Going Deep

[STACY B]

As you may know I am a Goofball and tend to over think everything believe it or Not,,lol,, I always think why are some of us Trans and are just dead set trans and never CDed before and some of us tried CDing and didn't like it or just couldn't deal with the costume? And why do some stay a CD and some cross the line into Transition? Is it the person? Is it the circumstance ? Is it just the way certain people are wired? Why can some people go back and fourth and be happy? Why do some people never have enough even after going the distance? Why do some have the body dysphoria and some don't? This whole thing Freaks me out,, And with H.R.T it's so slow that it's kinda scary that you really don't realize what's going on till it has happen.

WHY...WHY...WHY,,,, lol,,, Like a little Kid,,, It just makes me wonder why all the time and never have no one to talk to face to face ,, But it wouldn't do any good I don't think,, People are all different in there own way,, We all tend to think our way is right and everyone else is doing it all wrong. What are the Odds of finding a Trans person in a sea of denial that would have the same views as you? Slim to none,, We all have the right to our opinion and that is WHY I wrote it down,, 20 min later I will forget and start something else. Most people can't even get along long enough to see a movie much less talk and agree on GENDER ISSUES,,,,

[Kaitlyn Michele]

If you don't live true to your nature, you suffer. And the more your nature is simply woman (and you are not living your nature), the more you suffer.

YOu can't fool mother nature, but she played a nasty trick on some of us

Any other questions? hehe

[Dana44]

Stacy, as an androgynous male, It took me over forty years to define what I was. I agree with Kaitlyn that we need to live true to our nature. I do not think anybody has the very same gender issues and even some that reflect theirs disagree on many points of the same thing. It how it is said. That's why we have endless discussion here.

[I Am Paula]

I believe that some crossdress, and it escalates, to deal with the GD. At first just underdressing for ease the pain, then fully dressing, etc. until we eventually discover that nothing works, except transition. There are those who simply wish to dress, for what ever reason, but it is not to try to deal with GD. We're just different breeds.

[Zooey]

We're just different breeds.

Completely agreed. I know we're all on the transgender spectrum, but that spectrum is extremely vast. I think the "just crossdressers" are about as similar to those who eventually transition as green visible light is to gamma radiation. Yes, we're all electromagnetic waves, but we're pretty fundamentally different when considering the effects of exposure. :p

[LeaP]

My answer, like Kaitlyn's, is that people are what they are. If you're cross-sexed, crossdressing won't satisfy the need to live your nature. If you are a guy that likes to experience simulating women, CD'ing is likely your designer drug of choice, though there are other alternatives as well.

Cross-sexed people experience or react to their gender in a variety of ways. One way to examine those experiences is whether gender is conscious or to what degree. That has a profound effect on how they see their paths. A late transitioner who has always been fully conscious of their gender sees their progression to transition very differently than one who was utterly unconscious.

There is nothing in this that represents a progression of identity - of staying this, becoming that, moving forward or back. There are no events or circumstances that produce something out of thin air. It's just how identity and coping interplay.

The idea of consciousness, triggers and coping patterns may explain specific aspects of dysphoria too, including that concerning the body. You also have to remember that being cross-sexed doesn't automatically imply the presence of dysphoria. And consider the countless stories of people who weren't particularly upset over their bodies, had SRS, then found themselves psychologically better off, it further consolidating their sense of rightness. That comes off as the hidden being revealed to me, not circumstantial. I also know some people who were triggered into this realization. Resuming dating can do it, for example.

[STACY B]

Thanks for answering some questions,, And also do you think it's all about a medical reason why we choose transition also? If we have a medical reason it validates us in some way. Just my thoughts,, We have a legitimate reason for why we are what we are.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

every transsexual has a valid medical reason to transition

[Rachel Smith]

Yes Katilyn and in my case it was called death.

[Angela Campbell]

I knew from a very early time that I should have been born a girl. Telling my family was disastrous, so I learned very early on never to let anyone know. Growing up, and into adulthood, I would wear the clothes as a way to try to be that, thinking it was impossible to transition. The act was crossdressing, but I was a transexual. My guess is that the wearing of the clothes allowed me to pretend for a while that I could be.

Fear. That is what caused me to dismiss the thought of transition. I always wanted to. Took 50 years to finally overcome the fear. But I always dreamed of what could be.

I don't know how it is for other people. I never thought of myself as a man. I was one, by societies standards, but still I wasn't. I never for one moment thought that I liked being a man and just liked wearing the clothes.

[Contessa]

Suppression isn't right for one thing that you can't keep it suppressed forever. If its there it will come out. It causes depression cause you know it isn't going to stay hidden. Fighting with yourself will cause you to fight with others. The trigger will come at you and you can't turn your back you either say no or you face it. facing it wil make it stop.

Dressing eases the conflict a bit. But the other part is there still "I must tell someone to get better. If you don't it will cause depression. That can get worse and cause fighting. I say it better to live in your nature. Who cares what others think!

Contessa

[KellyJameson]

Its tempting to validate but that becomes a problem all by itself. Validating is a form of avoidance through rationalization and or justification.

An attempt to normalize that which you have been taught is abnormal and may not understand.

Do it if you must but recognize it is a crutch until you are strong enough not to need to do it anymore.

You want to escape the earths gravitational pull as that concern of what is true and who decides what is true when that pull is made up of all the voices inside your head that belong to other people defining what you are.

Transitioning is very dangerous if done for the wrong reasons. It can take you into mental illness or deeper into mental illness if done for any reason other than identity. It cannot be about pretty clothes and pretty toes.

If you do it for attention you are doomed. If you do it to be sexy you are doomed. If you do it to get a man you are doomed.

Trying to buy anything outside of yourself by transitioning will lead to pain. You cannot do it to replace a lost mother, wife, sister or a lost anything. You cannot do it because you are physically or sexually inadequate (escapism) You cannot do it to escape the hate and guilt heaped up on men for the sins of mankind.(more escapism) You cannot do it because you do not have the courage to be vulnerable and emotional "as a man" (even more escapism)

It must be done purely for the self. Not to be pretty, beautiful, sexy,desirable,to get Daddy or Mommys love, ect..

There can be no fantasy, avoidance or escapism involved at all.

It is the echo of your essence and nothing more. As long as you validate you will not discover this echo, this essence.

Strip absolutely everything away and if what is left is a woman you will know because what is left was what you started out with originally. You will have come full circle.

You do not change. You uncover.

[flatlander_48]

S B:

We Hu-Mans are very complicated entities. Two people can apply essentially the same thought processes to the same problem, yet reach vastly different conclusions. Alternately, two people can reach the same conclusion by vastly different thought processes. At any point in time, we are the sum total of all that we have experienced previously. When we make decisions in current time, those experiences are available to draw upon.

But, the thing is that no two sets of experiences are exactly the same and I think this is what drives a lot of the variance in our responses. The other part is what is innate to each of us. Our sexuality, for example, is innate. We can recognize it or deny it, but that doesn't change what it is.

DeeAnn

[I Am Paula]

Thanks for answering some questions,, And also do you think it's all about a medical reason why we choose transition also? If we have a medical reason it validates us in some way. Just my thoughts,, We have a legitimate reason for why we are what we are.

We have a birth defect. We medically correct said defect.

[Marcelle]

Hi Stacy,

While I believe we all share some common ground, you are correct that we all have differing ways of approaching this and no two experiences can truly be said to be the same. For me CDing was the first thing I discovered when I finally accepted this part of me and I wandered to this site. The CDing side made sense . . . "All guy but I like to get my femme on now and then". However as Paula articulated, I think it was just a stop gap measure to deal with the underlying GD and the more I partook in the action of dressing the more I required. I thought . . . just pink fog, no biggie . . . still mucho macho but through soul searching and therapy learned it was not about the clothes but a sense of identity and what felt normal and what did not. I am one of those who does not experience body dysphoria (with the exception of facial and body hair . . . ARG how I hate it) and I cannot explain why nor can my therapist . . . just don't feel the need to change things on a chemical or physical plain. Now living as a woman (albeit boy body) is something I have to do because it defines who I am.

Cheers

Marcelle

[STACY B]

I agree,, We are all PEOPLE FIRST,,, Then comes the GENDER DYSPHORIA,,,, No matter what we do or how we do it we can't change that,, So just like in life we have to choose whats right for our own personal struggle. No one will ever get along with everyone, An it's no different here,, I think there is no certain way to handle thins and it's done in a case by case basis. When we read here that tells the Tale,,lol,,,

[pamela7]

this is not a new phenomenon, it's not caused by chemicals or lifestyles. Plato had a theory there were three kinds of humans - male-male, female-female and female-male. The third kind has been considered special in native tribes forever. While lefthanders are 10%, we're recognised as 1-5% depending on surveys, that special third kind of human, not understood generally by the binary gender world now, but times they be a-changing, and mainstream media is acknowledging transgender (in the UK and USA at least).

I can ask why all day long, but the hand i've been dealt is a TG leftie with mild dyslexia, high-functioning autism and dyspraxia. I'm "one in a million" and proud of it. :-)))

[Inna]

kind of late to the party, but......
First of, congrats on your transition, I have known you for a while and haven't been here lately, such news is yet another proof that even though timelines and details are different, the overall picture seams to remain constant.

I truly believe that as long as one's core gender is well defined as opposite of genetic body, transition will or at least desire to seek experience will surface at one point.
Since our lives unfold like building legos, our decisions shape the environment for the next step and so on. For some whole life time of denial is the norm, then others can not withstand the constant pressure and give in to the flood of truth when strength of denial is overcome by desire for true self.
Environment is also a key. Just twenty years back and for most youngsters a simple mention of gender dysphoria would have resulted in unspeakable consequences. Today, for most, even though still difficult, such conversations are happening and with a great success rate. Just look at the news, a new case of a trans child every few weeks. Almost every so many Highschools have at least one trans kid.

Have I been born 20 years ago I would had been freer to transition without regretful substance so prevalent many years ago.

there are two realities, one of learned corporeality. This is what we have been preconditioned to believe life is suppose to look like. Then there is a reality of self, gut feeling, ever so present, yet overshadowed by the corporeality I have mentioned above. True self resides in this reality, and when time comes when power of truth is let out, if even for a moment, it gains momentum and grows in strength until there is no turning back.