In Betweeners, How Do You Describe Yourselves?

[litangel]

I'm interested in folks who are not a full out TS, but are not just a guy who wears dresses either. How do you think about your identity, and how do you describe it to others?
I know a lot of folks say, I am just me. If that works for you, that's great. But I realized that for me, not having a clear understanding of my identity made it harder to reach out to others in social situations. I have been fully out for 5 years. I dress very femme, including at work.
I called myself gender fluid, but I realize I didn't have a felt sense of what that was. I have a strong drive towards including both the make and female within myself, I have even had dreams when I was a physical bridge between the two.
But I am nor attracted to androgyny, this gray area between the two genders. I am a strong mix of feminine and masculine aspects. A friend of mine used the term "gender dynamic". That really feels like me.
I also realize that both in terms of dressing, and just how I am in the world, I am in a phase of strongly exploring the feminine. I have been wearing padded bras most of the time for the last 2 months. And it feels right. I think this femme phase is because I feel full permission to be my male aspects, and I am still freeing my inner woman.
In a phrase, I am gender dynamic in a femme exploration phase.

How about you?

[ReineD]

Have a look at all the non-binary genders at nonbinarygender.org/wiki

http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Nonbinary_gender

[Jazzy Jaz]

I am bi/dual gendered or androgynous. I am a fairly equal mix of male and female and my gender is not fluid, it is very much fixed. I dont dress androgynous however, I am either dressed completely like a dude or am fully dressed as a lady, except when I get cold and put on a hoodie. Me being dressed doesnt change anything about my personality, I can wear a dress and listen to Tupac or I can wear sweats, tshirt, and work boots and listen to Whitney Houston. Same goes with movies or anything else.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I don't think of myself as TG, or gender fluid, but as a man who is not happy with what society defines as the rigid boundaries of male and female behaviour. I don't see why a male is not supposed to dress in a way that displays his physicality. It is damn near impossible to find male clothes that do this, so I'm finding women's clothing that works for me. I have pretty good legs, and they look good in a skirt and hosiery, I don't see why I can't wear them.

[Tracii G]

I'm a mix and I dress that way everyday.
I have a male and female personality and I don't feel the need to try and figure just where I fit in because it doesn't really matter.
People can tell I'm different and thats fine,I don't need to explain it to them.

[Rachelakld]

I have a male personality, he's dominant in the relationship and has most control over the skin bag
My female personality, was hidden for many decades but is now allowed out, although I think she would like 24/7 and have a boyfriend - not going to happen.
We both enjoy life and we both "think" to each other, in order to appear "cool" under all situations.

[Jonni Lin]

If I had to label myself, damn I hate labels, I would use Genderfluid but I just want to be myself and wear and act the way I want without the fear.

[sometimes_miss]

It takes more than a few words. Far too many people want a term: TG, TS, Crossdresser, Gay, Bi, drag queen, female impersonator, etc.. Problem is, life isn't simple all the time. So if you can come up with a single word for me, great.
I'm a guy. I think like a guy, my desires are pretty stereotypically male, I behave like a guy. I communicate like a guy, and I only get turned on by the idea of females. However; I have underlying desires to dress, behave, and BE a female. Initially comes from years of believing that I was supposed to be a girl, from about age 7 to 14, as well as linking behaving and dressing as a girl with safety, physical affection and companionship, when none of that was available at home. From about age 10 on, I was reinforcing the concept myself because I believed that was what god wanted me to do, and if I made myself into the best girl I could be, that god would fix me and make me into a real girl when all the other girls started growing breasts etc.. Having sex as a girl for 7 years also made that behavior (also linked to feelings of love, companionship, affection and safety) linked with being dressed and thinking I was female. Apparently something can happen during some stages of development that sets all this into our personality permanently. Without any outside influence after the age of 14, I was basically reinforcing it all myself for years. Decades later by the time I figured it all out, it was too late; the damage was done. I will forever link feeling, behaving, dressing as a female with feeling loved, affection, comfort and feeling secure, as it was those times when I felt that way, as opposed to my 'real' life as a boy, when I was hurt, punished, betrayed, isolated, and made to feel terrible about myself.

OK, got a word, or a two word term for that? (other than totally *****d, I already know that! And there's usually not a check off box category for that in the online dating questionnaires.).

[fionna]

For me it's always not be able to conform the gender established rules.

Mans we have a pretty stiff and well defined set of rules that is the expected behavior, anything outside of that, is considered Sissy, Gay, Queer etc. I refuse those labels because my behavior and desires even the way that I dress don't define my sex or sexual orientation.

So, that is the reason that I feel a "Non conforming Gender" mean that I can not be a Female or a Male by the current definition.

[Jonni Lin]

Rachel that sounds so much like me? Do you 2 talk to each other also? I do, I think it helps to find ourselves. Another question you living in New Zealand, did you ever meet Grace, from you tube?

[mechamoose]

India has this concept of dual-natured, a 'walker between worlds'. One who sees and understands both facets.

I feel like both sides, all the time. I can dip deeper into either well when I need to. Women's guise brings me peace and epathy, male guise brings me strength and dirt. I love both. I *need* both.

- MM

[Danitgirl1]

I consider myself transgender.
Some days I feel very feminine, some days I feel more masculine.
I enjoy being a man (especially at work, when dealing with certain technicians etc).
On the whole I think I would prefer to have more opportunity to express my femme side but I would never transition just too much cost and risk...
So transgender is the best and widest term to describe me. I generally don't like labels anyway so the wider and looser the better.
I would go with 'person' but it seems membership of this club is a bit onerous! :tongueout

[Lily Catherine]

I usually shun labels as they answer What are you rather than Who are you.

On my part, I'm biologically male, occasionally presenting a female appearance that doesn't change my personality or my interests, only my identity. I have zero interest in transition as of now. But because I present myself as a girl and aspire to at least look reasonably like one whenever I get the chance, I guess I'm at least non binary.

[gokatiegirl]

My first 15 years I dressed every day and lived in my feminine role. When I graduated college at age 35 I entered the workforce as a professional and slightly transformed back to a male. My boss preferred me dressing as a professional male but and left the decision to me. He signed my check and was very good to me so I felt i should comply. I still work there today, 16 years and roll back to female mode on weekends.

A lot of people don't care for me as Kate and tell me I have split personally but spend more time as a man and I'm good with it. I don't know what the future holds for me or what to consider myself at this point.

I love to be Kate a sexy, soothe tv with a little bit of play left in her but no longer wear panties during the week. I do know I can roll between genders very easily and work each week for the weekend so I can become Kate again.

[docrobbysherry]

I would describe myself as a "female impersonator". Altho that isn't completely accurate, I think it best describes how I feel about what I do!

[Beverley Sims]

Me?
I'm in a rowboat going downstream.

I just go with the flow.

[pamela7]

we don't need labels or to explain ourselves, we're expressing what we choose with clothing. If you want then say "call me miss", but nowadays round here folk are not that bothered overall.

[Pat]

I'm happy with the term "transgender." It just means someone who doesn't fit an assigned gender role. Some people confound transgender for transsexual, but that's an education issue, not a problem with the word.

[Saikotsu]

The label I embrace is Genderfluid. Some days I'm male, others I'm female, but I'm always myself. Today I'm most definitely female.

[SandraInHose]

Interesting topic. I honestly couldn't answer, since I am not even 100% sure about myself.

I am not transgender, and don't feel I'm a woman in a man's body. But I sure enjoy exhibiting my feminine side through dressing. I also have many fantasies with me in my female persona, probably just as many as I do as a man. I am not attracted to men in any way, shape, or form, but when dressed there is that sense of curiosity that intrigues me deeply. However, that will probably remain a fantasy.

Me not being able to clearly describe myself nor define myself is frustrating for both me and the wife. When she asks questions about my CD'ing, she's afraid I'll become another Caitlyn Jenner. I try to reassure her that's not the case, but some of my personality quirks raise flags for her, and when I can't honestly come up with a definitive answer, she starts getting all kinds of strange ideas about me.

So I'm somewhere along the lines of a transvestic fetishist with bi-curious thoughts that confuse me as to who/what I am. That sums it up in a nutshell. ;)

[Tina_gm]

I would say definitely I am an inbetweener. I consider myself to be transgender, or at least in the spectrum. I feel I am dual gendered. I feel a presence of both within me. I do try not to use the term female in identification. I mostly stick with feminine as that often, but not always describes me. There are times I feel more feminine than masculine, and other times more masculine than feminine.

[kittie60]

I myself am transgender. That's a proven fact. Use to hate it when I was in my younger years. Now I have learned to embrace it and.proud of it. No other labels just transgender.

[MissDanielle]

I am definitely transgender and feeling more female every day.

[BiancaEstrella]

I find genderfluid works best for me. I'm fine at either endpoint, and there's always crossover with me. It's a mess, but a beautiful mess.

[msniki48]

I'm interested in folks who are not a full out TS, but are not just a guy who wears dresses either. How do you think about your identity, and how do you describe it to others?
I know a lot of folks say, I am just me. If that works for you, that's great. But .

How about you?

Litangel,

I am always searching for the term that best describes my place in the continuum. My Wife Karen has a good phrase that she will use when we are around people that know about me...She says I'm Reversible! a cute way of telling people that i can be the man i'm supposed, to be as well as the woman i love to be, and she is so happy to have both in her life. So who knows... Maybe you are reversible.

hugs

msniki48

[flatlander_48]

l:

I identify as Transgender. I do cross the gender boundary, both at home and out in public. Last month I outted myself to a significant number of people. In one situation, I was dressed. In two other situations, I was not dressed, but I showed a photo of me while dressed. In those two instances, I stated specifically that I was Transgender, but that it was not of such significance that would warrant transitioning. The full accounting was in a thread that I created with SteppingOUT in the thread title.

While I have not done therapy as a means of figuring out where things stand for me, my logic is this:

Going back to childhood, there have always been things that touched me to the point of tears; or at least bordering on it. It could be something that I read, a movie that I saw, a perfect cloud formation, whatever. There is a quote from the late poet Audre Lorde that never ceases to effect me:

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”Whatever nerve it touches, it finds the same one every time. I spent 6 years working as an ex-patriot in Taiwan. Every now and then, I would be waiting for a traffic light to change and it would occur to me that what I was doing was far beyond any dreams that I ever had. I was living in a foreign country halfway around the world and I was doing just fine. A couple of times I almost missed the traffic light as I was wiping the tears away. Anyway, there has always been this other side that I really didn't understand (and seemed to be damned inconvenient), at least until I started dressing.

People here talk about the feeling of shame and guilt that they have experienced as a function of dressing and how many have purged wardrobes; even multiple times in some cases. I've experienced very little shame and guilt and the idea of purging never occured to me until I read about it here. There is very little in the way of negatives that I associate with dressing. In a way, it was like falling into a hole by accident and then discovering that you stumbled upon a Really Cool Place. It almost seemed to be too easy. When I looked back, I realized that maybe I had found something that was a major piece to the puzzle.

Along the way I made some other discoveries. I don't like to refer to DeeAnn in the 3rd person as I don't view her as a separate entity. I also don't wake up in the morning and think about if I feel like Don or DeeAnn. They are just different facets of the same gem stone. The same qualities are present with the difference being magnitude as a function of how I'm presenting. It's probably also important to note that I've never had a problem with presenting and functioning as a male. Part of that is likely conditioning, but I've never sensed a conflict between genders.

So, I've come to the conclusion that there is definitely a feminine side to my personality. Said another way, I don't view myself as 100% male. It appears that this female energy has always been present, but was suppressed and/or ignored in order to make it easier for me to fit into the world as a male. But, to this point it hasn't felt like the female part is strong enough to take over. So far Don and DeeAnn are coexisting nicely. Perhaps equilibrium has been reached.

DeeAnn

[Jilmac]

Although "gender fluid" works for me, when I describe myself to others I say I'm "bi gender". I use that description because I' ok with myself either as a guy or fully en femme.

[Jenniferathome]

I'm a dude. 24/7/365. Sometimes, this dude dresses like a woman. It makes no sense but it is what it is.

[AmandaM]

I've taken a liking to genderfluid. At different times, I feel for sure I must be transsexual because I feel like I am a woman, and then at other times, I feel more like a guy.

[litangel]

I was the one who started this thread, and I am Sooooooooo gratified by the responses. The variety of reflections really makes e feel like I am in a place where I belong. I especially enjoyed the reversible comment, and Mechamoose's description.

[Mayo]

People here talk about the feeling of shame and guilt that they have experienced as a function of dressing
I have definitely experienced this.


So, I've come to the conclusion that there is definitely a feminine side to my personality. Said another way, I don't view myself as 100% male. It appears that this female energy has always been present, but was suppressed and/or ignored in order to make it easier for me to fit into the world as a male. But, to this point it hasn't felt like the female part is strong enough to take over.
I don't think of myself as TG, or gender fluid, but as a man who is not happy with what society defines as the rigid boundaries of male and female behaviour.
These two quotes resonate with me. I'm still trying to figure out my gender identity, but at the moment I'm considering myself as 'mostly male-identified but somewhat genderfluid'. Sometimes I use 'autogynephile' as a descriptive term (i.e. without the theoretical baggage) because I'm a man (mostly) who usually presents as strongly male but who would prefer to be a woman. I am not actually female and I'm not 'trapped in a man's body'. There are elements of my psyche that I feel are more female than male and I often find dressing in women's clothing to be more 'comfortable' (I don't wear makeup etc because I don't go out dressed and I have a beard). I like the feeling of having breasts. I'm bisexual (with a hetero preference) but I don't feel that's in any way relevant to my gender identity. I don't think I am TS or that I'll ever get to that point, but who knows?

[Secret Drawer]

What often gets people confused is that they equate androgynous with neuter, but they are opposites. In other words, androgynous means BOTH gendered, usually strongly characteristic, while neuter is NON gendered. You can see this sometimes when reading androgynous blogs and such, they wish to be non gender labeled because they are both. As you may well imagine, however you are presenting you want to be personally pronouned correctly, thus 'she' when you are presenting female and so on. For an androgyne it is a pronoun nightmare, thus the angst.

Why bring this up? Because personal pronoun angst and considerations are a good clue to where each of us stand. Considering so many CD's are cis-gendered, they mainly wish to be pronouned in their biological gender, outside of those times when they are presenting opposite biological gender. Those of us who are on the gender variant scale may find a certain joy in the mis-labeling, no matter how we are presenting at the time. Consider "You are such a girl!" and like phrases.
Personally I do not think or consider myself a man directly. My biological gender is male. Yet my brain is rather more female-centric. I suppose I am transgendered, a female leaning androgyne. This seems like a good way to preserve the male parts that I do like, such as being physically strong and identifying with extreme athletes, right along side my tears over Flatlander_48's thread response and my anxiety over having to dress "like a man" at holiday parties...

[Jennifer0874]

Gender fluid. But it's been a long process getting there and a gender role I finally feel comfortable with. I feel most comfortable presenting in a feminine manner, but really don't feel that it goes beyond the clothing I am most comfortable in.

[Robin414]

All messed up with no place to go...oops, I mean DRESSED UP!

Actually the ol' gender fluid tag works for me, so far the fluid appears to flowing (and accumulating) on the femme side though 😐

[Patty Phose]

Cross dresser definitely, but I like and embrace the gender fluid thing. It's a new phrase to me but fitting.

[TammieIII]

I view myself as transgender, I could see me myself transitioning myself some days, and have researched the process. I love the phisical transformation when I'm fully shaved, made-up, and wig is in place; l am, truly happy! While I am in drab I have been called miss or mam and while not anoid, I ponder what they see that I don't.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

just totally messed up since childhood