Gathering the courage to try on clothes!

[Alyssa]

Its the weekend at last, and after a long week of work I've decided to try to go to the store to try on clothes. Of course since I'm still locked away in the closet I'm gonna travel some distance from home to ensure I'm still safe. I've never been really nervous for anything else before, I've been a great public speaker, and hell I even used to kick box in front of crowds of hundreds and thousands in Atlantic City and even Las Vegas, but I'm super frightened by this experience. I'll have to do what I've always done! Get my courage all together in one go and face my fears.

[Tracii G]

Why drive so far away?
You worry too much LOL
Have fun and enjoy your day !!

[Vikky]

Hi Alyssa

I do a lot of public speaking too and am a closeted CDer. I think it will be a long time before I get the courage to go out and buy some clothes en drab, or en femme. Maybe a brandy, a deep breath, and take the plunge. Good Luck.

Vikky

[Barbara Jo]

Personally, when I was younger, I used to play bass in rock bands and loved being on display on a stage.
However CDing in public presents a whole different dynamic, etc.

I guess it all comes down to how good one one passes.
I need beard cover to really pass but, I hate heavy makeup.

[Teresa]

Alyssa,
If you're not sure about clothes try underdressing in tights or stockings and go try some shoes on, I found it a good way to start and build your confidence. I now find it easier to pick things up in charity shops and ask to try them on , OK I use the curtain but one shop said they didn't have one but I needed a coat and just tried it on in the shop.
It's not just shops you need build confidence, I wanted some clothes altered and put a tight dress on with heels and forms in the seamstress's shop, behind the curtain but she wanted to see me in daylight and made me walk in full view to the middle of the shop.

[Jill_cd]

Alyssa, don't be so nervous. I was in Kasper's earlier this year and couldn't decide what size skirt to buy. I asked one of the sales reps if it would be ok for me to try on the skirts (I was in drab mode). She said, "Yeah, of course." No big deal. Awesome.

[kittie60]

Getting the courage to try on clothes for the first time is something we all have done. For some it's easy and others it's hard,but I wouldn't drive any distance unless there's no place near by. What ever you choose have a grand time with it. You'll be fine

[Tami Joy]

Alyssa Just get dress like any of us girl an go out don't think of want others will think of you.Yes it's scare the first time but once you do it you will feel better about yourself.

[Robin414]

Hi Alyssa, based on your credentials (kick boxing, etc) I get it, it's like a complete 180!!

My femme role model is Pink and I think that helps, I can be a chic and still be a dude...right? ��

[TracyT]

I say this all the time to fellow CDers: please, please shop at your local women's clothing stores. I know it seems daunting at first but you will find that the saleswomen are very used to serving male customers and are quite happy to do so. I shop at Nordstrom's, Macy's, Land's End, J Crew, Ann Taylor, and J Jill, and I have never had a bad experience. The women at J Jill know me and are always happy to see me come in (usually wearing a skirt) and quite helpful in finding things they think I'll like. I really think in many cases it goes beyond "His money is as good as a woman's"--I think they genuinely enjoy helping men find women's clothes that suit them and look good on them. (Hairdressers, by the way, are the same.) Don't feel relegated to thrift shops--you'll look like you shop at a thrift shop, trust me. This is a very affirming and encouraging experience that has been very enjoyable in my journey to womanhood, and you shouldn't miss it!

[Beverley Sims]

Alyssa,
Survey the situation, take a deep breath and walk in. :-)

[Sonny]

Alyssa,
Being an old HS wrestler and a "mans man" my adult life I fell back on what makes me successful in day to day life. I dressed a week ago for the 1st time and have been out and about shopping, eating etc. since. I live by a couple things which by your comment o do what you've always done you do the same. The ones I live by are, "Failure is not an option" the Serenity prayer. The Serenity prayer allows me to not care if others look down on what I am doing, in fact if I were to be laughed at or ridiculed I may just laugh. Laughing is tough for being raised as an Alpha Male cause that is what it took to survive but the prayer helps. Not religious either just makes sense. Sorry for rambling and go get em like you did when you fought!

[Kevyn53]

Alyssa, My wife's sister pointed out to her (about a completely different topic) that what other people think of you is none of your business. The idea is that nobody probably even notices you in a store or a crowd. Your fears are just that, YOUR fears. I went into a second-hand store with my wife once and there were 5 women from our home town (population 35) they started talking to my wife and asked where I was. I was standing right behind her en femme and they didn't see me as me. Good luck.

[MissDanielle]

I get less self-concious every time I go to the women's department to buy clothes, especially bikini panties. Today, I came back with the most assorted pink bikinis that I could find.

[irene9999]

You could always shop online, there's lots of deals in stores like forever 21 and h&m. I think I feel more at ease going to shop while already dressed en femme, I find I blend right in and feel less conscious about being there and more free to look aroumd

[Sonny]

So Alyssa, How did it go girl?

[JaimeCD]

I have never tried clothes on before this week. But after this week can say it is a non-issue, they were just worried about the item count and not what you were bringing in. I will say it felt incredible to go and do it though. I sent my wife pics and got her input, she couldn't believe I did it but was proud. I know you can do it, trust me if I can you can!

[Lena]

I did this at Goodwill because they have uni sex dressing rooms. If you go somewhere that has unisex dressing, it goes easier. On my opinion. Good luck.

[Sarasometimes]

If you are nervous you may want to wait about 15 days and go after the holiday rush. Fewer fellow shoppers and the sales staff will be able to help you more. Also go early or late when crowds are less. If you search here you can find all the really CD friendly store chains to try. Warning this IS Habit Forming behavior!!! Also it can be expensive, too.

[Krisi]

The problem with trying on clothes in stores is, unless you take your breast forms and padded panties with you, what fits in the store won't fit once you put those things on. I suggest taking some measurements, figuring out what will probably fit and then buying things and taking them home to try on. Make sure the store has a good return policy. Kohls, JC Penny and Walmart (among others) will exchange things or give you your money back.

As for travelling some distance from home, I understand your thoughts on this. Regardless of what some people might post here, people do judge you and it does matter. A co-worker or boss seeing you trying on dresses could cause you problems at work. A neighbor or family matter seeing the same thing could make things uncomfortable. Remember, we all have our own situations and what's fine for one of us may not be fine for another. Do what's best for you.

[Rhandi Spencer]

Alyssa,
I totally understand that it takes courage to try on clothes in the stores. I have purchased panties and bra's (drab) and was so nervous I thought I would be sick. I am now getting the courage to go into women specific stores (Dress Barn, etc) and look around. I have yet to make purchases or try anything on. I am finding the SA's are more than helpful, express seemingly real interest in finding you something to purchase and have even asked if I want to try something on. I am taking lots of little steps, but I know the day will come that I can walk right in, pick an outfit out, try it on, pay and leave.

One step at a time and all will be good.

Randi

[Angela Marie]

Each of us has to make our own decision as to our comfort level. For the longest time I could never try on clothes, dine out, etc. it was a process. Now I do all those things. Patience is always a virtue.

[AbigailJordan]

Good for you Alyssa. I think you'll find once you get started that the SA's will hardly bat an eyelid. Whetever new steps we take, there are hundreds if not thousands who have gone before us.

Most of my in store shopping was done whilst traveling on work, any co-workers who might have seen me would be left behind in a day or two so no biggie. And when those demons inside you try to make you walk past the store due to nerves, just think about all the lovely clothes you will have at the end of the day. And remember, nobody in that store knows you, you won't ever have to see any of them again, so who cares if and what any complete stranger might think.

Best of luck Hunni x x x

[Helen_Highwater]

Alyssa,
I totally understand going somewhere that you're not likely to bump into someone who knows you. Makes complete sense to remove that element of stress from the equation.

As this is your first post it's unclear whether or not you've shopped enfemme before and by that I mean just browsing the stores or buying something straight off the peg without trying on. If you've never even bought off the peg then I would suggest that's you first step. Even if it's something like a piece of costume jewelry, a scarf, makeup, what ever, jump over that hurdle first. There's nothing stopping you then going to another store and going to the next step of trying on. Browse a little. That will settle the nerves. Being calm(er) will put the SA's at ease as well. If you do it you will have done something that's on my to do list. I've bought stuff off the shelf often. I've been close to trying on but yet to take that next step so I know how daunting it can seem.

I like you have done loads of public speaking but being in public/shopping for the first time enfemme is a whole different ball game. It's just another skill to be learned.

Good luck
Helen

[Mgreenva]

I was in Catherine's today talking with a friendly SA. She showed me a corporate email from last week about how to handle men buying/wearing dresses. Corporate policy is friendly and polite to all customer

[Judith96a]

I've tried on dresses and skirts in stores many times - with varying degrees of "comfort", depending on the context and whether I was en-femme or drab!
I think that the most uncomfortable experience was in a retail/wholesale outlet on Fonthill Road in London. The staff were from the eastern end of Europe with barely passable English and I was a man wanting to try on a cute skirt! They said OK but their body language was less than encouraging (and the changing area was very makeshift). Almost as uncomfortable was one time in a major retailer on Oxford street, again with me in male mode, where the SA was OK with me trying on the dress but wasn't sure about me being in the changing area with other customers! (To her credit, she was very apologetic and basically staked out the changing area until it was entirely vacant!)

The most comfortable was a few months later, me in full 'Judith' mode, on Oxford Street in London. I tried on clothes and shoes in three different stores and the SAs couldn't have been more helpful. I'm not remotely "passable" up close so none of them were under any illusion that I was anything other than a crossdresser but there was no problem about use of changing areas with other customers present. It's almost as if there was a conscious "suspension of disbelief". They were noticeably very keen to bring alternative sizes / styles to me!

So, get out there and support the mall shops. They're having a tough time and will (mostly) appreciate your business.

[rockerreds]

I recently tried on a blouse at Madewell-felt good. And the blouse is great!