Nadya
12-13-2015, 11:47 PM
After going over the letter (email) I was going to send repeatedly, after having my wife, my friend, and my therapist read it over, I finally sent it to my parents. I had the email sitting there in the window ready to go and I trying to decide whether or not to send it. Was this really what I wanted? What about the consequences? Could I handle it if the absolute worse case scenario happened? My wife sat with me as I had this internal struggle. She encouraged me, told me that my parents loved me very much and that would not have mattered to them. I knew this but I was still afraid. Statistics had gotten the better of me and I remembered that about 50% of transgender people that come out often have very horrible reactions. Granted, I'm 31 now and I live 2400 miles away from my parents so even if it went badly, I would be OK but I couldn't handle the thought of them being out of my life. They have been so important to me. After a little while, I hit send and covered my eyes until the prompt to cancel had gone away. There it was. "Your email has been sent." Well, now all I could do was wait. I sent it late in the evening which was a blessing and a curse. I sent it then so I wouldn't have a response that day but then I had to wait until the morning. I slept poorly that night. I woke up every hour or two during the night and compulsively checked my phone for emails or text messages. Nothing all night. I had hoped that my mom who sporadically had insomnia would be up and read the message but this turned out to not be the case.
After my 5:30 am check, I thought that I'd get a bit more rest before I had to get up for work. No sooner had I shut my eyes again that the light from my phone telling me I had a new message bled through my eye lids. My heart jumped and I grabbed my phone. It was from my mom. I took a second to brace myself and I opened the message. All it said was "We love you!" That's all I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I checked my email and I had a message from my dad in there. I started to read it. It was short because he was at work and was undoubtedly very busy. He talked about how he and my mom loved me very much. They have had exposure to transgender people through Caitlyn Jenner in the media and someone at his work just transitioned. He didn't have much time to sort through the links I had sent them along with my email but he just wanted to say that how they felt about me had not changed at all. By the time I finished the email, I was sobbing. I sobbed to the point where my wife woke up concerned. I couldn't speak but showed her the letter and she hugged me. All this time. I had built up this fear of ever showing my real side out in the open to those I cared about. I have finally took a huge step in releasing myself from the prison I had made. My mom later sent me another message that everything would be OK and that she was proud of me. I told her that I knew everything was going to be OK because I have the best parents I could have ever asked for. A few days later my parents called to talk. I was a little nervous but they were so supportive. We talked about their concerns about safety and what my plans were. It went so well. I know it will take them time to adjust to the news but they only have love in there heart and I have a weight lifted off of me. I can make another step towards happiness. Thanks for reading!
<3
After my 5:30 am check, I thought that I'd get a bit more rest before I had to get up for work. No sooner had I shut my eyes again that the light from my phone telling me I had a new message bled through my eye lids. My heart jumped and I grabbed my phone. It was from my mom. I took a second to brace myself and I opened the message. All it said was "We love you!" That's all I wanted. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I checked my email and I had a message from my dad in there. I started to read it. It was short because he was at work and was undoubtedly very busy. He talked about how he and my mom loved me very much. They have had exposure to transgender people through Caitlyn Jenner in the media and someone at his work just transitioned. He didn't have much time to sort through the links I had sent them along with my email but he just wanted to say that how they felt about me had not changed at all. By the time I finished the email, I was sobbing. I sobbed to the point where my wife woke up concerned. I couldn't speak but showed her the letter and she hugged me. All this time. I had built up this fear of ever showing my real side out in the open to those I cared about. I have finally took a huge step in releasing myself from the prison I had made. My mom later sent me another message that everything would be OK and that she was proud of me. I told her that I knew everything was going to be OK because I have the best parents I could have ever asked for. A few days later my parents called to talk. I was a little nervous but they were so supportive. We talked about their concerns about safety and what my plans were. It went so well. I know it will take them time to adjust to the news but they only have love in there heart and I have a weight lifted off of me. I can make another step towards happiness. Thanks for reading!
<3