Helena Gwyn
11-28-2015, 03:43 AM
Hi everyone
A small update on my current situation and progress.
The past few months things haven't been going as well as I hoped for.
I only lasted one week in my new job as web developer. I couldn't handle the change and the pressure, and I felt the job just wasn't me. I missed using my creativity, I missed working with people. Every night I came home and cried myself to sleep. Off course the HRT made things worse emotionally speaking.
At the end of October I tried teaching again. Yet again after a little more than a week I crashed. The school was not at all supporting for their teachers, students were disrespectful and extremely headstrong. No way I was ever going to be able to really enjoy the act of teaching in this school. There was no room for teaching, only surviving, trying to make it to the end of the day. This is not what I want and need in a job, especially not when recovering from a burn-out last year.
Next Tuesday I will start as ict-coördinator in a primary school, so no teaching, just supporting the school and collegues with IT-related things. I have a good feeling about this.
It's still to early to openly start living as a woman. As a teacher you have to be authentic, but right now, I still have to hide part of who I really am, so that's not possible. One day I hope to teach again, perhaps about what it means to be transgender. Teaching is also part of who I am, but I want do that as me, feeling good about myself, not wearing a mask hiding my true self.
Not all has been bad. The past two weekends I have been going outdoors dressed more feminine. I didn't plan this, it just happened and it felt amazing. I visited my parents unannounced (normally they were going to see 'me' for the first time with Christmas) and went shopping for groceries as well. People probably noticed it, but I just couldn't care anymore.
Next Monday I have an appointment at Hunkemoller to buy my first bra. Another big step for me. It's not really necessary yet, but the HRT is changing my body off course. I really feel good about it, emotionally and physically. And in the meantime I'm removing my beard with lasertherapy.
I'm really looking forward to the near future, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Things can only get better and they will!
A small update on my current situation and progress.
The past few months things haven't been going as well as I hoped for.
I only lasted one week in my new job as web developer. I couldn't handle the change and the pressure, and I felt the job just wasn't me. I missed using my creativity, I missed working with people. Every night I came home and cried myself to sleep. Off course the HRT made things worse emotionally speaking.
At the end of October I tried teaching again. Yet again after a little more than a week I crashed. The school was not at all supporting for their teachers, students were disrespectful and extremely headstrong. No way I was ever going to be able to really enjoy the act of teaching in this school. There was no room for teaching, only surviving, trying to make it to the end of the day. This is not what I want and need in a job, especially not when recovering from a burn-out last year.
Next Tuesday I will start as ict-coördinator in a primary school, so no teaching, just supporting the school and collegues with IT-related things. I have a good feeling about this.
It's still to early to openly start living as a woman. As a teacher you have to be authentic, but right now, I still have to hide part of who I really am, so that's not possible. One day I hope to teach again, perhaps about what it means to be transgender. Teaching is also part of who I am, but I want do that as me, feeling good about myself, not wearing a mask hiding my true self.
Not all has been bad. The past two weekends I have been going outdoors dressed more feminine. I didn't plan this, it just happened and it felt amazing. I visited my parents unannounced (normally they were going to see 'me' for the first time with Christmas) and went shopping for groceries as well. People probably noticed it, but I just couldn't care anymore.
Next Monday I have an appointment at Hunkemoller to buy my first bra. Another big step for me. It's not really necessary yet, but the HRT is changing my body off course. I really feel good about it, emotionally and physically. And in the meantime I'm removing my beard with lasertherapy.
I'm really looking forward to the near future, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Things can only get better and they will!