The reason I cant go out dressed is because I live in a conservative town.

[Tracii G]

I will probably rustle a lot of feathers but here goes.

I get really tired of hearing that excuse.
Where I live you have rednecks and socialites, the poor and very wealthy and I really don't think they care either way how I dress.
Yeah I'm different to say the least and yet people just don't say anything 99% of the time.
So what I'm saying here is that is a lame excuse and to me it just shows ones lack of guts to just go for it and be yourself.
The only one holding you back is you.

[Meghan4now]

Why you feather steeling little so and so. You'll never get MY Boa and matching Mules!

Ohhh you meant ruffle, not rustle? OK then. Love you Tracii. I concure, wasted too many years in the closet. Time to be mystical not mythical. And guess what, there are some really cool people to meet when you do.

So when do we get our cheerleading uniforms? Mmmmmm.
Give me a T, give me a G, give me a UR2! Go crossdressers go!!!!

[flatlander_48]

I would say that if it is a small town, the problem is more like the increased probability of seeing someone that you know. That can be a real hurdle for folks.

DeeAnn

[melissa247]

I live in a town with a great deal of violence,shootings murders,etcetcetc..so even though i don't really concern myself with that,i do think if dressed an attack could be possible.in male form..most find me intimidating for some reason.

[Rachael Leigh]

Traci you are right I too live in a conservative area and most people I see or encounter are nice or don't care, my problem and others in my situation may be more about our spouses reputation if we saw someone she knows or I knew. I know it can be a problem and I try to be sympathic with that so that's another thing to consider for those who stay in

[Teresa]

Traci,
My previous counsellor tried to stop me thinking assumptions all the time, much of it is in our heads. I live in a very conservative area but the seamstress who did some alterations told me the people may be conservative but also very accepting and not to worry about it. Also don't forget you won't be the only CDer in your town, who knows what goes on behind other people's curtains !

[Taragirl427]

Well, there is conservative and then there is the Bible belt South, lol. If a CD went out around here, and didn't pass, they would meet with a lot of disapproval. We are a little behind the power curve when it comes to the tolerance most of the US is experiencing. That said, apparently Chattanooga is in the top 25 or so most LGBT friendly cities in the US.

[Nadine Spirit]

i do think if dressed an attack could be possible.in male form..most find me intimidating for some reason.

Do you know that statistically men are more likely to be victims of crime?

Tracii-
I totally agree. While I do know how most view California as full of crazy ultra liberal people, the central valley is considered as California's bible belt. And that is where I live. My town is about 1,000 people where everyone knows everyone and everything. So apparently they all know about me and nobody cares!

[Dana44]

Tracii, LOL you are always out girl. Now I have moved into a small town. Two towns connected and live close to the other. So run in male one side of town and go out dressed in the other side. I know that one time the odds will be against me, but hey I've been outed before in a large town. Yippee Ki Yaaa, I have the guts to go for it. My SO asked me that if we got any negative comments if I would throw a fit. I would like ignore them until they laid a hand on me and well that will be a different story. So far its been really nice out. No fear here.

[melissa247]

nadine spirit...so being en femme is actually safer..lol..who woulda thunk that..haha..i am sure you know though as you have ventured into the wide wide world while i hide in my home peering out windows occasionly seeing through mascara covered lashes.lol thank you for the info

[lingerieLiz]

Hate to tell you there are rednecks and conservatives on this site. I've lived in small bible belt towns with both and people knew. Reminds me of the time a guy had a heart attack and died trying to get help alongside the rode. He was wearing a long pink nightgown. Someone asked his friends about the nightgown and they said ole Bob liked that stuff but he was a great guy and liked fishing and hunting.

I've lived and worked in more states than most people have visited and really had no problem in any of them. I'm small and not perceived as a threat so a big redneck could be tempted to do me harm. None did and I was never ostracized. Not saying that it won't happen.

[Stephanie47]

I hope nobody blissfully takes up your challenge. After all you are not the person who will have to bear the brunt of any negative consequences. I think having read posts on this forum for many years that even those who venture forth fully attired as a woman do so on their own terms. It's off to a club. It's off to a town miles away. It's on vacation.

It's never in front of their wives. It's not going to work. It's not going to church. It's not going to the neighborhood BBQ. It's not reading a book at the local elementary school to the kintergarten kids. I'm fairly certain those recreational cross dressers calling those who do not venture forth attired, and, not those transitioning from man to woman, imposed restrictions on themselves. So, this Veterans' Day get that burn barrel out and toss in those male clothes and burn them to a crisp. You really do not need them. Or do you?

[faltenrock]

Tracii, this os so true. Whenever I got out dressed for a day or two, I'm usually traveling and visit places where I feel save and where it is most unlikely to be known for my real identity. I enjoy going out so much, but don't do it near my home, my wife has also asked several times no to do it around our community or nearby.

[Amanda M]

One person's excuse is another person's reason!

[pamela7]

the only people so far to take exception to my crossdressing are a couple of of old "hags". the young folk around here seem really accepting, so i reckon the need to hide is literally "dying out".

[sometimes_miss]

I will probably rustle a lot of feathers but here goes. I get really tired of hearing that excuse.
Then don't listen!

Where I live you have rednecks and socialites, the poor and very wealthy and I really don't think they care either way how I dress.
Careful, thinking that you can read minds might generate a visit to the looney bin!

Yeah I'm different to say the least and yet people just don't say anything 99% of the time.
I'm more concerned about the 1%; you know, the ones that will come up behind you with a bucket of tar and a big bag of feathers. Or just a 2x4. There are people out there that want us dead for no other reason besides us being crossdressers, and others who will subtly mess up our lives, jobs & relationships, simply because they don't want us around. I prefer to avoid all those issues. Life is difficult enough.

So what I'm saying here is that is a lame excuse and to me it just shows ones lack of guts to just go for it and be yourself.
You're right; I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the potential backlash which could make my life miserable and force me to move at least a state away to get away from it.

The only one holding you back is you.
Yes, and fortunately, so far I've been holding effectively. I don't bother anyone, and no one bothers me. Works out pretty well that way, I might add. But to each their own.

Do you know that statistically men are more likely to be victims of crime?
Uhhhh....you do know that statistically most crossdressers are men, and statistically about, oh, 99% of us don't pass, right? So we're included in your statistic as being more likely to be victims of crime!

[Lauri K]

Everyone has there own reasons for not going out, but I think to Tracii's point the most common one said on here is "I cannot go out because where I live, it's very conservative)

If you even remotely pass hardly anyone will even recognize you most of the time, trust me. Getting out of your own front door at your house on your own street should be the hardest thing you do, once out of the house and down the street you are just in public like a million others are.

Anyhow that is my take on this from personal experience, so if you are waiting on an invitation to arrive at your door telling you it's ok to come out dressed, it's not going to happen.

[Jolynne Wynn]

I used to use those excuses all the time and would envy those who would venture out en femme. Until last week, when my s/o dressed me and applied my make-up for me, and took me out to dinner with some friends. Was so scared at first. First few glances from people, no one said anything. No odd looks towards me. Then a lady came up and asked me about the restaurant. She then told me I really fooled her until I spoke. I told her it was my first time and she congratulated me and told me not to worry. Felt more confident and will not use any excuses anymore to go out as myself.:D

[STACY B]

Maybe get looks for an outlandish outfit,, If you choose wisely and look conservative and well put together and dress to blend in the right places at the right time you will have no problem. I think it's the Fetish dressers that shock people more like having a costume on more than someone in simple jeans and a top. If you go into the Dollar General dressed to the nines or Home Depo in the middle of the day you will get stares,, But if you choose the mall or a woman's store a more appropriate place you will blend in much better with less people to deal with.

STOP LOOKING AROUND,, People think and sense something is wrong and think you are SUSPECT!!! Go about your Bizzness and act like your there for the same reason they are, Don't over think it,, Go slow and ease into it with small things and build up in time,, Little things added over and over end up a lot after time and before you know it you will be really comfortable where ever you are.

[Marcelle]

Hi Tracii,

I don't really see the phrase as an excuse but more justification for some until they get truly comfortable with who they are. Going out in public can only occur when you have reached a place in your own mindset where you don't care at which point you will launch yourself across the door frame into free fall and IMO has nothing to with courage short of exiting the house. This requires the person to be comfortable presenting when they feel they don't pass, comfortable with the local populace of their neighborhood knowing, comfortable with any backlash which may befall their family, and a whole host of things we have to overcome in going out. Yes, a vast majority of your outings will be uneventful . . . the biggest non event but some will be disconcerting and you need thick skin for that to be certain. When a person is ready, they are ready and once out they will find whatever justification they used to stay indoors was truly not founded but I don't agree they lacked courage to not act until they are ready.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Sarah Beth]

I don't go out dressed anywhere for a variety of reasons and I would never go out in the town I live in, less than 2000 in population. So Tracii you come to where I live and go out dressed or try to live here trans and see how far you get.

[STACY B]

She was a Truck Driver for a long time,, She prob already has been there,,lol,,,, Don't temp her she's CRAZY !!!

[Krisi]

Traci, I think you are pretty naïve. Either that or you are posting something as true in the hopes that it will become true.

Stephanie nailed it in her post #12. Read it.

We all have our reasons for being in the closet or confining our dressing to inside our homes or far away from our hometowns and to us, they are valid reasons. Being known as "the town tranny" can hurt us in our careers and in our social relationships. It may not be embarrassing to you but it might be to your wife, children, parents, etc. I'm talking about the real world, not the Internet world.

By all means, feel free to prance around town in heels and a miniskirt, that's your right but don't look down on those of us who don't. That's our right.

[reb.femme]

Hi Tracii,

In the main I agree with you and I think Marcelle says it so well, as usual (blows air up... fill in the blanks :heehee:) Everyone is different and comfort levels vary for each. I cannot bring any crap to my own front door as agreed with my wife. I've got no feathers to ruffle, this old hen is past the age of having any, but my own worry is strictly just outside of my own front door and it pays to be aware.

I've recounted here before of my brother telling of a house near him getting a brick through the window. Reason submitted: "well he is a ***king tranny". I won't bore with my anecdotal evidence but troubles like this are real. I know you've confronted people that have attempted to cause you grief, but not everyone can. However, I too can be a bit chicken liver on the going out CD front, so am not outside of being open to criticism either. So, as stated already, in the main, I agree most of the fear is very definitely in our own minds.

Becky (partial wimp) :sad:

[heatherdress]

I usually encourage everyone to be who that are, live their lives fully, take chances and do what they believe is right for them. But I don't think it right to simply condemn those who do not go out dressed as being gutless.

Although many of us could probably go out dressed and totally enjoy ourselves instead of staying at home, many times there are important reasons we do not or cannot - and they are more than a lack of guts. Discovery by family or friends we know to be non-accepting might lead to difficulties that should have been avoided. Discovery could threaten school life, social life, careers. Discovery could also threaten personal safety in some neighborhoods.

I agree with the point - that we should take more chances, live our lives for ourselves, and not use where we live as a cop out. But we also have to deal with our realities, consequences, individual anxieties and personal comfort levels.

[I Am Paula]

Towns are not conservative, they are just geography. There might be those who would bring you harm in your town, or the next town over, or ten miles away. It's the luck (bad luck) of the draw.

[Amanda M]

Can some of us get over the 'holier than thou' attitude that says I am braver/stronger/better than you attitude that says I'm OK, I can be out and I don't care? Where is the support there for your sisters who dare not, because they might lose their jobs, their social position or worst of all their family?

For me, I'm fine. I go out when I want to, with my wife when we want to.

But please, why should any of your sisters have to excuse themselves to anyone here? Care to explain?

[Nadine Spirit]

Which way is actually being supportive?

1 - saying that the fear is really within your own head and it is okay to get out regardless of where you live

Or

2 - saying, yeah, you are right to be afraid and stay hidden, the world is a scary place

[Tracii G]

Amanda I'm not being holier than anyone just giving an opinion from my perspective.I am free to voice an opinion am I not?
I know there are some here that have their reasons and thats fine.
Maybe just maybe my post will help that one person to see that the world won't end if they walk out the front door enfemme.
Thanks StacyB you rock Sister and you know where I'm coming from ha ha.
Even tho' most of us don't really pass up close or under scrutiny we look so much different in girl mode most people we know won't recognize us anyway.

Nadine thats a good point how would I be supportive if I sat back and agreed with everything?
Fear is something we all deal with but not confronting it isn't going to help you move forward.

[NicoleScott]

...and the correct answer is...

3 - determine for yourself the risks and rewards of going out or staying in, having greater knowledge of your personal, family, job, and community situation than anyone else on this forum.

To the OP: what's it to you whether someone goes out or not?

[Tracii G]

Nicole I understand risks and rewards so yes that does come into play and its different for everyone.

Whats it to me? Well its the people that say "i can't" and wallow in misery and complain about it.

[Lily Catherine]

I would outright refrain from using the word 'can't' in this context at all, most of the time 'won't' seems to be the general tone here.

It was never about fear for some of us out here; it's a matter of consequence. Or more precisely repercussions. The degree of conservativeness of total strangers has close to nothing to do with it. As many others have said, you the crossdresser won't be the only one experiencing the effects of being known to be out. Once you ring the proverbial bell, someone has to have heard it.

Not all of us are fireworks, exploding beautifully in the distant night sky. Quite a few came out like handgrenades, hurting those closest to them. And even then, notice how far fireworks fly before their colours get to burn.

That being said, it's got to be acknowledged that the simple task of being girled up and going out the door is not an easy one. As much as those who have fearlessly stepped out deserve much respect, it's naive to look down on those who choose to confine their dressing. It's almost definitely a reason, not an excuse.

[Nadine Spirit]

I personally don't look down on anyone who says that they do not want to go out in public and that they are thrillingly happy hiding.

But it does get a bit tiring reading about people who say that they WANT to go out and WANT to stop hiding but CAN'T because of a variety of excuses or reasons when they have never even tried.

Coming from someone who used to think they couldn't go out and couldn't be open with my friends or at my job, I have personally found out that the world does not end when you come out of hiding. Many people here talk from experience but many people here talk about what they THINK will happen.

The only people I do look down upon are those that fear monger based upon what they THINK will happen.

[Robinadress]

It is totally ok to be afraid to go out dressed. We all have to admit that we risk something when we step outside our own hidden closet. None of us know what the consequence will be and how it will affect our life in the future. We also know that when our secret is out, it is impossible to take it back.

When that is said, we don’t either know what will happen to us if we keep suppressing our feelings and suppress being our self. None of us know how that will influence our mind either.

The way I see Traciee’s intentions with her post is that we must not scare each other of how dangerous it is to go outside if you wish to do that. So many of us have had the same fear we read about all the time before we stepped outside our home, but when we went out so many of us experienced that our fears didn’t come through. Of course we must tell everyone about our nice experiences in a forum like this. The stories about how much hate we meet from others are most often from the ones that haven’t been out yet.

I am not out to my family except my sister because I fear how they will react to this. I can’t blame my family for not respecting my lifestyle when they haven’t had the opportunity to know this about me. It’s the same way we can’t blame the society for not respecting us when we don’t dear to show it to them. Who is being prejudiced, the public or us? I know that each day I go out dressed, I can be seen by someone that will spread the word behind my back. I need to take that chance and I will take the consequence even though I don’t know how it will affect me if it happens. My experience so far has only been positive. When you wonder if you would go out and take that chance you need to read about the positive and negative reactions others have experienced before. Especially from the ones that have already been outside, and not so much from the ones just staying inside.

The choice if you want to step out and take that chance is only up to you.

[BillieAnneJean]

If you want to get OUT enfemme and prefer to not be discovered by your neighbors or people in your town, take a trip to a larger town that you know is relatively safe. Spend an enfemme OUT weekend there. Also there are many events scattered throughout the country and throughout the year.

There is always a way.

Check out our Drab to Fabulous long weekend at our website crossdressersmichigan.com Four days of enfemme FUN OUT in the general public.

SUCH FUN!

[Lorileah]

By all means, feel free to prance around town in heels and a miniskirt, that's your right but don't look down on those of us who don't. That's our right.
can't you make your point without disparaging people? Most don't prance...your prejudice and misconceptions are showing

[NicoleScott]

You are complaining about people complaining.
Oh wait. I am complaining about people complaining about people complaining.

[flatlander_48]

Maybe just maybe my post will help that one person to see that the world won't end if they walk out the front door enfemme.

Agreed. I think what can happen for some is that they begin to think about going out and then the gravity of their life situation hits them. But, instead of continuing to think and strategize, join a forum, ask others, etc., they allow the fear to paralyze them into non-action.

Personally, my solution almost a year ago was to find groups away from my small town. For me, once a month is a 3 hour round trip drive and twice a month it is a 2 hour round trip. The chances of seeing someone I know is very slim. However, since coming out to a BUNCH of people last month, worrying about seeing someone I know is becoming less and less of a concern. And yes, I do walk out the door en femme.

DeeAnn

[PaulaQ]

There is less danger than most of us think in terms of going out in public. In cities of 30,000+ people, there is relatively little danger. It's not like mobs of peasants with torches will descend on you like Frankenstein's monster.

That said, there are real concerns:
1. Being outed coming / going from home
2. Being outed by meeting someone you know out and about.
3. There is some risk of harassment by random people. This won't happen often, but it can happen.
4. There is risk of harassment in restrooms
5. There is risk of harassment by law enforcement - carrying condoms, for example, can be considered by some officers as evidence of prostitution.

The odds of any of that happening are low, but those things can and do happen. The more passable you are, the lower the odds are. You can look at a thread I wrote here, "Pass or die," for an example of something that happened to a friend of mine.

Being outed is the most likely thing to go wrong out of all the things that can go wrong. Being outed in a tiny, conservative town like the one I used to live in is no laughing matter. (3500 people in rural Oklahoma.) I remember sitting at dinner with friends while they joked about how transsexuals didn't stay in their town. There I was, a dude as far as they knew, listening while feeling absolutely terrified.

[Veronica27]

The decision to go out or stay in the closet, has little to do with fear, or courage or guts. In fact, the closet has a different meaning for each of us. With the possible exception of those who have chosen to go full time, or to transition, we are all still inside our own self imposed closet. Going full time or more, requires opening up to everyone, by the basic nature of the decision. It is telling everyone, that you identify as a woman and not as a man. If you do otherwise, such as reserving the right to appear at funerals and weddings in male mode, then you are still not totally out of your own self defined closet.

Even confining ourselves to our own homes, can at times be a major step outside of our closet. Does our immediate family all know? Do neighbours sometimes appear without advance notice? Do we limit the extent of our dressing to easily removed items in an emergency? Sometimes dressing up fully at home can be a greater risk to some individuals than going out and shopping or dining in a large city, or a distant town is to others. All of my narrow escapes have occurred in my own home, and never when I was out at a CD event. On the other hand, when not crossdressed, I have had several instances of bumping into an acquaintance or someone familiar with my town, or employer or family, hundreds of miles from home. If out of my closet and en femme, I might have been totally outed.

Leaving our closets, or expanding the extent of it should not be a dare, or not based on feelings of inadequacy from reading of others' exploits. It should be based on a rational cost/benefit or pros vs. cons type decision. Will going out enable you to enjoy your crossdressing experience in a meaningful manner? Itemize the ways in which you think this will happen. Then consider the risks, not only to yourself, but to your loved ones. Might it impact on your social life, your job or your overall family situation? Try to weigh the reliability of the influences that may be motivating your desire to expand.

Finally, I do tend to think that there is a feeling of superiority in the community over being out and about. It is much like the old class system of long ago. It is not simply imposed on others by those who are out, but is also perpetuated by those who are not out and tend to have feelings of inferiority. None of us are any better or worse than anyone else. We are individuals, and do what we do because it satisfies us and does not create unnecessary risks to us or our loved ones. That's not fear or lack of guts, its just common sense.

Veronica

[Joe Ann Miles]

[QUOTE=Veronica. We are individuals, and do what we do because it satisfies us and does not create unnecessary risks to us or our loved ones. That's not fear or lack of guts, its just common sense.

Veronica[/QUOTE]

Thanks Veronica.
You Said it all Exactly, in My World. :-)

[Tracii G]

OMG superiority? Really you think that was my intent Veronica?
My whole point was an opinion on those that say they want to go out but say they "CANT".
Sure they can they just don't know it.
Y'all are reading too much into it.

[Adriana Moretti]

I just dont like the phrase I Cant....seriously...there is no such thing no matter what the subject matter may be about

[reb.femme]

In all honesty, I don't think Tracii was trying to cause a war here, merely making a statement of opinion and then in the time honoured tradition of Universities world wide, closing with the statement...Discuss.

It's very difficult to put a sensitive subject up for discussion, when you know someone might take umbrage over the exact content of the statement. So I'll doff my bonnet to Tracii for trying. I try to answer in the spirit of the question rather than dissecting it for exactitude, although I can be as guilty myself.

Becky

[Jacqueline StGermain]

I've lived in towns I would NOT go out in, primarily due to my job. It seemed I would almost always see someone I knew ( while I was in drab)
On the other hand ,I've been out in questionable areas ( actually lived in one for years,4
people were shot there last week, one died ) 1 block from where I used to live.
Give her a break, everyone has their own comfort level, it's her decision.
We all do this for our own personal reasons, but have a common bond.

[SHINY-J]

No offense o the OP, but having grown up in a very conservative, small, deep southern town that was the buckle of the bible-belt, I can tell you that advice won't fly in all places you go. Even if I was to go back there and be as beautiful and perfect as Cassadra Cass, I would still not be anywhere near as safe as if I was the guy I am in real life when I don't dress.


It's one thing to overcome your fears and live your life in the public eye... In reality, we all know that there are places where it is SIGNIFICANTLY safer for us to be ourselves.

I do get the jist of what the OP said though.... Some people may use it as an excuse to continue to hide their true self.

[AllieBellema]

Granted, alot of my reasons include not having a regular everyday outfit that wouldn't stand out. Even if I did get out and get something more regular, I would probably only feel comfortable enough if I got myself to where I feel like I could pass as a woman while I'm out on the town. At the halloween party I was at, I knew just about everybody could figure me out when I came out in my southern belle dress. I tried as best as I could to put on a softer and more feminine voice, but everybody knew (and nobody was bothered by it, so success!). At the same time, I knew that if I really wanted to pass as a woman, I had a long ways to go... so going out in public, well that's gonna take alot of work for me to get to that point... then getting the guts to try going out there and hoping I'm able to go around without causing a ruckus. Thankfully, I live in a town that I've only been in for a few years so not many around here know me.

[Tracii G]

I have a trans friend in a small mountain town in Eastern Kentucky and at her request I went to her town (Hazard Kentucky) and spent the day enfemme with her.
It was her first time out emfemme and we both had a great time without any problems.
Did we pass? I'm sure we didn't but it didn't matter because the people were as nice as they could be and yes even the redneck good old boys had no problem with us.
We hung out at a local burger joint that evening and the local GG's treated us like gold and had us hang out with them.
Was I apprehensive to go there enfemme? Yes I was because I hauled coal out of that town for 20 years and I know what that town was like back then.
To say rough is an understatement and it still is that way in many areas.
The people are are very protective and don't like outsiders in general but times are changing.
I met several of her trans friends and their community is growing which is a good sign of tolerance.

[Lillyasia]

Hey people! I take offense to the term "redneck." That's derogatory and downright ractist in my view. It's no better than calling someone an N word. For some who want acceptance, show some. The most hate filled people I experienced were not conservatives, but the type more likely to identify with liberal.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Traci,
Was there ever a time when you yourself were confined to your closet?
I imagine there are a few here that might say no to that question (LIARS!)
But for those that would like to get out and enjoy themselves, that can be a real challenge.
Sure they can get some ideas from other forum members on how to go about getting out,
but applying those ideas to their own particular situation is another challenge in itself.
And sure the fear they are sensing may be all in their own heads (where else would it be, Duhhh) whether real or
just perceived possibilities, it doesn't matter, its there!
Telling someone that they will never know if they can fly, if they don't jump, doesn't help them fly!
Finding a friend that had flown before, and having that person hold my hand as we both jumped together worked for me.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Tracii G]

Sure Kristyn I was like that I admit it with no hesitation.
It wasn't until one of my trans friends told me to put my "excuses" in the closet, pick an outfit,put my girl face on and lets go get some frozen yogurt.
Was I scared? You bet I was.
After that first time it was Katey barr the door what was I afraid of?
Yes I have lots of friends in my city and I see them quite frequently when I am out enfemme but my guess is they didn't recognize me in girl mode.

[Hell on Heels]

Nice to know, Traci has a closet. (well at least at one time!) Haaaa! That made me think of a walk in closet, a new marketing idea maybe, walk out closets?????
I'm not saying your wrong Traci, our own fears are always something that are in our own minds.
Some people are afraid of spider and snakes, others can sleep with 'em!
Where did they get the guts to do that?
Continual interest, and exposure Yada Yada !
Stepping out solo has got to be one of the most difficult things we could do, (Props to those that have done it!)
Couple that with living in a small town... Geez!
Plan a travel, book a room, and hit the streets solo for the first time in a strange place????? NO THANKS !
It's easy for you now, just remember where you started.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Tracii G]

Oh I haven't forgotten how it was for me in the beginning so I totally understand the fear factor.
I have closets but no skeletons LOLOL

[Krisi]

...........Maybe just maybe my post will help that one person to see that the world won't end if they walk out the front door enfemme.
..........

The truth is, for many of us, the world (as we know it) will end if we walk out the front door "enfemme". Loss of wife and family, loss of career, loss of respect in the community, etc. That's why we don't do it.

This is a very diverse group of people with one common interest; dressing in women's clothes. Other than that, we are young, we are old, we are married, we are single, we are heterosexual, we are homosexual, etc. Advice for one isn't suitable for al of us.

[heatherdress]

Fear is a basic human emotion which prompts us to protect ourselves. Some fears are unfounded and can be overcome. Many are important and cannot be dismissed. Fear of discovery as a crossdresser is probably common for us, but varies depending upon our circumstances. Some people with delicate family situations, sensitive employment requirements or who live in dangerous neighborhoods cannot simply walk out the door as easily as others.

If you are in the military and live on a military base, if you have a career which requires a top secret clearance, if you are a doctor or teacher or business owner and have a career or a business in which crossdressing disclosure could diminish your success, if you are a police officer, if your spouse does not want your dressing to be discovered, etc. - you may not simply be able to walk out the front door dressed to overcome your fear. Your risks are probably greater than others.

It is OK to be careful and maybe we can overcome some of our fears and anxieties, but it is much more difficult for some of us, at maybe not even possible. Hopefully they can find safe environments to dress and enjoy the freedom to dress as they want to.

[Tracii G]

OK OK I get it.

[Meghan4now]

Tracii,

You have to figure everyone hates a cheerleader. Haven't you seen enough 80's teen angst movies?

Sorry this thread took such a nasty turn. I mean, yeah, no S**t, you have to protect yourself in your choices. BUT, I think your point is that if you psych yourself out because of irrational fears (and yes some of them are irrational and more imagined), then don't moan about it. If it's the right choice, be glad you made it, and live with your choice. If it is so dreadful that your mopping and gripping, maybe you should reevaluate. A life is meant to be lived, and our hearts are meant to be shared. We have a pretty limited time here, what are we waiting for.

[Isabella Ross]

Traci, I think I understand your point. But let me counter with this: My community is very conservative, largely due to the fact that it's largely composed of retirees (note, however, that I am not one of these...unfortunately). I refrain from going out not because I'm fearful, and I also don't complain about it. My reasons for not going out here are all practical. There are many of them, but here's a sampling: a) many of my male friends would reject me and so I could say goodbye to golf, basketball, etc...guy things I really love; b) my wife is a well-respected professional who could seriously jeopardize her career if I were outed. The bottom line is that I feel no particular need to go out in my own community, do not feel I'm denying myself by not going out, and am very comfortable with that choice. Hope this helps.

[Veronica27]

OMG superiority? Really you think that was my intent Veronica? My whole point was an opinion on those that say they want to go out but say they "CANT".
Sure they can they just don't know it.
Y'all are reading too much into it.



I will probably rustle a lot of feathers but here goes



Amanda I'm not being holier than anyone just giving an opinion from my perspective.I am free to voice an opinion am I not?



Whats it to me? Well its the people that say "i can't" and wallow in misery and complain about it.

I don't know what your intent was. I made no direct reference to you in my post, but was simply referring to my own observations from many years of reading about crossdressing here and elsewhere in my 76 year life so far. I gave my opinion of those observations, just as you have given yours. My superiority/inferiority reference specifically mentioned that this attitude resulted both from "above" as well as being perpetuated from "below". These were generalities and not directed at any individual.

Everybody should be free to choose their own course without facing ridicule or derision from others. "I can't" should not be used either by those who choose to stay home or by their detractors. We are all familiar with the childhood lesson of "yes you can do it but no you may not do it". In this case it should just be "I don't go out because....." The words "fear" and "guts" do not belong in the conversation. Please don't turn a good topic into a confrontational one.

Veronica :)

[flatlander_48]

Hey people! I take offense to the term "redneck." That's derogatory and downright ractist in my view. It's no better than calling someone an N word. For some who want acceptance, show some. The most hate filled people I experienced were not conservatives, but the type more likely to identify with liberal.

The term Redneck is related to people who farm, or at least work outdoors. It is intended to discount those who work with their hands as opposed to those who are wealthy, or at least work indoors, as knowledge workers. Basically if you work indoors, or don't have to work, you wouldn't get sunburn on the back of your neck.

So, yes, it is a derogatory term but claiming it as racist is a stretch. The term is not rooted in race. It is rooted in class. Further, it is a characteristic that people can change. Find a different job. Learn a trade. Go to school and study a profession. The idea is to do something other than work with your hands.

Conversely, race is not something that a person can change. It is inherent and it is a constant.

In short, there is no comparison between the terms.

DeeAnn

[Tracii G]

Most people would call me a redneck if they didn't know me personally and I don't have a problem with it because I know who I am.
Yes I live in Kentucky and tote a side arm wear camo, hunt,shoot and drive an SUV.LOL
Isabella if you are comfy where you are its all good and I have never heard you complain at all.
Its just that some just go on and on about why can't men be accepted wearing womens clothes. The fix for that is wear the clothes you like and maybe not worry so much.
There are people her that wear womens skirts and dresses in boy mode and I very much support their line of thinking and expression.
Its just the ones that for whatever reason they have for not venturing out thats totally fine just stop complaining.

[PaulaQ]

Not all the careers y'all mention where being trans is career ending are really as bad as you think.

Actually you are safer to come out as a CD if you have a top secret clearance. You don't want them to discover it - secrets from them that could lead to you being blackmailed, are what get you fired. At least that's what people I know who've had such jobs tell me. There are, btw, are roughly 600 police officers who've transitioned in the US that we know of. (I date one of them.)

Banking, finance, and high tech tend to be pretty tolerant too.

A lot depends on the specific organization, or sometimes your supervisor. In general though, while coming out as trans won't automatically end your career with 90% certainty, there is still quite a lot of discrimination, and it does make it harder to be hired as a new employee.

For example, although I know a trans school teacher, I know others who have been fired because they are trans. Once fired, they tend to never find work as a teacher again.

For all of y'all who are afraid to come out because of work, you should ask a transsexual about your situation. We've been dealing with this for a long time, and although it's improved, there's still far to go. Anyway, this issue hits us hard, so we work it.

You're welcome! :)

I mention this because sometimes fear is totally justified, but lots of times its overblown. For example, I have a friend who delayed coming out at work for at least two years out of fear. Thing is - she worked for AT&T, one of the best possible companies for a trans person to work. When she finally came out, it was fine, and in fact they had a well defined process to handle gender transition of employees.

[Tracii G]

The company I retired from is one of the worlds largest food and grocery chains and they had strict guide lines against TG discrimination.

[franlee]

Tracii, it aint the conservative. social or ethnic mix that stops me from going out in public like you do. It's 1st I'm kine to damn near everybody within a 20 mile radius through blood or marriage (rural) and I don't want to share this with all of them and 2nd I am self-conscious about the way I look right now. If I looked nearly as good as a small cute person such as you I'd do more but still not here. Not to say I don't go out in public but it is with caution and controlled risk.

[Hell on Heels]

So my job is 5 miles from home, 5 miles further away from that little town, 5 miles deeper into that area where everyone knows everyone else's business!
There are a grand total of 8 people that I work with. I see a few people that stop by now and then for whatever reason, but thats about it!
I know I've proven myself as a capable employee, and I know its hard to find a reliable newbie. But from what I've heard, and seen, hiring a female to do my job isn't happening! And thats not the problem here (although it is a problem there) The problem here is ME!
I have no desire to show up at work in girl mode, but what happens when word gets around through the "grapevine" that I'm a CD? (if it hasn't already!).
How will the people I work with handle it? How will they treat me? Who will they tell?
Answers, I don't care, thats their decision, I don't care, thats their decision, and I don't care, whoever they want. It's out of my control at this point.
Next question…
How will all of this change my life ?????
I'd love to have the same answer (I don't care), but……
So being out dressed in that little town is off limits, but driving through it to the bigger cities, no problems!
I think if anyone here has the urge/desire to get out, they're gonna find a way to make it happen!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReineD]

It's not just geographic differences. There are socio-economic, educational, political or philosophical, religious differences and downright prejudice against TGs in many pockets of our society.

Most people no matter their personal beliefs will keep their opinions to themselves if they read someone. So going out in the next town over in safe places (not biker bars at 1 A.M.), is a relatively easy thing to do, which is what I think you are saying. But, to come out to everyone in their lives (if this is what you also suggest) could have serious negative impacts on a lot of people.

[Tracii G]

Reine I'm not suggesting to come out to everyone heck I'm not out to everyone myself.There is just no need to do that to go out.
Apprehension of the unknown is a huge factor lord knows I understand that.
Some here get soo defensive over a statement or opinion by one person.
I'm not calling anyone out or telling them to go out I'm just saying if you want to bad enough there are ways to do it.
You just need to make the first step.
I hate to see people hold themselves back.

[Alleybee]

How about if you are living and working in a particularly conservative region of the world where if you stepped outside the house and were caught, you would be arrested, jailed, abused and then deported back to your home country. Would that be a fair excuse? Just asking......

[Tracii G]

Sure I suppose Alleybee but here in the USA or Europe its not illegal to crossdress.
Just too many people have no faith in themselves.
Some of Y'all are missing my point so I'm not going to beat a dead horse.

[Alleybee]

No problem Traci. Just wanted to point out that there are extreme variations of 'conservative' and it's not lack of guts that stops me being myself in a skirt out in the street. I do go out wearing full female clothes in an androgynous look with pierced ears but still have to be careful. CD's are locked up, and the court proceedings are reported in the press. That's why my profile is vague.
Traci, I get you. The girls living in the more liberal parts of our planet should consider stepping out the door and taking full advantage

[AngelaYVR]

For those who feel like their will be a lynching party on their front lawn if they went out, just remember that the world doesn't end at the city limits. As mentioned previously many times, take a trip to a bigger city where you can be anonymous. If you are willing and able there is a way, even if it is not the preferred option. Getting to that point though, yes I remember well my own trepidations about breaching the threshold. You have to be ready for it and there are many, many factors that will affect the ripening of that particular fruit.

[Tracii G]

Alleybee I would hate to live in a place where you could get locked up just for being different.

[franlee]

I agree with Tracii, I think the words were just words that some on here decided to use for discussion. The use of conservative was one that many seem to like but is not really the right word for this topic, non-accepting or prejudiced would be more accurate but what the Devil? We all know what Tracii was referring to. We all have our comfort levels no matter how low or high but to whine about them is a call to the mirror, you are the only one that can do anything about it. No matter how much advise, preparation and thought it is still only you that can take that step out, and good or bad experience it is what it is, so deal with it no one makes us do this.

[LelaK]

I enjoy hiding, because my natal Sun is in my 12th House. Same with my GF.

[Melissa_59]

"It works for me and X of my friends I know, ergo it works everywhere so you're all wrong and just chicken$***." That pretty much sums up what I read.

Got to love folks who paint the world with a big broad brush and can't see outside of their own viewpoints.

[NicoleScott]

Melissa, those are my thoughts, too. We like to hear accounts of others' going out experiences, and we can handle differing opinions, but yes, our feathers get ruffled (as predicted) when we perceive judgement. And what made me see judgement in the OP is calling valid reasons lame excuses and due caution as lack of guts. I don't see such characterizations as encouragement.

[Lauri K]

I really hate that this thread turned up some rather curt comments towards Tracii when she was merely trying to encourage those ladies who are on the proverbial fence to decide upon going out or sitting at home in the basement, as these same reasons for not going out have been posted here for long time. (worn record)

If you had asked me about going out 5 years ago I may have gave some of the exact same answers as the others have, but today I sit around and kick my self square in the skirt that I did not go out sooner in life.

But for whatever it's worth~

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Mods feel free to shut this thread

[STACY B]

Yall can all HUSH,,, Hell I live in MISSISSIPPI,,, So NOW,,, Enough said !!!

[Tracii G]

Lauri you are one of the few that actually got my point.
StacyB I love U like a sister because you are crazy like me.
Mods you can close this because enough panties got twisted up to last the rest of the year.

[Ally 2112]

You did not ruffle my feathers Traci i don't have any :) . Also you are allowed to have your own opinion and you just made a statement you believed in .Bunched up panties are never fun :)

[Launa]

I would like to comment on the title of this post, it says : "I can't go out because I live in a conservative town."

I know everyone has their reasons or excuses for not going out and often complain about the problem and that's ok I guess..... I do want to say one thing that I have found in conservative towns and cities is that folks are generally pretty good about it. As a matter of fact I have had some good times in so called conservative places vs places considered very liberal. I go to a few places every year that are not LGBT venues. I was at a big charity function last year and some guys I was talking to said this redneck city needs more people like you around. My only point is at times we might say a place is narrow minded, conservative and redneck but the reality might be the opposite. You won't know unless you test the waters I guess.

[Katey888]

Closed at OP request.

Katey
Moderator