime after she'll say something that reveals the more conservative side of her nature and I think: Nope. Not a good idea to reveal in the adrenaline-charged moment of a compliment.

Sure, it's a gamble to remain a secret... But it's also a gamble to reveal... two sides to every story. I may reveal someday (personal circumstances are a factor) but it will be very, very carefully planned and managed...

My best advice in these circumstances..? Be prudent - and if in doubt, don't! :D

Katey x

[sometimes_miss]

She has made a few of those comments in the past but I always take them the bad way.
Don't let the pink cloud fake you out. Unless she has been truly enthusiastic about your crossdressing in the past, it's not likely to suddenly have become a great idea to her. I've lived through that type of situation, and mistakenly thought that my wife was becoming more accepting; while in reality, she was just testing to see how far I would go. And, my head firmly in that pink fog, I went ahead and went too far. And wound up divorced. Tread very carefully, remember, screw up your relationship and you're probably not going to ever have another one. Women who tolerate crossdressing mates are very few and far between. Don't let your desire for 'more' make you wind up with 'none'.

[Gabby6790]

Thanks Katey and STM. I just don't get the folks on here who are so angry at those of us who are in the closet and want to tread lightly. I had someone PM me and part of her message was that she would never tell someone to come out because that is a HUGE responsibility. I really agree with that. It concerns me that some are so flippant with. I get being honest with the SO and that part really bothers me but I need to understand a little bit about me before I try and ask her to.


Women who tolerate crossdressing mates are very few and far between. Don't let your desire for 'more' make you wind up with 'none'.

I get that this is probably true in the dating world but I wonder how true it is in the LTR or married world.