Celebration vs invisibility, another paradox?

[Kate T]

In a recent thread an article was referenced that suggested the only real way to eliminate fear of discrimination and non acceptance was to acknowledge and celebrate our "transness" both individually and as a community.

I am not going to advocate for or against the above argument. However I think it is worthwhile discussing varying views around the argument. I will preface my views on the fact that myself and my family are "non stealth" as it were. I'm neither complaining nor celebrating that, it just is.

On the surface the advocation to celebrate our transition and be as visible as possible seems to be an obvious solution to the dilemma of non acceptance. After all if we are unknown then people will not be exposed to information that will improve acceptance. As a community we have been invisible for years trying desperately to fit in to society and gain acceptance that way but that hasn't really helped. Certainly for myself it is incredibly relieving to be "out" and not have to worry about whether so and so knows, what if I meet whatshisname at church or in town and I'm in a skirt. Yes it is heartwarming to know that the people who are still my friends are absolutely rock solid, I mean if they are my friend now that I'm out nothing is going to stop them from being my friend.

And yet. If I meet someone new I dread having to go through Trans101. When people who knew me before transition just continue straight on not missing a beat and using my correct name and pronouns as if I never was anyone other than a woman, Kate, it is incredibly validating. But most of all honestly, I just want the whole transition thing to be over and done with so I can get on with my life. I don't want to spend my entire life defending the validity of my feelings and my identity.

Hmm.... curious. No answer really. But then I guess life doesn't usually have answers, just lots of really interesting questions.

[PaulaQ]

You really aren't required to do "Trans 101" on demand, or ever.

My belief, though, is that without greater visibility, until people know we are just people who are trying to live our lives, hurting no one, we'll be easy targets for those who'd scapegoat us for political gain. Being out and visible improves our chances for medical schools to realize "oh yeah, we should teach a little trans medicine!" Right now, most teach none here in the US.

And yes, being out comes with a price, there is no doubt about it.

[STACY B]

I Believe in the Old Show them Better than you can tell them approach. And don't get it confused with CDing,, Do just enough and don't go overboard with the presentation . Just enough to let them know that it's happening weather anyone likes it or not,lol, Kinda like H.R.T Slow and steady, That's me not everyone.

As far as Trans 101,, They would have to be Worthy of that,, Not one to just jump up on the Soap Box and tell and try to convince a Bunch of simpletons ,,lol,,,
Some people are just not worth the effort and a total waste of my time,, Life's to short to try and sway all,, Anyway Look how Happy we are now,, Why mess that up,,,lol,,,

[PretzelGirl]

There is a bit of an ongoing discussion out there. I have read a couple of articles that say that all trans* individuals should be out as being out will normalize it more. If we aren't out and no one notices, it doesn't become common place. I can see this point but I also realize that some people need to go stealth and just move on. The first person we are doing this for is ourselves. It is nice to think community, but it should be an after thought and not even on the radar during transition. Then after, evaluate if you want to and go where you heart leads you. We owe ourselves a lot and we should honor that.

[Nicole Erin]

The longer you are full time and out there, the less you have to give trans 101 lectures.
This is helped by the fact that people are becoming more aware.
I been living full time for 5 years and I am not sure if I have even had to do the trans101 thing even five times.

The fact that you are TG is not going to have nearly as much impact on your socialization as you imagine.
Even when it does come up the part of the conversation involving your gender will be brief. The you go back to whatever it was you were discussing

[Jennifer-GWN]

Perhaps my response on this is a function of trying to keep things simple in my life and not complicate day to day interactions.

I've transitioned. Living ft as a women. I go about my day as such. I meet new people and feel no need or expectation to "explain" myself. I've not been asked either. Sometimes I wonder to myself "surely they know" however based on the way we intract wether or not they "know" does not change the situation.

Does my trans status come up? Yes but generally in more personal 1:1 conversations with people who we equally feel comfortable with; that would make it acceptable or appropriate to have that conversation with.

Have I been in dating related situations yet? Nope. This area is an area I'm giving much thought but not any pursuit as I'm uncomfortable in any pursuit until post srs regardless of the other persons gender. So non issue here at least for me.

Girl going about her day... Cheers... Jennifer

[Inna]

It is awfully easy to assign a TG label on your self, however, I honestly think such is taken for granted simply because of lack of clarity and self retrospect.
Do you remember the first moment YOU knew WHO you were?
Who was that person, a boy, girl or was it a transperson.
I'll bet green beans that the realization at the moment of clarity did not point to a trans anything but had a more specific solidity about it.
I may be wrong, and my experience may be unique, but at that moment as a young child I knew that the world was a very confusing place because being me didn't make sense, as I knew I was someone specific, yet my body and my environment told me different.
So as an after thought, as though the best fix available was a label which sounded atrocious, sick and twisted, I had to obey the law of the foreign world and succumb to the imprisonment of leper amongst normal.
Trans, at least to me described the abnormality of my situation, but it "DID NOT DESCRIBE ME"

Now I am exquisitely grounded in being exactly who I know my self to be, and such isn't a description of the former lack of congruity, but now it describes me being the child who was born into this realm, who has known her self to be a girl, who had to fight and in a way, still is fighting for dignity of self in being a WOMAN!!

Trans is the condition, just as woman born with a AIS is a condition, does that mean that such woman should introduce her self as AIS Woman, I think not!

Being YOU isn't a condition!!!!

[Angela Campbell]

I see the fact that I used to live as a man to be a medical condition, in my past, and no one else's business. I don't tell anyone about it, I rarely think about it, and it really isn't a part of my life anymore.

There was a period where it was hard to hide, but that time is done. Only very close friends or family even know. I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I've always been an introvert, and being in a spotlight would be very uncomfortable for me.

I always wanted to live as a woman, and now I do. I don't want to be trans, and have no desire to live that way.

[I Am Paula]

I'm only trans to my trans friends. A handful who saw me transition have long since stopped thinking about me as trans. Everybody else is a need to know situation.
I don't think about acceptance, because there's nobody that doesn't treat me exactly as I wish. I don't think about discrimination, cause nobody has cause to discriminate.
I don't ever feel I have to defend the validity of my identity.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Well put Paula.

[Leah Lynn]

It's been almost two weeks since I legally became Leah. The next day I went from half time to full time. Doing so in Smallville, I was instantly visible. Stealth will be impossible under these circumstances, so I'll just do my thing and attempt to educate the locals.

Leah

[Marcelle]

Hi Kate,

I am transitioning in place so one day I was a man at work (military) and the next day I was a woman. There was a whole education piece prior to those whom I would be working with but as each day passes and I go to meetings or just go about my day more and more people meet me. Those who know me and work closely with me have adjusted (somewhat) and the proper pronouns (she, her, Ma'am) are more prevalent. However those who have never met me know right away as there is no mistaking me for a woman whatsoever. However, they are polite (could just be being PC I suppose), may stumble with the pronouns but still try. I never considered myself an activist kind of girl but I suppose given my military rank and visibility in the military, I am an accidental activist in that the more people interact with me the more I try to make them see I am just a woman doing my job. Also when I am out in public and people see what they want to see (transwoman) I hope they become more attuned to the fact that we exist and that we are just trying to live our lives.

Cheers

Marcelle

[flatlander_48]

In a recent thread an article was referenced that suggested the only real way to eliminate fear of discrimination and non acceptance was to acknowledge and celebrate our "transness" both individually and as a community.

Funny. I've said the same thing here and been castigated for it. But, the reality is that we need not look any further than the LGB community and the disabled community. Those are the models that are referenced. Granted, it isn't for everyone, but overall there are positive benefits.


There is a bit of an ongoing discussion out there. I have read a couple of articles that say that all trans* individuals should be out as being out will normalize it more. If we aren't out and no one notices, it doesn't become common place. I can see this point but I also realize that some people need to go stealth and just move on.

Also recognize the fact that there are probably some people that you would NOT choose as a public face as they may not have anywhere near the social skills required. Advocating takes a certain toughness and resilience. I think if you don't have that, more harm than good can result.


I don't think about discrimination, cause nobody has cause to discriminate.

If discrimination was the result of logic and reasoning, what you said would be true. However, it isn't, therefore it's not.


(could just be being PC I suppose)

Sorry, you touched a nerve with that one. To me, someone created the term Politically Correct because they wanted some way to describe a situation where they might be reviled for using an inappropriate and derogatory term. Basically what they want to do is not show respect or civility.

DeeAnn

[I Am Paula]

flatlander 48- To think that discrimination did not exist would be very naive. I was talking about my own personal experiences, in my geographic area. Trust me, nobody gives a sweet damn that I'm trans. In general, Canadians would think it immoral to think otherwise. Are there bad apples? I'm sure. I have not met one.
I was not trying to speak of anybody but myself.

[flatlander_48]

The phrase "...nobody has cause to discriminate." gave the impression that discrimination has some sort of logic behind it or that discrimination happens for a reason. The reality is that there is nothing rational about discrimination, regardless of the target.

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Deanne

Not sure what you mean by touched a nerve? We're you insulted by my use of the term? In the CAF we have policy in ace which prevents harassment and discrimination based on race, religion, gender and gender identity. Just because the policy exists doesn't change people's beliefs. I'm sure there are some people who would like to be rude but policy prevents them from doing so ... so yes they are being PC.

[flatlander_48]

M:

No, it's nothing to do with you. My issue is with why the terminology exists in the language in the first place. It was created as an excuse and unfortunately it has become firmly rooted in the language. However, in my mind it is just a B/S excuse as it is used in US conservative political rhetoric.

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Hi D,

Thanks . . . got it. Cheers

Marcelle

[Eringirl]

M:

No, it's nothing to do with you. My issue is with why the terminology exists in the language in the first place. It was created as an excuse and unfortunately it has become firmly rooted in the language. However, in my mind it is just a B/S excuse as it is used in US conservative political rhetoric.

DeeAnn

I think that depends on your context. For us up in the Great White North, it (PC) is used to make sure people are not offended and can feel comfortable, welcome and accepted. At least that what it is in my little world, working for an organization with 25,000 stake holders and living in a very small city of 120,000. Personally, all I want it to be treated with dignity and respect by everyone I come into contact with. To date, I have not encountered anything different. As to why they do that??? I don't really care ! If they do it because they genuinely want to or just to be PC, doesn't matter to me. Who knows what either group say about me in the privacy of their own home. They are entitled to their opinion, provided it does not harm others is any way. In this case, me. So if neighbours, colleagues or co workers go and bitch about me in their own home, but treat me as an equal the remaining time, I am okay with that. (in my organization, any hassles or discrimination based on me being trans is immediate grounds for dismal - and that includes any gossiping or disparaging remarks made in my absence). Everyone doesn't have to like me, but we have to be civil and respect each other. That is my line in the sand. Would I prefer they did it out of genuine care and compassion vs just being PC?? Absolutely. But I am a realist, and look for the small victories. Not trying to Boil the Ocean here.

Just my tow cents worth.....and straying from the OP, so.....Now back to our regularly scheduled posting.....

Erin

- - - Updated - - -


Hi Kate,

I never considered myself an activist kind of girl but I suppose given my military rank and visibility in the military, I am an accidental activist in that the more people interact with me the more I try to make them see I am just a woman doing my job.

Marcelle

Okay Sister....I am not going to let you get away with that one....are you kidding me!! H.O.L.Y. !!! You are one of the most "activist" women that I know! I look at all the work and frontiers you are bravely taking on in the military, and not just in your office at NDHQ, but at other bases across the country whenever you attend meetings/manoeuvres etc. And, what about educating the airlines by flying commercial flights as your true self, long before your ID was changed etc. And this it just the tip of the iceberg !I have always admired that about you. Okay, sure you may not be organizing rallies on Parliament Hill, but activism takes on many forms and you are certainly leading the charge on many facets! So take a bow kiddo! I am putting you in the spotlight....(whether you like it or not...Ha ha).

Hope your week is going well!

Erin

[pamela7]

The bipolar situation was helped hugely in the uk by famous actors like Stephen Fry "coming out" as bipolar. The trans situation is inevitably also helped by celebrity inclusion/endorsement/exposure. The media is positively supporting trans, at least in TV and film, probably because we are part of the considerably higher LGBT presence in the artistic media of film and tv (a considerably higher pecentage than in the "normal" population).

We are on the cusp of a sea-change in trans-acceptance, even if it is for now only in more progressive cities, states and nations. If you have a scrying bowl perhaps you can see further into the mists of the future, to a time when it does not matter?

[Rogina B]

As a transactivist here in NE Florida,I am always impressed when a "stealth living" person joins our ranks and tells their story in hopes of gaining more support for us. Not an easy thing to do !

[pamela7]

why is it not easy to gain support? I'd have hoped this forum is for support, encouraging those steps across ...? or have i misread your post, Rogina?

[flatlander_48]

p7:

I would think that the reference is to the external world; i.e. outside of this forum...

DeeAnn

[Zooey]

Actually, I think the "difficult thing to do" was when a transperson who has been successfully living in "stealth" (i.e. passing as cis, 100% of the time) intentionally outs themselves as trans in order to garner more support for the community at large, generally by being a clear image of how thoroughly normal we are.

Outing yourself like that when you don't really need to carries a cost, and surely is a difficult thing.

[Rogina B]

It must really be ! I am very impressed when friends are less than stealth..for the trans cause.