Worth the fifty dollars

[Maria 60]

I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I will give you some history, my son is twenty one years old he finished college and did one year of internship. While doing his internship he had shift hours and that included one day on the weekend which gave Maria one day on the weekend and a few nights after work to dress. Since they hired him full time he now works regular hours and the weekends off that makes things more difficult for me to dress. I know l know he should be out and on his own, but if anyone knows Italians we try to help our kids anyway we can, and thats why they never leave until there forty. That's not really my main problem, my problem is he never goes out, his girlfriend comes over almost every night and instead of hanging out in his living area they hang around with us. I should be flattered that they want to hang with us but they never go out, for fun on Fridays they order inn and there friends call and they never want to go out with them. I had to talk to him and tell him that when we come home from work we need some space, I can't even fart in my own home, or just lay down and relax because there always on the couch with us, and asked him why he doesn't go to her house a few times or go to a mall or something and it's not healthy that at there age they are not interested in nothing. He said they are trying to save money for a down payment for a house and don't want to spend money at over priced bars or clubs. The way the housing market is going in Canada he may have a down payment in fifty years, my wife feels bad saying anything to them because she sees our parents who would kill for someone to go there because they are so lonely and she fears being that way. This has been going on for three months now and you could just amagine the fatigue that's building up in me, my wife suggest I go to a hotel for a day or go for a drive, I just don't think it will be much fun alone for a day in a hotel room but it may have to do. Tonight when the door bell rang I don't think I would be able to handle another night squeezed on that couch, so I reached for my wallet and handed them 50 dollars and asked them to go to a movie on me. Well I'm finally dressed for the first time in three months, best fifty dollars ever spent. I'm I the only one with this problem, don't get me wrong I love my kids and believe it's great that we have a very open relationship and will miss them one day, but I just need alittle space. Am I cruel or what?

[Just4me]

I love it you handled that quite well it may get expensive you if you plan to dress often might consider making the down payment on their house lol might be cheaper

[Sarah-RT]

I think that happens with a lot of parents, not just because of our 'situation'

My mom complains if my sister and her child call up too often as she "has no time to get anything done"
Many people my age are stuck at home with many countries recovering from the financial collapse, here in Ireland the housing industry is only starting back up which has left a housing shortage and sky high renting prices.

With regard to your son not wishing to go out and do things, that's just unfortunate, I have a good friend who prefers to invite us to his house rather than come out, though he has a room with a TV and couches for us to be in and his parents have a separate room.

Maybe you could discuss with him that you enjoy having him and his girlfriend around but that they could use another room and give you a little down time, nothing too serious

[CynthiaD]

I have two adult children who live with me. I avoided dressing in front of them for a while after they moved back in. Then one day I decided that this was my home, and I would dress the way I felt like dressing. So now I dress fully in front of them and in front of all their friends. They've gotten used to it, and it's really no big deal.

[Rachelakld]

We all need space, maybe you need to review how much board your son is paying, and up it to near "flatting" costs.
Alternative, you take back "YOUR HOUSE" and dress the way you want :)

[Eryn]

Perhaps the ground rule for adult children should be to be tolerant of you. It is, of course, your house, and you shouldn't have to buy them off to get some privacy.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations doing what you have to do, help the kids and then help them again to get them out of the house when you really needed it. You probably have already thought about doing or not what the others have recommended above. I still applaud your efforts and please keep up the good work. I have done the same for my son before, then he left and then he returned much to my dismay just after I started this new life of mine and going out into the real world. I found a way around it and now he is gone, married with a wonderful child. Deja vu all over again, I am now financially supporting him and his wife again as they go through their more than personal battle with her breast cancer. I would prefer to see them support themselves, but ..... he is my son and his happiness and well being is very important to me. What else can a loving father do?

[AngelaYVR]

Meanwhile, the gf's dad keep paying them to hang out at your house so he can get some "alone" time too.... :D

[suzanne]

Angela, your sense of irony is evil! I love it! Let's hope it's not actually true here.

[Stephanie47]

Maria, I suspect they will never move out. Worse, the girlfriend will move in too. Then you're really up the creek without a paddle. You're enabling them. Children should be on their own. If it takes a little more time for the downpayment on a house, then so be it. If you're not going to suggest he is going to move, then ask questions to his finances. You are entitled to see the end of the game...the light at the end of the tunnel. Years ago my son was underfoot. I found his credit card statement laying on the floor one day. It was riddled with good times...music, dining out, concerts. I asked him to suggest an amount of rent he would be able to pay. A week later when I asked about the amount he felt he could pay he told me if I was going to ask for room and board, then he may as well move out. He did and never moved back in. My wife and I were planning to put his "room and board" in an account, and, when he was finally going to be on his own we were going to give it back to him. We forced his hand to make choices and act as an adult. Now? He's married to a great woman. He has a terrific talented teenage daughter. He owns his home. He makes almost $100K a year. His wife makes $45K.

My wife and I had to work for what we had. My son also had to make choices and has earned what he has. Frankly, you need to discuss with your son his expectations and see if they are reasonable and obtainable. If not, then he has to have an end date to vacate the premises. You and your wife need to have your privacy. And, that goes for anyone whether a cross dresser or not.

[Teresa]

Maria,
I feel for you not having that space but at the same time it's so good to hear of younger ones thinking about their future , saving to buy their own home has to be encouraged. It's one pleasure I never regret that we could give a helping hand to get both my children on the housing ladder , they have both moved on and now have family homes with children, it's what being parents is about !
Maybe you could try suggesting that instead of sitting about in your home they could get extra part time jobs to speed the house buying process along . At one point I had a full time job working shifts and two part time jobs slotted in , it brought our house buying that bit closer.

[ChristinaK]

Maria, maybe you should consider packing a bag to keep in your car so you can dress up outside the house. It would mean presenting in public, but that's actually very gratifying. Just a thought.

[Joni T]

Saving for a down payment, or sponging off Mom and Dad? Methinks a little room and board money is not out of the question.
Jon

[Karen RHT]

A bit of respectful reality if I may Maria, as I too live in a "full house." The fifty bucks is nothing more than a band aid on an open wound. I'm not Italian, but my wife comes from a similar European culture where family is priority one and only. Your son is very comfortable with the environment you've willingly provided him, and why wouldn't he be under the circumstances you've described?? You and your wife need space in your own home. That need is basic to all humans, not just to those of us who wish to dress as we please.

I'll suggest your son is being selfish, and that your desire to dress has nothing to do with the need to correct him. If he can't/won't accept the "hints" you've given him, you need to be more pointed and forceful in your actions. Don't reward him in order to "earn" space in your own home, deny him of it.


Karen

[Sky]

Not cruel, a tad demanding maybe.

I'm with you on the family part. I'm a latina/o so we simply can't show our kids the door when they turn 21 (although mine left on their own). Now yours has chose to stay and he does not go out anywhere. Well, either tell him daddy likes to wear girlie stuff -maybe you can share stuff with his gf?- or keep ponying up the 50 bucks for movie night until he asks "um, Dad, how come you're suddenly so generous?" Third option, go Groucho and tell him "go, and never darken my towels again!"

[tanya_cd]

I'm partial to my space. There is nothing wrong with wanting and deserving you time.

[Dragster]

That's not $50 you've spent Maria, it's $50 your son has inherited early. No inheritance tax to pay either!

Tony

[Maria 60]

Well when you put it that way dragster it was a win, win situation Lol

[SherriePall]

Maybe just tell your son that the Johnsonville Sausage factory burned down. For those of you who have seen that commercial.
Come to think of it, that didn't work either.
Just enjoy his company while you can. And keep opening the door for him.

[DanaR]

I believe that you found an alternative to them just hanging out at your place. A nice gesture for them to do something else. Your wife mentioned that you could go to a hotel, this is probably a lot cheaper and works.

[aussie cd]

well I agree you need space....and in between sentences a space to a paragraph would help readers along the way

[alwayshave]

Maria, my fiancee's thirty something daughter now lives with us, so I can't even wear a nightgown to bed, so I feel your pain. In addition she is incredibly nosy, so I had to buy a chest that locks to keep the things that I can't hide in with my fiancee's stuff, read breast forms, padded underwear and makeup. It is difficult and frustrating, but she has some mental issues and helping her is more important than my need to dress.

[docrobbysherry]

I had to tell my one college attending daughter that lives with me. Or, she was going to eventually catch me as Sherry!

She doesn't approve. So, we r in a DADT situation. The plus side is that she NEVER comes upstairs to my bedroom any more! Not wanting to see either Sherry or any of my fem gear strewn around everywhere.

You're the parent, Maria. U get to set the rules and boundaries. Maybe it's time u had that TALK with your son?:straightface:

[Sc0rp10N]

Sounds good to me! But if you're like me and don't ever plan to tell your kids about your private business, that $50 could get expensive, and it may be difficult to convince the wife to let the kids grow up, but, I had to do it, it sucks for a while, but she eventually came around. At 21, they should get an apartment, not a house! They need to live through life, not skip straight to middle age! But you're the parent, you gotta do what's right for your situation.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Your kids probably don't want to go out because they either have no money, or are saving like crazy for an uncertain future. It is a deprecated economy and young people (on average) will not have what their parents had (on average.) It is wise of your children to save, it is not a time in history to be wasting money.

However, you pay the bills, and they are dependent on you. You can tell them how it is, period. If they don't like it how you want to live, they can leave, you are the provider they live by your rules. I guarantee it is better to live cheap/free and give dad some time to himself, than barely scrape by and have a place to one's self.

[Candice June Lee]

I know that the lack of personal space is daunting. Not having the ability to be yourself stinks. Yes I think they should get out a bit more often. They are being responsible, at your expense. I actually have the opposite issue. I never hear from my son, my daughter only calls when she has trouble needing something. So I can see that there is some issues there. But I will say, at least he trusts you enough to have you help and be part of their lives. I'm sorry that it's too much, but you could have no contact what so ever. Enjoy this while you have it, because it will soon change. Fifty bucks to see the movies or go to dinner on you now and then is probably more appreciated than you know. And it gives you your time for a breath of fresh air.

[gokatiegirl]

Yes, $50 is worth it but it's only good for a few hours. I have a nice travel trailer parked in my backyard for private time. I do get a room at the local Radisson once or twice a month and invite other cd's for a fashion show. It's worth every penny.

My adult kids live with me too and know about Kate. My daughter loves to tease, poke and relishes the next time she can see Kate. She is a real firecracker and that gets old fast. My son is more DADT and does his own thing. And of course their SO's coming over and hanging out the entire night makes it worst.

[JocelynJames]

If I had this issue, I would pay too. I don't though. My ex and I split 12 years ago, and at 17 and 21, rarely see the kids. My wife is accepting and I dress as much or as little(huh?) as I want. It's blissful, but when I think of it, I missed a major part of there lives. The bittersweet

[Diversity]

You are definitely not alone. Several years ago, I was in the same position, however it lasted for over 3 years!!! I would not have traded the time, but admittedly there were many, many times, I felt trapped and unable to enjoy the freedom and fun I get from my CD time. Try to remember that the time you are having now, while frustrating, is still better than not having them around. Your day will come, and you will actually miss the time you had with them.
Di