Inna
12-06-2015, 11:22 PM
8 years ago, at an onset of trans visibility, a subject then still being portrayed as marginal, I often seen the ever so far fetched youtube videos of supposed males who had transitioned into a mesmerizing and unbelievably feminine woman. Sitting at the computer screen and looking at these videos was a 44 year old masculine male whose life long struggle of transsexuality was about to explode into life altering delirium.
Yet somehow, even though knowing that reality is quite narrow and harsh, these videos, though fake, became a beacon of hope, the light at the end of the darkness, and I swore that I shall die trying instead of accepting or settling.
I was one of those who could not stand being dehumanized for my femininity again, as I often was during my childhood.
So I did what I possibly could to bring these measures into being. Countless tears, bouts of painful depression, but somehow I have pressed, each time more forcefully then before.
Fast forward 8 years, as I had been in actual transition for 5 years, I no longer fear social situations, in fact, quite an opposite, I always look forward.
Life has this amazing ability to fade the pain out of past experience.
Seldom will I reflect anymore on the days gone by with real, detailed look, perhaps because it was so painful. But as I do, I can not phantom the vastness of transition and the place I have arrived at.
In fact I have become the girl from the video, feminine, true, soft and real.
And I know that all this is simply because I believed that somehow I could!
So don't ever doubt your self, and when doubt overcomes when it does, set it aside like a bad dream after awaking.
Dream the dream, and it shall become the reality!
Yet somehow, even though knowing that reality is quite narrow and harsh, these videos, though fake, became a beacon of hope, the light at the end of the darkness, and I swore that I shall die trying instead of accepting or settling.
I was one of those who could not stand being dehumanized for my femininity again, as I often was during my childhood.
So I did what I possibly could to bring these measures into being. Countless tears, bouts of painful depression, but somehow I have pressed, each time more forcefully then before.
Fast forward 8 years, as I had been in actual transition for 5 years, I no longer fear social situations, in fact, quite an opposite, I always look forward.
Life has this amazing ability to fade the pain out of past experience.
Seldom will I reflect anymore on the days gone by with real, detailed look, perhaps because it was so painful. But as I do, I can not phantom the vastness of transition and the place I have arrived at.
In fact I have become the girl from the video, feminine, true, soft and real.
And I know that all this is simply because I believed that somehow I could!
So don't ever doubt your self, and when doubt overcomes when it does, set it aside like a bad dream after awaking.
Dream the dream, and it shall become the reality!