Parents...

[MissDanielle]

Coming out to my parents as transgender or someone who is just wired in the brain to want to wear women's clothing turned out to be the worst idea ever. The pink fog was really in control of me last week when I did this. I can say that my closest friends couldn't have been more supportive than they were. At the very least, I should have waited until after I saw a therapist.

It doesn't matter that TG has gone mainstream these days thanks to Transparent or even Caitlyn Jenner. It's all in the brain's wiring and they just don't seem to accept this. Just as one who is gay or lesbian has no choice because that's who they are, I really believe that TG and CD are both the same way and they just don't accept this and never will. Moving out of their house cannot come soon enough and I'm just counting down the days.

My mom? She thinks I'm weird, crazy, and probably language that I can't even use on the forum because of rules.

[Shelly Preston]

Danielle,

I am sorry to hear your parents are not supportive of who you really are. Maybe you will be able to explain more if your are still planning to see a therapist. The fact you are seen as a bit crazy by your mom suggests they have no real understanding of the issues. I hope with more communication things change for the better. :hugs:

[IamWren]

Oh Danielle... I am so sorry this went sideways on you.

I don't know what else to say. Hopefully, in a different location, different space things will look brighter.

Hugs,
Sayyidah 'Sue'

[Saikotsu]

Sorry to hear it didn't go well for you. I don't know what to tell you other than we're here for you.

[Laurana]

You were originally gonna do this at Thanksgiving dinner weren't you? Good thing you didn't.


It sucks that it didn't go well.

[Pat]

So sorry it didn't go well, but it's not over. ;) You've opened the conversation it doesn't have to stop now. Sometimes it takes a while. Don't give up on them, don't let them give up on you. Best of luck.

[Jazzy Jaz]

The good thing is that you know who you are and are seeking the help and support that you need. Hopefully someday they will see things differently. We all accept you!

[Jacqueline StGermain]

Hi Danielle, sorry you had such a hard time.
Not knowing your parents, it's hard to say, but put yourself in their shoes. I'm sure it was quite a shock.
Hopefully things will settle down, and you can stay in each other's lives.
I'm think a therapist could give you advice on both breaking the news to your parents, and how you could handle the reaction, however they can't predict how YOUR parents will react.
Take a deep breath, stay strong

[pamela7]

sorry to hear that. about the only people who don't know about me are my parents-in-law, my wife i think correctly says they won't understand ...

[STACY B]

Years and Years and Years of putting things into the smallest Box available. You just have to show them,, Old saying goes I can show you better than I can tell you,, This goes for everyone and everything. ACTIONS speak louder than words,, Just go about your life and get the hard work done and they will come around believe or not?

[Robin777]

Sorry to hear about your parents reaction. I would imagine it was quite a shock to them. Probably like you have said before being a CD is not accepted by your religion. I just hope it doesn't strain your relationship with your parents. Maybe some family counseling might help. I hope everything turns out for the better in the end.

[Gabby6790]

That is tough, so sorry. I don't think I could ever come out to my parents. You are who you are and you aren't hurting anybody doing the things that you are doing.

[ChristinaK]

You showed a lot of courage to come out to them and I admire you for it.

Your parents love you. It was a massive shock for them as they have a view of your future that was just shaken. They don't know how this is going to affect your life and are worried about you and don't understand.

Your father is questioning how he could have prevented this. Your mother is wondering if she did something to make you a CDer.

Those are reasonable behaviors and it will take some time for them to accept it, if they will. Time heals everything so be patient with them and try to understand how they feel right now.

Hopefully their love for you will transcend their value systems and their perceptions of what a CDer is and where our place in society is.

Good luck, be patient and remember to walk in their shoes, or maybe high heels, as the case may be ;-)

[eire emma]

Hey Danielle, sorry to hear that things didn't work out as you'd hoped. When you get your own place things will get better. Stay calm and relaxed. Nothing wrong with being weird or crazy! We're all weird in our own way. And alot of people think I'm definitely crazy!:tongueout

[sometimes_miss]

Well, you have my sympathies, because I went through a very similar experience. We all get happy when we read of someone's positive, accepting experience here; then come crashing down when our own families have the opposite reaction. Hang in there. Life goes on either way.

[Ally 2112]

So sorry to hear this Danielle .It was a chance you felt worth taking or just had to do .Hopefully down the line things will change for the better .Wish you all the best

[mechamoose]

You've opened the conversation it doesn't have to stop now. Sometimes it takes a while. Don't give up on them, don't let them give up on you.

THIS

You just hit them with something that they did not see coming and may not be equipped to handle. If things are to get better, then they need more understanding of what is going on with you, rather than them writing things off as you being bizarre.

I have found that education is the best tool for gaining acceptance.

Good luck!

- MM

[MissDanielle]

I haven't given up on them. It may take time but I am really starting to believe that I am genderfluid.

[OCCarly]

My parents are past 80 and in very poor health, and there is no point in coming out to them. Even if they were healthy, I would not. Dad came from a family with a lot of bipolar and depression, and he was one very manipulative individual. He was the kind of guy who seemed nice at first, but would eventually find a way to disagree with just about everyone. He never had any close friends, just a long string of frenemies and hostile coworkers. Once I outgrew the innocence of childhood, our relationship was always toxic. Mom came from a family that loved alcohol, and although she never drank she was always angry about something. She was a punishment junkie, and I learned to never share anything with her lest I be accused of doing something wrong.

For most of my adult life I buried my gender under layers of denial in order to keep my father off my back. I married, had children, did everything I was "supposed" to do, under constant pressure from him, and under his constant micromanagement. Only after a stroke silenced him six years ago have I really been able to finally come to terms with myself.

Believe me, you have my sympathy.

[SHINY-J]

Ow

I'm so sorry to hear how it turned out for you. There's never really a good time to tell anyone who isn't accepting of the lifestyle. Hell, I'm not sure there's ever even a time to tell people that you think are more open-minded... In every instance that I've told a woman about my dressing, it's gone badly .... There have been a few more times where I cam SO CLOSE to telling the girl I was dating about it, but at the last second, I bit my tongue.... Only to have things go sour a short time later And feeling SO lucky that I kept it to myself.

I think the best thing for you to do is to move out ASAP...I don't mean cutting off all ties and communication... Just getting out on your own where you can be you and not worry about having to lock your doors, hide your clothes, etc. You need time away from them and they need time away from you... I know some might think that sounds like running away from your problems, but IMO, it's just the thing to give both parties time to reflect. It also gives a bit of a cushion between future conversations you'll have with them about this.

After I moved out, the relationship between my parents and myself got significantly stronger. Granted, I never told them about my dressing as I do it as a fetish - I don't identify as a woman. Still, absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think in many families, something really does happen after a child moves out and the parents realize how much they miss having their children around and vice-versa.. At least, that's the way it should be in a healthy family. Im not saying that meaning that someone should live with their parents forever... Just that families should always love each other and miss each other when they're away.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you all find a way to be happy together.

[kittie60]

I am sorry to hear about your parents. My father is long gone but my mothher is still alive. She's. Going to be80 next month and she hasn't wanted anything to do with me in along long time. My step father accepts it,but mother won't. I didn't tell her,my brother and his wife did. I was called everything in the book and then some. And this was14 years ago. I've tried numorus times to work it out but the same old thing, your not my son,if I had know this then I wouldn't have had you, I should have let someone adopt yt gets netter for u. I truely meann thayou etc.well you didn't raise me anyway my grandparents did. Anyway I'm getting long winded her, but I do feel your pain and anxieties. I truely hope i

[MissDanielle]

I'm moving out in June and I'll be able to wear what I want, when I want, and nobody will be there to stop me. No stash at the moment because there's no place I could even hide it. I had to share a room growing up. Anytime that I wanted to dress was in my mom's clothing when nobody was home.

[SHINY-J]

Well, I know that monetary constraints can prevent you from being able to move out, but if it's at all possible to do it any sooner, I think you should make it a priority. Don't do anything rash that will financially crush you, but don't avoid doing it to save a couple of bucks. Trust me... If it's something you can do even if it makes things financially tight, it'll be worth it.

When I was younger, I never placed a value on my time or sanity... I wish I had. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything significant and have serious regrets... It's just that as I get older, I want to enjoy every single day I get as much as possible. When I was younger, I was always willing to work as much as I could to make as much as I could because I dreaded the idea of not having financial security. As you get older and you become more financially stable, you'll realize the only thing you cannot buy no matter how much you make is time lost. It's not like I'm an old man in a nursing home right now... I'm in my 30s. Still, with each year that passes, I want to get more and more out of the time that I have. Not just with my dressing... Just out of life as a whole!

Right now, I think that your family is a bit broken... You've shown your hand - earlier than you should've as you've admitted- now it's awkward. I can't imagine what it's like to be in the house with them now watching tv, having dinner, at the breakfast table, etc. I don't know your family dynamic, but it sounds like it's a toxic environment for everyone right now. As much as I believe in talking your problems out to solve them, I also believe that there's a time to be selfish- for lack of a better word- and start living your life. You stated you don't even have a stash of femme clothes.... Don't you think you should get some and truly try the lifestyle? To me, that seems like it's of theft most importance! What if you do it and it turns out that it isn't what you expected and that you may have misunderstood your own feelings and desires?

Please don't take this as me attacking you... I just know what it's like to be in that situation... I remember when I told my wife(now ex) and living under the same roof trying to avoid the subject wasmterribly awkward and both of us felt like we were trapped in the house trying to find any distraction we could to make it go away. Now, I'm just rattling on. Just do what makes you happy.

[MissDanielle]

I would love to have some clothes right now, believe me I do. I'm not in a financial position to move out just yet--which is why I am waiting until June. This was set in stone long before I had my recent come-to moment where I realized I was transgender or genderfluid.