I need help

[Cdcdgirl]

Sorry to bug you all I don't respond to many threads. I'm sorry I don't do more I read new threads every day and I love it all. I'm 30 and started crossdressing when I was 5 yes old. I wear panties and women's jeans 24 7.
It's so nice to know I'm not alone in the world.
I'm married with 2 kids and my wife knows I like women's cloths. She knew before we got married. She plays the don't ask don't tell game about it. Every year for me it gets harder and harder not to crossdress. Today I went with my wife to old navy and switched a tag from a women's shirt to a men's shirt just so she thought I bought a men's shirt.
It's very cute with a tunnel neck and thumb holes. I'm going to wear it tomorrow it will be the first time I will be 100% dressed as a women.
My question is am I alone in this? I can be satisfied wearing women's gender neutral clothing. I think I can survive doing this or do you think I'm wrong?
Btw I'm so happy I lost 30 lbs this yr I was 6.2 250 now I'm 220 and I can fit into a women's 2xl tall. 😀😀😀
Thanks for the help and response

[Michelle (Oz)]

Read enough on here cdgirl and you'll realise that you are far from unique. That's an important discovery.

You need to take care with tricking/deceiving your wife though. DADT is a good solution when there is no support but you don't want to turn your wife hostile.

[Rachelakld]

When I get stressed, wife tells me to "go have some girl time", or I send her off to do Christmas shopping etc with the kids and tell her I'm having a couple of hours house work in girl mode. Maybe an option???
My blog has my outing on it if you need inspiration, but a lot of my clothes are now gifted to me from wife or my daughters.
Best of luck

[Teresa]

Cdcdgirl,
I guess at the moment you are content wearing gender neutral clothes but you my be like so many other CDers that tomorrow it won't be enough !
Before you can work on your DADT situation please try and find what you want yourself , I wanted to know what made me tick, what was driving me, counselling has finally helped to put the pieces together. I may not have all the answers but at least I've been able to gradually discuss it with my wife and find a workable solution. Both of us had to accept it was part of me , whether people knew or not doesn't make the slightest difference to what is in my head. My family all know this now and give me space to be Teresa, I came close to a separation but the loss of a husband, father and now grandfather was going to hurt both sides too much, they know I've accepted a compromised life style to live up to my responsibilities .

[Katey888]

You may not post much but I'd bet that you've reflected a lot of other folks' situation in your post... :hugs:

I sometimes wonder if a DADT scenario is actually worse than being completely secretive about this condition... I think on balance it probably is... Sure, there's a risk of being caught and the thermonuclear potential that goes with that, but you've been honest with your wife and she honestly doesn't want to know, so you end up being secretive anyway. That's not a judgment - secretive me could hardly get sanctimonious about that - but I guess that your assessment of telling her more, would be that it would make matters worse..? But you struggle to continue at the low level of expression you have, and that makes things worse for you... :( I feel for you, I really do...

If you believe you can 'survive' like this, you probably can - but survival sounds a bit like a last ditch stand the way you put it... You might survive but you'll probably continue to want more... that's a tough question that only you can answer and decide what it means for you... but you're not alone, for sure... :)

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi CDGirl,

I can hear your angst and pain in your post and rest assured you are not alone as I am sure many others can sympathize. You used the word "survive" by wearing gender neutral clothing and while that sounds like a potential solution, survival truly means to just eek out an existence as best as you can. If that works then I am sure you will be fine. However, you did write "every year it gets harder and harder to not crossdress" and that IMHO implies that survival might not be the end game. I know you said your wife knows and on some level accepts that you like women's clothing but does not want to know (DADT). However, as it seems to be getting harder for you, have you considered broaching the subject with her again. I realize the whole concept of DADT is that she does not want to know but even DADT relationships have to discuss the situation from time to time. You could broach the subject that you believe dressing in woman's gender neutral clothing (tops and jeans) might help take the edge off and then come to some boundaries on what you both find appropriate wear.

If she is not amicable to discussing it further or the clothing change, then you are at a point where only you can decide what to do next. I have not watered here long but I have seen a consistent theme when someone comes out and says they must cross dress in order to cope and it is far beyond just a private thing they do once or twice. If you suppress that feeling for too long it will eventually bleed out into your day to day life in other emotionally charged reactions (e.g., anger, resentment, depression) and that will affect your relationship on another level. Again only you can decide what is right for you given your personal circumstances as you know your wife best .

Cheers

Marcelle

[renaej7]

I'm married with 2 kids and my wife knows I like women's cloths. She knew before we got married. She plays the don't ask don't tell game about it. Every year for me it gets harder and harder not to crossdress.

That sounds so familiar and I completely understand the anxiety of having to play along. One thing to remember is the adjustment for a spouse can take time for some. Gradually build on your 'wins' even if they may seem small. But do not try to push too much in front of her at once. That adds more time to the adjustment period. Just know that everything with balance itself out. Stay strong.

[Jamie390]

That sounds so familiar and I completely understand the anxiety of having to play along. One thing to remember is the adjustment for a spouse can take time for some. Gradually build on your 'wins' even if they may seem small. But do not try to push too much in front of her at once. That adds more time to the adjustment period. Just know that everything with balance itself out. Stay strong.

I agree 100%. Build on your wins and DO NOT TRY TO PUSH TOO HARD. I am also at the DADT stage. But that is much better than the "ARE YOU GAY??? DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE??? YOU NEED COUNSELING!!! WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING??? DO YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN??? WHAT IF THE KIDS FIND OUT???" stage that I was at a year ago. I still don't CD openly in front of her, but At least now I can buy women's clothes without my wife saying anything. That to me is progress.

[Demi88]

I don't desire to wear dresses in a public where GG's wear jeans. My good day is going out wearing nothing but women's garments, even if those garments are only noticed by the observant few.

Perhaps you can find a balance point between casual women's wear and 6" heels that will be satisfactory to all parties.

[Jodi]

be advised. switching tags in any store is illegal and could get you arrested, or, at the very least, being stopped by store security and questioned,

jodi

[heatherdress]

be advised. switching tags in any store is illegal and could get you arrested, or, at the very least, being stopped by store security and questioned,

jodi

Cdcdgirl - Glad you lost weight. Congratulations.

Only you can work out an agreement with your wife and only you will know if it is OK to wear the clothing you plan to wear. Good luck.

But it would be terribly embarrassing to get caught by security for switching clothing tags. Don't be a foolish CDer.

[Beverley Sims]

You are amongst understanding others here and welcome to the forum.

Keep posting.

[Joni T]

You say this will be your first time dressing 100% as a woman. Does that include breast forms, wig and make up? If not, sorry, it ain't 100%.
Jon

[Tina_gm]

I would not suggest trying to "trick" your wife into you buying something she "thinks" is male clothing. She will at the very least recognize it to be feminine, as there is mens clothing that does look feminine. At some point if she finds the same top, and realizes it is actually a women's top, then the whole dishonesty game you played with her is going to get real ugly, real fast. Perhaps it is time for you to have a discussion about your feelings and your needs. She may not like what she hears, but it is still way better than lying, I can assure you.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry, CDGirl. I think either u or I is confused about what DADT means.

To me it means u can dress whenever u r alone and have the opportunity. Then, u don't talk about it with your wife unless she brings it up. I have that arrangement with my daughter because it's what she wants.

When she comes home unexpectedly and sees my car she never comes upstairs to my bedroom looking for me She yells up. In fact, she rarely ever comes upstairs, period. Because she'll see my fem gear if she does. :doh:

So, you not ever being allowed to dress and having to switch tags makes little sense to me. U should be able to buy what u like and have a place she knows about, where u keep everything fem.

I don't think DADT means lie, cheat, and switch tags. Because that's what I was doing before I told me daughter! And, it was a million times more stressful for me than now!:battingeyelashes:

[Allison_CD]

You say this will be your first time dressing 100% as a woman. Does that include breast forms, wig and make up? If not, sorry, it ain't 100%.
Jon

Oh !!! Glad thats been cleared up.

[Candice June Lee]

For us DADT was more akin to lying and cheating in my wife's book. We have since gotten past that and now i am more free to buy stuff and wear it. As many here have said. Today is enough tomorrow maybe not. As i progressed over the years, underdressing seemed to help. Then that wasn't enough so here we are now.

[Cdcdgirl]

Thank you all for your comments on my first post. I understand that we are all in different positions and different stages with our wife's and our dressing.
I'm not sure how to explain my wife she knew of my dressing when we was dating. She lets me wear panties women's jeans and camisoles under my work shirts. When it comes to bras or shirts she draws the line. So I don't think it's a dadt she just ignores it. Again thanks for all the help I hope to post a lot more.