Wish I could live 100% at my Terms with no limitations.

[Natasha V]

Life threw me a curve ball and gave me the wrong glove. I still go to sleep wanting a miracle to happen, but it never does. I feel exhausted of untangling my mind and seeing no end in sight.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
I don't know if you're single or married or if family are involved but wishing for 100% is harder than you think.
Ok I have a wife, grown up children and now grandchildren, I came close to a separation and the reality of 100% is scarier than you think , it still feels appealing but the possible hurt and loss of your family and then stepping out into the World enfemme is not an easy step to take !

[Natasha V]

Teresa I am married with a very supportive so who enjoys this part of me as well. Sometimes its just doesn't feel like I can get enough girl time out. We plan fun shopping times and all but I have to work around family members coming around. Just doesn't feel fair. I'm just being selfish I think.

[AnnaMarie]

It sounds like compared to lots of us that you are in quite a good situation. Lots of CD's would love to be just where you are now

[Teresa]

I guess you should consider yourself lucky, if you can imagine the total opposite and feels so bad about it that you almost take your own life because you feel totally rejected and unloved !

I'm over all that now , it was twenty years ago, I guess the only words of advice is don't push her beyond her comfort zone !
Please buy her a special Xmas present she's more than worth it !

[PaulaQ]

NatashaV - have you ever considered transition? It's one way to live 100% on your terms with no limitations. There are trade offs though.

[Natasha V]

PaulaQ the thought has crossed my mind but I don't have a disgust to my body just my mind and heart. I am still brainstorming to see where I end up. My So has been with me for over 20 yrs and we have no kids. We are best friends, Companions and are here for each other 100% she asks me questions when she doesn't understand. We are honest to each other but she loves me 100% no matter what.

[PaulaQ]

You don't have to do any particular medical procedure to transition. It's about being who you are. The medical things some of us do are tools to help those who need them. For example, I know trans women who are completely comfortable with their genitals, and would never consider surgery. On the other hand, I know I wouldn't have made it to awfully much longer without GRS.

Many of us take hormones because they have emotional benefits for us, in addition to some feminizing effects. But that isn't really neccessary.

The question you really have to answer is "who am I?" A gender therapist can help you figure this out for yourself - I'd these feelings you are having are strong, it might behoove you to seek out and see a gender therapist.

There are plenty of terrible stories about transition out there, but I can tell you I know people who have lost nothing in transition too. In any case - the first issue is to know yourself. Once you do, what, if anything, to do next is usually more clear.