falling back into the closet

[pamela7]

Recently I've noticed that I've been confining my dressing to home, and changing to andro or even mancloth when going out.
I feel like it's less stressful, less confrontational for others. While I'd prefer to be in full pink regalia, it feels harder, so it's taking the wonderful edge off the dressing.

If anyone else has been in the same boat, I'd like to know what you did next.

thanks

[STACY B]

Truthfully from my point of view I did the same thing, I to once dressed and tried to go out and did, It may not be what you think? It may be along the lines of the same reason a lot of us stop presenting out in the open,, Being thought of as fake,, Wanna Be's , Transvestites, On and on,, Maybe you need Therapy?

I tried and tried to pass and blend and just hold off what to be,, But your own mind won't let you. Maybe it's all in your head like it was with me to be real? Real change, Real conformation? And you get it from things other than all of the decorations that we buy and seek relentlessly . Yep Hard to believe I know,, All that shopping and work you put in and all of the personal quest for this and that to be perfect all for nothing I get it. But maybe all of that running to the other side was just all the while really running from another form of the Truth that we didn't want to commit too?

We can come back from the other, But with this commitment we can't ,, Hard choice for sure,, An From where this question is coming from section I mean maybe you still don't want to admit it? Maybe you should look in another direction,, Yep,, Big T section,,,lol,,, I know,, I know,,, JUST SAYING,,,lol,,,,

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I always wondered if you would tire of CDing as rapidly as you embraced it, sheerly because you process and change quicker than most. However I suspect this is a blip, to be followed by even more daring excursions. I don't think you're over it yet!

We shall see.

[Erica Marie]

I have fallen back even farther and until I can work up the guts to see a gender counselor Im not sure where it will lead. I used to enjoy getting completely made up and put on a female persona, now I am to the point where if I can't actually be a female I am just going to dress somewhat andro and try to be comfortable with myself. Wearing a wig and forms and such just started to feel like a costume and not being able to just be who I am inside..
Anyone else feel this way before they made a permanent change?

[Jenniferpl]

Sounds familiar. Have really backed off of everything. Seems to have helped in the relationship department with my wife. She accepts Jennifer as long as she is not involved. Seldom get all dressed up. Frustrating to be all dressed up and no where to go(never going to be able to pass with major cosmetic surgery). Pantys, sleep shirts and leggings are still a daily part of my life. One thing I did discover was compression shorts in a wide variety of awesome colors. Favorites are purple and red. Wearing them on a daily basis seems to help relieve some of the desire.

[IamWren]

I never had a thought or inkling to wear women's clothes to intentionally look feminine up until about six or eight months ago... maybe a year ago. As the idea settled more and more, the more I watched makeup videos, observed mannerisms of women, bought clothes, studied styles, etc.

It reminds me of other things I became extremely interested in, in my past. Photography, painting, cycling, music... each of those consumed my every waking moment (and my money :)) for a period of time and the interest was quite intense. Photography actually became my job for a few years. I was a music major in college, even was in a rock band for several years that gigged small pubs and coffee houses.

But all of them wained in time. I still pursue those once obsessions but in much more watered down way.
I wonder if that will happen with dressing as well. Because right now the pink fog is so thick I can barely see past my outstretched hand. I kind of hope it will like the other innate interests I had because this CDing thing is expensive! :)

[Jacqueline StGermain]

I've been through the ebb and flow , always came back.
Sometimes we just need to take a break and step back, I've found this is true for some of my other favorite activities.
Being CD/ TG is a lot of work, time and money. My SO wonders why I go to all the effort.
She looks at getting " presentable " as she calls it , before she leaves the house, as a chore, she can't understand why I WANT to do it.
Everyone has their reasons for doing what we do, and for changing the level, or stopping all together .
If you over analyze what you do, or what it means to you personally, you'll make your self miserable, just go with what feels right and what's comfortable right NOW.

[CarlaWestin]

Even when I put exceptional effort into passing. Small forms, light makeup, jeans and flats. I'm sure that any close encounter is automatic clocking. Then it shifts to very PC trans tolerance, or not. I'd say that 94% of the time that I present in public, I appear extravagant. But, here in Las Vegas, there's lots of extravagant.

[CynthiaD]

I dress fully en femme every day, but I don't do makeup except on special occasions. (Except lipstick. I love lipstick.) Changing from male mode to female mode takes about a minute and a half. I do get clocked more without makeup. (Especially if I've forgotten to shave.) But I want to live as a woman all the time. And let's face it, women don't take that long to get dressed unless they're going someplace special. Cutting back on the routine can make crossdressing seem like much less of a chore, and allow you to do it more often.

A while back I was feeling down in the dumps, and my dressing scaled back to two days out of three instead of every day, and I also stopped going out for a while. Then I realized that this was extremely unhealthy (at least for me). I'm much healthier and happier when I dress as often as possible (at least once a day). (I'm talking about mental health here, not a cure for the common cold.:) ) So now, I force myself to dress en femme whether I feel like it or not. Every time I have done this, I eventually realized that it was exactly the right thing to do.

[Stephanie47]

I think for me there is a psychological need to be en femme before I become Stephanie. Stephanie is probably my escape mechanism from reality. Therefore, if I am feeling alright as my male self, "Why become Stephanie?" When I am attired as a woman, which is going to be totally en femme (always a dress, heels, hosiery, bra, panty and slip and wig) I really have no sense I am a "man in a dress." I've come to the conclusion there really is some inner part of myself that exerts influence over how I feel and what I need to do to let her out for the day. When I was still working I had a lot more stress in my life.....job, raising a family, college costs, etc...which created a lot of angst that needed to be quelled. And, there is that Vietnam War PTSD issue that needed to be dealt with in a non destructive way. I don't consider being en femme a fetish..not in the least. At least for me there is a psychological need to let Stephanie assert herself. This always has had a bearing as to whether I destroy the peace and tranquility she brings me by venturing forth among the masses. If my angst is going to rise due to my fellow humans casting negative comments my way, I really do not need that. My time being en femme does decrease when the man within me is a peace. There is no need to force Stephanie out of her safely tucked away part of my inner self.

[pamela7]

I always wondered if you would tire of CDing as rapidly as you embraced it, sheerly because you process and change quicker than most. However I suspect this is a blip, to be followed by even more daring excursions. I don't think you're over it yet!
We shall see.

I've not tired of dressing, Nikki, it is more that it's "easier" to go to the shops in andro than all in pink. There's a stress of being on-guard all the time which doesn't happen with a little andro style. As soon as i get home, like a rubber-band pulling me back, I'm into my lovely soft fabrics. My question was really targeted at the experience of dressing down when out, but keeping up the dressing at home.

Erm and Monday I get my hair cut - been growing it out, and now it's going to get a lady styling! So you're right the adventure is not over by any stretch of the imagination. Derring-do!!!