I need some help!

[Anita Mae GG]

Ok, girls here goes......I need some advice. I would like to get my hubby out and about and meet people just like him. He has been out (dressed) once in the past (10 years ago) and he has also been out in drab (same, 10 years ago). He seems very timid about going out again. Any suggetstions to at least get him to go out in drab for the first few times to a "Gurls Night Out" meeting? I would like him to loosen up and let go of his fear and anxiety. If only a little bit. I hate the thought of him being so afraid etc. Any suggestions?

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Tammy Marie

I think the best bet would be a organised meeting somewhere in your area.
I guess its a fear problem but I'm sure with your support and help progress can be made. Hopefully someone here will be able to suggest a venue.
Either that or go to a country motel where you can go out where no one will know either of you.

Good Luck

[TracyDeluxe]

Wow! Do you have any sisters?? :D

Why not maybe buy him a nice dress, in a style he likes, and suggest going for just a ride, maybe at night? Just something really safe, just like a lone CD'er would do by themselves when first venturing out.

I commend you so much for wanting to lessen his fear, that is such a human thing to do! If I could have met someone like you, I probably wouldn't be living fulltime now. You are one special woman, and I imagine he knows it.

[Julia Cross]

Tammy, you are truly a wonderful wife! Your willingness to not only accept your husband's dressing but to understand his needs as well show the depth of your generousity, caring and love for him. On this day, valentine's day, I hope he shows you more than ever his appreciation for having such a wonderful wife.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Julia

[Anita Mae GG]

I have bought him clothes, shoes and a wig...nylons panties,etc. See getting dressed outside of the bedroom is hard. We have 4 kids, one being a teenager and it is kinda hard to just get dressed and go for a ride, he is afraid she'll see him. I can't blame him. there is a local meeting that just started called Gurls Night Out. But it is figuring out how to get him OUT the door...he is afraid I think. I guess I just don't know how to make him feel at ease and let him know that I'm there and everything will be ok, he just has to go for it..... Aggghhhhh and they say WOMEN are difficult , Ha ha ;) :bs:

[Anita Mae GG]

Tammy, you are truly a wonderful wife! Your willingness to not only accept your husband's dressing but to understand his needs as well show the depth of your generousity, caring and love for him. On this day, valentine's day, I hope he shows you more than ever his appreciation for having such a wonderful wife.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Julia

He better!! Today is my birthday as well!!!!! I get to double dip in the gift bag :)

[kristine239]

I am not sure what part of Mass. you are in, however if you are anywhere near the Boston area you might want to consider Tiffany club.

It is one of the oldest and largest social Support groups in the US.

[x_girl]

What has your hubby said about this? He may have specific reasons as to why he is hesitant. If he does, once identified, they can be addressed.

good luck!

[Jenny Beth]

Wow Tammy, you are one awesome lady, your husband is truly one of the lucky ones. As for advice we are all different when it comes to feeling comfortable enfemme in front of others, even if some of them are CD's. Speaking from my own experiences this is something he's going to want to do rather than be talked into doing. For me that comfort came when all of a sudden one day I realized this was part of me and I couldn't handle the four walls anymore. My first outings (if you can call them that) were nothing more than short walks of only a few blocks but were a huge confidence builder. As with most things we start with small steps so maybe trying to get your husband out to a meeting is putting the cart before the horse. You might want to try a few short walks in a quiet residential area away from traffic or a short drive. My guess is bit by bit he's going to enjoy the experience but mostly it will be your support and encouragement that will get him to take his feminine side one step closer to meeting others. Hope this helps.

[theoldman]

Hi Tammy
do you take Danielle to shop for thing for her to wear ! it may be a good thing to do the wife takes me for all undies and nylons she lets me sitaround all if i dont have anything to do but i dont wear a dress i had to do that for my sister tell i was 11. all i wear are panties thight high or nylons and a garter belt. good luck

[Brittney M]

You can try going a little farther away to some type of organazation that has been established for some time. I'm a member of the Sun Shine club in Hadley which is a little over an hour away. It took me a long time to go there after I contacted them. I probely contacted them 4 or 5 times befor I got the nerve to go to a meeting. After that I found the freinds that I needed and wanted. If you need more info E-mail me.

[Kimberley]

Tammy,
You are absolutely the most wonderful. Danielle is so lucky to have you.
I would suggest a nighttime drive to ease into it, maybe a walk in a secluded area.

She is probably VERY self conscious about "being made". I am a photographer so here is a suggestion.

Find a GOOD makeup artist who is willing to do Danielle properly.... not the drug store counter girl but a trained artist. S/he will work magic on Danielle. Talk to ppl in the salons in your area to get a feel for who would be good. It wont be cheap but it will be worth it. Most artists will come to you for a little extra (and a glass of wine doesnt hurt either) And dont forget to take pictures afterward so Danielle can see how good she really looks. :) It will do wonders for the self-esteem. (I see it all the time with female clients)

Danielle will be on cloud nine.... guaranteed.

Go for it.:clap:

[Ms. Donna]

I guess I just don't know how to make him feel at ease and let him know that I'm there and everything will be ok, he just has to go for it..... Aggghhhhh and they say WOMEN are difficult , Ha ha ;) :bs:

Tammy you are a rare find!

A few questions: Would you be confortable being in public with Danielle? How old are your children? Can you get a sitter?
I suspect you know where I'm going with this. Perhaps the two of you can get away for an evening - possibly overnight - and go out together. Nothing big, maybe just dinner - or even a walk somewhere. Get a room where you both can get ready (away from the kiddies) and make an evening of it.

Just the two of you might be less stress than going to a 'function' - in drag or drab. Danielle will also know - without a doubt - that you are there to support her.

Just a thought...

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[susan howard]

Sorry, but I am also screwed up with denial.

It would be good to find a solution.

I guess it is all about depth of feeling versus courage. ie. Doing what you need to do without hurting anyone and without needing anyones approval.

Kind regards,

Susan (55 yrs and still wanting to be feminine)

[kathy gg]

HI Tammy..

We have a couple of freinds who are in simliar situation, {dear} children and neighbiors who pay way to much attention to the comings and goings of them. Basically they come to our home and get ready here and then leave from here. ACtually come to think of it, most of our friends get ready at our house! haha! Sicne our daughter is going to grow up with thecd aspect, it is not a big deal here.

I know you have tried making some friends near you {saw your ad in th epersonal section} , but ultimatly that may the the only viable situation. Finding someone who has more privacy at their home to dress and leave.

I know when we bought the house we live in having ample privacy to and from our garage and front door was HUGE. And I am glad now that we found the place we have bevause it gives alot of privacy to our comings and goings.

good luck finding a 'safe house".

[Julia Cross]

Kathy,

You always have great words of wisdom and encouragement.

Julia

[RebeccaLynne]

Hi Tammy Marie, Happy Birthday and Valentine's Day combined. Possibly the reason you're so thoughtful and romantic! Has Danielle expressed a desire to go out in public? If not. then she may be perfectly content with expressing her femininity exclusively in your presence. In that case, a "just the two of you" weekend getaway apart from your children would allow you intimate time together without interruption. If she has, then your support and encouragement should be more than enough to calm her fears. All the best to you both, RebeccaLynne.

[Julie York]

Why do you feel it is beneficial to "go out" when he doesn't want to? Crossdressing is a very personal and hugely vulnerable part of someone's personality. Why do you think it would be a good idea to put him in a position where he feels vulnerable and uncomfortable if he particularly expresses that he doesn't want to?

Just asking.

[sara_also]

I agree with Julie on this one.Perhaps he is satisfied with things the way they are. My wife goes out with me and we have a good time, but mostly it's my idea to go out.
Sara

[Phoebe Reece]

Tammy, your husband is indeed lucky to have you for a wife.
You might want to investigate the Tri-Ess New England chapter for some support. Their website is: http://www.geocities.com/tri_ess_ne/

[Petrina CD]

Dear Tammy Marie GG;

Try Tri-Ess. They have a place where you can dress up at the meetings and their chapters are everywhere.

Just a side note but once when I was getting out of my truck to go into a Tri-Ess meeting a car came zipping into the parking lot and stopped suddenly. A woman(GG) got out and started to check me out real close like. She was looking all around. Turns out her hubby was in the car dressed and got scared when he saw me. Now I have been told by many people that I look like a rough biker type dude not to be messed with.( well I do ride a Harley )HaHa, she was scouting for him to make sure it was safe for him to come out of the car. When we all saw that we were there for the same reason we all had good laugh.

I envy your husband for having such a great wife.
You lucky dog!!!!

All the Best
Petrina cd

[Fallen Angel]

If you just want to go out have a bit of fun and let him see some other crossdressers you may even concider looking on the pc under alternitive life styles theres listings of cd freindly bars and resterants as well.you both can go even if he's in drabb see how things are and go and if you both like it make a speacial nite for the both of you with him all dressed up and go back and have even a better time xxx

[Denise01]

Tammy you are such an elegant Lady, and Danielle is very fortunate to have such an understanding and supportive wife.

While I do not have a wife or S/O, it took me about 10 years to get the courage to go out enfemme, as like a lot of others, living near a small village where every one knows every one it is very hard.

I am not out around home outside of the house, for various reasons, and If I do want to go shopping femme i usually go at least 75 miles from home.

The first time I went out fully femme, was only last Nov. I was on Vacation, and was visiting a TS girl I know. She convinced me to go shopping with here, and while i was very shy, I was about 800 miles from home, so knew that I would not run into any one i Knew. I got the courage, went out with her. She was watching the reactions about me from the people we were mingling with and she never saw any odd glances or stares. Now that I have been out femme and was accepted, i only want to go femme now when shopping for my femme needs.

You did mention that you have 4 children, and this could be part of the concern as she does not want the children to know.

Maybee if you could arrange a small vacation on your own, even if only for a few days, you could get away, have some privacy with just the 2 of you. Maybee discretly pack some of Danielle's item, however when you are away go on a shopping trip presumably for you, however try to steer Danielle, in the right direction, and maybee buy her a nice dress or skirt and top. If this works, you could causally mention that as we are away, from home where no one knows us, would you like to try on your wardrobe again, and possibly go out even if only for a walk or to a drive in restaruant for lunch, or snack etc.

Good luck and please let us know how you make out


Denise

[DonnaT]

Happy Birthday Tammy.

A couple of questions.

What is his fear/anxiety? How has he expressed it to you?

What was his experience the last time he went out? Good, bad, indifferent?

Does he want to go out?

Do you want to go with him?

Have a long talk with him about it. Get some rational answers. Tell him why you think it would be good for him to get out, or for you both to get out, such as wanting to share this aspect of him in a different atmosphere (outside the bedroom).

Note that some CDs are happy being in the closet. Some who have supportive wives don't even want their wives to see them dressed, much less anyone else. Some have found that going out was no big deal once done the first time, so never have the desire to go out again.


Does the GNO club have a changing room where he can change if he prefers to be enfemme at the meeting?

Now, if you want to be sneaky, note that the gurl's go to different venues some nights, so you could get him to take you to one (drab) and check out the scene. Then bring up the subject of him attending enfemme.

Check out the GNO yahoo group and get an idea of a cool place that y'all can go to when the other gurls are there. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Gurlsniteoutclub_Boston_Ma/

[Sharon]

Any suggestions?

Yeah, one. Let him be.

[cindybarnes]

Hi Tammy,

My wife and I have gone to a couple girls night's out about a hours drive from here. What worked out well was to get a hotel room near the resturaunt and club. It was nice to take our time getting ready, then after all the fun we got much needed rest before driving home.
Maybe a low stress night out might be to find a TG friendly club and just drop in for a bit,, no pressure of meetings etc...
Heck if nothing else getting a room for a night is a sure way to relax and dress with total privacy, even if you dont go anywhere :)

Cindy

[TGMarla]

Patience, my dear. You have won the battle already be being supportive of him/her. The old saying is that you can lead the horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Keep providing the water, though. Offer to help with makeup, perhaps purchase a cute outfit. Sooner or later, the walls will come down. Look, many of us would love to go out, but due to the fears involved with an unaccepting spouse, never get there. You don't have that hurdle to overcome. In time, you'll win out, and you'll both be out and about.

[renee k]

Hi Tammy,

My wife and I have gone to a couple girls night's out about a hours drive from here. What worked out well was to get a hotel room near the resturaunt and club. It was nice to take our time getting ready, then after all the fun we got much needed rest before driving home.
Maybe a low stress night out might be to find a TG friendly club and just drop in for a bit,, no pressure of meetings etc...
Heck if nothing else getting a room for a night is a sure way to relax and dress with total privacy, even if you dont go anywhere :)

Cindy
I agree with Cindy a weekend retreat for the two of you would be alot of fun. And tie it in with a TG meeting or club.

Huggs, Renee

[StevieStevie]

My cd said when he first started leaving the house dressed, he'd sit in the car with his heart racing before getting out.....so nervous. Now he thinks nothing of it. He dresses every day and doesn't even notice the (rude) glances - although I'm so protective I'm likely to stare rudely back! So keep encouraging him. The only opinions that matter are yours and those in your circle. Good luck!

[HaleyPink2000]

Just a couple ideas.

One don't let him read the My Husband Betty book. LOL Page 59.
He'll never trust a secret with a woman again.

Ok, Here is the meat of this case I bring to you. Help him dress for dinner and have a nice dinner in. The next time do the same thing but rent a cabin out some place.

Or if thats to spendy, take Him to the St Louis Mardy Gra with Him dressed enfemme. Or any Mardy Gra celibration. It's a safe fun time out.

Depending on where you are at, ask the local TriEss Chapter Facilitator to come over for dinner with the two of you. That would give Him someone He'd know at the meeting.

Just a few Ideas.

My personal problem going out was the first time. It was 2 hours away, my Wife wanted me to seek a Doctors help or a support group. Least expence, a support group. I had to have a dress, I thought. Ok, now that mountain. Well long story. Anyway I did go and had a great time. Changed at the meeting venue, to femme and back to drab. Now our meetings will be held in a hotel which is easier. I can change there, and then stay over. No driving home at 2am.

My answer to you is, Ive been there. It was guilt and shame. I had to get past that, and be comfortable with myself first.

Haley:)

[HaleyPink2000]

My Wife and I had gone to a TriEss meeting last weekend. She got to spend time in our room with another GG, wife! The other GG was non supportive of Her Husband and it was very very wrong to put these two together. Both with issues over this CDing thing. So if you go to one of these meetings, don't pay attention to the wives that speek badly about their Husbands, and behind their backs. That is the worst type of people for you to be around. Spin on your heels Gurl and run down the street. Don't be around non supportive wives. They can be vipers.

My Wife has Issues but does not ever speak badly of me. Other than I'm going to hell! LOL
Have 25 years of marriage to prove it.

Love to you and yours Hun.
Haley:)