4 words no cd ever wants to hear..

[gokatiegirl]

This past summer I had a bad experience that wiped years of confidence from my life. I had walked over to a young cd in club restroom and said "Hi Honey, how are you" and she replied with four words nobody ever wants to hear… "go away old man." I cried myself to sleep that night and haven’t been able to shake it off since. Without go into too many details, I know she was a cd, I’ve seen her before and others filled me in on details about her. It’s my nature to take the high road, walk away and pretend it didn’t bother me but the little brat wounded me. Does anybody think I’m overreacting?

[sometimes_miss]

Welcome to the 'old guys' club. We usually don't know we've had our membership card sent to us until we're already a member! I think mine got lost in the mail; it was one day when I was talking to a woman in a bar and she told me (assuming it was a compliment) that I reminded her of her grandfather. Now, I was at the point where I'd become used to being told I was 'like a father' to a few women, but the grandfather comment really shook me up. REALLY shook me up. That, and realizing that I now qualify for senior citizen discounts in some places. Mailed away for my AARP card. And realized that I'm now the driver in the left lane, in a Caddy, wearing a hat. Ohhhhhh, crap. Yup, I'm old. And apparently, so are you! It's just about moving from one phase of life to another. Youth doesn't last forever. But remember, just because you're now 'mature' doesn't mean you have to act that way! Enjoy your second childhood!

[Taylor186]

Agreed. I wouldn't like hearing those four while in male mode (95% of the time) let alone while en femme. But the reality is I am a part of that club.

[SandraInHose]

Gosh, let it go. Don't give it another thought, and certainly don't allow some snot-nosed diva wanna-be to affect YOUR life in any way. The world is full of unfriendly people...move on.

Just wondering though, were you in female or male mode?

[gokatiegirl]

Mailed away for my AARP card.

Got my AARP card, and my flu shot too :)
I think what bothered me the most was being called a man by another cd. Hurts. Disrespectful little brat. I feel better just writing this post, sometimes I just need to vent to the right people and get off your chest.

- - - Updated - - -


Just wondering though, were you in female or male mode?

I was in female mode at a local gay bar on drag night.

[Suzie Petersen]

Kids these days! No respect.

I can understand that the comment hurt you, but ... dont let it ruin your day. Sounds like you have let this simmer for far too long if it happened this past summer. Where I am located, there is snow on the ground and summer is a fading memory ... just like my youth!

I remember when I was in my teens, looking at what I perceived to be the "old folks" around me and thinking: My lord they are old! They have no idea about anything! Life is clearly over when you turn 30! :-)

Shake it off and take pride in who you are now!

Me? Getting old is not a concern ... I just refuse to grow up!

- Peter Pan

[Teresa]

Kate,
Let it go, put your favourite outfit on, do your makeup and brush it off ! If you feel good inside that's all that matters, you're not dressing to impress one inconsiderate brat ! OK maybe she was having a bad day, or thought you were making a pass ! If you see her again treat her with the contempt she gave you !

[Rita C.]

we will all get old some day and so will that young little, over reacting little B--ch and she will wonder where time went and she will be all alone.

[I Am Paula]

There was a time I would have been devastated. Not so much now. The 'man' reference is worse than the 'old' reference. Ignore the ignorant *******, and move on.

[Anne K]

Kate, on top of being in the AARP age, I have to wear plastic leg braces and use forearm crutches (no heels for me!). I rarely go out en femme because I think I stick out (probably don't). While en drab, I have had strangers walk up to me and say the most unbelievable things. At a party, I had a woman walk up to me and say, "What's wrong with you?". Years ago, I was standing in a holding room at Disney World and saw a guy from across the room making a Bee Line towards me. He strode up to me and said,"What the f**k happened to you?" I was a bit stunned and figured I had two courses of action: start a scene or have some fun. I replied,"Remember that kid wearing the metal braces on the Easter Seal posters?". He nodded that he did and I said,"That's me. I grew up!". He got an amazed look on his face and walked back across the room to the woman he was with. I couldn't hear what he said to her, but he was very animated and pointed to me a lot. I figured he was telling here that he just met the Easter Seal Boy. Meeting such a celebrity probably made his Disney World vacation. It was then that I realized that most people have some sort of "handicap" but just don't realize it. Try and let encounters like you describe roll off your back. You took the High Road and she took the Low Road.

[Tracii G]

Seems some young CDers have a huge chip on their shoulders.
Maybe she hasn't learned if you want respect you have to give it lesson yet.
I have met one trans girl like that at a support group meeting she was very snarky to say the least.
Let it go for now and if you see her again just don't speak to her.

[gokatiegirl]

Kate, on top of being in the AARP age, I have to wear plastic leg braces and use forearm crutches (no heels for me!). I rarely go out en femme because I think I stick out (probably don't).

Hey honey, if you ever come to NJ, I would take you to cd friendly places where nobody cares what you look like and I would personally make you feel as if you didn't have any handicap. The only people you need to worry about here are the young twats that paint their face like a clown and think they're a bad ass. In retrospect, that was me 25 years ago but now I know how annoying I was. :)

[Edie Palmer]

I know how you feel, I started feeling that way every time at the supermarket when the kids automatically gave me the seniors discount without asking, then I realized how much I was saving on my food bill.

But, I must ask, is "Hi honey" the proper way to greet a stranger? I'm acquainted with many twenty-somethings, and, wow, they would be taken quite aback -- she might have thought you were trying to pick her up. I don't think such a thing is in their vocabulary.

[flatlander_48]

gkg:

While all of us are IN the world, not everyone knows how to LIVE in the world. Unfortunately it is something that you can't really teach. Folks have to figure it out for themsleves. Sadly, some never do.

DeeAnn

[Veronica27]

I don't approve of rude or snarky remarks under any circumstances, but maybe, just a little maybe perhaps, she misread your greeting and thought you were trying to make a move on her and she was letting you know she was definitely not interested. If that was the case, she needs to learn more civil ways to treat people. Being old, that word wouldn't bother me, and being male, that one also wouldn't bother me as I have no delusions as to my passability. Combining the two words in that context is to me the insult. I worry more about whether I have inadvertently made an inappropriate remark than what others say to me. I learned that lesson after many years feeling overly sensitive about myself. I have come to enjoy being the old cantankerous member of the crowd, and being teased about it.

Veronica

[gokatiegirl]

But, I must ask, is "Hi honey" the proper way to greet a stranger? I'm acquainted with many twenty-somethings, and, wow, they would be taken quite aback -- she might have thought you were trying to pick her up. I don't think such a thing is in their vocabulary.

You're correct, normally I wouldn't say that but when you're in a club full of trannys, that is how everyone talks. And yes, she thought I was trying to pick her up but it wasn't my intention. I like to make everybody feel sexy and wanted.

[kittie60]

Just pass it off. There are to many young ones who think their premadonnas,and have that attitude. They will learn manners someday. Don't, let it spoil your going out and enjoying your self

[Pat]

Next time just let it out. "Oh, honey, you wound me." said at the time of the offense would have let most of the steam out of it. But on the other hand you could also commiserate, "Been getting hit on by all us elders? Poor babe, it's tough when you're young." probably would have gone right through her armor. Because, face it, she probably was having a tough night and it is tough being a young CD -- you want to be swept away by some young swain and you're mostly letched after by people older than you. The offense probably wasn't really meant for you, it was meant for the guy before you. ;) But at any rate, saying something in the moment without descending into cattiness saves months of talking to yourself afterward. Leave her with the burden rather than accept it from her.

[Sarah Beth]

Rude people are rude people no matter how they dress or what age they are. One of the things that my wife and I talk about and that many others have mentioned to me is the lack of manners in young people today. We have complimented many times on how mannerly our kids are as compared others and now my kids are getting that about their kids. So people now notice how some have manners because its so unusual.

[Jenniferathome]

Katie, it is entirely likely that THAT cross dresser had had a bad night. Perhaps getting hit on but not wanting it. Admirers can be persistent. Your greeting could be interpreted as a come on in a bathroom! In guy mode, how often do you talk to anyone in a bathroom? I don't expect that women chat each other up in the bathroom either. Anything more than smile, a nod or a brief "Hi" would seem excessive to me. Let it go.

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, poor thing was probably getting hit on too much or something and you were a convenient vent. My entire life for some reason I've been constantly hit on by gay men. I'm not gay.
Oh, and about being wounded, I still can't get used to being called Sir. And I'm like, old! Just fluff it off, Hon.

[gokatiegirl]

In guy mode, how often do you talk to anyone in a bathroom?

Great question, in guy mode I'm the shyest person on the planet and speak to nobody.

In girl mode its all about power and seduction. I am 100% transvestite and grew up very differently then most people here. The first day I fully dressed(age 17) I was on the street where the big girls took me in, painted my face, showed me how to walk, talk and unfortunately how to make money. It took me 15 years to graduate college because of my bad habits. Now, I toned down my act and just like to be a girl. I still have an rough edge but try to be kind to everyone in our community.

[Beverley Sims]

Reading your background and what you have done in the past, I think you were caught at a tender moment in your life.

Forget her and go on and meet others, you have been enjoying yourself till now.

[AllieSF]

Kate, I think that many here have clarified why she may have responded to you like she did. Now, you can let it rest. Out there in the real world when we see a group of us you can hear some greet each other as honey and dear and stuff like that. I only occasionally do that with some of my very close acquaintances and greet everyone else as I would anyone else while in male mode, respectfully. Another thing to consider is that some who are further down the "T" path than us have some very sensitive hot button words and phrases that mean something important and sometimes very negative to them. Tread more carefully and you probably will not have that experience again.

[Amy Lynn3]

Don't allow that rude brat to live rent free in your head any longer. I'm old also and words hurt anyone, when spoken without respect, but do try and put her out of your mind.:hugs:

[JosieH]

People who seek to put others down are acting out of either fear or insecurity, or both.
They seek to put others down in order to lift themselves up.
Once you understand that comment was about her and had nothing to do with you, hopefully you can free yourself to move on.

- - - Updated - - -

If we are lucky. We all get old someday. I came through the 80's & 90's. I saw a lot of people who never had the opportunity. Sadly.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

There two choices in life and the one that I chose was getting old,
@73 I like to think that I'm three quarters of the way there.

I've been in this program for almost sixty nine years now and loving it. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Genny B]

I am not in disagreement that the comment was cold and probably not necessary. I do find it interesting to see all these opinions (which I see nothing wrong with either) on a site that I have also seen many times the advise of not to approach another CD that you do not know in a public place. Just pointing this out as it might of been part of the issue. A fun reply is what is really needed like, 'remember kid, one day you will be an old man too!'

Genny B

[Robin414]

I agree with Carla, she was probably tired of getting hit on and took it out on you...that said, I'd take it as an unfortunate run in with a rude a hole and let it go, don't let someone else's rudeness ruine your day hon! ☺

[gokatiegirl]

There two choices in life and the one that I chose was getting old,
@73 I like to think that I'm three quarters of the way there.
There are some really cool, kind people on this site. And I'm impressed how far people go to look good and succeed in doing so. I have never had more than 5 pairs of panties at one time and people here have hundreds. I do laugh in a kind way at some of these posts regarding to how sophisticated some people get to dress. Gosh, for what I've been through and how long I've been doing this I don't know half what some people know. There was a time in my life when I used duck tape to tuck because it worked. I got by on bare essentials only investing in good makeup (you wouldn't know from my picture, I don't have any makeup on)

Just want to thank everyone for being kind to me, I'm going through some tough times and need some friends to support me.

[Jacqueline StGermain]

As another one in the AARP crowd, don't let it bother you ( I know it's hard ).
I'd just write it off to to the general lack of respect from the younger generation, of course every generation feels this way.

[donnalee]

About 20 years ago, I recall reading an ad on a music store bulletin board in an idle moment; one of those bands that has no chance of ever working for decent money. At the bottom was "no geezers", which made me realize OMG, I'm a geezer!
What the young don't realize is that if they're lucky they will become geezers too, but with comments like that, they might be pressing their luck.
Just look at those wrinkles as battle scars, proudly worn by the victors.

[Carmen]

Geez you were only saying hello to that brat! That sort of response was unnecessary, rude and risky.
Personally speaking...I would have looked him in the eyes and replied with something crass, but thats just me.
Mouthy kids that take such chances with people they know nothing about are at risk of finding themselves in a confrontation.
Believe me sis I've been there.

[Eryn]

Consider the source. Do you really want to be friends with someone so rude and unfeeling? She doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

[Saikotsu]

Man, that was really rude! I'm sorry to hear they were so rude to you and that it affected you so deeply.

Try not to let it bother you so much. They were obviously being spiteful.

[heatherdress]

Her response was rude, disrespectful and mean. It doesn't matter if she was hit on or having a bad day. Only a thoughtless jerk hurts other people's feelings with mean remarks.



Also, a rest room is not a good place to try to start a conversation with anyone you don't know.

[gokatiegirl]

My entire life for some reason I've been constantly hit on by gay men. I'm not gay.

I love to be hit on by guys. Even better i love the look on their face when I tell them how much. You would be surprised on how many say yes.

[stacycoral]

Kate, well i just have to say kids are most the time not to nice to there elders, not the way we were brought up for sure. Plus no respect for you i would have been hurt too girl, you could show her a thing or two, she is just learning and sound like she hasn't pass that point of knowing yet that us older girls could have shared with her, her lost. chin up and be proud of yourself. hugs

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry she hurt u, Katie. And, I have no intention of defending her rudeness. However, u and everyone else here has no idea where she was coming from! So, I think ripping her is unfair.

I'm older than nearly every other dresser I meet. Unless I'm introduced by a mutual T friend, I NEVER approach a dresser I'm not familiar with unless she makes the first move!

I'm 70+ but recently had a long personal chat with a young 20's dresser at our club. I had seen her many times and said "Hello, how r u", before but nothing else. I began the conversation with, "Hi Maddy. How r things going for u?" And, shut up. Allowing her to open up or just say, "Fine", and I'd let it go at that. To my surprise she was soon quite forth coming!:battingeyelashes:

[Stephanie47]

Yep, every day I look in the mirror and realize I'm old. I also read the obituaries everyday and see too many people younger than me who will never get to be my age. Sometimes I get a smart ass remark from my kids and just tell them "Keep talking! You may never make it to my age!"

I will say this. My wife really really does not like it when anyone she does not know uses some endearments when addressing her. She will slap you silly if you come on to her with "deary" or "cutie" or "honey!" She could have been irritated with your choice of words.

[trisha kobichenko]

The option to growing old is so depressing...maybe that young CD will get old enough to realize that, someday. Meanwhile any day you can stand up straight in your heels is a great day.

[Patty Phose]

When I was younger, other dressers could be rude and obnoxious. I just passed it off as they were jealous of me getting more attention than them. Now that I'm quite a bit older, I find that other dressers are incredibly nice, friendly and intelligent. Maybe she thought you were hitting on her, wasn't interested and blew you off.

I would have been hurt and upset too but consider the source and move on. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.

[CONSUELO]

Try-- " So sorry honey, I just wanted to say how you looked just like --- name an appropriate actress--- then leave.

[Patty Phose]

Like who? Roseanne Barr. Sorry that wasn't nice.

[sherri]

Someone didn't finish raising the little snot. Just be thankful you don't have to.

[Alice Torn]

I think it is still some of the washroom fear we all have, and that youngster still has. best to never say anything in any washrooms.

[desertrider]

"Oh, you thought I was trying to pick you up? With your makeup trowled on like that? Poor thing!" <raises eyebrow archly and walks away>

[gokatiegirl]

"Oh, you thought I was trying to pick you up? With your makeup trowled on like that? Poor thing!" <raises eyebrow archly and walks away>

Very nice!

I wish somebody like you was there to help. Tranny night is always a night to remember. Had it been 25 years ago I probably would have kicked her ass and bounced those rubber boobs off her head. But haste makes waste and twenty more painted up tvs would have come in her aid. Its really hard to figure that crowd out and you don't know who your're dealing with. Many gay guys do drag and it's hard to tell if they're friend of foe. And those young gurls fighting for alpha "it" award. Too funny, I don't know why it gets me so depressed.

[~Joanne~]

gkg:

While all of us are IN the world, not everyone knows how to LIVE in the world. Unfortunately it is something that you can't really teach. Folks have to figure it out for themsleves. Sadly, some never do.

DeeAnn

I agree with DeeAnn 100% it's really the root of most of the problems that we have in today's world even up and beyond the CD thing.

[desertrider]

Never mind that I woulda thought of it like 20 mins late, we still got your back =)