PDA

View Full Version : Angry Accusations



LelaK
11-10-2015, 10:47 PM
[See my Post #13 above for more details.]

I've been away because my girlfriend didn't like me to be online much and especially didn't like that I crossdressed. When I met her a year ago, I moved into a room in her house to help caretake a family member of hers, although he was almost never there. So we had the house to ourselves most of the time. I told her I crossdress a few days after I moved in, because I forgot to do so earlier. It turned out that she said she crossdressed in the past as well. So I thought she would be understanding and accepting. I started dressing often for a couple weeks or so. Then I told her I was interested in companionship. The next two days she flirted with me a little, which was exciting. But on the third day she started talking constantly to herself, complaining about how numerous people, esp. her closest family members, had mistreated her. She had talked to herself a little when I first arrived, but it wasn't so severe and it subsided. She had mentioned early on that her son died a year earlier and she was still in grief. She also seemed schizophrenic, but she said a doctor said she wasn't.

I wanted to help her get over her grief and other emotional trauma, if I could. So I tolerated her odd behavior and she usually stayed in her room. But occasionally she would get mad at me for inexplicable reasons and argue with me severely. My response was to defend myself. But she would blabber on with angry, baseless accusations, though she was good at making them sound rational, if there would have been a third party present. That just led me to yell back, so then she'd berate me for yelling, although she yelled sometimes as well. She went through almost weekly cycles of that kind of behavior, starting with lots of talking to herself etc, then staying in bed for several days and starting to act friendly again, like Jekyll and Hyde. I found out that she had prescription diet pills (amphetamine) and she also sometimes took meth. I tried to persuade her that those were doing her a lot of harm, and she seemed to agree somewhat.

I continued to crossdress in the house for over a month, but we were getting close, and we started to have a relationship. We even talked before long about getting married. But she changed her attitude about crossdressing and she seemed afraid that I was gay. She would accuse me of looking at guys everywhere we went, which was absurd, but I could never prove it, so she kept being suspicious. She accused me of other things too. So I agreed not to crossdress while we were together. She said gayness isn't natural, that the gays she'd known had traumatic backgrounds. Her behavior calmed down to where she would do the angry self-talking less often. But she got mad enough at me again later that she told me to leave. So I got a bus ticket and planned to leave in a week. But she made up with me, so I didn't leave, but couldn't get a refund for the ticket. Then her family said I wouldn't be able to stay any longer, so I had to get another bus ticket after all. But my GF got one as well. She decided to go home with me to visit my family and stay there indefinitely.

About a week later then, it was time to prepare to leave. She said I had to get rid of my dresses and skirts etc. I was reluctant, but I thought if it helps her get well, then it's worth it. Next day we went to catch the bus for the long ride to my hometown. But just as the bus was taking on passengers, she accused me of looking at a guy there somewhere and she decided not to go with me. I tried to persuade her to come, but she was stubborn, so I gave her her ticket and I got on the bus. To my surprise, she got on too at the last minute. She said later that she had asked herself if she should stay there and have to take care of her disabled family member alone, which had been a huge burden to her for several years, or if she should go with me. She needed the respite, so she came along with me. But she almost decided to get off the bus and return home after getting to the next state from hers. But she changed her mind again.

We stayed with my family for several months and she stopped talking to herself and stopped acting schizophrenic for the most part, but she continued about every 2 weeks to angrily accuse me of various things, usually of looking at guys. Her disabled family member died this summer, so my GF and I returned to her home. We were planning to live there together and get married, but she had another of her anger spells and told me I had to leave. I still call her every few days, but a few days ago she said for the second time that she'll never have another boyfriend, and not me either. She said she wants to have a girlfriend instead.

She's full of contradictions, but I think it's part of healing. I think my being away from her seems to be part of her healing too, though I think I'll continue to try to get back with her, since she does change her mind to some extent. But she also is stubborn sometimes.

While with her, I haven't felt the need or the urge to dress. Despite her frequent anger spells she was rather affectionate to me during the interludes. And I needed that. I expect I'll probably need more of it by and by, but it may have to be from someone else. I was seldom on the internet this year when I was with her and that was one of the hardest parts of the relationship for me. Was the relationship worth it? I think so, because I think it helped her heal from her grief over her son's death. It's possible that we'll get back together, but, if we do, I'll insist on more favorable terms for me. Odds don't seem very good though so far. I've learned to be more conscious of my yelling and try harder not to do it. I hope she won't go back to drugs, and there's a good chance she won't, I think.

I hope you all have had a more fun year than I did. I expect that I won't get much urge to dress till I get settled down somewhere. Now I'm with my family and I don't want them to know about my dressing.

[See my Post #13 above for more details.]

giuseppina
11-10-2015, 11:31 PM
Hello Lela,

From what you post, there is enough evidence that I think your GF should be seeing a psychiatrist. They are the only ones qualified to make a proper diagnosis. A GP or family practice specialist really should not be doing much in the mental health area. There are quite a few diagnoses that show behaviour similar to what you describe. That is the reason a psychiatrist is required.

The next problem is getting her there. Nobody can force her to go. If you try to do anything more than support and encouragement it can backfire in a big way.

This kind of stuff affects everyone around her. It may be worthwhile for you to see a counsellor for your own issues. If she were my GF, I would make seeing the psychiatrist a condition of continuing the relationship, but that is me. I have abuse issues of my own and sensitive to that kind of behaviour.

Dana44
11-10-2015, 11:36 PM
Lela, Read your story and it is gripping. I was married to one like that and it wont get any better. The divorce was bitter. Find a good gal that accepts you for you that is more stable. LOL if any girl is stable. Yeah take your time.

Demi88
11-10-2015, 11:38 PM
That drug is reason enough to run and not look back in my book.

Robin414
11-11-2015, 12:40 AM
That drug is reason enough to run and not look back in my book.

Lela hon, this is WAY more than a CD topic, she needs professional help and IMHO you need to run, not walk, RUN away as fast and far as you can...I'm freaking serious!!!

UNDERDRESSER
11-11-2015, 01:01 AM
Meth? No No No... dodged a bullet there Lela

Vala
11-11-2015, 01:43 AM
Lela I'm very sorry but after reading your post I'm scared of your ex girlfriend.

DanaR
11-11-2015, 01:59 AM
Lela, if you go back and read your first post, you should find many reasons to find someone else. She doesn't sound like someone that will be very understanding of you.

Nikkilovesdresses
11-11-2015, 02:41 AM
I'm with Robin414. Your writing style suggests you are intelligent and a clear thinker, but your story is highly alarming- or rather your girlfriend is highly alarming. Marrying someone with her level of mental problems is inviting a life fraught with difficulty, and possibly danger. If you see your role in life as a full-time care giver, then all well and good.

Sarah.Jane
11-11-2015, 02:48 AM
Having lived with someone with mental health issues I can advise that you need to stay away from this woman for your own mental and physical safety

PaulaQ
11-11-2015, 04:00 AM
LelaK, that girl sounds crazier than a peach orchard boar, to use an expression my boyfriend is fond of. She is just all over the map. (By the way, her accusations of you being gay or bi are pretty obviously her way of projecting her own confusion about her sexual orientation on to you. It's possible she was abused, too. Those comments about gay people coming from abusive pasts may possibly be about her too, particular when coupled with her erratic behavior while taking care of her family member.)

Don't marry this woman. She is probably amazing in the sack, but you need someone who doesn't have so many seemingly profound psychological issues. She sounds like she needs a psychologist, at minimum.

sometimes_miss
11-11-2015, 04:43 AM
She also seemed schizophrenic, but she said a doctor said she wasn't.
Yes, lots of mentally ill patients insist that they're 'just fine'. By any chance, was her doctor non-existant to the rest of the world? I refer you to the 'hot/crazy matrix'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU

LelaK
11-11-2015, 08:16 AM
giuseppina said:
From what you post, there is enough evidence that I think your GF should be seeing a psychiatrist. They are the only ones qualified to make a proper diagnosis. A GP or family practice specialist really should not be doing much in the mental health area. There are quite a few diagnoses that show behaviour similar to what you describe. That is the reason a psychiatrist is required.
She said it was a psychiatrist who agreed with her that she wasn't schizophrenic. I don't trust labels like that too much anyway. I was labeled as schizophrenic in 1970 when I wanted to leave the military. I didn't mind the label, since it got me out of there. A psychiatrist friend told me in 1987 that the label was often misused back then, but I think it still is. Do a search on Dr. Mercola's website on psychotropic drugs, or check out drugawareness.org. Dr. Clancy McKenzie found that Schizophrenia, as well as major depression etc, is a form of PTSD, proven in comparing EEGs, i.e. electroencephalograms for measuring brainwaves. See DrMcKenzie.com. While combat vets and others have flashbacks to traumatic combat experiences, Schizophrenics have flashbacks to early childhood trauma. That's why they get paranoid; in early childhood people actually are watching them.

I appreciate everyone's concerns, but my GF isn't alone. She has an older sister who helps her out a lot. My GF was on dangerous meds when I first met her. I looked up the side effects, which included paranoia and mental effects, as well as harm to other vital organs. She didn't trust those meds and wanted to quit anyway, so when I told her some of the side effects, she stopped taking them, and her behavior improved. I didn't want to go into all that in telling my story, since it seemed a bit off-topic.

I keep in touch with her by phone and by email (and sometimes I email her sister too) and she seems to be doing better alone for a while. She said lately that she won't be ready for a relationship for some time. I don't know if we'll ever get together again, but I'll see how things go. I recently did a web search on the addictiveness of meth. I found some interesting info. Some say that cigarettes are the most addictive of all, but it probably varies with each person. One site said there's a rating system for drug addictiveness. Heroin was said to be the most addictive at 2.8 or so. Crack was rated about 2.3 or 2.4 and Meth 2.1 or 2.2. I also read a few forum posts where addicts talk about their own experiences. Some said cigarettes were the hardest to quit (My GF picked up smoking about the time her son died and is trying to quit now). Some on the forum said meth was hardest to quit. Others said they were able to quit it easily, but that another drug was harder to quit. It was interesting to hear addicts speak themselves. Online they can be honest, since no one is likely to find out who they are.

Meghan4now
11-11-2015, 08:31 AM
Lela,

I agree that this relationship is toxic to you. This lady has demonstrated some serious symptoms, and has a repeated pattern of behavior that makes me fear for your well being. One or two aberrations are not enough to form a clear picture, but repeated behavior should be a serious warning. One problem that you may have is dealing with a sense of loyalty or emotional investment. That is understandable. However the level of destructive behavior here is possibly beyond what you may reasonably handle. Already you have indicated that it has affected your decision making ability. Further exposure may put you in emotional and mental risk yourself. I would highly suggest consulting with a psychologist or other professional, partially for how to deal with her, partially for your own health.

I don't like to abandon someone in need either, but sometimes they will pull you under as well, and you both drown.

I read your reply which posted as I was writting. You have a history which indicates a vunerability. All the more reason to not get dragged down too.

Scarlett Viktoria
11-11-2015, 09:13 AM
It's amirable that you want to help her through her grief, but she is very unstable and needs professional help. Most of this does not sound like grieving anyway. You don't need this and I can promise it will be a very unhealthy relationship if you go back. RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!

Rhonda Darling
11-11-2015, 10:32 AM
If I were a close friend of your, which I'm not, but if I were, I'd tell you to "Get the f__k away from that crazy person before she completely ruins your life along with her own!" You seem to see her like an injured animal that you feel compelled to help out, although you have no legal or moral responsibility to do so. Let her be and get on with your own life. If you feel that she's the only person for you -- that there couldn't possibly be anyone else who you would choose to spend you life with in a loving, caring relationship -- then then go back and read my first sentence again.

Good luck if you choose to remain in her life.

Jacqueline StGermain
11-11-2015, 10:57 AM
Wow.
Not knowing you or your girlfriend, and I'm never sure if I should be the one on the couch, or asking the questions, this sounds like a show of Dr.Phil.
I'd take a step back and re-assess the situation.
Hope things work out.

heatherdress
11-12-2015, 02:34 AM
Lela - It is fortunate that your relationship with your past girlfriend is over. It is very difficult to have a meaningful relationship with someone who has serious mental illness (as she seems to) and also uses meth. Hopefully you helped her get over her grief but you definitely need to stay apart and develop a new, healthy relationship.

BLUE ORCHID
11-12-2015, 08:03 AM
Hi Lela, I really think that it's time to cut and run. :hugs: