HARD and I'm not refering to

[deebra]

When you look as good and are as passable as some of the young ladies in the pictures on this site wouldn't it be HARD as a CD to not dress fem most of the time? Wouldn't it be so much easier for a SO or wife to accept and have a girlfriend for shopping as well as a husband?

[bridget thronton]

One would think so - but people have argued that we might not be happy married to a ftm (would not bother me and I like to think I would be as accepting as my wife has been with my mtf presentation)

[kittie60]

Personally yes. myself and others would like that very much.. but alas alot of women don't think so. Someday maybe it will all turn around

[JanePeterson]

I think my wife accepts Jane, but she didn't enter the relationship looking for another girlfriend... From my point of view I would think that any girl should be thrilled with having another gal-pal, but many women aren't looking/expecting it in the form of their spouse... It is tough not running home and dressing up the second I get out of work each day.. :)

[Gretchen_To_Be]

If I looked as good as some of the beautiful young ladies on this site, it would definitely be hard not dress femme most of the time. In fact, I think some gals here, as they get better and better presenting as women, begin finding it difficult to present as men...and probably get second looks by others when doing so. If I got that far, I would transition and live as a woman. While it's a nice fantasy to think my wife would stick with me through all that, it wouldn't be fair to her. She's not a lesbian. Maybe some SOs would accept, but mine wouldn't.

For me it's all hypothetical anyway since it's too late for me to achieve a convincing appearance...and I'm sorry, but I don't feel such a strong pull that I would destroy my marriage and risk everything in my life to pursue this further.

[Sky]

I don't think so. That's projecting our hopes and feelings in others. Why should we demand acceptance from our wives and SO's? They were originally attracted to a certain man with certain personality traits and certain looks. If we change our looks -and not just a haircut but a full image transformation- they have all the right to say no thanks.

[Jacqueline StGermain]

Think about this, women feel some kind of competition/resentment towards other women they perceive as better dressed/better looking, now make the other "woman" a guy, well, think about it

[Katie01]

Whenever these kinds of questions arise I wonder what if my SO dressed up as a man, with short hair, beard, etc. I would hate it. Then I realize that she accepts my dressing because she loves me. It kinda humbles me really. I'm not sure I could reciprocate.

[Krisi]

How are we going to hold onto a job if we "dress fem" most of the time? What about our neighbors and friends? Family? And why would anyone assume that a wife or "SO" would rather be seen with a crossdresser rather than the man she married? If she wants to go out with a girlfriend, she can do that with a real girlfriend.

[Beverley Sims]

If you look as hot as you describe, you are gifted and life is encouraging.

I was a guy at work during the day and at weekends I dressed appropriately with the other girls.

It was a great life as anyone that knew the male me never recognised me as Beverley.

[ReineD]

I can't answer to wanting or not wanting to dress most of the time if someone is a hottie when dressed, but I can say that for a wife/girlfriend, it's not about looks or wanting someone to shop with. A wife could be married to a young CDer who looks like a GG when dressed, but this has no impact on whether or not the wife would want her husband to dress all the time. First, shopping is one of the last things to do on a GG's list. The more important and time consuming things are dealing with life: work and home responsibilities, maintaining all her relationships with friends and family, dealing with life issues as they come up, raising kids if there are any, relaxing with friends during down times. Clothes shopping happens only occasionally and it is not a solid basis on which to construct or maintain a relationship. Also, even if the husband is young and looks hot when dressed, he still will likely be read. This actually adds a level of stress in a wife's life, given general acceptance about the CDing in our current society. Plus, if she is hetero, why would she want her husband to present female most of the time.

I know it can be fun to think about it, Deebra, but looking hot while dressed is not a good argument in favor of CDing for the average GG. (sorry)

[Rachael Leigh]

Your talking about a dream and fantasy of many on this site

[Amy Fakley]

First, you've got to realize that what you see on this site, isn't real life.

The best pictures I have, are just what I looked like from a single angle, under ideal(ish) lighting, for a single moment ... and after probably an hour or more of prep.

For every one picture that I feel is good enough to share, there are probably 30 ... of the same outfit, under the same lighting, at the same angle ... and they look awful. I'd venture to say that's true for almost all of us that post pics here.

I'm not saying I'm not happy with how I look, but in real life it's a lot less convincing. Also if you're out shopping (unless you and your wife know sign language) you're going to have to speak. So there's that ... it's pretty unlikely you're going to be able to skate through a shopping trip without radiating your transness like you're throwing up the bat signal.

So the question of going full time, or being in girl mode more often than not, and how your wife feels about all of that ... it doesn't have that much to do with how you look. It has more to do with how you feel, and whether or not feeling right in girl mode all the time is worth the hassle of dealing with the fact that people are going to notice that ... all the time.

[Tracii G]

Just a fantasy I think.

[Jenniferathome]

...when dressed, he still will likely be read. This actually adds a level of stress in a wife's life, given general acceptance about the CDing in our current society. Plus, if she is hetero, why would she want her husband to present female most of the time.....

I'd like to second Reine's comment with an illustrative: The first time I went out in Jen mode with my wife, we were in Hawaii. I was fine. Just enjoyed the experience. At the end of the evening, my wife was mentally worn out. She was so concerned that I might have a bad experience that her head was on a swivel looking for trouble, counting the eyeballs and stares. She had no fun at all. Now, while things have since changed a bit, she knows that I can take care of myself and she needn't worry, she ALWAYS prefers to be with her husband. Why would any other scenario make sense? I'm not a "girlfriend," I'm her husband and clothes don't change that.

[Lorileah]

How are we going to hold onto a job if we "dress fem" most of the time? What about our neighbors and friends? Family?

And yet thousands of TSs do that everyday. The answer to the OP...Thousands do it everyday. In RE: shopping, if you do it now as a male, your SO may still. Mine did.

[Sky]

For every one picture that I feel is good enough to share, there are probably 30 ... of the same outfit, under the same lighting, at the same angle ... and they look awful. I'd venture to say that's true for almost all of us that post pics here.

No! Completely untrue! 30 to 1, no way! I throw away at least 100 pictures for every decent one. :rofl:

[deebra]

Just go to the pic's and video and look at Tatiana James, if anyone looked this good and didn't want to dress fem just about all of the time or all the time they gotta have a screw loose. She's beautiful, body and face; what guy is beautiful ????

[Jenniferathome]

AND, she also wrote about going on HRT and going full time.

[Teresa]

Debra,
To most it's still wishful thinking, just being accepted around the home would be a great step forward.
I dressed all the Xmas trees and put the rest of the decorations up while dressed and fully enjoyed it, how I wish I could have shared that !

[Vickie_CDTV]

How someone looks (to themselves, and/or others) does not directly relate to how often a person needs to dress up. If it was directly related to how attractive I was to others, well... I'd never want to dress up.

The vast majority of GGs are not inherently attracted to outwardly feminine men, regardless of age, it is just the way they are naturally wired. Much to my dismay... but nature is what it is.

[ReineD]

She's beautiful, body and face; what guy is beautiful ????

Well, you're obviously looking at men from a man's eyes. But trust me, to women men are definitely beautiful. And sexy. And desirable ... a lot more than women. :D :D :D

[Veronica27]

When you look as good and are as passable as some of the young ladies in the pictures on this site wouldn't it be HARD as a CD to not dress fem most of the time?

As Vickie said, there is no correlation between how you look, and how often you want to dress up. Looks may discourage you from venturing out, or conversely may be an encouragement, but otherwise I think many other factors and motivations play a larger role in determining the extent of your crossdressing.


Wouldn't it be so much easier for a SO or wife to accept and have a girlfriend for shopping as well as a husband?

I think there is a great deal of misinterpretation of our spouse's acceptance of our crossdressing. Our appearance may make it a little easier to be seen with us, but most accepting wives would probably rather us be our ordinary male self, than our feminine alter ego. A lot is written about what constitutes passability, but there is one consideration that I have never seen mentioned. It can best be explained by an incident I once witnessed, about 15 years ago. My wife and I were having lunch, while on vacation, at a crowded restaurant in the West Edmonton Mall. Seated a few tables over were two elderly ladies. After casually observing them for a while, it occurred to me that they were probably husband and wife, and that the husband was a very passable crossdresser. By himself, I would not have given any thought to that possibility, but together their behaviour and demeanor was typical man and wife. There was little conversation, little looking at each other, and they ate their meals in a very matter of fact way, showing no emotion whatsoever. When they left, they simply stood up together and walked out one behind the other, with no body contact or mutual assistance. If they had been two female friends, or sisters, or even co-workers, there would probably have been a very animated conversation, with arm gestures and so on, but there was none of that. No laughter, no smiles, no admiring glances.

This wife was probably one who tolerated and accepted her husband's crossdressing, even to the point of being willing to go out with him. But I couldn't help wondering how much she enjoyed doing so. Her preference was probably to have lunch with her male husband, which likely occurred fairly often, and this was a negotiated arrangement that satisfied the needs of both partners. There are women who want and look for a crossdressing partner, but I think we are very fortunate indeed if we have one who simply accepts our little idiosyncracy because love conquers all. In any event, this was an often not documented "tell" about the couple's arrangement.

Veronica

[Samantha_Smile]

When you look as good and are as passable as some of the young ladies in the pictures on this site wouldn't it be HARD as a CD to not dress fem most of the time? Wouldn't it be so much easier for a SO or wife to accept and have a girlfriend for shopping as well as a husband?

That's quite a simple stance on a subject that needs to be treated with complexity.
While it would be very easy to agree, because yes, while it would be easier to have "a girlfriend for shopping as well as a husband", like all the best things in life, good relationships, strong ones aren't normally easy.
There is always compromise and collaboration, because your wife might not have known about your crossdressing from day one, and statistically speaking - she didn't.
So why would you expect her to react calmly when you shake the foundations of what she sees you as? Ie The Man she married.

Your wife might already have girl friends who she goes shopping with. Why would she want her husband with her?
Her husband moans and stomps round the malls and arcades because "it's too crowded" and "So after 4 other clothes shops, we're going back to the first shop to buy the first thing you picked up today?"
(The last part could just be me :D)

And that's aside from her upbringing, religion, values and morality not being identical to your own because no two people's are identical.
These are just more reasons for compromise and collaboration. Nobody will ever agree with you 100%, even if they agree with your TG status 100%.

[PaulaQ]

@deebra - most straight women - and that's who the majority of the members of this site are married to - do not want to either be in a same sex marriage, or live with the appearance of being in a same sex marriage. There is a certain amount of implicit homophobia and transphobia in all that, but you really cannot blame a heterosexual, cisgender woman who expects to live in a relationship with a man, and to live within all the implicit assumptions about marriages that society places upon them, for not wanting this.

My guess is being highly passable makes this a lot worse for some cis women in terms of dealing with the transness of their spouses, wherever that ultimately leads, and even if it only leads to "just a CD."

There are a lot of factors that make this difficult for a spouse. Uncertainty about where this goes, and fear that you'll turn out like I have is of course a big part of it. Homophobia is a part of it for some. ("OMG ur gay!!!" Note both the homophobia, and clear bisexual erasure - biphobia - in this one statement!) I think a big part of the problem, though, is that most of us relate to ourselves not in absolute terms - i.e. "I know who I am, and I don't give a damn if no one else thinks that's OK," but in relative terms. We know our role in a marriage, husband, wife, man, woman. Many straight women wrap a good bit of their identity in their spouses, intentionally or not. There is tremendous social pressure to do this - you wouldn't understand how pervasive and insidious this is. Unfortunately, because she's defined, to some extent, relative to you, it means that if you change, she has to, and in ways she may very well have been taught are NOT OKAY. Please don't take any of this as criticism against cis women - these attitudes are just shoved down their throats, really a lot of these implicit assumptions are shoved down all of our throats. And for women in particular, there are enormous social pressures that make this hard on them: body shaming, standards of beauty that are totally unrealistic, contending with sexism, being told not to dress "too sexy" lest she be attacked, or not taken seriously - there is a long list of really screwed up stuff that women are pounded with from the time they are little girls.

BTW, if the tables were turned, a pretty good number of folks here would be happy being married to an FTM. Not the cis women here, for the most part, unfortunately I think, but there are quite a few bisexual CDs here, and I suspect they'd actually enjoy it. The CDs who don't like men at all, of course, would probably struggle just as much with an FTM spouse as some of the cis women here often struggle with their MTF spouses.

Anyway, if you start to wonder "gee, I'm so pretty, why wouldn't she want to be with me?", know that this will trip emotional triggers in many women that you can scarcely imagine. The bottom line is that most people don't want to be married to someone who doesn't conform to social norms. And guess what - as a CD, you don't. Sorry.

edit: Oh, one last thing. If you really want to spend all your time presenting as a woman, there is a very, very good chance that your dressing is about your identity, rather than whatever it is you think it's about now. Anyway, there's a good chance if you find yourself in this situation - dressed all or even much of the time - that you'll undergo transition of some sort at some point.