First time shopper tips?

[tanya_cd]

I know this may seem like a cliche topic and there may be other threads devoted to subjects like this, but I am wondering what tips would you give to cd who is working up the determination to go out shopping for the first time?

While I'm not new to shopping online, it often this leads to higher costs and headaches of getting something the wrong size. :sad:
I have been out dressed before in an accepting dark nightclub, but never in a place where people might get uncomfortable. This makes me somewhat nervous.

While I know I will never completely pass, I would like to be able to just blend in as much possible and feel comfortable shopping in the woman's section. While I know wearing 6-inch heels and thigh-his would get some looks, they are not necessarily the looks I want lol, so I know I need to wear something more casual. Any suggestions on what to wear, tips on trying to blend in? Makeup, accessories, mannerisms to adopt or avoid?

Important : Changing rooms. When they are not unisex, where do you try on clothes?

[Amy Lynn3]

It is sometimes hard to get the nerve built up to shop, but I see your method might be made somewhat easier, by going in male clothing.

You state you do not pass. Why not take that worry off the list and shop in drab. I know our mind plays tricks on us and we think the world will end if we shop for female clothing. It is a mind thing for us, as the SA's don't care and actually like for us to shop with them. The reason is they sell on commission. So, as I do....just shop until you drop. If someone is rude, ask to speak to the manager about their attitude. You are not required to state why or who you are buying for. If you want to say....just say they are mine. They have no clue who they are for, so let them assume.

I have never saw a dressing room one could not go in, unless they were marked male and female. If they have a dressing room, you are allowed to use it.

Good luck and go buy all the Christmas things you like.:)

[kittie60]

Hi Tanya and welcome too the forum. My suggestion is to be casual, subtle makeup and all and go about your business as usual. Be relaxed and don't fixate on other people. Just do your thing and enjoy it. The SA's will help you no problem.you'll enjoy it. Have fun

[Erica Marie]

I have never gone shopping dressed. I have always gone drab and I just take the items I want to try back to the mens dept to try on. If you look confident and not like a creeper no one will honestly bother you. How do they know if you are shopping for yourself or for someone else.

[Debra Russell]

Look around at the way women are dressed where you are going, mimic what they wear - if at all possible dress before you go - if you don't have clothes go someplace like target and try on what you want in drab - they don't care - next of all have fun ....................Debra

[MischaSummers]

I always buy my clothes in drab. I just recently tried on (and bought!) 2 little black dresses at my local Goodwill. If youre in drab, put a pair of jeans or a big flannel shirt over your ladies garments if you're feeling shy about what you want to try on. Whatever mode you're in go in that gender's dressing room. Act like you belong there. Your money is as green as anyone elses. When youre searching the racks, really pay attention to the garments you are interested in, and try not to pay attention to any of the women near you. I'm not sure where youre from, and I'm Californian so nobody really second guesses a guy in the women's aisle. Lastly, if you're really worried about what others may think, go shopping at dead times (usually the first hour the store opens) and don't shop as much in the afternoon early evening.

If anybody gives you a condescending glance, or mentions why youre in this section, just ignore them or say "mind your business" and continue shopping for you. It's not like anyone will see you again.

[Michelle 78]

Hi Tanya and welcome,

I shop as Michelle and it can be daunting at first, but it does get easier to do in time. Being in the Women's section as a woman feels great, I was really scared the first 4 or 5 times, but stick at it and you will learn to overcome the nerves and the thoughts of you thinking everybody is looking at you will fade and you eventually just focus on the task in hand which is browsing the clothes and you will start to enjoy it.

As for what to wear, really have a good look at what the girls are wearing out where you live, especially woman of your age and copy them. Right now Girls are wearing boots with skinny jeans for example with a nice cardigan or coat, this is pretty much what I wore out the other day when I was out shopping. Keep your makeup as light as you can as it is easy to overdo it.

Get yourself a nice bag and a purse too and maybe a scarf as they are really popular right now.

The most important thing is to enjoy yourself, we all get made that is a fact, but just enjoy being you.

Michelle

[Barbara Jo]

Personally, I have purchased everything from panties to cocktail dresses and everything in between while in male mode.
I have bought these items in "big box"stores, little feminine boutiques, thrift stores, etc.
I never, ever had a problem! with anyone, anywhere!

I just pick out or tell the sales person what i want any pay for it..... it that simple
If you act nervous people will pick up on that and might say something but, if you act like you are doing absolutely nothing wrong they are always glad to take your money.

Keep in mid that it is very common for a female to buy male clothes, not for themselves but, for a male in their life. People will just assume that you are doing the same thing... even think you must be a very secure male to be doing so.

Bottom line, no one will say anything derogatory or laugh at you etc .

About the only question I ever had was like from small private boutique owners about sizes.... like for a fancy dress etc.
I always Just cheerfully say that I buy clothes for "her" all the time and never have a problem with sizes.
Once you purchase something from them with no problem with no size issues, you are greeted as a valued customer, even it they think that the clothes might really be for you.

In big box stores their job is to take your money and never insult the customer in any way.

So, get over any unfounded fears and purchase something ! :)

[Michaelasfun]

Hi Tanya,

Start by visiting your proposed shopping venues in drab first, it'll give you confidence thru familiarity both with the layout of the stores and the typical dress of the clientele. Generally, my observations are that casual looks are the order of the day, as well as daytime makeup (earthy, muted tones). I dont use dressing rooms even in drab typically, I kind of know my size just as when I 'm getting "guy" stuff and just hold items up to myself in a convenient mirror to decide if I like it. And, if it doesnt work out after you get it home, you at least have a better idea of the size you need for a given manufacturer, plus you have an excuse to go back to the stores again to exchange, which will give you more motivation to get out again!

[Helen_Highwater]

As usual sound advice about dressing to blend. You don't say where you're based but here in the UK it's winter so you'll see many GG's in leggings or thick tights with flat knee high boots, a sweater dress, possibly jeans, again with boots and a casual top perhaps accompanied by a cardigan. As also stated try to keep makeup to a minimum, pale pink eye shadow and lippy, perhaps a hint of mascara.

It was only just over a year ago when I first walked through a shop door enfemme. No alarms went off, no one screamed or pointed. I stayed calm and began to do what the GG's were doing, browse. In truth I didn't go totally un-noticed. Even in flat boots I'm 5'10" ans so you do tend to stand out when queuing for the tills. However on my first trip a little old lady in front of me saw I had only 1 item and asked me if i would like to go before her. "Are you sure?" "That's very kind of you" and a few other bits of chit chat followed. Engaged with the SA who was polite and professional and left for the next store. Absolutely no dramas.

I did post about a week ago about having never used the fem changing rooms but it is on my todo list but from what many who post here say, it does seem to be a non issue.

Concentrate on your posture so you walk like a GG and not like a stiff plank and you'll be fine. Best of luck, just go for it.

[Nadine Spirit]

Wow. I am pretty surprised at the number of folks who say to go dressed in DRAB. While I have done that, it does not afford the opportunities that going dressed as a woman give. Like trying the clothes on in the store and determining if they will actually fit! Boobs make a heck of a difference in how something fits or not.

Anywho..... I shop while dressed all the time. Though at first it was quite daunting. In terms of passing, I think I pass the glance test. Meaning I pass at a glance, but upon closer inspection the fact that I am male is pretty clear. It has never mattered though. I have always been treated well in any shop I have ever visited. I walk in, like anyone else would, and begin browsing for items I like. Sometimes they ask if I would like to start a dressing room, but more often I go ask for a fitting room. Never have I been denied access to the female area dressing rooms.

As far as what to wear..... I have worn jeans or skirts. They tend to be easier to remove in the dressing rooms. I also wear comfy shoes, like tennis shoes, as I do quite a bit of walking while shopping.

Oh.... And if there was ever any doubt as to my gender they certainly know when I pay using my male credit cards and male ID and still they treat me very well.

[Aaron Zwidling]

I've shopped for women's clothes in drab for the last thirty years and never had any real problems. The worst reaction I ever had was confusion, with one young SA explaining to me that the store only sold women's clothes. As the store was fairly small and packed with dresses and skirts, I'm not quite sure why she thought I was confused about that. It wasn't as if I went into the store and said I see a lot of dresses, but where are the power tools. Anyway typically the SA's I deal with are either helpful, neutral or confused, but never hostile. I've never had a problem with using the dressing rooms, although there was one occasion when a lingerie boutique asked me to come before store opening if I wanted to try on women's bathing suits.

[Robin414]

Hi Tanya, for my first real brick and mortar experience I ordered online and specified 'in store pickup' (Long Tall Sally) and picked up the order en drab to get my feet wet so to speak (that was about a year ago).

The second time I did that I went in and while the SA was collecting my order I browsed a made an impulse purchase of some gloves...the SA clued in and entered my name on the receipt as 'Miss Robin ...', didn't realize until I got home ☺

Now I shop in skinny jeans and very light makeup (powder, mascara, light lipstick) and I'm just another woman shopping...I'm always amazed at how the other women shopping don't bat an eye when I go into the change rooms ☺

[Cdcdgirl]

Don't worry about it the first time I was shopping. I went to New York and company and after looking around for a few the sales lady asked if I wanted to try some stuff on. I was so afraid but I said yes. Best day I ever had

[tanya_cd]

Ok, the countdown clock has started lol. This is going to be a big step for me. I have never tried to pass or be accepted by people in the general public before. So nervous, but sooo excited.

I'm thinking of getting some flats, a purse and some feminine sunglasses on ebay or amazon. Of course I want to be casual but still wear something that accentuates femininity. I think I will wear a tunic top/blouse and a skirt. For some reason when I wear my girl pants, jeans, shorts, capris, etc... they look like man pants when I try them on!! lol Of course, I don't want to give myself up with my shaved man legs either. Its going to be the lesser of two evils I guess. :)

I'm thinking I might keep posting updates on my progress and the results. :)

[Michaelasfun]

Blonde is a good look for you btw (not that I'm biased lol) ;)

[Ashley Lyn]

Keep posting updates.. I'm really interested in your progress!
I'm in a somewhat similar situation.. Now that the weather has turned colder, all the girls/women are wearing slacks and jeans so that takes skirts out of the equation, which takes a lot of the fun out of dressing and going out in public.. Maybe legging/tights and a long skirt, but not sure..
Low heeled boots will be a must, since I'm almost 6'..:)
My step-daughter recently found out about my crossdressing and has promised to help me getting out and shopping.. That should be a big help for me..
Will advise and update as I progress as well..:heehee:

[S. Lisa Smith]

I love to shop dressed and have had no problems. I love to try things on at the store. It was very hard at first, but I've gotten past that and now it's fun!!! Everyone has given you great advice, go slow and have a GREAT time!!! Now is a good time to shop, everyone is too absorbed in their own shopping to pay much or any attention to others.

[Barbara Jo]

BTW, I'm so used to shopping for female clothes that I actually do not like shopping for female things during the Christmas season.
The reason is they will automatically think its a Christmas gift for a female.
Some will no doubt find comfort in this but, I like to keep people guessing.

My point is, after a while you will start to really enjoy it and not give a damn what some might think . :)

I used to be a shy person when I was younger but, I eventually realized that people that I came in contact with could not care less about what I thought of them so, why should I care about what they might think of me ?
It's something to think about when you are out shopping. :)

[Invisible Emily]

I'm in a similar situation, I am buying women's clothing for the first time but will probably shop online. I'm jealous of your ability to get out of your comfort zone. I would be absolutely terrified shopping in a store. Any tips for buying clothing online or excuses to tell your parents when you start getting random packages in the mail?

[MissDanielle]

For me, it's safer buying while drab in store and then hiding things when I get home. I took things from the women's section over to the men's fitting room.

My parents have probably thrown out all my packages this past week. Kohls let me re-order and Amazon gave me a refund. Not sure about Hanes--I need my bras, panties and tops like yesterday!

[Invisible Emily]

For me, it's safer buying while drab in store and then hiding things when I get home. I took things from the women's section over to the men's fitting room.

My parents have probably thrown out all my packages this past week. Kohls let me re-order and Amazon gave me a refund. Not sure about Hanes--I need my bras, panties and tops like yesterday!


I think I would panic even being in the women's section :eek: My parents wouldn't throw them out I don't think, but they would certainly ask me what it was and if I kept avoiding the topic they would probably just open one of the packages and then all hell would break lose.

[AlleyKat]

Emma...
It's really a matter of persistence. It took me a few "fly by's" before I could get into the women's department. Once you cross that threshold, it gets easier (not totally better, but you're already there so yeah)


Also on my experience... When I got uncomfortable, I just took a lap or two around the store and texted some friends until I got my nerve back. Stayed nervous and skittish until I left, but then the tension broke and it was the best feeling in the world.

[MissDanielle]

I was more nervous at Kohls than Meijer, except for looking at bras and panties at Meijer by myself (Meijers has another sale on Hanes right now!). I felt easier with the holiday shopping season but was also careful in making sure I didn't see anyone I knew. Just wish I had brought a pair of 12s in addition to the 14 and 16s to try on.

[sara.rafaela]

I usually do my shopping in male clothing. When in female clothing I am usually in hip pads and corset to create an hour glass figure, gel bra to create cleavage, etc. It is more conducive for being in a dark club, sipping drinks and making small talk with people. For a new, uncomfortable situation, I feel more comfortable in men's clothing. When I got started I was fairly nervous about the concept of shopping in the women's section. First I chose stores like Ann Taylor, Macy's, MAC, Victoria's Secret, and Nordstroms. My reasoning was that the sales people might be better trained and tolerant, than say at a Walmart. Maybe I am generalizing unfairly; but that was my thought. Definitely I have found at AT, MAC, VC, and Nordstroms, if you tell the sales lady that you are shopping for yourself, and exactly what you want, they will go out of their way to help you. The first thing I noticed was that none of the other shoppers seemed to pay much attention to me. One of the things I would do to kill the nervousness was to make a call on my cell phone. The conversation on the phone would occupy my mind while I shopped, and there was no room in there to be nervous. As far as trying on the clothes, a place like Ann Taylor will clear a room for you if you ask. For the department store, grab a pair of men's jeans, and bring everything to the men's dressing room. Good luck and have fun.

[JosieH]

This brings back a fun memory.
I remember going shopping with s friend back in 8th-9th grade.
He and I went to s woman's clothing store. It was such a giggle. We were young and we gave zero fuks. Lol. I still remember the looks on the faces of the women working there. LOL.

[Nadya]

I think part of it is where you live. Going out shopping, you definitely would not wear what you are more comfortable only wearing around the house if you wanted to blend in. Wear something comfortable and easy to move around in. I would say make up that is more for a daytime look (less dramatic) would be good as well if you are shopping during the day. It might be easier said than done but be confident and enjoy yourself. Most people will probably not even notice as they are too preoccupied with their own shopping to care. I've shopped with my wife as a woman and it was amazing. The sales associate was perfectly awesome about it and didn't treat me any differently. I don't think the sales associate would mind you using the changing room but if you are worried about that, you could always call ahead and ask. I've heard others here do that. It could also save you the trouble of stores that are not open-minded so you can skip to the ones that would gladly take your business. Hope that helps. Good luck!

<3

[JenniferYager]

Tanya, you'd be shocked as to how awesome shopping is. For starters, unless your photo is totally photoshopped, 99% of people are going to walk right by you and not notice. Everyone is on their darn smart phones these days, you could wear a gorilla suit in the mall and half the people wouldn't notice.

If you want to fade in, just wear jeans and a sweater. You'll look like everyone else. You actually get more noticed in a skirt, but most people just give it two seconds of thought until their brain says "skirt, must be a girl, back to Candy Crush!"

Store associates will not care. They are most worried about theft, so if you walk around all creepy-like, they'll think you're trying to steal something. I've walked up to the Macy's gal (in drab) in the women's section and asked her to start me a room. She had a big smile and said "Of course!" and helped me pick out two bras and matching panties. Makeup is the same way. I personally like shopping enfemme, but I'll go in drab if I don't have time to change.

The only people I'd worry about are teenagers and little kids. Both don't have any impulse control, so you might get the 4 year old that says "Look mom, it's a guy in a skirt!" The easiest way to defuse little kids staring is to wave at them and smile. They like the attention. Teenagers...just avoid. They are a mixed bag, most are fine, but more than a few can be cruel.

I'd go with you if you lived nearby. Maybe we should start organizing shopping trips on the forum, like a big sisters sort of thing?

[Michelle Girl]

I find that my levels of confidence while shopping in the women's section fluctuate. Sometimes I am carefree and simply enjoy browsing and I actively train out everyone else. Other days I feel more self-conscious and will quit the section because my comfort levels have fallen. Funnily enough, when I have done this I've often gone straight into another store and because the atmosphere there is so different I immediately feel more at ease. So the sense of nervousness is quite fleeting. Many of the more experienced shoppers have pointed out that it's really just a question of doing it often enough that you break through the pain barrier. But I'm not there yet, but I have taken the first steps.

For me, I know I feel most confident when I have something I MUST buy, when I cannot return home empty handed. This clear purpose maybe gives me the focus to ignore things that might normally unnerve me in a woman's store section. I love the idea suggested in a post above, too, of just taking a short break till your confidence returns. Good tip!

Good luck with your shopping adventures. Michelle

[adrienner99]

When I first started shopping for dresses, high heels, etc., I felt and acted somewhat like a fugitive on the run. I was furtive, tense, and convinced that someone I knew would spot me, or a SA would say something mean. (Neither ever happened.) Somewhere it occurred to me that our attitude, our demeanor when shopping can make a big difference. If we don't behave as if it's a big deal, the SA's may not either. No, this is not easy to achieve, but it can be done. I've had lengthy conversations about lipstick shades, heel heights, and other matters once I was able to calm down....I have shopped en femme and in drab.....If you go dressed, you might consider going very casual....don't wear searing red lip gloss and five inch stilettos. Women in malls wear sneakers and jeans more often than not (with exceptions of course). You might even call ahead to a place like Dress Barn and just ask they feel about crossdressers shopping there.....

[Sky]

Any suggestions on what to wear, tips on trying to blend in? Makeup, accessories, mannerisms to adopt or avoid?

While wearing something comfortable (loose blouse, flats, etc.) is preferable to shiny clubwear, do wear the shaping stuff you normally use in drag (corset, body suit, waist cincher, etc.). It makes a big difference in size. I can shop in drab or drag, but not if I don't have my breathe-control torture devices :D underneath. Mannerisms don't matter much -relax and be yourself. The salesgirls will be nice -that's a certainty- and most customers will be focusing on their own purchases, not you.


Important : Changing rooms. When they are not unisex, where do you try on clothes?

Again, salesgirls will be helpful without any doubt. So they will lead you to the changing room of their choice, be it women's or unisex. If you feel uncomfortable they might try to find a private backroom for you only (I've been offered this a few times, I just declined). If I notice that a female customer is half dressed or wearing revealing stuff in the changing rooms corridor (sometimes for a friend to give an opinion on what they are trying on) I try to avoid going out at the same time. But I've never had a bad reaction from a woman.

[Lily Catherine]

Above all, look and act as though you rightfully deserve to be there - because you do. Should you shop en femme, it's probably advisable to have all your padding on as that'll be the figure your clothes are meant to fit.

[AnnieMac]

Yeah this is kind of a fun topic. Like probably a reasonable percentage ( I wonder how much actually ) of us here, I am still a closet dresser and haven't really sprung Annie out there to the world much. But I still have a bit of a fear of shopping because of the ridicule and embarrassment I guess. I have actually bought shoes, a dress, tights and makeup in person, in drab though. Funny I have no problem buying any kind of make-up, nor do I really have a problem purchasing tights. Maybe its because I actually use those things male or female modes. I work in media so have often I have had to have a minimal supply off makeup on hand for photo and film shoots, and have bought those things when there weren't for me anyway-so no biggie. I also fly, often on long flights, so because of my leg circulation issues, the tights are often a big help. Also I prefer women's knee and over the knee socks, because mens knee socks flat out just do not fit! S0 no problem buying those either.
Shoes though are a little different. I bought a pair of cute flats and pretty black open toed sling backs at two different times from the same Payless girl. She was so sweet to me, no questions, no weird judgement attitude or looks. Shoot, size 13, she knew they were for me, although I was dressed as a guy. But funny, I purchased some 4" black platform heels from this rather flamboyant(most likely gay, not that there is anything wrong with that :) ) sales dude from another Payless, and the look on his face was priceless, like OMG these are for you??? Funny you would get that from the alleged gay dude, and not the GG.
But I must say it creeped me out a bit and made me not want to do it again. I guess like one of the above posters says the bravery comes and goes.
Oh yeah and I once bought a couple of pairs of women's jeans because they fit so well! No issues there just took them into the mens changing rooms with my other jeans and they fit great. Because I was checking out with both mens and women's jeans, the SA barely even looked although they did ring up at kohl's as women's

[Beverley Sims]

Just go out and buy it and if asked tell them it is for yourself.

I know it's bravado but usually you are not believed and a good joke come at the end of the purchase.

I broke barriers years ago with checkout chicks and actually got a couple of dates into the bargain.

[Barbara Jo]

Yeah, I guess it all come down to embarrassment, even if no one ridicules you and never makes any comments.

The " funny" thing with me was, when i was in Jr high school in my early teens, I was embarrassed to purchases a "jock Strap" needed for phys ed but I had absolutely no problem buying panties, etc .
So, i can understand embarrassment. :)

[tanya_cd]

I went shopping for the first time yesterday fully dressed at Torrid.

And from your picture, I would say you have very little worry about anyway.

It sounds like you had a really enjoyable experience. Thank you for sharing that. Also, thank you so much for the lovely comment. :)

[Rhandi Spencer]

This is a great thread by the way.
I have purchased bra's from Kohl's and was so nervous looking at them and then paying for them as well. The SA did not even blink an eye when paying for them.
I have made numerous panty purchases at a big box store and the SA was just taking money. The hardest part for me is looking at the items on the rack to determine what I want. I feel people are judging me, when in reality they don't even know you are there.

Last night I went to Dress Barn to look around. It took me 20 minutes to get the courage to walk in the door. But once I did what an experience. The SA was friendly, asking if I was looking for anything special, and left me to browse. The other women in the store did not even blink that I was in the store. I think the only person that was concerned was me. I have done all my shopping in drab, and have only bought under garments, however that is about to change.
Dress Barn was awesome and I will be going back soon.

Randi

[LindaAnne]

I used to be so scared to even think about going to a store that I previously limited all my shopping to on-line purchases. However earlier this year I finally got up the nerve to go into a store and buy a dress. I went to GAP (their sizing has been very consistent so I knew I could get one that fit the first time). I went in so nervous - I felt like everyone was looking at me! I was in drab so nobody was actually looking but I felt like it. My heart was beating so fast. Then I started looking at dresses, next to other ladies, and I suddenly felt calm. Nothing happened! I continued to look, picked out a nice dress, then picked out a skirt I had my eye on. I purchased them, walked out, and it was just like I had gone to a mens store. As many have said here, the SAs are very nice and really don't care. Since that initial purchase I've gone to Victoria Secrets to pick up a good supply of panties (a girl can never have enough!) as well as some nice slips. I've also shopped at Torrid, and some of the larger chains (Macys in particular). I prefer GAP and Torrid as I've found they are more accommodating to me, but I'm guessing that can change based on the location and SAs. I'm so happy as I'm finally over being scared and now I don't think twice going in to purchase women's clothing and lingerie. When I'm in those stores, it feels so natural now.

[Eryn]

What to wear: comfortable clothes that are easy to get in and out of. Large collars, simple pants or skirt, flat shoes.

Makeup should be enough to blend, but make sure it is powdered and set do you won't get it on the clothes you try on.

Behavior: enjoy yourself. Stroll casually and peruse what catches your eye. Don't walk fast or flit about like a nervous bird.

Dressing rooms: If you are dressed, use the women's dressing room. Walk in like you belong there, because you do. Don't speak unless you can be seen. I note that many retailers have wisely avoided the gender issue by not specifically stating the gender on the entrance. The only thing that makes a room male or female is its location in the store, so simply use the nearest one.

Attitude: shopping is supposed to be fun, so go have fun!

[grace7777]

You have gotten a lot of great suggestions here. I definitely agree with Eryn in wearing clothes that you can get in and out of easily.

I have found that shopping in femme is a lot less stressful than shopping en drab. Even if you get made, at least there is an obvious reason for why you are shopping in the woman's section. These days I am in male mode only when absolutely necessary.

[Eryn]

I have found that shopping in femme is a lot less stressful than shooting en drab. Even if you get made, at least there is an obvious reason for why you are shopping in the woman's section..

Absolutely! After the first time I went shopping dressed, I never shopped in drab again! It is so much easier with bra and forms already in place and no obvious gender disparity while shopping or going into the dressing room.

One thing I forgot: If you are getting attention from other shoppers while browsing, resist the urge to move away. Browse your way toward the observer slowly. Let them see as much as they want. Scared people run away, confident people don't, and your goal is to be a confident person.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Well Tanya if your avatar pic is of your true look than wow, just get dressed up and go, you look great. I have gone out many times and I always try on the clothes that I pick out. I always use the dressing room that is closest to the clothes I am trying, AKA woman's dressing rooms. I have never been denied and have never had a confrontation so do whatever feels right for the situation. If you really want to have fun go to a Dress Barn, the SA will bring you different dresses or tops in the sizes you ask for, believe me they only want to sell you clothes. Also If you want to try on bra's go to Victoria Secret and the girls will bring you as many bra's as you ask them to, they will also gladly help you get the correct size. My favorite shoe store is Payless, they will help you or leave you alone. It is my favorite because they generally have a good selection of size 11 and the cost is always reasonable, why spend a bunch of money on shoes that you will only wear on limited excursions.

[tanya_cd]

Thank you everyone for the great feedback and responses. I am happy to share with you all that I am about to take that big step! I am going on my first shopping adventure en femme January 8th!!!! I have this date set because I have been waiting for a few items to arrive. Basically I needed new makeup, flats and a nice purse. Now that those items are on the way, I am preparing myself. Literally I have not been so excited about anything in a long time. I look forward to sharing my entire experience with you all. Thank you for the great information :)

[Judith96a]

Hi Tanya,
Congrats on deciding to go en femme. The reality is that very few of us really 'pass', so don't sweat that. The main thing is to not look like you're up to no good. So, no matter how nervous you may be, smile sweetly and saunter in like you belong (because, actually you do).
As regards the changing room issue, if in doubt then find a friendly SA and ask "Where's the changing room?"

[suzanne]

The one tip that really helped me is to have an opening request ready in your mind. That's the one you use when the first SA comes to you and asks "Can I help you?" I started with "Do you have this dress in my size?". Once the ice is thus broken, the conversation proceeds naturally.

[Judy-Somthing]

I buy at least a dress a week in drab.
I do get nervous thinking they'll ask me something I won't have a response for. But so far it's been great.
A couple of years ago when buying a dress the SA asked if size 18w was the right size and I said "yes, I looked at the tags on some of my wife's dresses"

[Krisi]

It's hard for me to understand when someone 20, 30, 50 years old has to ask how to blend. You wear what other women wear for the time and place. You already know not to wear six inch heels so go to the mall or the stores where you plan to shop and make a note of what the women your age are wearing. Go home and put on the same type of clothing, makeup, jewelry, etc. You have your answer.

The changing room situation is a little less easy. You're not a "woman" so trying on clothes in the woman's changing rooms could be a problem. If you're dressed as a woman but not passable, waltzing into the men's changing rooms might be embarrassing but it might be a better choice. Finding a store with unisex changing rooms is the best solution.

Myself, I don't shop as a female, I know pretty well what sizes fit me and I just buy, take the stuff home and try it on (with my boobs and hip/butt padding) and if it doesn't work, return it.

[pamela7]

many replies covering the ground here. My own ha'penn'orth:

1. Dress andro in jeggings and a simple top (e.g. long-sleeve polo) + fleece + flats. it's easy to change and sufficiently blendable either way.

2. buy for combinations. if you're not building an entire wardrobe for 24/7 living, then you need to choose what goes with what, so it's about creating outfits.

3. take a GG along - they really do know best.

[CourtneyJamieson]

I just returned from a 1.5 hour shopping spree at "Wal-Mart" (I know, not the most sophisticated shop for nice fem attire). But I am just building my wardrobe and have yet to get the confidence to shop in Fem clothes. So I spent the 1.5 hour time in drab but in the Women's department buying a few outfits. I have purchased female clothes for both myself and my SO many times before so I had no hesitation looking at tops, bras, panties, etc. and picking some nice ones for myself. The one thing new I did do today was to purchase a pair of "skinny" jeans. I wasn't sure of the right size and didn't want to have to return them. Thanks to you girls I used one of your tips. I picked a couple of sizes of "skinny" jeans and 1 pair of men's jeans. Took them to the fitting room and walked right in. I threw the Men's jeans in the corner and tried on the "skinny" jeans. Found I fit quite nicely into a Misses Size "10" and left without a care. Nobody even noticed or cared. Bought a belt and a matching sweater a a set of panties as well. Now I can't wait to find a place to wear my new jeans and sweater. Thanks again to the girls on this website for giving me the strength to do what I just did.

[Stephanie47]

I haven
't gone through all the responses yet. However, one thing I try to do which is dependent upon the store is to pre-shop. Many stores link their on-line offerings or catalogue with availability at their local stores. Taking time to use a computer search will let you see what may be available, and, if it is available in your size. At least trying this may eliminate some fumbling through dress racks. Of course, there may be other things offered that are not in their on-line offerings. Also, although not pertinent to the question, there are many offerings that are on-line only.

As to what to wear or how to appear en femme while shopping, if you have any fears of doing it, please try to remember the mind's eye sees what the brain wants to see. You may think your presentation is 100% or some other number on the passable range when looking in a mirror, but, you may be overrating yourself. Otherwise, I'd say just act as natural as if you're looking for male attire. I know of some stores in my area that are large variety stores that have "unisex" one person at a time dressing rooms. That eliminates figuring out whether I go into the male or female changing areas with multiple persons there to observe you.

[Chrissy8888]

For years I ordered things on-line. If I liked how it looked on the model then it would be fine for me. At first that worked out well, or so I thought. Then in early 2008 I decided that it was time to just be me and part of me was being a cross dresser. So I went shopping and found the key was be confident (or at least fake it). The sales associates normally don’t really care as long as they get a sell. Some times they do ask “who are you shopping for”? The first few times I was a bet hesitant to answer honestly but after a few shopping trips I was able to say “me”. That paid off as they helped me shop for me. Something’s no matter how much we like them won’t look good on us. In the beginning of this I said it all worked out well, I was wrong. It is just building confidence. The one store that I have always had good luck in is Lane Bryant as they do cater to our community. If you want to try things on they prefer that you call ahead and ask for an appointment. They will have a SA set up and will help you pick the right size and you will be able to try things on. Normally the store is closed so you will not have the awkward looks.

As for should what you should wear I think the advice that you have gotten hear is pretty good. If you are going to go dressed wear something that you are comfortable in and is easy to change in and out of with ease. However if you are not comfortable wearing female clothing out, don’t. It is easy to be read and do understand that people who do not understand much about cross dressers may be mean.

[Judy-Somthing]

I love the stores with self check out.

I bought cosmetics yesterday and panties today in drab nad didn't have to look a casheer in the eyes.

[CourtneyJamieson]

Tanya, I would encourage you to go SHOP ! Based on your Avatar photo you would blend in very nicely and nobody would even notice you except how nice looking you were. I had the same fears as you. Then I decided to just do it. I got made-up as best I could, went to the mall, walked in and took what would come. You know what....nobody cared. I walked around the mall for over an hour. Not one person noticed me as anything other than just another shopper. You can do the same. I know it. But be careful. The problem now is that, now that I feel comfortable shopping in my Fem attire, I expect my AmEx bill is going to increase exponentially. Just a hunch but I think women's shopping gets more expensive than men's shopping. Have fun on your shopping outing on 01/08. Looking forward to hearing what great items you were able to pick up.

- - - Updated - - -

Sorry to respond again so quickly but I wanted to add these tips. The outward appearance with clothes. wig, makeup, etc I don't think is as important as your physical presentation. When I just had my first excursion into a mall I made the same mistakes many of us have made. I held my head down. I walked with my shoulders tight. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. This is the exact opposite tact to take. If you do these things you will get noticed. Once I had my confidence I began walking with an erect posture, chest out, shoulders relaxed, and my chin held up. Though it was uncomfortable, because I felt I was exposing myself more, it actually made me more able to blend in. After I started presenting myself like a true gg in physical presentation I got more confident and never had anyone look or stare at the mall. So, Tanya, it looks like you have the appearance to pull it off. Just remember to be confident and present yourself as a woman in stature. You will have a GREAT time.

[Brenda8]

Dressed in drab, I shopped an all-female mall store in suburban Vegas yesterday. I'd browsed the store the day before and wanted to try on a dress and some leggings but didn't have the courage. Yesterday I asked the girl "Will anyone freak out I use the fitting room?" She checked with her manager and said "We don't discriminate." Store was slow and I shared CD pics with the fitting room girl and her hot manager, who complemented my style, and said she sometimes to go to drag shows. If it wasn't my last day in town I would have asked her out. :)

[iTz Janet]

Courtney, I too shoped at wal mart for my first few items. A few leggings in particular. They had some good deals for me as I start my new wardrobe. I tried on the leggings for the first time in the fitting. Tried to sizes....when finished, I came out and the lady wanted to take what I didn't want. When she saw that is was leggings....she looked puzzled. I said that one didn't fit well but these fit amazingly to the form of my body. :)

I smiled and went away.

Confidence is key. Don't be apologetic about who are. That's what I'm learning.

Xoxoxox

Janet.

[michelle64]

femme is best..but i just gave it up..too much of a time drain...my biggest reason was selfishness though as i refused to go there...now i drab shop for her and my daughter...i never had a bad moment in full femme mode...but i did whats best for her and my daughter...you know it actually is best..i love womens fashion and i love buying clothes for them..and i dont miss the hassel of getting ready..there is a reason GG's wear sweat pants to the mall..its comfortable and who has the damn time for a full prep anyhow...if your single with zilch family go out fully and have fun..