Anyone have any advice/experience on finding a GG for friendship

[elliemoss]

Hi all,

I'd love to hear your advice/stories on finding any GG friends to hangout with.

Over the past few weeks I've really had the urge to have a female companion/companions by my side.

A few months ago I started dating a really beautiful blonde lady. She lived in an apartment with her friend (friend from Uni). Both ladies are in their mid 20's and working in a creative/corporate environment. They were both really lovely, friendly, fun girls who enjoyed the usual things that girls of their age do. I used to love going around as their apartment had a really bright, cute almost sensual female energy to it as did the girls. Unfortunately after a couple of months it didn't workout which was absolutely fine. The whole experience really got me thinking and I thought I would love so much to hangout with these ladies in female mode. As friends, to be one of the girls, go around for dinner and parties, go to pubs and clubs, go shopping and do internet shopping together, swap clothes and shoes, etc.

I'm thinking now that's what I really want to find. People are becoming more and more open minded these days and I think especially females are way more accepting of trans people and I think a large number of them would love to have a t-girl as a friend.

My only problem is since moving to the city I don't know any female's well enough to approach them with my friendship idea and I'm wondering how I could go about it (forums etc??).

It would be so much fun to have a lovely casual friendship with someone who I could learn things from too. I was writing out my (crossdressing aims for 2016) and one thing I dream of doing is booking an appointment first with a prom dress store and then with a wedding gown store and trying on lots of gowns and taking lots of pics but it would not be so much fun on my own and I would be way too nervous.

Any experiences would be greatly appreciated xx

Ellie

[Brandy Mathews]

Ellie,
Good luck with trying to find a GG. It is not easy at all. I would really like to find someone too. Years ago I had a girlfriend that was so amazing to do things with, shopping, makeup, did each others nails, went places together. I really miss that.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[MissDanielle]

After I came out as trans to close friends, I have a future shopping partner.

[Lorileah]

Finding GG's to be friends with is just as easy when you are a crossdresser as it is when you're dressed and acting male. The caveat is, remember they usually aren't interested in you sexually or for a relationship. A lot of CDs here have female friends. If you're looking for someone to approve of you're chasing Prom dresses and Wedding gowns, you will be almost certain....to not find one. Prom and Weddings are important parts of a woman's life, they won't appreciate your wanting to play dress up. Come to think of it, it's unfair to the shop owner who is giving you tme and maybe disrupting the business so you can play.

[Nicole Erin]

The first thing you should get in order if you are going to live even part time as a woman is confidence levels. This can take a lot of outings, time, bruises to your ego, etc. Lack of confidence destroys so much of one's hopes, dreams and life.

So your main concern is how to go about making friends. The more you go out en femme, the more likely "Ellie" will meet people. Even better, women will likely approach YOU. Not usually for romantic interest but "I love your dress, hair, whatever". The ice is broken. Just gotta keep your head up, keep smiling, and keep your nerves at bay. This could happen at the store, clubs, wherever.

When you meet someone new over the web instead and you want them to be friends with your femme side, then meet en femme. They do not need to know your male name, just the female one. If they ask, just explain, "I prefer to go by "Ellie".
If the first thing someone meets or sees is your femme side, that makes it easier.
If they do not accept it, it eliminates a lot of wasted time.
Another thing is try not to make a big deal over being TG. People do not want to hear our whole life story as it pertains to being CD/TS. My experience is that very few conversations have anything to do with being TG.

Alright look, I have been living full time like this for 5 years now. Though I am not much a social creature but I have few problems having a social life when I want. You can too. It's as easy as putting yourself out there.

Keep one other thing in mind though - finding and making friends does take some effort no matter who someone is. Be patient, don't act desperate, keep your options open.

[elliemoss]

Hey Lorileah, thanks for the input! Yeah that is very true you make a good point, in the prom dress shop I would actually buy a dress so prob best to leave the wedding dress shops alone.... Yes I would absolutely be only looking for friendship and would be 100% respectful of the person. Do you have many GG friends? Just wondering where you met them? Thanks xx

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thanks Bree, oh that's too bad. Well keep looking anyway nothing is impossible xx

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thanks Nicole Erin some great advice xx

[josrphine]

Hello Elli, If you were hanging around with 20 yr olds. I take it you are about the same age. Minesville !!! you have put your self in a hole to start My thinking. Finding a GG that will except you , is hard enough if you think bars, clubs an so forth is were you need to be. I am a bit older, an live in Florida this for me has been a rich envormint for finding women. I find that as long as I want to dress as a women be one as much as possible. Right now you are in the age for women that want a man to show his female side. I did not dress as if I was a hooker, I looked at how women my age dressed every day. I have learned to play down the make up, look at how girls your age dress EVERY DAY . I have gone out with my wife almost every were, she loves it an I pass pretty good. Church dances an meetings , good place to go. Have had a lot of luck there. With my wife I have found that they want a girl friend that they can call any time to cry with. To go to a show an not just fluff one's. An if your are the same size in cloths BINGO then shopping is the thing you must do. We buy cloth that match so we can go out as sisters, an hair you must have the same color an cut. That is when the fun really begins. Good luck I hope my little tid bits and any other you get from the girls here give you helps. Oh an cougars they really love men who dress, I know because I have one an I am really enjoying my self. JO

[elliemoss]

haha, thank you JO! wow sounds like you have really fallen on your feet in Florida it sounds amazing...maybe I should move there! Aw that's so amazing that your wife is so accepting and you get to go out together she sounds delightful. That is my ultimate goal I must say. Thanks for the wonderful advice and the lovely encouragement? Do you mind me asking how and where you met your wife? I would love to hear xx

[PaulaQ]

I think the key is to go out and do things and talk to people - particularly women. It's particularly helpful I think if you can do an activity where you'll meet the same people over and over again - volunteering for some cause, a book club, a class - there are all sorts of things where you'll get an opportunity to meet people and get to know them some. This makes it easier, I think, for friendships to develop.

It took me a few minutes to think about this topic - it took me aback a little bit. I don't really think of seeking out GG friends, just women friends, gal pals, or however you might term it. Honestly, I don't even think about "I need to make friends with a woman," I just try to make friends with people, men or women. I have made some friends who are fellow activists, both cis and trans, I have friends from a 12 step group I attend - that's why I suggest an activity. Friend or spouse of a friend can work out ok too - one of my girlfriends is the cis spouse of one of my boyfriend's guy friends. I don't really think about cis or trans much though, at least not anymore, in terms of my friends. I just think about other women I know - if I'm even concerned with gender at all.

Some of the dating sites, like OKCupid, let you seek friendships. I have some friends that have found gal pals that way.

I'm not sure I can give a lot of advice though, other than "put yourself out there." If are extroverted, or at least good in social situations, you'll make friends. If you aren't, I think it's really hard - I definitely think in a case like that, being part of a group activity where the same people will meet for a period of time together is helpful. The group may stress you out, but you'll likely get to know individuals in it if you apply any effort at all. I also agree with Erin about meeting them en femme, and gaining confidence. If you are completely freaked out about being out en femme in public, you'll probably have trouble meeting anyone no matter how adept at social situations you are.

I would think at least some here might want to know how to meet a woman while in drab, and then come out to her as a CD, and become gal pals. I'm sure that can work, but I think it's generally MUCH easier if people only have one mental image of you. And the one you want them to have is you dressed as a woman. At least it's easier if you can manage to relax enough to actually talk to people while out en femme... I don't really think there's a zero risk way to do this - which is certainly what I can imagine someone who isn't out everywhere wanting.

I agree with Lorileah too - I never had much trouble making friends with women before transition, and I didn't really notice any difference in that after transition. But I was really a woman all along anyway, so I don't know if it will work out the same for someone who's a CD.

[josrphine]

Hi Ellie, Yes I would love to tell you how we met. I had moved to Florida after my divorce in 05. I had gone on line to look for a job as a handy man down here, I needed to get out of Connecticut WERE I AM FROM as I was a sniper in the navy, U D T before Seals. So a shot from here would have been a world recored. This women needed a handy man an they had just been hit by that big him a cane . I moved in with the women an told her right off the bat that I cross dressed, she said she was alright with it. It did't last to long . This was in Belle Glade Florida nice place not to live. Then moved up to Cerder Key up in the pan handle.met women there too an same, I fir right in. In May of 06 I had to go home to finish up on my divorce. A friend of mine who is also a C D put me up the day I got there, he was the head of a singles group. They were have a diner an said come down. So I went well there were about 20 people there an all in drag men as men an women as women. I had gone out on the stair porch with my beer as I was heading home on Sat. I saw this car come in an in a few minutes my wife came walking up the drive way, she stopped an said to me you are in an advatages position an I a naturellist . Though that was kind of funny an she came in talk with some of the outher women an saw me sitting down came over an we talked for 3 hours. So I made a date for Friday , it was a real bad night all heavy rain. So i gave her three opshions 1 to go to a show an dinner 2 go to the local caniso 3 I had made some venison chill an I could come down with a bottle of wine. She picked 3, she gave me directson to her home very nice. Well we ate the chill an drank the wine, she would get up when we finshed the bottle an go an get another one. With wine you get warm an cozy, as we made out I told her she needed to know something about me. I always let the women know i cross dress. She said so what I am a Grenage Village girl. Well 3 days later I told her I really had to get back to Florida as all my stuff was there. She told me to go to her home in Nokomis an she would meet me there in a wk. Well here its almost 10 yrs may an I have the best women in the world. JO

[kittie60]

Hi Ellie. Go on line for women who like crossdressers. You will find lots of women their. Hope you find this helpful. Happy holidays

[elliemoss]

yes thank you Kittie. I set up a profile on gocupid last night and already have some wonderful ladies interested in chatting which is really exciting. Thanks so much xx

[Jodi]

Ellie, Forming great friendships with anyone takes time, energy, and giving. Be willing to go out, meet people and begin committing to friendship.

Great friendships are like fine wines.They need time to age.

Jodi

[Kate Simmons]

Met a good number of my GG friends by socializing and dancing at the club. Some are Gay some are straight but most like me as my femme self and the fact that I'm not afaid to just be myself. :)

[Claire Cook]

Hi Ellie,

All I know is that it just happens. I think Nicole has it right on, at least from my experiences. Confidence in yourself is a big factor, and it's taken me quite a while to get there. My experience is that when Claire is out and about, it's just natural to strike up conversations with other women. And it is great that there are no sexual overtones. Funny thing for me is that when I've come out to GG friends, next thing I know we're talking about clothes, going shopping, maybe a GNO. Case in point. I came out to our condo supervisor in Arlington, just to give her and the staff a heads-up about this strange lady who might be wandering around the building. Next thing I know she wants to meet Claire .. and she was totally supportive. "So when do we go shopping?" Next time I'm back North .....

[sperow2003]

I really get what you are saying, Ellie. I have a female friend who I used to work with. Although I never actually came out to her the inuendos were enough for her to work it out for herself (I think). I won't go into detail about them but when she left to go to a new job she discreetly gave me one of her best silk scarves as a present. I never made any secret of the fact that I have a thing for silk headscarves; in fact we often used to joke about it whenever she wore one. When I see her she always asks me if I am looking after her silk scarf. It is nice to still have this innocent banter with her although it could never become anything more than that.