Some advice, please

[EnglishBeth]

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be female. My earliest memories were that dressing up, I wanted to dress in girls clothes and used to wish every night that I would wake up as a girl. I'm sure it's no different to many others.

In my late teens I met my now wife, who I love dearly. Dressing came into our relationship, as did make up, etc. We have four children who don't know this side of me, as it has always been secret. I tried to believe that dressing was enough,but it really isn't. Despite me knowing the real me, I have always 'conformed' although would never be described as a manly man.

I am now in my early forties and I don't want to suppress any longer. I have taken every on line test that I can, all of which tell me that I am a probable transsexual. Not news to me.

Whilst I want to do something about it, I am conscious of the effect that this could have on my family.

I am now at the point, though, where I am doing more about it in terms of altering my appearance and want to start taking hormones. In the UK, it seems to be that you have to live for some time as a woman, before any assistance will be provided.

I am struggling with the feelings that I have, but also feel incredibly selfish.

Any help/advice/insight would be hugely appreciated x

[Nigella]

Whilst it has been some time since I entered the NHS care pathway, your first port of call should be your GP. The sooner you talk to a professional regarding getting specific help to discuss the possibility of being TS, the better. There are a few UK ladies who are currently on or have recently entered the care pathway who, I hope, will be able to give you more information on the latest waiting times and procedures.

In the meantime, these links have been extracted from a recent thread

http://uktrans.info/attachments/article/341/patientpopulation-july15.pdf

https://www.engage.england.nhs.uk/consultation/specialised-services-consultation/user_uploads/gendr-ident-serv-spec.pdf

Hope they might help

[becky77]

Hi Beth

Go to your Dr and ask for a referral to your nearest Gender Clinic (London has the longest waiting times).
They will assess and help you there but the waiting times are long and get longer all the time.

If you have the money to go private I can recommend two very good Gender specialists that also prescribe Hormones when/if ready.

Hope that helps.

[LeaP]

I think you can count on something of an exploration with the specialist, given your comments. The feelings you are describing are fairly common and it MAY be straightforward in terms of where you go from here. You are way ahead of yourself when talking about hormones, however. Your concerns regarding impact is just the hint at the possibilities – but you are also ahead of yourself in this, too. Feeling selfish (and being accused of being selfish) is a huge topic in itself.

Welcome ... And I hope for your sake that you are not transsexual.

FYI - the online tests you are talking about are complete rubbish. The phrase you used strongly hints at the COGIATI "test" ... One of the worst.

[Janice Ashton]

Hi Beth

I understand your feelings as I have been there myself, as Becky 77 said, the NHS waiting lists are long and getting longer, However, don't let that put you off, once you get a referral from your GP to a Gender Clinic things do get better. I have been attending the Laurels Gender Clinic in Exeter for three years and I have to say the staff are brilliant so if you live in this area? (as you say the South of England) I can recommend the Laurels. The process to becoming the person you know you should be? is lengthy, so you have to be patient. Becky most likely has good advice about any private medical appointments but I have only ever been with the NHS so can't help there, so good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

[Inna]

Therapy is paramount, not only crucial fundamentally but also as a necessary reaffirmation tool. Especially for those whose denial have taken them on the path of conformity.
There is simply nothing selfish about finality of a deceit!

[Rachel Smith]

I am struggling with the feelings that I have, but also feel incredibly selfish. x

I still feel it was one of the most selfish things I could ever have done but I know it was the most necessary thing I have ever done.

Go slowly you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube

[EnglishBeth]

Thank you ladies. Already knew, but am going to see my GP and see where we go from there.

I know I need to speak to someone.

Appreciate you all taking the time to respond. x