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Nadya
12-13-2015, 11:47 PM
After going over the letter (email) I was going to send repeatedly, after having my wife, my friend, and my therapist read it over, I finally sent it to my parents. I had the email sitting there in the window ready to go and I trying to decide whether or not to send it. Was this really what I wanted? What about the consequences? Could I handle it if the absolute worse case scenario happened? My wife sat with me as I had this internal struggle. She encouraged me, told me that my parents loved me very much and that would not have mattered to them. I knew this but I was still afraid. Statistics had gotten the better of me and I remembered that about 50% of transgender people that come out often have very horrible reactions. Granted, I'm 31 now and I live 2400 miles away from my parents so even if it went badly, I would be OK but I couldn't handle the thought of them being out of my life. They have been so important to me. After a little while, I hit send and covered my eyes until the prompt to cancel had gone away. There it was. "Your email has been sent." Well, now all I could do was wait. I sent it late in the evening which was a blessing and a curse. I sent it then so I wouldn't have a response that day but then I had to wait until the morning. I slept poorly that night. I woke up every hour or two during the night and compulsively checked my phone for emails or text messages. Nothing all night. I had hoped that my mom who sporadically had insomnia would be up and read the message but this turned out to not be the case.

After my 5:30 am check, I thought that I'd get a bit more rest before I had to get up for work. No sooner had I shut my eyes again that the light from my phone telling me I had a new message bled through my eye lids. My heart jumped and I grabbed my phone. It was from my mom. I took a second to brace myself and I opened the message. All it said was "We love you!" That's all I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I checked my email and I had a message from my dad in there. I started to read it. It was short because he was at work and was undoubtedly very busy. He talked about how he and my mom loved me very much. They have had exposure to transgender people through Caitlyn Jenner in the media and someone at his work just transitioned. He didn't have much time to sort through the links I had sent them along with my email but he just wanted to say that how they felt about me had not changed at all. By the time I finished the email, I was sobbing. I sobbed to the point where my wife woke up concerned. I couldn't speak but showed her the letter and she hugged me. All this time. I had built up this fear of ever showing my real side out in the open to those I cared about. I have finally took a huge step in releasing myself from the prison I had made. My mom later sent me another message that everything would be OK and that she was proud of me. I told her that I knew everything was going to be OK because I have the best parents I could have ever asked for. A few days later my parents called to talk. I was a little nervous but they were so supportive. We talked about their concerns about safety and what my plans were. It went so well. I know it will take them time to adjust to the news but they only have love in there heart and I have a weight lifted off of me. I can make another step towards happiness. Thanks for reading!

<3

MissDanielle
12-14-2015, 12:41 AM
That's so great! I'm so happy for you! xoxo

Suzanne F
12-14-2015, 12:54 AM
Ryce,
I have goose bumps reading your post. I so wish that had been my experience. Tell your parents how many of us wish we had people like them in our lives. My parents are struggling and I don't know it will ever really get better. Anyway I am so happy for you and excited that you can escape the self imposed prison. We deserve to lead authentic lives!
Suzanne

VanTG
12-14-2015, 01:02 AM
Good job on your mom and dad! Thats huge for you. :D

Zooey
12-14-2015, 02:47 AM
I'm so happy for you. I know that moment right before you click "send" very well. Congratulations on getting through it, and I wish you all the best going forward!

dreamer_2.0
12-14-2015, 05:55 AM
This was lovely to read! Coming out to my parents was an incredibly scary experience but so worth it. I'm glad your experience went positively as well!

Eringirl
12-14-2015, 09:36 AM
Ryce....what a lovely and heart felt post, and response from your parents. You are a wonderful daughter with wonderful parents. So pleased for you, and I must admit, a bit watery eyed right now....thank god for long lasting mascara !!

Hope it all continues to go well.

Erin

I Am Paula
12-14-2015, 10:06 AM
Every time I hear of a positive, supportive reaction from parents, it does my heart good. I'm so glad for you.

MarciManseau
12-14-2015, 11:18 AM
I think we all need to have more faith and trust in our parents. They do love us and even if they don't understand what we're doing or how we feel, in most cases they won't reject us or even turn a cold shoulder. And email may be a good way to do it as it gives them time to absorb what you've said, and then to think about how they feel. No need for an immediate, possibly poor, reaction.

Bria
12-14-2015, 11:38 AM
It's so great to hear about that total support, it brought tears to my eyes. I hope that the future goes as well for you, I'll remember you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

Kimberly Kael
12-14-2015, 07:30 PM
I think we all need to have more faith and trust in our parents.

I think a healthy sense of self-preservation is called for. Parents have a harder time than some accepting us for who we are. They get overly protective, or fear that they've done something wrong, and ultimately they are so closely associated with their children that they can fear what others will think of them for having a trans child. Once you've decided to come out to your parents, sure, go in with a positive attitude — but actually counting on them to be supportive can have disastrous consequences. While in most regards I'd say I had a storybook easy transition the simple fact is that I no longer have any kind of functioning relationship with my father. Thankfully I'm entirely self-sufficient but it still stings.

A parent's love for their child isn't supposed to be conditional. Unfortunately I've seen more than enough evidence that this isn't always the case. I do agree that email is a good medium for the message. It's something they can go back to and have a perfect record of what you said, and as you pointed out it removes the pressure to react immediately. In my case, though, like in far too many others the objection wasn't to the medium but to the whole notion that there's room in this world for LGBT people without a life of shame, ridicule, and disappointment. Full stop.

... but every success is definitely worth celebrating! I'm very happy to hear things have gone well for you, Ryce.

Jessica EnFemme
12-14-2015, 08:08 PM
So great to hear that, Ryce! I'm glad it turned out well.

PretzelGirl
12-15-2015, 12:37 AM
Ryce, it took me a minute to read to the end because I had to keep wiping my eyes. I am very happy for you. It is a start, but a wonderful start. :hugs:

Amanda M
12-15-2015, 04:40 AM
Wonderful, wonderful news!

Rachel Smith
12-15-2015, 07:31 PM
Ryce I am so happy for you. Like you I had the same fear and trepidation in telling my parents and like you I heard those same words. I only wish it was so for everyone here. Enjoy your success.

Alice_2014_B
02-08-2016, 05:29 PM
Very nice Allaryce!
Thanks for sharing this.
:)

Stephanie Sometimes
02-08-2016, 10:56 PM
What great parents you have Allaryce! I am so happy for you that it turned out well. It will take them some time to get used to this new information but they really sound supportive. Nice that you have that support from your wife as well. Thanks for sharing.

Marcelle
02-09-2016, 05:45 AM
Hi Ryce,

That was big step forward for certain and took a lot of courage. I am so glad it worked out well and this weight has been lifted from you . . . one step further outside your prison :)

Cheers

Marcelle

Wendy me
02-10-2016, 08:17 AM
very cool .........