cdbrandi
11-14-2015, 01:37 PM
Just a warning, this is going to be long!
So, I have always felt like I should have been born as a female. I have liked and wanted to wear female clothes as long as I can remember. When I moved out of my parents house when I got my first major job after college, I was able to buy and wear the clothes I liked. I had a few splurges and purges between getting my own place and meeting my first wife, but I never really came to terms with being a CD. I came to terms with being a CD about 15 years ago shortly after I kicked my now ex-wife out of the house (that is a whole separate story and has no bearing on this one). After the ex was out of the house I had a major splurge and bought a lot of clothes and shoes. I went a few years as a bachelor, and would get dressed almost every day when I would get home from work, and spent every night in "ladies" sleepwear. If I had a day or 2 where I could not get dressed it was no big deal. About 10 years ago I met my current wife, and while our relationship started as a one night stand, it grew into much more. We met through a group retreat, and somehow some of her clothing got in my bag and under things I did not even take out while there. We had mutual friends so I was able to get a number to get in touch with her and called to ask if the sweater I had found was hers, which it was. The 1st phone call was a 3 hour call, then a few days later I called her again for another 3 hour talk, and then the next day, and on and on. We were able to figure out a time to meet for me to return her sweater, which was our first date, then we set a 2nd date, and a 3rd, she traveled to my house for this one as we lived about 300 miles apart at the time. The morning after our 3rd date I knew I wanted to be with her for the duration and had decided that I would tell her up front about the dressing so that I would not have to repress and hide anything from her. It took her by surprise but she was ok with it, and she went through my girl wardrobe, and helped me get it updated to be age appropriate. She eventually moved in with me and I continued the dressing every evening, and wearing ladies sleep wear. Some where in there I got my hair cut, got a long wig, as I could afford it I got better and better breast forms. We went out together with me dressed a few times, and it was all good. Then 5 years ago I had a bad car wreck where I broke my back, this is where I had my first major slide down the TG spectrum since accepting I was a cd. Since the wreck I have been very unhappy with my body, and have been craving natural breasts as a way to relieve some of the unhappiness I have with my body due to the paralysis. My wardrobe has been shifting since then. I am now to the point that the only male clothing I own are t-shirts, socks and shoes. I now have breast forms that are self adhesive, so I can go days without removing them, and I do. I had found a balance, but was getting in a bad funky mood because even though I am always wearing forms, bra, panties and women's jeans I am always presenting as male. Then my wife and I decided I should do the boudoir shoot, and doing that has pushed me further down the spectrum. Since the shoot I have been having to work to keep from presenting female every day. I was able to present as female on Thursday when I went to view the pictures, and as I type this I have on no male clothing, am wearing a wig, and am feeling grungy because I have a little bit of beard stubble and no makeup on. I am able to have the wig on because my wife is out of the house for the day, but I can't go all out because I am here with my daughter. While she knows about my dressing and has seen some of the pictures from shoot, my wife is worried that she will go to school and talk about me being dressed as a woman, and that it will cause her problems with the other kids at school. If I could do it without loosing my family, I would be on hormones to try and grow breasts, and would be presenting as female at least 50% of the time. But the happiness I get from the family is worth more than the happiness I MIGHT gain from being able to present as female as often as I like. With this latest slide down the spectrum my wife is scared I am going to want to transition to presenting as female 100% of the time, and has said she would support me in the descision if I went that way but that she would not stay with me as my wife because she did not fall in love with the female side of me, and is not a lesbian or bi and does not want to sleep with a woman on a nightly basis. She wants to sleep with her husband.
If you have made it this far, thank you for reading through my entire ramble.
So, I have always felt like I should have been born as a female. I have liked and wanted to wear female clothes as long as I can remember. When I moved out of my parents house when I got my first major job after college, I was able to buy and wear the clothes I liked. I had a few splurges and purges between getting my own place and meeting my first wife, but I never really came to terms with being a CD. I came to terms with being a CD about 15 years ago shortly after I kicked my now ex-wife out of the house (that is a whole separate story and has no bearing on this one). After the ex was out of the house I had a major splurge and bought a lot of clothes and shoes. I went a few years as a bachelor, and would get dressed almost every day when I would get home from work, and spent every night in "ladies" sleepwear. If I had a day or 2 where I could not get dressed it was no big deal. About 10 years ago I met my current wife, and while our relationship started as a one night stand, it grew into much more. We met through a group retreat, and somehow some of her clothing got in my bag and under things I did not even take out while there. We had mutual friends so I was able to get a number to get in touch with her and called to ask if the sweater I had found was hers, which it was. The 1st phone call was a 3 hour call, then a few days later I called her again for another 3 hour talk, and then the next day, and on and on. We were able to figure out a time to meet for me to return her sweater, which was our first date, then we set a 2nd date, and a 3rd, she traveled to my house for this one as we lived about 300 miles apart at the time. The morning after our 3rd date I knew I wanted to be with her for the duration and had decided that I would tell her up front about the dressing so that I would not have to repress and hide anything from her. It took her by surprise but she was ok with it, and she went through my girl wardrobe, and helped me get it updated to be age appropriate. She eventually moved in with me and I continued the dressing every evening, and wearing ladies sleep wear. Some where in there I got my hair cut, got a long wig, as I could afford it I got better and better breast forms. We went out together with me dressed a few times, and it was all good. Then 5 years ago I had a bad car wreck where I broke my back, this is where I had my first major slide down the TG spectrum since accepting I was a cd. Since the wreck I have been very unhappy with my body, and have been craving natural breasts as a way to relieve some of the unhappiness I have with my body due to the paralysis. My wardrobe has been shifting since then. I am now to the point that the only male clothing I own are t-shirts, socks and shoes. I now have breast forms that are self adhesive, so I can go days without removing them, and I do. I had found a balance, but was getting in a bad funky mood because even though I am always wearing forms, bra, panties and women's jeans I am always presenting as male. Then my wife and I decided I should do the boudoir shoot, and doing that has pushed me further down the spectrum. Since the shoot I have been having to work to keep from presenting female every day. I was able to present as female on Thursday when I went to view the pictures, and as I type this I have on no male clothing, am wearing a wig, and am feeling grungy because I have a little bit of beard stubble and no makeup on. I am able to have the wig on because my wife is out of the house for the day, but I can't go all out because I am here with my daughter. While she knows about my dressing and has seen some of the pictures from shoot, my wife is worried that she will go to school and talk about me being dressed as a woman, and that it will cause her problems with the other kids at school. If I could do it without loosing my family, I would be on hormones to try and grow breasts, and would be presenting as female at least 50% of the time. But the happiness I get from the family is worth more than the happiness I MIGHT gain from being able to present as female as often as I like. With this latest slide down the spectrum my wife is scared I am going to want to transition to presenting as female 100% of the time, and has said she would support me in the descision if I went that way but that she would not stay with me as my wife because she did not fall in love with the female side of me, and is not a lesbian or bi and does not want to sleep with a woman on a nightly basis. She wants to sleep with her husband.
If you have made it this far, thank you for reading through my entire ramble.