My wife finally knows!

[Secret Sis]

I haven't posted anything here in quite some time although I have done a lot of reading here. I have to say that everything I've learned here finally gave me the courage to tell my wife of 16 years a couple of months ago. She was absolutely shocked, but seemed to have a pretty positive reaction. I described to her how it all started (over 40 years ago), the items I like to wear (mostly lingerie and occasionally outfits with short skirts) and how I only do this in the privacy of our home since the way I like to dress would be inappropriate for my age and weight in public (with the exception of occasional underdressing). I also let her know that I don't try to look or act female while dressed (no makeup or wigs ,etc.), I just like wearing female clothes. She seemed pretty enthusiastic at first, saying "I want to see your things!". She also said "It's harmless and it makes you happy!" I explained that I had kept everything hidden in a box in the corner of the basement and was going to ask if I could possibly keep them in a drawer in our room, but she suggested that very thing before I could ask. At that point the conversation ended.

A couple hours later, I asked her if it was actually OK if I put my clothes in our room as she suggested, I got them and asked her if she wanted to see them. She saw many of the items and seemed somewhat less interested by this time and had little to say other than "I'm not ready to see you dressed yet" which I pretty much expected and completely understand.

So now, a couple of months have gone by and things seem pretty much the same - she is still the same absolutely wonderful woman I married and I try to treat her the best I possibly can. Not much is said about my "hobby" although one of us may make a joke about it to the other, it's like a special secret the two of us now share. I've let her know over and over how much it means to me that she is so understanding, she actually let me order a French Maid outfit online and let me know when my package arrived. I told her that the house will be sparkling clean, as she knows I love to dress and clean the house, and she often comments that "I see the maid must have been here today." (She works days and I work evenings, so I get ample time to dress.)

All in all, I feel so much better now that she knows and wish I would have told her years ago, but I know now that I just wasn't ready. She was fully understanding that I didn't tell her sooner and actually apologized to me because I was afraid to tell her. She has proven to me that she is with me to stay, no matter what. She still hasn't seen me dressed yet although I keep hoping she'll ask - I may suggest it soon but if she refuses I completely understand. I'm completely willing to take this as slow as she needs, I think that the thing that keeps our marriage so strong is our complete respect for each other.

[Julie Denier]

How wonderful! You're very lucky ;)

[Kimberley May]

Wow. Yes you are really lucky to have an understanding obliging woman to accept your secret life. Most people aren't so lucky. Let's hope that she warms to the idea of seeing you around the home dressed. From what I gather, you have a bit of hope that this may eventually happen here. You lucky gurl :)

[jenni_xx]

This is interesting. Firstly congratulations on telling your wife, big thumbs up to your wife for how she reacted, and also big thumbs up to you for completely respecting her boundaries.

Is say this is interesting because, from reading your post I couldn't help but feel that the reason why your wife may have seem less interested after seeing your items is simply down to the items themselves, which, correct me if I'm wrong, I get the impression that they might be more on the fetish spectrum of cd'ing as opposed to dressing with the intent on creating a more natural look. I can't help but feel that had your collection of clothing been more everyday wear, then your wife's reaction may well have extended from "I want to see your things" to "I want to see you wear your things".

At the moment, it seems as though your wife is happy knowing, happy that you told her, but not happy (or rather ready) to actually see you dressed. Like I say, I think the reason for this is because of the clothes that you do actually own.

[Gabby6790]

Congratulations, it sounds like everything is working out great. Maybe I have to suggest I clean the house dressed up when I come out. My SO would probably ask me to start the next day.

[Jenniferathome]

Sis, there is nothing like coming clean with the woman you love. The weight is gone, right? I think that joking about this part of us is one of the best things. It is weird, it is kind of funny, and it shows that being a cross dresser is not a serious dilemma in a relationship. Good for you

[NicoleScott]

SS, you have been dressing privately for over 40 years, so why the rush for her to see you dressed? She knows you dress, she's seen your clothes, and she has been accepting of everything so far. I'd be very cautious about pushing the idea of her seeing you dressed. She even said she's not ready. She may he concerned that she might lose her image of you as a man. Be happy for what you have, but don't blow it. Wait until she asks, otherwise assume she's still not ready. I suspect her curiosity will bring her to ask to see you dressed.
I would also caution against bringing up CDing in conversation too often. We love to talk about CDIng, but other people not so much. There's another thread about this. But if she starts it, go for it.
You've got a good thing going, a good start.

[Robin414]

Congratulations Sis! Talk about taking the stress of hiding out of the picture huh!? My SO knows as well but I'm not ready for her to see me en femme yet (although I'm kinda in the middle of the road so to speak 90% of the time...yikes, that bus almost hit me!)

[Shelly Preston]

I would echo Nicole's thoughts. There is no need to rush things.
Your wife needs time to process all the information you have given her.
She has only know for a short time and its not easy to digest so much in so little time.

[Bobbi46]

I also echo the thoughts here, don't push it but wait for her to ask to see you dressed, but by the sound of what others have said about your clothes and that you say that the clothes you have would not be right if you went outside, My advice for you would be to get more normal looking clothes the sort that a woman of your age would wear outside rather than a fantasy/fetish style which I think you may have at the moment, correct me if I am wrong on this bit.

[carrie001]

Congratulations on talking to your wife! Your story so much like mine. 40 years in the closet, younger clothing, even the cleaning! My wife is the same way. She knows about it and we make little jokes, but she's not ready to share time with my female side. The way I look at it, it took me 40 years to feel comfortable in my skin, why should I ask her to feel the same in only 6 months. We've taken small steps like shaving my legs and painted toes.(I love it!) I'm ok giving her all time she needs. Good luck!

[Secret Sis]

Thanks for all the comments... a couple more comments of my own - My dressing is definitely on the fetish end of the spectrum with the clothes that I like, but my wife
has been aware of this for many years as I have bought her many outfits along the line of the things that I like - it turned out that we were discussing "kinks" when I finally told her that I liked seeing her wear those outfits around the house because I like to do the same thing - that was my way of coming out to her. I told her what kind of clothes I had before I showed her anything and let her know that I really have no interest in wearing things that would be appropriate for my age or size - this was something I just did for fun although it is important to me but the clothes have to have an exciting element to me - as someone in another thread said- "I don't want to look in the mirror and see granny".

She has asked a few questions lately, seems very understanding and has a great sense of humor about the whole thing - I am hoping it's just a matter of time until she asks to see me dressed.

I sincerely want to thank all on here who helped to convince me that telling her was the right thing to do - I feel so much better now that she knows. I know how fortunate I am to be married to such a wonderful woman, and I try to tell her every chance I get.

[pamela7]

it is an old saying, but a secret shared with the love of your life really is a relief.

[Stephanie47]

I'm on board with the comment Jenni (#4) made concerning the type of clothing you like to wear. I had to go back to a post of several years ago where you state you are a fetish dresser with an interest in baby dolls and panties. I've always thought a woman may be more agreeable to fetish play/dressing as a little sexual quirk in her man than a full dresser with wig and makeup.

My wife and I use to engage in some sexual fetish play in our early years of marriage....nightgowns and hosiery. She did a 100% turnaround when she found I had bought a red Vanity Fair bra. My interest progressed to include more and more attire. I think there is a big difference in accepting fetish/kinky (not too kinky) than accepting a full feminine profile.

Don't push it. But, if the opportunity does arise I would discuss having some "play time" in the bedroom.