Being called "Sir"

[TracyDeluxe]

Just wondering how those of you who do go out handle it when a clerk or someone calls you "Sir" while you are dressed? I drive a truck and meet bunches of new people everyday, and it still happens to me occasionally. Someplace you are purchasing a product or service, you can just leave, but I can't just leave a shipper or reciever.


(Question generated by the "Comments at the store" thread)

It used to devastate me, not so much anymore, but still...

I usually say, "Pardon me?" (kind of edgy tone), or if I am in a bitchy mood, "What? Are you fekking blind?" That 2nd one's a little dangerous, of course, because they could come back with, "No, I can see very well, Sir", but I've never had that happen. :D

Most people will apologize, and begin using female pronouns (though I'm sure they still know I am male), but occasionally one meets a stubborn one. In those cases, I just try to ignore it, but it still pisses me off.

One I am thinking of using, but haven't yet, is, "Hey, I spent a fekking lot of money to become a woman, so unless you want a sexual harrasement suit, you better use female pronouns when referring to me!" (I'm not a woman, but my DL says "female", so unless they undressed me, the buck should stop there.)

Anyway, how do you handle it?

[celeste26]

In this day when it it so easy to be offended by the slightest thing, showing grace by ignoring such a thing would be the best way to deal with it. Regardless of how insulted you may feel, providing a place of forgiveness instead of demanding 'respect' will be what it takes to bring them around.

As long as they dont assault you physically, just ignore the slight, it will only bring you down below their level, and could lead to much worse things.

[TracyDeluxe]

Hmm, Celeste, I understand what you mean, but I don't know if I am that advanced as a human being! I will think about your point of view, however!

[KathrynW]

In this day when it it so easy to be offended by the slightest thing, showing grace by ignoring such a thing would be the best way to deal with it. Regardless of how insulted you may feel, providing a place of forgiveness instead of demanding 'respect' will be what it takes to bring them around.
Great advice...
If you go around everywhere with a "chip", I can almost guarantee you will find someone who's more than willing to knock it off...;)

[GypsyKaren]

I've gotten called sir once or twice, it really doesn't bother me. I treat everyone with politeness, courtesy, and respect, and as long as I receive the same in return I'm happy.

Karen

[TracyDeluxe]

Looks like I'm really in the minority here. I've just never been good at eating...well, you know. Not much of a "turn the other cheek" person, I guess.

[Reana]

I've never liked to addressed as "Sir" or "Mr." even when I'm in the male mode. I think that has more to do with the connotation of age/maturity that it implies. I refuse to believe that I am "old", regardless of what my drivers license says. Strangely enough, I'm not totally at ease with the female pronouns used when I'm in the femme mode, considering the true reality of my gender. :)

[Steffie-Lee]

Tracy,
That reminds me of a time when my CD friend Helen and I were out on the town, in NYC fully dressed, shopping and having the time of our lives. We stopped for lunch in a chinese buffet style restaurant. When Helen paid for our lunch the cashier said "Thank you SIR!" to her. She was a bit upset, and had to go to the ladies' room. As I stood waiting for her, I could hear the Cashier say "Thank you SIR!" to every man, woman, and child he served. It seemed that those were the only words he knew in English. So don't feel too bad.... It does happen.....
Hugs Steffie Lee

[TracyDeluxe]

Tracy,
That reminds me of a time when my CD friend Helen and I were out on the town, in NYC fully dressed, shopping and having the time of our lives. We stopped for lunch in a chinese buffet style restaurant. When Helen paid for our lunch the cashier said "Thank you SIR!" to her. She was a bit upset, and had to go to the ladies' room. As I stood waiting for her, I could hear the Cashier say "Thank you SIR!" to every man, woman, and child he served. It seemed that those were the only words he knew in English. So don't feel too bad.... It does happen.....
Hugs Steffie Lee


LOL! Yeah, there is that!

[geegee2]

Just wondering how those of you who do go out handle it when a clerk or someone calls you "Sir" while you are dressed? I drive a truck and meet bunches of new people everyday, and it still happens to me occasionally. Someplace you are purchasing a product or service, you can just leave, but I can't just leave a shipper or reciever.


(Question generated by the "Comments at the store" thread)

It used to devastate me, not so much anymore, but still...

I usually say, "Pardon me?" (kind of edgy tone), or if I am in a bitchy mood, "What? Are you fekking blind?" That 2nd one's a little dangerous, of course, because they could come back with, "No, I can see very well, Sir", but I've never had that happen. :D

Most people will apologize, and begin using female pronouns (though I'm sure they still know I am male), but occasionally one meets a stubborn one. In those cases, I just try to ignore it, but it still pisses me off.

One I am thinking of using, but haven't yet, is, "Hey, I spent a fekking lot of money to become a woman, so unless you want a sexual harrasement suit, you better use female pronouns when referring to me!" (I'm not a woman, but my DL says "female", so unless they undressed me, the buck should stop there.)

Anyway, how do you handle it?
well I am in the same boat as you cause I teach truck driving and drive too whenever I go on the road alone I always take geegee atire with me and most of the customers I go to are glad to see me as geegee. But at the school I am generally in girl clothes that do not shout it out as Ive said in a previous thread. love hugs kisses GeeGee2

[Liberty]

As I stood waiting for her, I could hear the Cashier say "Thank you SIR!" to every man, woman, and child he served. It seemed that those were the only words he knew in English.

This is so funny Steffie! I love this forum, it is so genuine....
I've seen the same thing and you just gotta smile and laugh sometimes.

I personally have accepted being called sir because it is common in my life since I'm usually the one in charge. Also, I have yet to get 100% femmed, it won't be long now, I am really gonna give it a try because it seems like I'd love it. Then I doubt if I would like to be addressed as "sir", it does feel kinda funny to be called sir because I still feel young at heart, but I do respect formalities because it assures me that professionalism is being properly maintained. What was a real thrill above all else though was when I was in line at a supermarket last year and an older lady behind me in line accidentally bumped me with her cart while I was in everyday clothes and she said "I'm sorry, excuse me ma'am"!

Also, I can remember long ago when I was in the USAF in boot camp, and while in a moment of frenzied action around me, I addressed my "tough as nails" drill Sargent as ma'am instead of sir. (talk about asking for more push ups!) it was funny as hell and I will never forget that, it just slipped and I have no idea where it came from, seriously....

[vicky V]

Tracy,

Very sage and mature advice from Celeste. I have never been out en femme, so I am not able to relate to your precise feelings. But,I think a nice smile rather than a lecture would bring the best results.

love,

vicky v

[Petrina CD]

One halloween my wife went with me to a bar that we thought was a gay bar. I had on my favorite black dress and boots . We had seen the listing for the bar( it was really a nightclub kinda place) at a womens bar we had been to and wrongfully asumed that it was a gay bar . I had to go to the car for some reason and when I was going back inside one of the boys that parks cars there asked me " Are you having a good time tonite SIR ", making sure to say the "sir" part as loud as possible. I walked up to him , stared him straight in the eyes and said " yes, I am having a good time ,thank you !!! I too am one of those cd's who doesn't care to be called by a fem name even when dressed. I adopted a fem name just to use here on this website.

Petrina cd

[Sierra Evon]

I get that alot too , mostly over the phone , I just roll my eyes at'em.
and then say politly its miss.......thank you and leave , then call them
names behind there backs......that how I do it.......miss SIERRA

[StevieStevie]

I was somewhere awhile ago, with my cd (I think the grocery?) and the clerk/cashier looked at him (he was dressed) and didn't know what to call him! We actually laughed about it later. Don't let it get to you........you know who you are:)

[Deidra Cowen]

I've been called sir several times. A Lesbian Bartender at Le Buzz a bar here in Atlanta calls me 'sir' every freaking time I go to her station at the bar. (by the way I hardly ever go to that bar and do my very best when other Tgirls are trying to come up with a place to go to direct our group away from that place)

Then it has also happened at several stores while I was en-femme. I have never said anything to those people just gone on about my buisness. But I will admit it usually is a downer! :mad:

[HaleyPink2000]

I usually get called Ma'am. Even in male clothing when wearing a hat. As I am loosing some on the top. I just smile and go on. One time I was at Walmart and had brought several dresses and skirts to the cashier. Me in Camo Shirt and Jacket, No Hat. The Woman called me Ma'am and the Girl in the next cash box area came over and folded my dresses and skirts. She even said How Ma'am She did wish She could afford a nice new dress.

Oh and Hun, your lovely, no one should ever think you anything but a lady.
If that is your Avatar!

Responce, I smile and go on.
Haley:)

[Butterfly Bill]

If someone calls me "sir" (as most everyone does) it is usually an indication that they accept me to the point of feeling I am entitled to their politeness. If they didn't approve, they would more likely call me something else. I always reciprocate their politeness.

[Tina Dixon]

Being called sir not to bad, should have heard what I was called the other day:eek:

[Gwen]

Excuse me but if you aren't missing a certian something you are a sir. I think it's reassuring for most people who don't cross dress to be able to detect a crossdresser. It becomes kind of a game for them but the stakes are preservation of their own sense of gender identity. They're just saying "I caught you." Take it as a challange to pass better next time or just accept that you don't always pass.

[Denise01]

when i was in Florida on vacation last Nov. I was out all day femme, and most every place i went I mostly got ma'am or nothing at all.

I went into one of the chain restaruants for dinner and the maitre'd addressed me as sir. It kind of took me back a bit and i was not pleased.

The server, while he did not come out and address me as sir, you could certainly tell by the tone in his voice and the way he talked, he was basically referring to me as sir as well.

That was the only real time that I had the problem, and according the tip, the server recived was in accordance with the way of his actions. Needless to say it was not large.

Denise

[Phoebe Reece]

This just happened to me this last Saturday afternoon. I was dressed enfemme and went into a particular J. C. Penney store to take care of a problem from shopping there the day before – getting a security button removed that a sales clerk left in place on a sweater a friend of mine had purchased. I had to wait for some other customers in line at the check-out before a clerk said, “OK sir, you’re next.” I walked up to her smiled and explained what I needed. As she started to remove the security button she leaned over to me and said in a low voice, “I’m sorry. Should I have said Ma’am?” She seemed genuinely concerned that she had said something wrong. I told her “Ma’am” is usually considered more proper, but that either was OK for me. She also apologized for the error someone made in not removing the security button when checking out the day before. She was really quite nice and if I had more time, I would have done a little more outreach with her. I thanked her and left once the button was off.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

If you don't want to let it go, you could just say: "Actually, I prefer to be called ma'am." If need be, you can look look them straight in the eye while saying it. Communicates your preference without coming across like you've got a chip on your shoulder.

As Gypsy said, I've found that by treating others graciously, it tends to encourage them to do the same toward me. (Obviously, there's times to get hard-nosed but they're the exception.) It's not really about turning the other cheek as much as not stooping to their level.

[TGMarla]

Have you transitioned or are you in the process of transitioning? I mean, you say that you're still male, yet you're driving a truck for a living, and presenting as a woman when you do it. So in essence, you're going to work as a woman. No offense, just wondering.

Most truck drivers are men. If you come out of the truck and look in any way androgynous, many people are going to choose to err on the side of caution, and play the odds that you're a man.

[Bridget]

Personally, i'm torn between preserving the 和 (wa), and just letting it go, and getting in their face; as a teacher in college once said, "If not respect, then fear." (The context was referring to Asian Americans be walked all over by everyone else, but it might apply here). It's a dillemma because if you don't do anything, they person might get a kick out of embarassing you, and try to step it up, until they hit a boundary. It's like bullying. The bully will keep going until something is done. I'm not saying you have to beat the fecal material out of him or her, but shrinking, or even trying to withstand it with mild dignity, might not help.

Then again at the same time you also raise hostilities, and may reflect badly on the community. I mean, the last thing the community needs is a reputation for hostility. (But then again, it might counter the "sissy" stereotype and garner us respect...) (But then again, is replacing one stereotype with another any better?)

I'm confused... v_v

[Sierra Evon]

Also, if I may add , about the SIR thing. I'll go into my regular stores now
Ive often said politly its actually miss but yes go ahead, then they'll just
look at me like Oh , sorry, but now that I'm growing my hair out longer
and fixing it very femmish , new ear rings etc. I'm not getting the "sir"
stuff as much , but sometimes yes, I just look at them like OKAY!!!
someone needs to glasses here, the more female I look the less I get
that , thats basically it..................Sierra.........

[TracyDeluxe]

Personally, i'm torn between preserving the 和 (wa), and just letting it go, and getting in their face; as a teacher in college once said, "If not respect, then fear." (The context was referring to Asian Americans be walked all over by everyone else, but it might apply here). It's a dillemma because if you don't do anything, they person might get a kick out of embarassing you, and try to step it up, until they hit a boundary. It's like bullying. The bully will keep going until something is done. I'm not saying you have to beat the fecal material out of him or her, but shrinking, or even trying to withstand it with mild dignity, might not help.

Then again at the same time you also raise hostilities, and may reflect badly on the community. I mean, the last thing the community needs is a reputation for hostility. (But then again, it might counter the "sissy" stereotype and garner us respect...) (But then again, is replacing one stereotype with another any better?)

I'm confused... v_v


Agreed, and while it may not have come across that way in my first post, I think I am usually pretty good at differentiating between those that just don't know any better, and those that are deliberately trying to embarass me, for whatever reason. And I hope that I respond accordingly. A lot of my response "style", I suppose, comes from whether I have been awake for 20 hours or more. ;)

Don't worry, girls, I'm not out there in a dress and a cheap wig, punching anyone who happens to look at me crosseyed! :D

And of the hundreds and hundreds of people I have to deal with each week, in every part of this country, these "Sir" incidents are amazingly rare, maybe that's why they bother me so much when they do occur.

[Denise_Z]

Once several years ago I was working at the local high school helping out on photo day when the girl with the same last name as the basketball coach came through the line. I noticed the name and said something like, "You must be coach so and so's son." How that popped out of my mouth I'll never know because she in no way resembled anyone's son, and in fact was dressed very nice since she was about to have her picture taken. I don't know who was more embarassed, her or me!

[Bridget]

Don't worry, girls, I'm not out there in a dress and a cheap wig, punching anyone who happens to look at me crosseyed! :D


XD LOL, That's a keeper!

[trannie T]

If I thought that I could pass I'd be upset to be called "sir."
But I'm thrilled when someone addresses me as a female. Try to enjoy the positive and do not let the negative get you down.:BS: