Debi
12-05-2015, 08:53 AM
Coming out is a deeply personal decision and one not to be taken lightly. I would probably classify myself as being ‘Gender Fluid’ (or I prefer ‘Two Spirit’) In the ’trans’ spectrum and for me, I just don’t like carrying around a secret like this. I’ve found over the years that it creates a sort of blockage that sometimes prevents me from giving myself fully to friendships. I have worried about tell tale signs of mascara or nail varnish giving the game away and for me, I just don’t like the feeling of being worried about being found out.
I have an amazing wife who I told before we got married (best decision ever!) and she is extremely supportive of this side of my life, so the most important person knows anyway, but over the past two years, I have been creeping out to segments of my friends and although it’s not right for everyone, I have found that using the method of email has been wonderful. I say segments - for example: I play in a band at quite a high level and two years ago, I made the decision to tell them about who I really am and decided to explain it all in an email, as I knew that if I were to sit down in front of them, either one on one, or all together, my mind would be racing and I would forget to say things that I thought would be quite important to say. I wrote a long email and addressed questions that they may have had in their minds.. for example … are you gay? … do you want a sex-change etc etc..
Without exception, these people were supportive beyond belief and their responses reduced me to tears!
Last week I used the same approach to tell my partners in a business that we have. Again - these are close friends of mine who I kind of knew would be fine with it so it was again a sort of ‘soft-outing’.
SO … I took the decision to tell my mum!
A few days ago, I wrote a very long email explaining WHY I wanted to tell her. Telling her that I could very easily NOT tell her and she’d never ever know about it, but I just wanted her to know EVERYTHING about me. Again addressing concerns that she may have had in her mind.
Although she was shocked, in the days since, she is really glad that I told her and although she doesn’t understand it (I told her that if I don’t then she NEVER will), she now knows that this is just another part of me and is fine with it. She was actually more concerned that I went through so many years of torment and that she wasn’t there to help me deal with it. We can now talk about the issue openly with no awkwardness or embarassment.
I know that there will be some that think that the ‘right’ thing to do is to front it out, face to face, but for me and the way MY life is. This has been the best way for me and I don’t regret for a moment, all that torture of hovering my finger over the ‘send button’ agonising over whether I should press it or not.
Now, all the people who’s opinion I actually care about, know about my female side and this is a great platform from where to launch myself when I come out completely. I don’t know when that day will be, but it’s coming …
Coming out is not something to be done lightly, but for me, it WAS the right thing to do. I feel a little lighter somehow and friendships have actually been strengthened rather than weakened. For any sisters out there who feel the same, but don’t quite know where to start, I’d be happy to give you an example of what I wrote in my emails - just message me.
I’m a very happy girl right now x :dance:
I have an amazing wife who I told before we got married (best decision ever!) and she is extremely supportive of this side of my life, so the most important person knows anyway, but over the past two years, I have been creeping out to segments of my friends and although it’s not right for everyone, I have found that using the method of email has been wonderful. I say segments - for example: I play in a band at quite a high level and two years ago, I made the decision to tell them about who I really am and decided to explain it all in an email, as I knew that if I were to sit down in front of them, either one on one, or all together, my mind would be racing and I would forget to say things that I thought would be quite important to say. I wrote a long email and addressed questions that they may have had in their minds.. for example … are you gay? … do you want a sex-change etc etc..
Without exception, these people were supportive beyond belief and their responses reduced me to tears!
Last week I used the same approach to tell my partners in a business that we have. Again - these are close friends of mine who I kind of knew would be fine with it so it was again a sort of ‘soft-outing’.
SO … I took the decision to tell my mum!
A few days ago, I wrote a very long email explaining WHY I wanted to tell her. Telling her that I could very easily NOT tell her and she’d never ever know about it, but I just wanted her to know EVERYTHING about me. Again addressing concerns that she may have had in her mind.
Although she was shocked, in the days since, she is really glad that I told her and although she doesn’t understand it (I told her that if I don’t then she NEVER will), she now knows that this is just another part of me and is fine with it. She was actually more concerned that I went through so many years of torment and that she wasn’t there to help me deal with it. We can now talk about the issue openly with no awkwardness or embarassment.
I know that there will be some that think that the ‘right’ thing to do is to front it out, face to face, but for me and the way MY life is. This has been the best way for me and I don’t regret for a moment, all that torture of hovering my finger over the ‘send button’ agonising over whether I should press it or not.
Now, all the people who’s opinion I actually care about, know about my female side and this is a great platform from where to launch myself when I come out completely. I don’t know when that day will be, but it’s coming …
Coming out is not something to be done lightly, but for me, it WAS the right thing to do. I feel a little lighter somehow and friendships have actually been strengthened rather than weakened. For any sisters out there who feel the same, but don’t quite know where to start, I’d be happy to give you an example of what I wrote in my emails - just message me.
I’m a very happy girl right now x :dance: