How to react now that they know I am cd at work.

[susan howard]

Because of something that happened some time ago, my work collegues know that I cross dress.

It is only recently that some of them have had little digs at me.

I am finding this really difficult because I have always desperately needed to keep my feminine side a secret.

Can anyone advise how I should react.



Susan.

[Kimberley]

Wow. That is a tough one.

Be proud of who you are and try to remind yourself that the "digs" are coming from their ignorance, fear and prejudice.

My heart goes out to you.

Hugs.

[Julia Cross]

Hi Susan,

I totally understand how difficult it is having others know about your secret. But I believe the best thing to do is to ignore them, don't respond to their digs, in time, likely a short time, they will give up. It's only fun teasing others if they respond. Show them that you are more mature than they are by not acknowledging their remarks, or if need be, respond tactfully and be curt.

Remember what it was like when we were kids and we were teased, it was only fun for the others as long as they thought it bugged us.

One more thing, showing them that you are shamed by them indicates that you don't believe in yourself.

On the off chance it persists at work, harassement is illegal in most states and provinces and they should be reported first to your employer.

Julia

[TracyDeluxe]

OR, you could use my method, which involves both a really, really evil stare, and if that doesn't work, a pleasant "**** off, asshole, or I will tear your head off and stuff it down you neck!" Of course, I dress at work, and no man wants to be seen fighting a woman, even an erstatz woman.

Sorry for the profanity, but I see the auto function takes care of it, good. Really, I understand that this is a difficult situation, but stand up for yourself, and be proud of who you are.

[Katrina]

I have to agree with Julia, but I personally would probably turn it in to a joke on them. I tend to use humor as a defense mechanism...thats just me though. I don't condone humor against anyone...not even closed minded people such as your co-workers...

[Ipexx2]

Wow. That is a tough one.

Be proud of who you are and try to remind yourself that the "digs" are coming from their ignorance, fear and prejudice.

My heart goes out to you.

Hugs.
I agree!!!

[Julie Avery]

Susan, I'm not sure how comparable my experiences are to yours, but in two workplaces I've run into something similar. In both cases, my response was to act as though I didn't even understand what the people making the "digs" were trying to say or imply, and in both cases, it mostly just died off for lack of interest. In the most recent case, I kept right on doing the things that had gotten me "found out", keeping my nails filed and polished with a base coat, tweezing brows, and sometimes wearing a little makeup. I'd sure suggest giving the "total ignore" a try for a few weeks, unless the situation's really out of hand. It's even possible that, by continuing to treat your tormentors in a professionally friendly and normal way, you'll do a little public service in the way of educating folks that we're decent people.

[Melinda G]

One more good reason to keep it a secret. I repeat, this is not the kind of thing you want to share with anyone.

[Melanie R]

Once when someone I know took a dig toward my crossdressing my response to him was "it takes balls to be a crossdresser". I never heard another dig and this person, a close friend, is now one of Melanie's greatest supporters.

Melanie

[TracyDeluxe]

Once when someone I know took a dig toward my crossdressing my response to him was "it takes balls to be a crossdresser".

Melanie

And ain't that the truth! Almost everyone has things they don't want other people to know about them, and when a crossdresser "owns" themselves, we definately gain an advantage. I've used variations of this rejoinder many times, and it never fails to stop the offender in their tracks. It DOES take "balls" to be a crossdresser, and most people are as afraid of that as they are afraid of the difference.

[Julie York]

Nod knowingly and say "Yeah?...You want to hear what folk are saying about YOU?"

Smile and walk off.

That would shut anyone up.

Yeah I know, but it would be nice to actually do that.
Good luck anyway.

[size7satin]

Thank them for the wonderful dinner last night and new outfit fit perfictly!:D

[Shiny]

Ya' know it seems to me that if you try to stay to yourself a few people who are accquaintences or work collegues without anything better to do will usually invent something to say about someone else. So in the mix, it doesn't matter. If you aren't married, have 2.4 kids and a 401k plan and a house with a picket fence and like "everyone" else you are suspect!

Simple truth is I feel for you and understand the, "THE" deepest fear we all share! And what has happened to you in all candor, sucks! I look at it this way though. I wouldn't like taking "jibes" at work and hate when I hear people talking in very animated fashion until I show up--then you'd think a funeral is in progress. Gee, I wonder who they are talking about!?!?!? If "outed" I would in all liklihood have to leave the planet. But underneath all the lace and fashion it's still a 220 lb 6-3, ex-Marine guy with an attitude and a real red-eyed temper. If it happened to me I would deny it, if I couldn't I'd just mention the baseball bat and the chainsaw I keep in my truck tool box!

I wish you the best and hope you can work it out!!

[S. Lisa Smith]

I think the advise to ignore them is really good. Don't worry about keeping your secret a secret because it obviously isn't any more. If you don't react it will become old news and pretty much forgotten. It appears that it hasn't gotten you in trouble with your employer (and it shouldn't) so just let it ride. Be strong! I've heard it said somewhere that it takes real balls to be a crossdresser!;)

[Petrina CD]

I work as an electrician on a commercial jobsite. Very macho dude type of place. I made too many jokes about cding and they busted me. Soon there were things written on the walls, tranny Pete this and tranny Pete that.(my name is Peter)

Screw them ,I wore it like a badge of honour. Then I came to work on my Harley in full leathers ,yeah , real men drive Harleys. Sissys drive cars to constuction sites.( I was also their forman so I got to decide who does the sh## work and gets the gravy) I still got a little crap now and then about it but I didn't let it bother me .

Tell them to shove it.

Petrina cd

[livy_m_b]

The best response, when I can manage it, is to treat it as "yeah, so what - what's your hobby? ", preferably with a smile. Treating it as unimportant is the best way I think.

On the more aggressive side, you might use a line a guy I knew used to employ when someone accused him of being gay. I've modified it to fit the cd mold, and my apologies if I've distorted your facts: "Have you ever crossdressed? [Expected answer: NO, then continue] Yes, I crossdress, and I know who I am. But you haven't crossdressed so you don't know who you are - you might be a transvestite or a flaming queen for all we know!"

[Jodi]

Before I retired, I worked in a very redneck area. Because I would be courteous, took care of my personal appearance, and decorated my office nicely, the rumors would go around that I was gay. This was even though I was still married at the time and was a father and grandfather. Shows how dumb rednecks can be. Occasionally, one of the macho rednecks would come right out and ask me if I was gay. My response was to smile and ask the guy--"Why would you be so interested as to if I am gay?" Talk about shutting a guy up quickly and leaving him muttering to himself.

Also, my response to fellow workers on cd'ing. I would smile, laugh at them and walk away.

Jodi

[Karen Francis]

Dropping a not so subtle hint to management that a sexual harrassment suit is not beyond the realm of possibility should slow things down.

[DonnaT]

I am finding this really difficult because I have always desperately needed to keep my feminine side a secret.
It is obviously no longer a secret, so now's the time to be proud of who you are. So either ignore their digs or tell them "Yeah, so what? Jealous or something?"

Additionally, some locations and companies have policies against harassment on the job. If you are located in such a place then a word to management would be in order if they continue. Worked for a girl in the UK.

[Helen MC]

Thirty years ago this happened to me. I was then working in an office environment in a place where I wasn't that happy and didn't really fit in there anyway. I was accidentally outed and my life was made a misery and I spent most of the time (18 months) there looking for another job . You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube I'm afraid.

There are now some anti-harrassment laws that might be of use but it is difficult to stop the whispers, the funny looks, the sudden silences when you appear etc. I found another job and have been a lot more careful to prevent discovery since then.

I wish you Good Luck in a very difficult situation and feel that this is a CD's nightmare, and I have been there. Only being outed to your parents/ family would be worse, and that if you still lived with them or where close.

[Cathy Anderson]

Can anyone advise how I should react.
Hi Susan,

You might check out the Jung articles on my website.

The Jungian psychology view suggests that all men have a fem side, and that it is vitally important to get in touch with it. One might even go so far as to suggest that a crossdresser, if they approach it sensibly, is doing something positive or even in a way heroic--all aimed at fuller personality integration.

Cheers,

Cathy

[geegee2]

what I did was to show up at work in fuull dress, now even my boss knows but being an instructor I give respect where it is due. I dont dress on the job but I wear girl clothes that dont shout it out and my boss is happy with that. Just be yourself and ignor the digs,like others have said its their ignoranc and fear that makes them say what tehy say,manly cause they dont understand.love,hugs,kisses GeeGee2

[susan howard]

All of your replies to my thread have helped me tremendously.

I feel so much more positive now, especially as I appreciate that you are there for me to share.

I am so glad that you are all part of this forum.

Lots and lots of Luv,

Susan.

[HaleyPink2000]

School yard rules exist at work sites. It's a shame to say but this saying is true. Remember how it was at school. Well the IGNORE THEM thing works!
I had a time about 15 years ago at work where I wore a sports bra to cover a port tube to my heart. This was used for Chemo Treatments.

Well they found out and everyone even from off campus would come over just to pat me on the back to see if this was true. Even my boss. Ignore it. It goes away. After a while I did stop wearing them for protection of the port and life did go back to normal. I also would show them my scars when they wanted to be real ignorant. People get real hatefull. They will even start to pick apart your normal every day look and weather your clothes are fresh and clean. It was not easy, but I lived through it. One of the guys that was the worst I found out later was Gay, and no one knew. He'd show a picture of a girl as his Girl friend. You know I found out later it was his cousin.

So don't do anything but go to work to make a pay check. Cause that is what your boss needs you to do. Not get caught up in childrens games. Don't let them drag you down to their level.

Haley:)

[Sierra Evon]

well I'm currently unemployed, but ditto on all the other advice.
stick up for yourself, and be proud of who you are..
I'll loan you my Laguna Beach Vally girl attitude..do what I do just roll
your eyes at them alot

[Kimberley]

Hi Susan,

You might check out the Jung articles on my website.

The Jungian psychology view suggests that all men have a fem side, and that it is vitally important to get in touch with it. One might even go so far as to suggest that a crossdresser, if they approach it sensibly, is doing something positive or even in a way heroic--all aimed at fuller personality integration.

Cheers,

Cathy
************
Carl Jung was a revolutionary and brilliant in my mind. It is we in the "West" who have these Victorian attitudes that are so messed up. Frued was a nutbar.

A few years back I was in Asia. I still have friends there. In many Asian cultures we are revered for our duality. They recognize the blessing we have.

A little story.
We were in Phuket Thailand on a sunset cruise with a "Revue" for entertainment. In drab, I look as male as anyone so this has me totally baffled. After the show was over, they were asking people from the audience to come up and dance with them (They had a killer live band). Anyway, one of the Tgirls came straight to me and in perfect English whispered in my ear that I should come dance with my sisters. I dont know she did it, maybe she made me from my attention to the show, but she did. I declined obviously (with my wife and brother in law sitting there) but I wanted to. (I was also having some trouble with arthritis in my feet and knees that day) After we left the boat, this same girl stopped us on the dock, kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. I will never forget her or the knowing look in her eye. It was unconditional acceptance, something I have never seen before or since.

Now I am getting emotional....

Hugs.

[Julia Cross]

Wow Kimberly,

That's an incredible story. I have heard much about the TG's in Thailand, and as much as they are revered, they are also oppresed. it seems there is a double standard over there. People enjoy watching them for entertainment, men enjoy them for more than entertainment yet when it comes to acceptance, they do not have the same rights as other citizens, they are denied benefits and the chance to work in a normal job so that most are forced into the entertainment industry which often leads to prostitution which in turn leads to them being treated like criminals and not being able to get a normal job. It's so ironic, that in this society where they are accepted they are treated more unfairly than in north american society where TG's are not openly accepted but are at least given the same opportunities as non TG's.

Julia

[Penny]

I have read all of the comments and agree and disagree. No situation is the same because not all people are the same. Unfortunately, lables stick. Dealings with individuals requires individual measures. For some, this will blow over; for others, it won't until you cause something to happen. For those who refuse to stop the digs, buy a shovel and start digging! You know the old saying "you can dish it out but you can't take it". It's like the bully in school. I had to beat the crap out of him before he'd stop. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. So crossdressing qualifies me to braid someone's nosehairs. I can always find a good candidate! Some people will never get in thouch with their human side; most Cd's are not those people.

[Kimberley]

Wow Kimberly,

That's an incredible story. I have heard much about the TG's in Thailand, and as much as they are revered, they are also oppresed. it seems there is a double standard over there. People enjoy watching them for entertainment, men enjoy them for more than entertainment yet when it comes to acceptance, they do not have the same rights as other citizens, they are denied benefits and the chance to work in a normal job so that most are forced into the entertainment industry which often leads to prostitution which in turn leads to them being treated like criminals and not being able to get a normal job. It's so ironic, that in this society where they are accepted they are treated more unfairly than in north american society where TG's are not openly accepted but are at least given the same opportunities as non TG's.

Julia
*********
Quite right but as with all things not a given. The place where we stayed had a Tgirl working the main desk and she seemed quite accepted by the other employees. Still, I think that by and large in the bigger centers this is probably true, especially Bankok. Regardless, it is a tough life anywhere in the world.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Various non-Western cultures do often have a greater acknowledgment of alternative genders (for both Asian and Indian have a notion that everyone has a masculine/feminine nature within them -- and Hinduism features a number of gods who change sex).

OTOH, there's a lot of over-romantism that goes over of "third sex" individuals in non-Western cultures. It's true that they may occupy a "special" position, but while it can be "special - good" it can often be "special - bad" (the Xanith in Oman are assigned the role of prostitutes) -- and often a mix of both. Both the Thai ladyboys and the Indian hijras seem to have an ambivalent reception from society.

[GypsyKaren]

The rumours about me are starting to fly at work, they take their little digs and make their little remarks, never to my face of course. I'm kinda hoping that happens real soon though, unfortuneately I can't tell you what I'll say and do about it because this is a family site. I do have one golden rule that I follow, when someone gets in your face, spit right back in theirs. Works for me.

Karen

[karrena2069]

The same thing happen to me at work, what I did is made it clear that I had not changed and well, it took a few, but thay got the message. As for the snips I Liked to looked long and hard at them don't say a word after a while it starts to go away if not then have a chat with the person. In my case thay thought I liked to have sex as a woman so a little lie put that to rest. And I,m a custom home painter so it can spread really fast if not put and end to.

[Noel Chimes]

My father once told me that if you let people know they can get your goat they will always be on you for a laugh. In other words don't let them know that they can get to you. It's no fun if no one plays. Second, if they continue to make your personal business a matter of public opinion, simply ask them would they like to repeat their comments to your lawyer. That will usually put an end to any more comments.:spank:

[HaleyPink2000]

Prostitution was not unlawful when I was there years ago. Is it now?

Haley:)



Wow Kimberly,

That's an incredible story. I have heard much about the TG's in Thailand, and as much as they are revered, they are also oppresed. it seems there is a double standard over there. People enjoy watching them for entertainment, men enjoy them for more than entertainment yet when it comes to acceptance, they do not have the same rights as other citizens, they are denied benefits and the chance to work in a normal job so that most are forced into the entertainment industry which often leads to prostitution which in turn leads to them being treated like criminals and not being able to get a normal job. It's so ironic, that in this society where they are accepted they are treated more unfairly than in north american society where TG's are not openly accepted but are at least given the same opportunities as non TG's.

Julia

[PennieS]

I only ever had one person really bother me. kept asking me if I was a sissy or gay. I told him that sorry, and let him know he wasn't my type and I wish his wife would quit hitting on me all of the time. He did not like it very much, but since I have had 15 years training in the martial arts I wasn't affraid of any rude or snid comments. As a matter of fact his wife did in fact hit on me several times at several banquets and parties I ran, but i did not ever let him know that for sure.:tongue:

[trannie T]

Why yes I'm a crossdresser, thank you. Are you asking me for a date?

[Amanduhrob]

If the co workers are male my reply would be, "Yanno, it would really suck to get your ass kicked by a "crossdressing sissy". But then again I'm 6'0 and 280 lbs ex Marine.