what kind of man are you without the dress?

[Lena]

I realizedI that use dressing as an escape from daily life. It is relaxing to look pretty and enjoy the softer things in life. I guess I'm a little girl who plays dress up and have a tea party.

That's different from my male mode. When presenting male, I tend to have loose unkempt clothing. Hair messed up and sometimes unshaven.

Lately, I've started trying to get better clothing, calmer work attitude and presentation. So, I'm wondering how different are you in male vs female mode? How would people describe you as a male?

I know sometimes, I wonder if I give off a male or feminine demeanor.

[Danitgirl1]

I am quite similar with some obvious differences:
I wear way more bling when en femme
My make up is quite 'natural' and I don't go too glam (at least not as much as some sisters :o )
En homme I am nearly always clean shaven, neat and tidy and as smart as is appropriate for where I live.

[CarlaWestin]

En homme, I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. Slender frame. 5'10" 150#. I don't hunt, fish, off road, camp, sports or any other typical guy stuff.
But, I naturally emulate masculinity. I'm tactile and analytical. I fix things, build things and take care of things.

[EllieMayxxx]

Im a jeans and t-shirt guy, they have to be baggy or I can't handle the day. My hair is messy and im un shaven, basically I don't care how i look. Also my anger issues are more prominent when im a man. When i get the time to dress up i am the complete polar opposite, my hair is neat, im shaven, I like the feeling of tighter clothes and i am so calm. It's like an escape.

[Georgina]

During working hours I am an overall type of guy. I am self employed so work long and hard. I don't worry too much about my appearance but I am always clean.

[Laurana]

Aside from tucking in my shirt(and the makeup) everything is the same on both sides of the coin.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lena, When En-Drab I'm a manly man aside from wearing small triple pierced studs I always take pride in my appearance. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Beverley Sims]

Pretty ordinary as a guy and I try to smarten my appearance up when dressed.

[kittie60]

I didnt like myself much when endeavour. That much I remember. Life is so much better now that I'm full time and my attitude is much,much better

[Crissy Kay]

I look like any other regular guy, on most days. T-shirt, jeans or sweat pants.

[gokatiegirl]

I'm a professional suit and tie guy. At home jeans and tee shirts rule. People call me a metro sexual at work because I'm always color coordinate... little do they know

[Lily Catherine]

I tend to overdress en homme at times - sometimes I'm the only one not wearing a T-shirt. I prefer long sleeved clothing en homme (contrast my preference for strapless dresses), as they make me look less bony. I'm older than I look en homme as well, sadly - while pumping gas the staff wondered if I was too young to drive. Maybe the main contrast between my male self and the self otherwise referred to as Lilian is the silhouette when dressed up.

[Amy Lynn3]

Before I retired a few years back it was coat and tie or no less than dress casual. Now my male self is just the average, but nice off the rack pants. My shirts vary, from tees in the Summer to long sleeve in winter. I still love to dress nice in male mode with coat and tie and good leather shoes.:2c:

[pamela7]

what kind of "person" am i without the dress? The same.

[IamWren]

Interesting question Lena and I'm curious to see how others describe their male side in contrast to when they present female.

Like Carla I'm pretty tactile and like to fix things. I do a lot of home renovation work on the weekends on my own home and for neighbors (it gives me a little extra cash). And I like it. I like being strong enough to lift heavy things and making grunting noises and when I make things work. When I have time I like to ride my bicycle… hard and fast. And I like being the male my my wife wants when we... well, you know... when we... have a grown folks business meeting. :)

At my day job, I wear the same six pair of khaki, olive drab, black trousers week in and week out with the same pull over short sleeve shirts that are pretty bland as well. I’ll shave on Sunday night and maybe again on Thursday. I keep my hair cut really short and being really thin on top there are all these weird little crazy hairs going in different directions.

I come across as a hard ass and am kinda strict on my boy but when I’m in the mood to be silly he knows it and has fun playing along with me when I do or say silly things especially in contrast to being consistent on rules for him. Admittedly (and this is kinda hard to say and admit) I have a short fuse and get angry too easily with my wife and the boy. I don’t think it’s about not being able to dress or anything like others have mentioned… I’m just stressed at work, finances, body issues and it getting older and slower/weaker, the weekend home reno work, very little exercise, did I mention finances?

But in the couple of times I’ve dressed, Sayyidah brings out my softer side. I feel more…. fluid instead of so rigid.

[Saikotsu]

I'm the same me with or without the skirt. When I dress like a girl I tend to go for a tomboyish or big sister look depending on how far to the left my gender identity slider is on a given day.

I should note that 95% of the people I've come out to had an inkling of some sort that I was "something" so there is probably something in my demeanor that tips them off in male mode, but none of us know what it is exactly.

[MissDanielle]

Male mode: laziest shaver ever but that's more of an act as I have realized over the last month that I am really a girl inside.

Female mode: elegant but classy look, which is why I am not a fan of many of the clothes for sale on those sites targeting CD/TG. I don't want to wear something so short.

[Julie Denier]

Business casual most times at work but enjoy suit-and-tie opportunities, I can get sloppy on the weekends and typically shave 2-3x a week (I have a light beard, so I can get away with it). En femme, always dresses and heels, full makeup and wig, nails and accessories ;)

[Tracii G]

Pretty much the same either way.

[Kate Simmons]

Amalgamating all of our feelings sometimes works wonderful changes regardless of chosen presentation at the time. We realize that it's good to be us. ;):)

[Jennie2]

Since I came out to my wife I though I was pretty much the same as I always was, but she says I'm acting a lot more fem around her, maybe it's a release of hiding my cross dressing for most of my life. My en home clothes are jeans and t shirts etc but clean shaven and well groomed.

[Tina_gm]

Borderline nerd with some of my likes.... . Not overly masculine. Male clothes are typical male clothes. neatly dressed at least. I am conscious of color matching and always have been. I actually like to dress in formal clothing. suit and tie if I have a reason to. I have always been one to take great care of my appearance. Well shaved most of the time, no stray hairs from other places no one wants them.

Personality wise, as I had said, almost nerd like. Not loud or aggressive.... easy going most of the time. I try to find humor in a lot of things. It can get me into trouble sometimes, but I am not good as far as being a comedian, I just like to laugh at things as often as I can

[Jane G]

Drab or dressed. I'm pretty much the same. Always clean shaven. Smart casual when not working.

[CynthiaD]

Without the dress I'm a woman pretending to be a man. All of my casual clothing is female clothing, so I'm always dressed up in male mode. My "slob" clothes are some $10 dresses I got at Walmart and other places. I call them "house dresses" because they look so awful I'd never wear them out of the house.

[Robbiegirl]

Very Manly, oddly enough

[mikayla1964]

Well women say i'm a rugged manly man.. geeesh if they only knew what I was wearing under my shirt and jeans..Its totally opposite of what I truly would like to appear as..

[Dana44]

I'm a manly man. Yet since semi retired, I let my hair grow long. I have earrings. My nails are long and tipped. My face s better looking as I have used nice facial soaps and cream. So, now I do try to dress better as a male, yet a lady down the street that we talked to last night said, "You two ladies have a nice night." I was dressed male my hair down with a baseball cap. Seems like I have a feminine demeanor. My SO was very surprised at that.

[AllieBellema]

I'm pretty much the same, quiet, shy and sometimes odd person. I'll watch sports, sometimes get out and do some hiking or bike riding as well.

[Barbara Jo]

I'm also a T- shirt and jeans guy but, not very masculine acting..... but not feminine acting either, just gender neutral I guess.
I was never into sports, etc but, music was/is a passion. I even used to play bass in rock bands when I was younger.

[Sky]

Wasn't there a similar thread somewhere else? I remember answering it recently.

Anyway, I'm basically the same kind of guy. Or girl. Or whatever. I only wear t-shirts and jeans when I'm working in the tool shed or the garden. Otherwise, I go for nice tailored shirts, jackets, dress trousers, and I've been known to wear bicolor shoes in male mode (who says the 1930s are over? Show me a calendar!) And although I don't have effeminate manners I often take "feminine" or neutral viewpoints in culture, politics, etc. Yet I enjoy boxing. :confused: (well, you can't be consistent all the time!)

[Jaymees22]

As a man my everyday attire jeans and a shirt. As a woman in the privacy of my own home I tend to go a little over the top and if going out try to blend in. Sometimes my fem side must slip through as I do get a yes mam in male mode, yesterday I got a yes miss, I never correct these people, I kind of like it. Hugs Jaymee

[Lena]

I should note that 95% of the people I've come out to had an inkling of some sort that I was "something" so there is probably something in my demeanor that tips them off in male mode, but none of us know what it is exactly.

That's what I was wondering. Not so much what you wear but how you present yourself. Confident? Insecure, extrovert or introvert? Do you get along better with the men or women? Are you feminine in your daily lives? Do you go out of your way to be masculine.

Do you think they know? When you go walk the dog, do you think they're pointing and saying "look how he walks.". Do your neighbors see it when you're working on the yard?


If there was a similar post, I'm sorry for duplicating.

[flatlander_48]

I'd say that Don and DeeAnn are actually pretty similar. DeeAnn dresses like Don used to back when there was an expectation that folks wore jackets and ties to work. Interesting colors were chosen and coordinated in ways that are not always obvious. This reflects some thought and did not happen by accident.

However, these days Don is much more casual. Today's outfit was:

Light Blue Jeans
Off White cobblecloth pullover
Dark Pink/Light Fuchsia turtleneck (from the women's side of Lands' End)


And the Acorn fleece socks in the image below. In theory, these are listed as women's, but I wear these and a bunch of others all year round. As I've been told: "Well, you do wear weird socks...".

The similarities extend to personality also. Externally, we are both pretty calm. This is a life-long trait. I tell people that when you see me (Don) thrash around, it MUST be VERY Bad. There's this "Never Let Them See You Sweat." mentality going on in the background.

If you are familiar with the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator questionaire, one of the couplets is Introvert-Extrovert. If you are an introvert, you will score at one end of the scale. If you are an extrovert, you'll be at the other end of the scale. I score very close to the middle. What this means is that sometimes I'm quiet and reserved and other times, closer to the life of the party. The observed behavior, sometimes introverted and sometimes extroverted, applies to both Don and DeeAnn.

That said, the unexpected thing is that Don has always been internally emotional. Some things just touch me in an inexplicable way and make me well up and border on crying. It's happened once or twice when I've finished getting dressed completely: nice outfit, jewelry, makeup, heels and even sometimes a hat. I look in the mirror and am reminded that this is that other facet that was always there but now has been allowed to see the light of day. The transformation is amazing...

DeeAnn

[Edie Palmer]

Very, very conflicted. And very fashionable, I'm told I'm quite stylish, whether at work or casually, for some unknown reason I seem to have a knack for that. But no one could ever guess my deep, dark secret, and the few people I have told were in shock. And always being told that I'm the calm in whatever storm that's going on.

[TrishaTX]

Close to a suit and tie guy and work , high end clothes , always shave even weekends. On weekends I still dress like a 12 year old torn jeans t-shirts lucky brand...sport team hats...when en femme prefer dresses and satin lingerie.

[Robin414]

I used to be a hyper masculine, very well dressed, playboy type...that was little over a year ago. Changes come around real soon, make us WOMEN and men! 😯

[Heidi Stevens]

When I'm not in Heidi mode, I'm casual but stylish. Polos a lot, non holely blue jeans, higher model tennis shoes. Not much different from my female persona. If I had my choice I'd be Heidi every minute.

[sometimes_miss]

Well as a female I dress sorta' junior style, the stuff adolescents wear. School, cheerleader uniform, things you might see a 14 year old girl in. I will always feel like I'm a girl 'stuck' at that age, waiting for a 'girl' life to continue.
I've had a full time job essentially since I was about 14, and either was working full time and going to school or working two jobs until the day I got divorced. Today I work per diem, but as many days as I did when I had a full time position. I tried being a manager for about 10 years but hated it. My private life as a guy, well a while back I realized that most men looked like crap, and I was just another slob who threw some wrinkled casual clothes on, sort of combed my hair and left the house every day like that. It was then that I decided to 'upgrade' my behavior and presentation to something more like my well off uncle used to be like. Blazers instead of windbreakers, overcoat instead of parkas, leather jackets instead of nylon, dress slacks instead of jeans, button down 'dressier' shirts became the rule rather than the exception, instead of t or polo shirts. Shoes instead of sneakers. Leather wallet instead of the nylon camo one I used to have. It's made a difference, and women notice, as an old guy I get more compliments on my attire than I ever did when I was young. While I kept the 4X4, my daily ride is now a more expensive version of a chevy (read, an old Caddy which looks just as nice as when new but cost less than a new impala). And while I did trade in my beloved digital Casio, it was for another Casio, but with an analog face, and a nice leather strap (guess I'm still kind of a nerd at heart). Taking a clue from the 'dirty rotten scoundrel' movie, I learned to dance and be more polite, avoid swearing, and have become a reliable escort for some of the women I work with when they want a guy 'friend' to go to social functions with. Still, I often feel that I look better than I actually am. But it's made me feel way better about myself so I guess it's all worth it.

[MischaSummers]

I'm kind of a slob in male mode, although I maintain good hygiene. I'm also very competitive, highly excitable, and quite vocal and loud. When I'm playing pickup on the basketball court, I'm at my most alpha: I'm aggressive, physical, and love to talk trash.

That's just as much a part of me as my femme alter ego.

[Rhonda Darling]

In male mode I have the business look for work (suit, long sleeve dress shirt, expensive shoes, clean shaven and well groomed). I only wear ties now when I have a business meeting with peers or above (I'm close to retirement and have no interest in the choked male look that a tie represents except when I need to dress to impress). I also have the casual male me, which is non-holey jeans or shorts, and anything from t-shirts to pull over knits, to dressier shirts, to flannel. I'm underdressed 90% of the time these days and wear women's socks or knee highs, or stockings as often as practical. I'm viewed as a man who women feel comfortable around.

In homme many of my male friends notice that I'm not typical. I don't like to banter sports talk, I don't lust after every woman with breasts, I don't belittle women, I have no interest in going to strip clubs, and I generally have no interest in proving my manhood to them. That said, and although I'm an attorney, I have skills in woodworking, electrical, plumbing, love to shoot, occasionally hunt, enjoy boating and the outdoors, sometimes bicycle, love going on hikes, play poker with friends, and much more.


When I become Rhonda, I can be casual around the house in shorts, skirts, yoga pants, tanks, t-shirts, etc. -- usually with forms, some minimal jewelry, light makeup, and often a wig. I'm calm, relaxed, and thoroughly comfortable with myself. When I go out, I dress appropriately for the time/place. I'm 6'0", 220#, and need shapeware to get my femme silhouette going. When I go out with the girls to local restaurants or other venues, I'll glam it up a bit, and try to project the confidence, look, movement, mannerisms, etc. of a mature woman who is out to have fun.

I love being Rhonda. In either mode though, I'm neat, I keep our house clean, I organize, I take after my late Mom and am the consummate homemaker. I've some minor sewing skills, love art and music, have been a photographer, and enjoy cooking and pairing good wines with meals. I'm the guy deep down, but deeper down, I'm the woman that I should have been, and that is surfacing more and more as time passes.

[Angela Marie]

Pretty femme at home also. Although I don't dress there I do wear tights/leggings all day. Keep my skin smooth and hydrated and have definite feminine mannerisms. In public i have to be in male mode unfortunately.

[MichelleDevon]

OK, what KIND of man? How does one define a kind of man? Not sure.

I think, though, that there are differences between me as Stephen and me as Michelle. Partly that comes from being more "relaxed" when I am in Michelle mode. I also think that the persona that presents as Stephen has changed following Michelle's arrival on the scene. I still do pretty much the same things as I always did - d-i-y jobs around the house, gardening, like to get out for a good walk (which doesn't happen often enough), photography, singing. I mostly do those things as Stephen although Michelle has been to choir a few times and she does get out in the garden, too.

As a guy I try to present looking reasonably smart - Stephen does not own a pair of jeans (Michelle does!), I can't think when I last went a day without shaving, for work I always wear shirt and tie with a suit or jacket and trousers - shirt colours have modified since Michelle came along - never used to wear anything in the pink/purple range of colours - and I use ties as a statement - again, far more than I ever used to - to offset the dull choice of men's "office wear".

I don't think anyone would describe Stephen as effeminate but inside, at least, I am much more of a girlie guy and I think I am far more "open" than I used to be.

So, am I different personae? I don't think I am really but Michelle's presence in my life has definitely modified my male persona.

Michelle
x

[Chandlyr Ellis]

Retired… Jeans, T-shirts, & tennis shoes. I’ll stand close to a razor on occasion, but not daily. Woodworking, lawn care, home repairs. SO does the cooking, I clean up the kitchen.

Have Motorcycle, Will Travel.

[Judith96a]

Hi Lena,
Interesting question.
Firstly, I'm 6ft1 and built like an ex-rugby player.
In a work context, I'm a shirt and tie guy. Most of the time that doesn't quite extend to a suit per se but if I'm interviewing or 'representing' work then I'll happily don the suit. Always clean shaven, hair short and tidy. Very conservative dresser (not much other than blues and greys in the colour palette). If I happen to be at a conference where the dress code is 'business casual' then I'll lose the tie! Wow!
At home, it tends to be polo shirt plus jeans (chinos rather than denim - haven't owned any denim in 30 yrs) and trainers.
As for giving off a male or female demeanour - definitely male, not macho but male. I've been told that I have a certain presence, that people notice when I walk into a room. I'm not sure that I actually give that much credence - the person that said it may have had an agenda - but I am big so who knows. I'm certainly one of those people to whom others look when there's some heavy lump of 'stuff' to be moved or a recalcitrant jam jar to be opened. And that's pretty OK. although my hobbies and work tend to favour brains over brawn I've never objected to 'hard grunt' when necessary (e.g lugging amps or stage lighting fixtures around). I guess that 99% of the folks who know the male me would have great difficulty imagining me in a dress. If they did but know ;)

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm trying to figure that out.

Clothing: I have always been fairly casual in my dress in boy mode, even when I did office work. I'd dress it up when needed, but only then. My favorite shirt is a loud Hawaiian shirt, silk or rayon preferred. The girl side of my closet has a lot of casual things, pants, tees, denim and khaki skirts and plenty of flats and sandals. I do have several nice dresses and outfits but go for multi use clothing when I buy things. Overall, not really much difference there except for the cut of things.

Activities: I've always been the cook in the family and did laundry and housework as well. I was less likely to be the enforcer with the kids than my late wife, I encouraged and nurtured whenever possible. But I was the one to do the maintenance and construction outside, but know how to mend socks and sew buttons back on. I'm not the best with a sewing machine, but I can use one if I need to. I don't do much of the outside work en femme because the neighbors don't know about me (I think), but also because I don't want to damage my pretty things with paint or grass and paint stains. That's what guy clothes are for and I don't want to get my wig all sweaty.

Recreation: I follow my favorite sports teams, camp, go to casinos, drink with friends, go to movies and musical performances. I've done all that in both modes, no difference.

Relationships: I have two different peer groups with only a few who reside in both worlds. It's hard to talk about some things with the group who only knows me as Dave, but I don't believe they will be alienated if I told them. Probably amused and then understanding as they look at our lives and the roles I've taken over the years. I tend to be the one who arranges a lot of the social events and caters to everyone's needs when we get together. So it's only how I'm dressed that makes this different. I'm working on resolving this but it's a slow process as I work though my own issues before I create issues for others to handle. Grandkids are probably the single biggest issue for me and it's out of my control since it's one that their parents will have to handle when they think the time is right. As it stands now their parents know the basics but I think they probably need a little more info here in the near future so I can make a bit more progress.

[SandraInHose]

Im a jeans and t-shirt guy, they have to be baggy or I can't handle the day. My hair is messy and im un shaven, basically I don't care how i look. Also my anger issues are more prominent when im a man. When i get the time to dress up i am the complete polar opposite, my hair is neat, im shaven, I like the feeling of tighter clothes and i am so calm. It's like an escape.

Other than the part about the hair being messy (I shave my head), you have summed it up quite well for me, too.

I weightlift, play hockey, hike, and do some 'manly' things, and I tend to be more aggressive, especially when driving or navigating the grocery store or Target/Walmart. (Don't leave your cart blocking the middle of the aisle!)

But dressed up and girly, I'm more relaxed and so much calmer and passive. I hope that someday I can spend my days dressed around the house in front of the wife.

[Patty Phose]

A manly man actually.

[Angie G]

I male mode I'm more likely to be a bitch.:hugs:
Angie

[EileenW]

Recently have had the opportunity to dress more frequently. In male mode still dress the same as before mostly jeans and t-shirts, your average guy. However my grooming has improved. Started growing my finger nails after biting them for years and plunking my eyebrows. Shave and moisturize now after regularly having had a beard for the past several years. The only comments I get about the changes are that I look much younger than before. No one guesses that this is the feminine side of me coming out.

[Claire Cook]

Definitely not an alpha male, definitely not macho. My wife says if I were, I wouldn't have had a chance with her. Happy that I am who I am ... and there is not doubt that Claire makes me a better person.

[Jessica S]

"Pretty" macho pun intended

[Curious Mike]

Just a regular guy I guess. Still pretty private with my dress up and just got back into it. Love the feeling!

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Quite a bit messier and totally manly. I feel so much better dressed fully, makeup and all. I do underdress always, most times in the winter I wear a bra under loose fitting sweatshirts, wife can't understand why but she allows my guilty pleasures. I do very hard manual labor all day, I am said to be the hardest working man any of my family or friends have ever known, and I do it all with string bikini panties and a bra. LOL!!!!

[Curious Mike]

That is fantastic Sandra! That must feel so good and also knowing it is your secret too!

[Brandy Mathews]

Sandra,
High 5 hun, I am like that too. I am a lot more manly and messier too. But then, I change into something comfortable, like leggings and a tight halter top and do my house cleaning. I should get a maids costume I guess, lol.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[Jennifer0874]

Over the past year I would say that if I'm not in a dress there's a 90% chance I'm in skinny jeans with knee high brown boots, a skirt or yoga pants.

[xNicolex]

Was a very ''macho man'' up until I embraced my crossdressing but my macho exterior was just a front to cover up my feminine tendencies that would otherwise be noticeable :o nowadays I am more feminine in man mode than I ever thought I would be :) but not nearly as much as when I'm dressed then its like shania twain ''man I feel like a woman'' :daydreaming:

[Jamie390]

Actually pretty manly. I like old cars, heavy metal music black coffee, and straight bourbon. My wife tells me that's why it was such a shocker to her and so hard to deal with when I first came out to her. She also said that since I have come out and express my "feminine" side that I seem a lot more mellowed out.

[Elli87]

easy going, imaginative, inquisitive.

[Nurse Sally]

My wife is almost cd at home, doing the housework! Usually leggings and blouse, kind of uni sex since this is comfortable to do the chores. We girls should do the same and not feel we are not still the same! Shaving, skin care and wearing sensible female knickers essential though!
You have great legs!
Sally

[Tami Joy]

Wear uniform at work soon as I get home I become Tami Joy an weekends I'm Tami weather I home or going out.

[sbay06]

My wife is the only one who has really experienced me dressed up. I think that she would describe me as exhibiting more feminine traits in general. So, she probably doesn't see much of a difference from when I am dressed up to when I am not. I find that my taste in female fashion is a lot more varied than my taste for male fashion. I rarely wear anything outside of earth tone t-shirts and jeans/shorts. En femme, I am finding that I enjoy a mixture of dark tones and bright colors! I think I'm like you though. I like to take a break from my masculine duties/expectations/obligations and doll myself up for a short time.

[Stephanie Julianna]

At work I wear womens elastic waist white nurses slacks and any shade of blue scrub tops. The tops are womens with pockets put low with no breast pockets and side vents at the hem. I wear long white socks with womens nurse clogs in white. I wear a body shaper and white full cut panties. No male clothes at all working as a nurse. However, without makeup and being bald I always pass on the male side of the spectrum. I've worn the same outfit with my make-up and wig done right and a bra to enhance the breasts that the body shaper normally hold down and present totally female. Out of work clothes I usualyy wear thw same underwear with ladies jeans, ladies Hush Puppy shoes and loose sweaters or T's. If I'm wearing a sweatshirt I can usually get away wearing my bras which give me support without being to obvious. As far as how I'm perceived by others, at work I've been told by other nurses and family members of patients that I am a caring gentle person. If anyone thinks that I'm more feminine they have never indicated it to me. Only in the heat of summer do I wear only male clothes.