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View Full Version : TG/TS question for you.



TracyDeluxe
02-13-2006, 09:42 PM
Maybe this has been brought up before, but I have always been somewhat confused, or curious, or whatever.

TS's have a "woman inside them", right? Or they are a "woman in a man's body."

Maybe I should give a little background, and you can see why this interests me, OK? Since my first thoughts (that I can really remember), I have always wanted to be a girl, and later, a woman. Until I was 10 or so, I didn't know what this was, or what was going on, but then I saw the C. Jorgenson book, and finally had a label to put on my feelings. More research finally led me to a gender clinic in my early 20's, and I began the long and erratic (for me) path to SRS.

But I always wanted my counselers to tell me, definatively, that I either was, or was not, a real transsexual, and of course they never would. They would never just come out and say, "Oh my God, of course you are a woman in a man's body, and should have a sex change immediately, if not sooner!" :D

But I went through the hoops as they were presented to me, and got hormones, had preliminary surgeries (trachea shave, implants, electrolysis), and was approved for SRS. Then the bottom fell out of my world (kicked out of nursing school for being TS), and I had to use the money I had earmarked for surgery just for living expenses. But I continued, and continue to this day, to live in the female role.

Now here's my question, or my point, or both, really. I never really thought I was a woman in a man's body. I mean, I WANTED to be a woman, I knew I had many womanly thoughts and feelings and tendancies, I was pretty sure I would be much happier being a woman, but I always knew I was male, and hence a man. A man who SHOULD have been born a woman, but not a woman!

Now of course, if one is to have SRS, one MUST declare that they ARE a woman in a man's body (or the other way around for FtM's), but I never really felt that way, just, as I've said, that I SHOULD have been born a female.

Does this make any sense, have other's felt this way? Is it just a question of semantics?

Or was I just too thickheaded, and the above feelings I had were what was meant by "being a woman in a man's body?"

I mean, I am happy where I am now, but I have always been curious about this.

edit: Sorry, I should have read more posts here, even if the header didn't seem to address this issue, because I see other's have the same thoughts and questions. My bad.

mistunderstood
02-13-2006, 10:18 PM
That is ok I missed some posts too when I post a question. I am new to the whole hormones, srs stuff and I get quite confused. I just started talking about this with my therapist and she brings up good questions.Drives me nuts, but thats her job. Hope you can find your answers here.
Glade you joined us.

Marlena Dahlstrom
02-14-2006, 01:30 AM
Well, things aren't simple and no responsible therapist is going to tell you to make an irreversible life-changing decision -- it's something you have to decide for yourself.

There are a lot of mythologies in the TG spectrum -- the "woman within" being one of them. Not to say that some folks don't genuinely feel that way, but I think there are others who feel they "ought" to feel that way.

Unfortunately "gender dysphoria" really is combining three different things:

sex identity - i.e. do you feel you've got the right parts between your legs
gender self-identity - i.e. do you feel you've got a personality that's "masculine" and/or "feminine"
gender role - i.e. how do you want to be treated by society


In my experience many, but not all, TS feel they're a woman on all three counts. I know at least one TS who never felt particularly alienated from her genitals but decided to get GRS because she'd had everything else done and she might as well do that too. (Hormones had killed her libido so it wasn't like she was using them anyway.) There's also the "real TSs get GRS" pressure that exists in some circles.

OTOH, most crossdressers want to cross over into (a version of) women's gender roles for a bit (although usually not permanently) and some may feel they've got a "feminine" personality to some degree.

The transgenderists I know (some of whom live full-time or full-time outside of work) generally want to be treated as woman and generally have a fairly strong feminine self-identication -- but don't necessarily feel a need for GRS.

Put it this way, I know some TSs who didn't hate their male bodies but who still got GRS and are happy. I also know TGs who've got no desire for GRS and are happy. Bottom-line, as long as you're happy with who you are, that's the important thing.

MandyTS
02-14-2006, 03:57 AM
I am intersexed so that makes a BIG difference om my answer so I want to throw that out first.

I knew from the earlist ages that I was a girl, before I knew what Kallmann's XXY, Klienfilers, intersex, microphalius, sexually ambigious, etc. When I was 6 months old, doctors decided they would take my male parts and make me a boy, what I was left with was a less than 1 inch long penis and a scar where a vagina used to be. I never was able to produce hormones and the testosterone I was given at an early age really caused wierd and wacky things to happen.

For years I used to wonder why I was not growing facial hair, looking older, etc. Even at the age of 12 up to about 15 I had no real concept on what it meant sexually to be a guy or girl. I never really hated my body and since I had no sexual connection to the part between my legs (it was not functional anyway) it did not matter. I really was just a person, genderless, sexless.

I have to make the hardest decision on whether to stay as assigned or to become a girl. In the hardest decision of my life I have to think about how I want to spend the next 70 years of my life. I don't hate "being a guy" yet I don't want the effects of "testosterone" and apparently to be a guy you must like what "testosterone". Would it be easier to stay as a guy... sure, but will I regret the decision for the rest of my life... certainly.

Jennaie
02-25-2006, 10:38 AM
Tracy:
To answer your question, yes, I feel the same way as you do. I would have preferred to have been born female, but I am male and recognize myself as that.

livy_m_b
02-25-2006, 11:21 AM
Almost the entire discussion of tsism takes place on a metaphoric level. Some people are uncomfortable with some of the metaphors and try to avoid them - that just gets them into other statements that are as easily questioned by therapists of any sort (pro, con and indifferent) and would-be detractors, evangelical christians dedicated to the sinfulness of everyone else, etc.

Currently, I tend to use the word "emulate". I "emulate" women, they are my heroes, my role models, my ideals - granted that they're not perfect either. I know that I'm not xx, etc., am dissatisfied with metaphors and their overusage which sometimes seems to conceal a reluctance to think, but also know from long experience that this is not going away. Next week I may find another formulation more meaningful.

Make your peace with it as well as you can.