How excepting is the general public today?

[xNicolex]

Just wondering how you girls are treated in public? :daydreaming: Seen as there are so many different girls from all over the world on here I thought it would be interesting to hear how people in your areas treat you in public when your out en femme. Being from Ireland myself and worth mentioning I haven't been out in public yet :o The public perception of us crossdressers is a mixed one. Take for instances Dublin city most people there are cultured and for the most part open to new experiences as like most cities I would think as they are used to seeing change on a daily basis around them and move with the times. But the rural areas where things stay the same most of the time people aren't used to change and some don't like change. Rural areas where I myself live are openly conservative, friendly yes, but they would throw you a funny look if you were acting flamboyant in public, so a dress might be enough to make them dive for the shelter screaming ''crossdressers are here its the apocalypse'' :heehee: OK maybe that's an eggeration but who knows :battingeyelashes: I for one can't understand this :doh: for instance picture the scene your on a night out and you see a group of ''girls'' on closer inspection you see they are guys on a ''stag do'' (thats what the Irish call a bachelor party) :drink: dressed as girls shouting, jumping and celebrating I'm sure you've seen it before, but nobody pays attention its just a group of lads blowing off some steam, but if one of us walks down the street in a more ladylike fashion obviously is it any different really? and why can't everyone look at us and say ''whatever floats your boat'' let people be who they want to be so long as you're not hurting anyone else. I am coming at this from a person who lives in a conservative rural area and when I go out I will go for the more liberal city areas where there might be fewer funny looks. Sorry about my mini rant but I know how people in my fishbowl area are about things like this :brolleyes: I would like to hear from you girls about your areas and if the public are friendly enough not to pass judgement. :)

[Kevyn53]

I think the "politically correct" thing has helped a bit. It seems unacceptable to trash someone in public. My wife and I go out on day trips to another city with me en femme, and everyone there seems accepting of me as I present. We're in a small town ( count 35 people ) in the northern midwest, so dressing here would really screw up my work and our place in the community. So I dress around the house maybe once a week if I'm feeling like it, and road trips every couple of months where I get to dress up for a day or two. I think my wife joining in helps. She's always calling me "she" and "her." Because she accepts me, everyone else does too. On a stranger note, we have a family;y in town who have announced that their developmentally challenged son is has come out and told them he feels like a she and wants to transition. So I'm not the oddest one in our town.

[MissDanielle]

I'm not brave enough yet to go out in public en femme just yet.

[Rachelakld]

I go out during the day, to family orientated places (shopping malls, gardens, pools, beaches etc)
Where I live, and the time and places I go, I've never had any issues.
There are clubs in the city that other girls go to, but never alone, and they also seem to love it.
I'm scared that drunks often like to find issues needing a fight to solve.
But generally most people just think I'm mad, and I smile back to them :)

[Robin414]

I live in a moderatly large city (by global standards) and I'm out quite often although I avoid the malls, mostly quiet parks in a 'good' neighborhood but I'm often approached by guys walking their dogs. I remember one time in July I was sitting on a bench and it was getting dark, I was reading and a guy walked up and said Hi! I just smiled and hoped like hell he'd keep walking but nope..."Are you meeting someone?"

I thought, OK, maybe try sign language...ahh screw it, I just told him in my best Darth Vader voice 'No, just catching up on some reading ☺ '

He just said 'No problem, just thought you were meeting someone, have a nice night 😲 ' He had to give his dog CPR but other than that no problem at all

[Adriana Moretti]

the public is as accecepting as you present yourself to them......I never had a problem in public, and can go stealth.. but I am also not flossing in a pink fog either.

[AngelaYVR]

Nicole, you have Panti Bliss in the news these days, cracking open a few Irish noggins. That should help.
When I go out, 99.99% of people are great, ranging from politely accepting to fawning. The tiny amount of negative people tend to be dumpy, plain women. I know I'm going to catch flak for that but so far they are the only ones to say anything negative. I stand by my observations.

[petal]

So great to hear your wife is so accepting!

[xNicolex]

Nicole, you have Panti Bliss in the news these days, cracking open a few Irish noggins. That should help.
When I go out, 99.99% of people are great, ranging from politely accepting to fawning. The tiny amount of negative people tend to be dumpy, plain women. I know I'm going to catch flak for that but so far they are the only ones to say anything negative. I stand by my observations.

Yes indeed our panti bliss is raising awareness in the public domain at home and abroad its great :)

[Jenniferathome]

Nicole, I have been out in several cities in California and Hawaii and in my small home town of Boise, ID. The reaction is the same everywhere: no reaction at all. When I interact with people, they just take it in stride. I think the critical thing is dressing appropriately. Dress for the time, location, and event. That give no one cause to notice in the first place.

[Danitgirl1]

Hiya
As you have indicated, 'mileage may differ' is a good rule of thumb.
In South Africa I think you are going to be 'ok' most of the time but you do need to be careful.
In some less progressive parts of the country lesbian female to male trans people are at serious risk of physical harm and even murder...
For most of us in the cities as long as you are in a progressive area you will be ok most of the time... Although I have heard horror stories of MtF trans people getting assaulted in shopping mall toilets and even being harassed by lesbians for using womens toilets in a gay bar... So it is not universally ok...
For me, I have never personally had a problem. I go to gay bars and clubs, vanilla world restaurants and shopping malls as well as casinos and theatres. I ahve also visited a beach promenade en femme. Thus far I have never had a problem. The worst things I experienced was getting clocked last Christmas by a grandfather who physically moved his kids from one side of the kids area in the middle of a mall as a I walked past and once in a mall some teenage girls noticed me and kept looking over their shoulders at me. Uncomfortable yes, problematic no... I even went to what turned out to be a ladies night out party this Halloween and it was fine. No issues at all that I was aware of...
So I would say where I live in a major cosmopolitan city in Africa the general public is by and large cool and accepting. Sometimes you attract attention, mostly they walk right past you without noticing anything.
Check out my blog for more details re my adventures
www.daniellaargento.com you can use the categories/tags 'out and about' and 'entertainment' and you should find most of my adventures recounted.

[paulaprimo]

when i first started going out i always thought everybody was looking at me and it scared me to death.
i would go to quiet places or go out late night when not many people were around. but what i noticed
was that when it's quiet out, anybody you come in contact with will check you out. so i started going out
in the middle of the day and to more crowded places and it seemed like nobody paid any attention to me.
there is just too much going on for people to even notice. :)

[kittie60]

I find that most if the people don't really care, but there are always a few which like to start something. With more and more people coming out of the closet per say like some big time celebrities its getting more acceptable. Doesn't mean that the public likes it but that's the way it is.

[Angela Marie]

I was super nervous when I first started going out in public some 5-7 year ago. I am at the point now where I go just about anywhere I want with no problem so far. It helps that I have a small build so I don't draw attention. But I think many of the posters are right. Most people are too busy with their own lives and/or as long as you are not bothering them they really don't care.

[Beverley Sims]

On the west coast of the USA most don't care, as you go East the less tolerant they get.

[Kandi Robbins]

Getting out dressed quite often, I have discovered people will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. By that I mean, if you are appropriately dressed, if you smile, if you are behaved, you will be treated well. If you are rude, dressed specifically to draw attention (over the top or inappropriately), you will not. At least that has been my personal experience. The fact that I am wearing a dress or a skirt has been irrelevant to how I have been treated. I can argue that, in fact, I am treated much better when dressed (probably because I am more outwardly happy) than when I am not (I don't appear as approachable in male mode).

[Rhonda Darling]

Nicole:

When I first started going out, like Paula, I went out at night just for the pleasure of walking around neighborhoods, often just at the edge of the nightlife areas. I, too, discovered that anyone I came across would check me out, which I found threatening at the time. At that time I was also dressing inappropriately for the time and place (think ugly older chick dressing like a young chick, in 5" heels and mini skirt).

Then, with the help and advice of my SO (now my wife) and a whole lot of girls in a Meetup group I joined, I learned to dress appropriately for my age, where I'm going, and -- most importantly -- I developed a "give-a-sh_t" attitude about what others think. The latter freed me to just be me and enjoy being out and about, day or night, interacting with the Muggles as me. All the early warning radar looking for danger approaching remains on, but I don't fixate on being afraid.

It it is so great being comfortable as myself out in the world, I can't recommend it enough. Jump your own hurdles and go out and enjoy yourself safely. If you can find anyone to go out with you, it will be easier, as many women travel with at least one other, and two or more women out together won't attract the wrong attention as easily as a solitary woman. IMHO.

Best,
Rhonda

[susan54]

Hi Nicole

I live in the Highlands of Scotland, which is possibly as close to rural Ireland as you could get in the UK - small towns and villages, with a few places where religion rules the roost. I shop in small towns and get treated wonderfully wherever I go. OK, I don't go to noisy bars or night clubs, but so far with hundreds of trips out and about there have been no issues. I have met lovely people and even get discounts in my favourite shops - I even got invited to choose a free Christmas present of any scarf from the [expensive] shop last year.

I know Ireland a bit and Dublin would be fine, as you say. I would be wary of Donegal or Limerick - for a whole lotta reasons, but otherwise it should be OK.

[Eryn]

I live near LA, which has worldviews ranging from the ultra-liberal, to arch-conservative. We have various religious and ethnic enclaves as well. Get a few miles away, and it can be as rural as Wyoming.

I've never had a bad experience being out in any of these areas. Everybody seems to treat me as I present. The worst that has happened is being (very) occasionally misgendered, but I feel that is an honest mistake.

[sara.rafaela]

My first few interactions with the general public were scary, but ended up being nothing. Early on, went to a transgender bar in SF. I locked my keys in the car and had to call AAA. For the tow truck driver I was expecting muscle bound roughhouser who would make fun of me harass me. It was a middle aged Japanese man who was very polite, but insisted on repeating the name on my AAA card over and over again. Next time, I was rear ended. It was nothing. The other guy was an aircraft mechanic at SFO on his way to work. He was really curious about where I was going and truly intrigued. It seemed as if he wanted to skip work and follow me to the club. My key did not work at the hotel. I contemplated going to my car and making use of the guy bag I had packed, but decided it was not worth the effort. The hotel clerk took care of me like it was nothing.

[Tracii G]

[QUOTE=Adriana Moretti;3850988]the public is as accepting as you present yourself to them...

This pretty much how it works.
Dressing like a hooker will get you noticed and thats not a good kind of notice.
Dress like 99% of the women in the area and you get treated just fine.

[jjjjohanne]

I live in a conservative part of the United States. I always present male when I dress. No wig, breasts, etc. I almost always wear either a skirt or a dress when I am out dressed. When I go out, I go to normal places for a middle aged, married parent of young kids. I have not had any bad experience. I was laughed at openly once 8 years and again 3 years ago. I have gotten a lot of looks. I have seem people whisper about me. I heard a male sales person say to my male sales person, "Did you two go to the bathroom together?" when he stepped away from me and went into the sales office. I have seen people intentionally travel past me in order to get a look. Beyond that, I have been treated roughly equal to how I am treated when I am wearing menswear. I normally go out in public places where decent people go. I normally go out while school is in session in order to avoid kids. I think that people have become less surprised to see me in the past couple years. Something might have changed in society...

[Staci Roberts]

Agree. I was out the other night in a good size "college town" not too far from where I live.
I was dressed in a new Talbots dress, sheer hose, moderate heels and a wool coat, hair and make-up to match. Point is, I was not looking to attract any more attention to myself than my natural height does (tall).
I continue to be amazed how no one typically even takes a second look, let alone say anything. I am sure it will happen, but the experience of being out and about far outweighs the "risk" at this point...

[Stephanie47]

I've read the comments of those who have ventured out en femme concerning the interaction with the public. I've encountered on several occasions cross dressing men while out. I have made an effort to watch those around them. Both cross dressers were not representative of women. But, nobody said a word and I did not see any scowls from old biddies or young immature men. Of course, these encounters were not at locales I would expect some degree of hostility.

That being said, my experience interacting with people I know who are either friends or acquaintances or just encounters the acceptance is a lot less. I am in the closet, where I wish to be and remain, and, do not feminize myself in any manner. I'm strictly male in presentation. Anyway, I've found many people hold negative views and their acceptance of gays and lesbians and transgenders and cross dressers runs from confusion to outright rejection. Yes, they have learned to be "politically" in their day to day encounters, but, there is no acceptance. I have one friend whose grandson has been made an outcast at his high school. His male friends and to some extent his female friends have abandoned him. He interacts fine with older more mature people. Young men and women seem not to have perfected the art of keeping negative comments to themselves.

It's not a matter as to whether some boorish behavior may arise during an encounter with someone you'll never see again. It's whether or not your friends will stop inviting you to dinner or a party. It's whether your coworkers will ask you to come along for a beer after work.

[bridget thronton]

I do not go to bars or clubs. I am polite when out and people have been polite in return (my own hair is chin length and I have no facial hair)

[Jenny123]

I think the critical thing is dressing appropriately. Dress for the time, location, and event.

I think this is an important point to consider when going out. This is a point that was emphasized to me by the first crossdresser I ever met in real life (probably about 10 - 15 years ago), and has stuck with me since that meeting.

[Barbara Jo]

Yes, the general atmosphere is more "politically correct" these days.
However, and this is a big "however"........
The US is also much more politically divided these days and the homophobes are getting bolder.

Also, since 9//11 people are more attuned to anyone who does no look quite right etc to them and there are cameras everywhere.
Years ago, I used to go to an out of town to major mall dressed but, I would think twice about doing that theses days.

[I Am Paula]

I do not go to bars or clubs.

As tempting as it is to go clubbing, or bar hopping, this is NOT something women do alone. Put together a group for a GNO, and watch your consumption. Cis people don't handle alcohol well at best of times, and when a man senses any kind of threat, they can become abusive, or violent.
Every town, area, or neighborhood has a place the lowest common denominator hangs out. Don't go there, even in a group.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Nicole,

I think that one of the issues is that people like to feel comfortable in themselves when they meet other people. They like to feel comfortable in knowing how to "classify people" and therefore comfortable in how they should react, especially when it comes to gender identity. The scenario you gave about the lads dressed up on a "stag do" probably doesn't bother people because they are still obviously a bunch of blokes and therefore the person viewing them still feels comfortable because they know how to address them. My thinking is that when coming face to face with a crossdresser/transgender person walking down the street in a more ladylike fashion, some people (especially people who might not have interacted with one of us before) might feel uncomfortable and unsure of the situation.

For myself, I live in a large city in Northern California, but I haven't always lived here, and I do think that (for the most part) people in bigger cities get exposure to more of a diversity of people and cultures and that leads to nonchalance of difference between themselves and others. When I used to live in a small town in the country I was more wary of my CDing being accepted, whereas where where I am know, I'm less of an anomaly. .... well that's my 2 cents anyway.

[Krisi]

Hopefully, it doesn't matter how accepting the general public is because they just see a woman and don't give you a second glance.

If you don't pass or don't care and walk around town as a man in a dress, it depends where you are but I would say that in general people probably won't say or do anything rude but they are not "accepting".

[Lorileah]

As tempting as it is to go clubbing, or bar hopping, this is NOT something women do alone....

I'll explain that to the women who come into the bistro I hang out in...often alone. In the last month I have met two women who came in alone looking for a place to relax and grab a wine. Interesting how people make rules for other people huh? Funny, I have only had maybe two men get belligerent with me....and those I remember being escorted out the door.

How accepting? Women will chat me up frequently. Men will occasionally. Couples often.

[Brandy Mathews]

I need to go out where you do I guess. I have had people take pictures, do other rude things. Some people today are really rude, and it is getting worse all the time I think. Now I try to go to the bigger cities, that seems to be better all around. People are more accepting there I think.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[Eryn]

...The US is also much more politically divided these days and the homophobes are getting bolder....

Is there any real evidence of this? Certainly crimes against LGBT persons are more in the news, but it seems to be more a case of these stories finally getting the attention they should, not being shuffled under the carpet with "oh, let's not run that, it was just a tranny who got killed..." I'm certainly not letting these stories stop me from presenting as I wish. I just make sure that I do so in safe environments, just as a GG would.


As tempting as it is to go clubbing, or bar hopping, this is NOT something women do alone.

Well, that would depend upon the club. I often go alone to a private club in Hollywood and feel perfectly safe, particularly when the doorman takes my hand and says "Welcome home" as I enter. Five bars in the club, lots of drinking, but I have never been treated with anything but respect.

OTOH, I wouldn't go barhopping to rock clubs in WeHo without a few winggirls close at hand.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I seem to do fine in SE Virginia and Richmond.

[Krisi]

Most women do not go "clubbing " alone. They have been raised to believe it is unsafe and that "proper" women do not go to clubs or bars. etc. alone. Some women ignore tradition and go out alone. Some crossdressers do as well, figuring that they are strong enough to protect themselves. Take your choice.

[Robinadress]

My experience is that most people are surprisingly accepting to this. I very seldom experience anything negative when I am out. Some people smile and seldom someone laughs at me. I really couldn’t care less if they do, and I don’t allow them to destroy my chance to have a great time. Why should we care. Some times when I am out I see someone tries to snap a picture with their cellphones. It doesn’t happen often. I believe some are being politically correct or just curious, but most really don’t care.

When I sum up all these experiences the positive encounters I have are so winning over the few negative ones. Heel up, and get out there!

[Tina_gm]

The acceptance is getting better mostly, but it is still mostly due to location. Most major cities are likely to be in general more accepting. More accepting of everything. I live in what is considered a liberal state. But, this particular area of the state is not the socially liberal area one would think. To the point (I live in a smaller city) that if you were transported here without knowing where you were, and seeing any license plates, you would be expecting the General Lee to go flying by at any moment. Why the heavy concentration of this in this area, I really do not know. I am truly amazed by it at times though. I swear, there is more of the south up here than there is in the south... minus the accent, but sheesh, some of them seem to have a bit of that as well. magnetic polar shift maybe???

Because I have lived in a rural area and in places like Los Angeles, I do see the social differences and acceptance differences. A CDer in NYC will get very little attention, unless they are really seeking it out. Around here... there are some establishments that a CDer going to, especially at night I would not advise at all.

in general, most urban and suburban areas are getting mostly accepting. A CDer in public will get little attention unless they are really looking to get it. Most rural areas are quite a bit behind in the acceptance area. As with this area I am living in, a so called liberal state, in an area of population where people outnumber animals, still be wary of your surroundings.

[sara.rafaela]

[QUOTE=I Am Paula;3851807]As tempting as it is to go clubbing, or bar hopping, this is NOT something women do alone

I disagree. I go out to bars and clubs often. As Lorileah explained, women will chat me up often, and guys sometimes. When I go out I feel like I am part of the show. Going out these days in guy clothes is quite boring in comparison. The guys vary, once in a while a "chaser" trying to pick me up, to a fellow techie that talks shop, to an indoor only crossdresser wanting to talk about being out in the public. I have not had problems with undesirable people.

[Tina81]

Hi JJJJohanne,
I'm like you...I'm a man who presents male and enjoys wearing feminine clothes. I know that even with a wig and make up I won't pass so why bother. Wearing a wig and make up doesn't feel the same as wearing the dress or skirt. I'm planning on going to a Talbot's outlet store at a strip mall--I would go from parking lot into front door. I plan on wearing a skirt I bought there a few months ago along with a nice blouse and 3" heels while shopping for more bargains. Thanks for being courageous and a trailblazer for the rest of us who fear going out. After dressing for years and staying home, it feels like being in a fish bowl. I did sneak out and wear my heels while in drab just so i could hear my heels click on the sidewalk.
Tina

[Ceera]

Experience so far:

Austin, Texas, USA: Could go anywhere and everywhere - Malls, grocery store, restaurants, bars, dance clubs - dressed to blend or dressed to go out to a nightclub and dance the night away, and no one blinked.

Dallas, Texas, USA: Attended a large Anime convention. Went all over the convention area in a female fox mascot costume, and had a blast. Occasionally had to remove the head of the costume, revealing my male face on an apparently female body. No bad reactions.

Eugene, Oregon, USA (My new home town): Can go anywhere and everywhere - Malls, grocery store, restaurants, bars, dance clubs - dressed to blend or dressed to go out to a nightclub and dance the night away, and no one blinks. At the mall or in the grocery store or walking down the street downtown to go to a bar, the only comments I get are complements on how nice I look and how well I am dressed. I get treated 100% like a GG would get treated in that same situation, even when they almost certainly do realize I am TG, or I have clearly admitted that I am.

When I am not en-femme, I still wear pierced earrings and have my nails done 24x7 in relatively short French Cut acrylic nails. If anyone notices, they only offer complements on how great my nails or pierced ears look, and ask where I got them done.

Your mileage may vary. I have a fairly decent female voice and a pretty solid female presentation, and I'm confident going out in public as a lady. But even if I didn't have that going for me, here in Oregon the statewide anti-discrimination laws do include protections for gender, sexual orientation and also explicitly for gender presentation. So the law is on my side for going out dressed, using the ladies room if I am at least trying to look and act female, etc.

[RedBaron]

I am a man with a beard wearing skirts and dresses all the time for 15 years. I go everywhere in skirts: shops restaurants, bars, including trying on clothes in various shops. In these 15 years there were only 3 or 4 times where somebody made a slightly negative comment, nothing really bad or aggressive. I wore skirts in France, Germany, Australia, and in various places in the USA. No real problems whatsoever.

[grace7777]

I've read the comments of those who have ventured out en
It's not a matter as to whether some boorish behavior may arise during an encounter with someone you'll never see again. It's whether or not your friends will stop inviting you to dinner or a party. It's whether your coworkers will ask you to come along for a beer after work.

If I have friends who cannot accept me for who I am then I have no use for them. When I go to work, it is to do a job, not socialize. I am getting to the point in life, that Being me is more important than hiding who I am, because others may not approve.