Going out while dressed up

[matthewkaila422]

I've always wanted to do this, just for one day. But I'm extremely nervous. I've gone out here and there (checking the mail, going to a fast food place drive thru). I'm scared to go out in front of a lot of people, which is why I feel like I need to tell someone I trust about my crossdressing so I have a bit of help. I know a girl who I would literally trust with my life, but at the same time I don't know how she would react.

So how do people get confident enough to dress up? To come out and tell someone?

[ashleyjane15]

I told my s/o once that I liked wearing stockings. One day she said that she wanted to see me in a dress. It kinda grew from there. I actually embraced my female side thanks to her.
As to going out, I went for coffee, well coffee for her and hot chocolate for me, with her last night fully dressed. There were a few people there not including the employees. None of them seem to notice. If they did, they either didn't care or were respectful enough to not say anything.
My advice would be to start small. Go to locations with small groups. Just think of it as a normal day. That helped ease my anxiety.

[Robin414]

Confidence (generally speaking) is easy, just 'stage' small 'tests' that will likely have a positive outcome. Confidence is nothing more than a symptom of success. Try going out to places where you won't likely interact with anyone to start and build on it.

As for telling someone, I think 'courage' is the ingredient you need here, that's a little tougher, I think that comes from deep inside of YOU 😉

[Jacqueline StGermain]

To reinforce what Ashleyjane said, going out with a group is a great way to get out. I'd been out in public a few times alone, the turning point for me was when I joined a local group and we went to a nice local restaurant.
There were about 20 of us. The staff were great, as was the food. Probably 50 or so patrons in the restaurant, no one said a thing. Been back many times since in both modes, just a great place.
As far as your friend, only you can decide if she's the one to tell. My personal experience with friends I felt the same way about, was positive. I'd known them over 20 years each, one said he suspected it all along.
It's comforting to have a "wingman" , or wing woman as the case may be. A genetic girl is priceless.
As for the courage part, think of it as going off the high dive for the first time, scary at first,but gets easier every time

[vicky_cd99_2]

Well girl it happened for me just a couple of weeks ago. I was nervous as all get out. I don't pass at all. But we did have a good time. The staff at the restaurant was fantastic and no one said anything derogatory to us. Will I be nervous the next time, yes. Will I do it again, YES. Go for it girl.

[grace7777]

One thing that helped me to get confidence to go out in front of large groups of people was to improve my makeup skills.

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

Confidence to go out? Great question and one many here ask and while some go out other do not. It truly is a personal choice and one you have to be prepared for. For me, I knew I had to go out and face the world because internally I could hear myself screaming . . . GO OUT! So I did albeit I did require about 15 minutes sitting in my car with lots of positive self-talk before I took that long walk into a drug store for a quick walk around and exit. Once I did it though I felt . . . liberated. That lead to many more outings. :)

Having wing person can be a good thing as it gives you support so if you have a confident (especially a GG friend) it can be a good thing. The key thing to remember about going out is a sense of ownership and belonging as it will help you appear confident and that you belong. This is not to say it will be all easy peasy lemon squeezy and you will get read from time to time . . . we all do. :sad: However should you choose to go out, you will find there are no roving bands of pitchfork wielding folks just people going about their day oblivious to those around them.

Being a bit of a social scientist I documented quite a few social experiments in going out and what I found. I have provided a few links below should you be interested in one person's POV. However, we are all individuals and we each have our own experiences so I caution that what has occurred to me may not occur for you as there are many extraneous variables which come into play to change the outcome (e.g., where you live, how well you present). However, I do find my experiences were similar to many here.

Cheers

Marcelle



http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?207817-Going-in-Public-Selective-Attention-and-CDing/page2

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?209944-Camouflage-and-the-Art-of-Blending&highlight=

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?203949-Hiding-in-plain-sight-a-social-experiment/page2

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?218525-Going-out-A-balance-viewpoint/page2

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?212499-The-Rose-Coloured-Glasses-Experiment&highlight=

[jjjjohanne]

I did not go out after getting more courage. I went out as I kept getting dumber! The cravings to dress became the cravings to go out dressed. I would go out to deserted places after dark (Bad idea, dangerous!). Then I went to places where only employees would see me. Occasionally a customer would see me. On these occasions, I was wearing nude hose with shorts. I started to feel invisible and became more emboldened. I would go far from home and do more going out.

At some point, I discovered that I could go out as a dude in a dress (because I do not want to be a woman). I started going out in my thrift store clothes while VERY afraid. People did not react any more than if I had purple hair, or lots of tattoos, etc. Maybe they laughed after I was gone, I don't know. It was very freeing.

I have never gone out with anyone. I have had a few store clerks who have helped me improve my wardrobe. One has a consignment shop. She will tell me that something looks bad on me. That is an excellent test for a helpful salesperson/friend. If they just want to sell stuff, then everything "looks good" on me. If they care about my satisfaction, they will tell me bad news. They might not say, "You look like a teal whale." But they might say, "That one does not work. Too much teal." That's good enough for me!

[Adriana Moretti]

Maybe look in your area and find out what the local cd hots spots, events or support groups are available in your area and start there,and meet some likeminded people. That is a great way to gain some confidence and make friends. And I gotta agree with the other posters, there is strenth in numbers, especially when first starting out. Good Luck girl xoxo

[Beverley Sims]

I believe in group therapy, have lots of friends around you for support.

Soon you will just walk away by yourself.

Sorta like learning to ride a bike, someone to hold you up, and then..... Freedom!

[kittie60]

I started out by going to a park. Take a Thermos of coffee or whatever you like and a newspaper and sit down
If your to uncomfortable put on a pair of sunglasses,preferably women's and have at it. I did this 40 years ago. Your confidence level will grow
Have fun

[Jenniferathome]

The confidence comes when:
1) you KNOW that people do not care and
2) you KNOW that "passing" is irrelevant

In order to KNOW these two things, you have to go out. Kind of a catch-22. When I go out now, I absolutely know that I do not pass and that no one cares. It really makes it easy. My first time out where I had to interact with the normals, I went to dinner with two others from this site. I think a smaller group of people (2 ~ 4) is better as the reaction from the normals is real life. At that outing, I saw first hand that people just don't care.

You can reach out to others on this forum who live in your area. Go have coffee or dinner. You'll see for yourself, you are just another person out and about.

[Tara Rushing]

Confidence (generally speaking) is easy, just 'stage' small 'tests' that will likely have a positive outcome. Confidence is nothing more than a symptom of success. Try going out to places where you won't likely interact with anyone to start and build on it.

As for telling someone, I think 'courage' is the ingredient you need here, that's a little tougher, I think that comes from deep inside of YOU ��

Although I have not been brave enough to venture out myself, yet, I consider this very good advice. Take small steps where the odds of success are in your favor and build your confidence each step of the way!

[matthewkaila422]

Lol I thought I turned on email notifications for this thread, turns out I didn't so I didn't see any of these great responses. Thanks for the tips, I'm considering to talk to my friend soon, maybe at the start of the new year (I hoping for before then, though). I'm hoping she'll be able to help me get out the door and be myself. Talking to my family is gonna be very difficult though.

[AllieSF]

I will echo Jennifer's recommendations. Once you start getting out, small steps at first and then build on that, you will start to realize that most people do not care and the logical step from there is "Why should I care?" I always recommend that you also dress down versus dress up. What you want on those first steps outside of you house are successes. Some people really react badly to bad experiences. So, positive ones give you something to build on. Try to find a local friend cis or TG to be your side kick, or find a local support group and go to one of their meet ups. If in a small town, drive the extra distance to a distant bigger town to get out away from where people may know and recognize you. Also, do a search her on going out for the first time and you will find many threads with great recommendations haw many of us did that when we first started. Good luck and enjoy.

[matthewkaila422]

I will echo Jennifer's recommendations. Once you start getting out, small steps at first and then build on that, you will start to realize that most people do not care and the logical step from there is "Why should I care?" I always recommend that you also dress down versus dress up. What you want on those first steps outside of you house are successes. Some people really react badly to bad experiences. So, positive ones give you something to build on. Try to find a local friend cis or TG to be your side kick, or find a local support group and go to one of their meet ups. If in a small town, drive the extra distance to a distant bigger town to get out away from where people may know and recognize you. Also, do a search her on going out for the first time and you will find many threads with great recommendations haw many of us did that when we first started. Good luck and enjoy.

I definitely think that I need to get to that point of not caring, but getting to that point is gonna take some time. I'm a shy person in general, and usually try to keep to myself, going out dressed up and showing what's on the inside is a very difficult thing for me to do. Really, that goes for anything with me. I'll have an idea, but I won't suggest it because I am afraid of what others will think.

[Eryn]

I was very lucky that I had friends, spouse, etc. to go out with. I grew very dependent upon them and at first let them handle all the interactions. I slowly realized that I needed to do things for myself, get comfortable with my voice (no matter how bad it was) and just get out and do things. I still like being in groups, but I will take the lead, talk to people, and otherwise just enjoy being me.

Now, if you don't have friends to do this with it is very rough. I would suggest finding a support group, meetup group, etc. Even if they are not focused on TG issues it still gives you people to be with who are, by definition, accepting. Later on you will find that lots of other people are accepting, but a group will give some confidence of that.