Crossdressing and parenting?

[xNicolex]

Ok so this is a sensitive one and I'm sure everyone has their own way of dealing with this and I'd love to hear from you girls to hear how you handle this. I have a three year old boy and the short answer is I don't let him see me crossdressed. The most obvious reason being I believe hes to young to understand and a young mind is fragile and easily confused. I am aware that in the future he may find out but right now he doesn't need to know but what do you girls do about this?

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Nicole. I've been actively dressing since coming out to my wife 3 years ago. Our kids, who are 11, 9 and 4, don't know. I don't want them to know because it will only confuse them. I put a lock on my walk-in closet to prevent the inevitable...especially since in a year or two we may leave our oldest alone for a few hours here or there. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.

[Robin414]

Great topic Nicole. My circumstances don't directly apply (my kids are 'adults' now but still live at home) but easing them into the idea early on might not be a bad idea? I've only been in the 'program' for about a year myself and I think your children develop a real sense of what you are and if that changes late during (or after) the formitive years it might be tough. I'm not a phsycologist (I only play one on TV) but just IMHO 😕

[AnnaMarie]

Whilst no one in my family know I especially wouldn't want my little ones to know. I don't think at their young age they would really understand. Heck, half of us don't understand!

[Rachelakld]

I waited until they did sex ed, as it covers most topics including trans gender.
Their school also had a couple of TG students who were "cool"
Also they are at a better age to know not to talk to school friends about it (okay one did, and showed of my breast forms, but kids know it's not a big deal).

I started by wearing yoga leggings during winter, although Nike compression tights are the rage now, and over a year got more and more feminine clothes, summer came and it was female shoe string sports tops.
For Christmas they bough me a new handbag :) Had lots of fun shopping for it with them :)
Last Christmas it was floral tights :)

[Jazzy Jaz]

My kids 7,5,3 dont know, the biggest reason being that they would not be able to keep it a secret and im not ready to be out to the world at this point. However, I do teach them about transgender people and issues and we've watched documentaries about tg and ts children. I figure someday they're going to find out about me so I may as well build the foundation for understanding and support now while I can influence it in a positive way. Kids often learn about sexual and lgbt subject matter from thier peers, tv, music, and social media long before they reach sex ed and often before parents think they should teach about it to thier kids themselves. Kids are actually very capable of understanding complex issues if you make talking to them intellectually a normal practice. My 7yr old in particular knows a great deal about the conflicts going on in the world, different cultures, history including slavery, plants and animals around the world and gets the basic concept of some people being tg/lgb and some of the struggles they face and a big part of him grasping all of this is due to me teaching him from when he was very little. He knows about things that most people in his school dont know about. The other two kids are catching up, the youngest is almost 4. We still play toys and laugh and im very much a nurturing parent but i also really value teaching them from my own understanding and experience rather than assuming they are to simple minded and leaving it up to thier teachers. The results you get when you treat them like they're intelligent are amazing.

[Kate T]

I'm transitioned so this may not help you.

Prior to transitioning and going full time I would regularly dress at home and also if we were away and would go out. We have a 15yr old, 9yr old and 5yr old. The 5yr old has seen me dressed since he was a toddler. Ask him and he will tell you "My dad is a girl, his name is Kate". Simple, too the point, can we now get on with getting to what he wants please? He will also tell you "I'm a boy" in that rather condescending "Der" tone of voice that only children seem to be able to get away with if you ask him whether he is a boy or a girl. It is surprisingly reassuring as a Trans parent to hear that :)

[Erica Marie]

Just speaking for myself, if being female is something you may pursue sometime in the future, then personally I would talk to a counselor and it may be best to introduce them to Nicole at an early age. My children are now adults and I am having a hard time deciding if I want to let them know. I hid this from them their whole life and now they expect me to be "dad". Honestly others here may have a better opinion, I just dont know for sure what the right answer is.

[mechamoose]

I may not be the best example, but I have found like most awkward topics with kids, if YOU don't treat something as taboo then they won't.

Last Thanksgiving I got caught out in an indian skirt and a cami, soaked in sweat and still cooking, when everyone arrived. My 6 year old grandson didn't miss a beat. My youngest has seen me dress since he was like 11 (He is now 14). It never even rates a comment.

It is only scary if you make it that way. :)

<3

- MM

[Vala]

I have copied the following text from a topic that was active not to long ago.
"I honestly think an infant doesn't mind, care or even realizes it when someone crossdresses. I'm no specialist but I believe that we humans are all born with blank minds. We do not know or understand the difference between right or wrong, young or old, male or female, straight or gay, etc. Etc. These are all things we learn as we grow up. And in my opinion in many cases closes our minds and makes us part of the sheep herd called society."

And for this thread I can add. Both my kids (almost 1 year old and almost 3 year old) have seen me dressed and don't care.

[Teresa]

xNicolex,
I posted a thread a while ago saying there's never a right time to tell them .
My daughter found out by accident and I came out to my son this year, both are in their their thirties and have children of your son's age . So I have the problem of if and when the grandchildren find out ? It won't be intentional and I hope an accident doesn't happen till at least they're old enough to understand.

I know others are going to give a different answer, some say be totally open and honest, they may be right but it wouldn't work with my circumstances.

[Jennifer in CO]

I was living on the other side when my first was born. She didn't know the difference and started referring to me as "Mommy" around 2. At first my wife thought it cute/funny but deep inside it must have upset my wife. It wasn't long after she turned 4 that that my wife asked me to transition back. In all likelihood, your three year old hasn't caught on to anything yet.

[pamela7]

fears and taboos perpetuate, so does the idea children are confused - they will accept what is. If you teach them fixed gender clothing they will grow up with that, and if they happen to be trans then they will be more confused than if they were aware of the flexible dressing possible.

In other words, if you make it normal its no big deal. My boys are now grown up, but they'll happily wear a dress if they think the occasion merits it.

[bridget thronton]

I choose to not be too far out when my kids lived at home because I did not want to burden them with secret keeping. We did a good job of raising them - they were very accepting when I did tell them (hearing their mother's words of acceptance helped I suspect). Would I tell them earlier if they were young and at home in 2015? Probably.

[Jaylyn]

I've kept my CD ing a secret known only to my wife, my kids never and still don't have a clue. I feel I didn't know what, if anything my parents were into and that what ever my kids are into its their business. They get too many things when they are young already to confuse them with an issue that is not accepted as normal at this time. My only fear will be if my wife and I die at the same time such as an auto accident my kids will wonder why my wife had crazy large outfits and size 14 heels. Maybe then I be outed but then at that time who cares. I also have a whole bunch of grandkids that are small and mostly in their informative years. They all still think grand pa is the idea grandpa and I want them to always love and trust me while they are young. If one of them or my grown kids came out to me I'd be loving and accepting but not going to chance messing anything in their life up at this point. Just how we are rolling at present. Every one has different opinions.

[Beverley Sims]

I never shared it with my children, I never dressed in front of them after about eighteen months of age.

[Vicky_Scot]

Never dressed in front of my kids. They are all adults now and I think they would have accepted it.

The reason I did not dress in front of them was I would not want any of them to suffer any physical or mental abuse if it got out that their father was a crossdresser.

[Kandi Robbins]

Married with a very supportive wife, although I didn't tell her until a year ago (29 years into the marriage). While I go out without fear (as long as I am away from home) and have met so many new people that clearly know I am a CD, no one I knew before then knows. That includes my two adult age daughters. I've struggled with this. I am their father and want them always to think of me as their father. Much like I am with my wife, she sees me dressed frequently, but I try to keep those moments under control. I want her to always view me as "her man", to keep that valued support and the relationship we have fostered over our lifetimes. My fear is that spilling the beans to our girls will change the nature of our relationship. They will view me differently, how could they not? That might not be a bad thing, but I fear risking what are strong relationships right now. If I leaned more toward TG than CD, then I would view things differently. But through much soul searching, I firmly believe I am CD.

To answer your question, no one here can answer it. Only you know your son. I do think it is prudent to wait until such time as he can process this information differently.