Importance of name change, and I.D.

[I Am Paula]

I just wanted to quickly tell the story of a dear friend.
When she started transition, things were going well on the job front, and she felt secure. Then that went sour, and she found herself job hunting with a legal name, and I.D. that did not match her appearance. In what she was sure were interviews that she nailed, she got turned down, time and again, usually with vague excuses, and lots of humming, and hawing.
Being trans is one thing, and a lot of HR people can work with that, but having screwed up I.D. and a male name may be the tipping point that makes them look elsewhere.
I realize that laws, and protocols vary from location to location, and some of you are fighting an uphill battle, but if you can, change your name, and get your 'F' (or M if your FtM) I.D. as soon as possible. You've decided you are your target gender, and that's not going to change, and even if everything on the housing, and job front look good, things can change.
I asked my friend why she had not gotten her paperwork/name change in order, and she said she had not gotten around to it. Dangerous ground.

[PaulaAnn]

I agree; it is most important to get your name and particulars changed as soon as possible. After all you are a woman now,living the dream ;it's only sensible that the paperwork is in harmony....besides it is a wonderful feeling being a legal woman now.
PaulaAnn

[Jennifer-GWN]

timing of these is tough.

Balancing coming out at work and name change came at a point where I felt I'd mostly "made it". I had developed and achieved a suitable style and outward facing comfort level in myself and my presentation which I knew would be personally and professionally sustaining.

This is much different from being "there" in your mind. In my mind that state had been there considerably longer but it was not the right "time" to make the move either at work or from an ID perspective.

Choosing the right time is a balance. I'd recommend personal reflection and ask yourself the tough question. Am I "there"? Do I project the image of who my name represents? Showing up as Betty while still presenting as Bob will not help the cause in anyway.

I certainly get the struggles that come with this developmental time. It's a "B$&@h" of a time mentally and very tough period to navigate through. Additionally it's not a question of commitment or indecisiveness but just the reality you can't go from caterpillar to butterfly overnight (probably a poor analogy but you get the transformatitive aspects) nor do I expect one to be a butterfly in short order as I know I continue to evolve and refine myself, my style, and my female persona as I mature.

Cheers... Jennifer

[I Am Paula]

I'll agree with you to a point Jennifer, but not everyone works for a large corporation with good diversity policies. Many girls in my support group work whatever job they can get their hands on. For these, who are likely to work minimum wage, and not have much job security, I.D. becomes the difference between eating and not eating. IMHO, as soon as you are sure that you are who you are, and full time, get the name, I.D. thing rolling.
There is no 100% right answer.

[whowhatwhen]

Haven't done name/gender change paperwork yet, can confirm on a different note that having to give your male name when you've been read as female is absolutely humiliating.

[PretzelGirl]

This is a tough one for some and it is shown in the difference between large and small companies. I was able to change everything a month and a half before going full time. If someone is receiving printed checks for their pay, staying synchronized may be more important. So the right answer may be more towards changing as soon as possible within the confines of your given situation.

[Leah Lynn]

As of 8:30 this morning, I am legally Leah Marie Leland. That part is supposedly easy, but took about three times longer than normal. In Iowa, one has to be transitioned "Beyond the point of no return" to change the marker. I don't qualify yet. Hopefully I can rectify this. In the meantime, I am now living full time. 24/7/365, here on out!

Hugs,

Leah

[Badtranny]

It's odd that this is sometimes a controversial topic but you are absolutely correct.

I came back to work full time before I'd even applied for a name and gender change, but a couple of months later, it was done.

A short year later I was facing some serious pressure to move on, and I was sooooooo glad that all of my ID was taken care of. Transition is hard, having a male identity is even harder.

[Suzanne F]

It is hard to determine what the exact timing should be. In my case it was almost a disaster. I changed my name and gender before coming out at work. Two days after I came out my office received a call from our insurance company that was preparing a quote for our company car insurance. They were confused why my drivers license number was returning the name of a woman, Suzanne Ford. So I have learned that there are many variables in the timing of transition. I can share what worked and didn't with mine.
Suzanne

[Marcelle]

I guess I am a bit of an odd duck here in that I have not experienced that desire to change my name nor my gender (from a legal perspective). I live full time as a woman, my military ID picture has been changed to show me as I appear as a woman but my name remains unchanged as does my gender marker. I guess it might have something to do with my name not changing with the exception of spelling. My male name is Marcel Leslie G****** (Leslie was my grandfather's name). I still go by Marcelle which is the feminine version of Marcel. So people did not have to change how they addressed me. WRT my gender marker, being born in Quebec brings a whole host of challenges in changing the gender marker (I think Erin can attest to that ;)). Still, for me I feel it defines my genetic sex and for me that will never change (XY born, XY die). My gender is my outward appearance to the world and while I may look like a guy to all who see me, I know I am a woman and that is all that counts for me which puts me in a good place. Now before anyone goes all Xena on me here folks . . . this how I feel and is in no way an expression of what others do or should feel about his subject. :)

I am sure some will think I am living either a lie or I can't commit to a full transition (in a legal sense) but to be honest, I just don't feel the need as my documentation does not define me. If I have to present male ID in a situation and people are confused by the presentation they see, it gets cleared up quite quickly. Now I guess I am also in a different circumstance from Paula's friend in that I am not seeking employment and indeed am a few short years away from retirement from the military. I may work as a public servant for a few years afterwards (have been head hunted and yes they know about the TS aspect) but that will be it. So perhaps that is one reason why I am not in a big rush to go through all the hassle of legal name and gender change . . . but who knows what the future may bring for me and I just might decide one day it is required . . . just don't feel the need right now.

Cheers

Marcelle

[I Am Paula]

Thank you Marcelle. Your case is unique to me, but certainly not wrong. Given how you feel, and the fact it is not detrimental to your work, or housing, go for it. Personally, I could not wait to rid myself of these reminders, and although I will die XY, I tend not to dwell on it.