Do you accept that you are viewed as "queer" by much of the world?

[Rogina B]

I am using "queer" to mean "strange". There is discussion over what is full time and what isn't. I feel that it is about accepting yourself as you are as well as accepting what and how others may view you. It is up to you to take it from there and make the most of it. Mixed ID/appearance is all part of this. Getting people to accept you,the person in front of them[and this applies to family,work,friends,people you encounter,etc] is the important part. HR and company policies surely help legally,BUT,they don't bring on "inclusion". I just do not believe there is a "high road" where transitioners can swap out their male earned merit badges for those in their new female name. A person has to realize that others don't see them the way they see themselves.They are most often seen as "queer" and have to accept that. I think this is a part of the differences between the "out and open" gay people and some of the transcommunity. They have most often accepted what others may think,but some T's don't.

[Leah Lynn]

I've been called a freak a few times. My reply is always, "Damned right I am!" I expect to be insulted occasionally, but it rarely affects me anymore.

Leah

[PretzelGirl]

However they view me, they treat me with respect and dignity as a woman. We never know what is in someone's head when they think of us. I may have been thought of as queer (in this context) before transition with my ponytail and earrings, but I was treated well then too. I find this acceptable, but if they are having those thoughts, there are still benefits to changing that as reactions sometimes reflect those types of underlying views.

[Robin414]

I NEVER thought I'd say this a year ago, but I'd kinda take it as a compliment now 😉

[dreamer_2.0]

I despise the word "queer" and hate being associated with it. Although, despite being out to probably most people I know, I don't believe I've heard the word attributed to me directly. What is said behind my back, on the other hand, who knows? I think I prefer "tranny" over "queer".

As it stands though, I believe "queer" is the accepted word for LGBT folk, similar to "cis" being used for non-trans folk. My dislike of being called "queer" is probably similar to cis folk not liking "cis". It is what it is, though I'll be very surprised if my opinion towards the word ever changes.

[Marcelle]

Hi Rogina,

I transitioned in place. Specifically, one day I was at work as a man in male service uniform and the next day I was female in female service uniform. I do not pass whatsoever (not even remotely), my body is male albeit small framed and my voice is a work in progress. So everyone in building knows about the resident TS. Do they see me as "queer" as you defined it? Most likely. I catch people staring a bit too intently during meetings and I see the odd quizzical stare (especially in the gym). Some people have been downright rude and others very sensitive. The woman on the floor have accepted me into their group and the men for the most part treat me with dignity and respect. So having said that, do I mind if others see me as "queer"? To be honest "I don't give a sh**" so long as they are not overtly rude or hostile :).

Cheers

Marcelle

[flatlander_48]

HR and company policies surely help legally,BUT,they don't bring on "inclusion".

R B:

Corporate policies are intended to define acceptable behaviors. This often comes up in situations where boundaries are crossed such as gender, race, age, religion, nationality, sexuality, gender identity, etc.

Inclusion is more of a mindset and a goal. It relates more to how people work together on an interpersonal basis. It helps to facilitate better, and more useful, function by people in group settings. You develop the concept of Inclusion by getting folks to see that you broaden the pool of ideas and solutions by having teams/groups made up of people with different backgrounds, histories etc. You can't mandate that.

DeeAnn

[LeaP]

Very well said, DeeAnn.

[I Am Paula]

Not to derail Roginas excellent thread, i just wanted to mention why the word queer, as a positive thing, has gained such acceptance. We did it ourselves. Everybody liked LBGT. Short, and concise. Then they started adding letters, to be politically inclusive. Eventually, it became LBGTQQTII++, and the whole damn community said 'enough!' Before it became longer than an Apple password, or those that were sexually attracted to ducks insisted they add DF, it was decided we just use QUEER. Short, and concise.

[Rachel Smith]

I may be queer to them but to me I am normal NOW so I really don't care what they think of or call me behind my back. I am or at least strive to be a happy, loving, caring person if someone decides I am to queer they also decide to miss out on knowing that person as well. Their loss not mine.

[Rogina B]

I am well aware that "inclusion" can't be mandated. What made me post is this...I am active in "transequality" politics here in NE Florida. In the working groups,I am the "older person" as most people are college age to 40. What I observe is that these younger people have had years of being viewed as "queer" because they went through a publicly "muddy,odd,etc" bunch of years before they got a clear vision of their path that they are now trying to live on.So,how they are viewed doesn't matter to them. They have no merit badges to change over. Their path is only straight up the hill. They are working to make that path an easier one for others. On the other side,there are many late transitioners who EXPECT certain things based on their past life. These young people [like some here] don't have these expectations and move easier without that baggage. Their friends [whom they have chosen] know them. Their family may have accepted that "their kid is different" long ago. That is a lot different than what some late transitioners expect to have happen with their families and friends and jobs,etc. "They" were never queer and want to believe there is a high road that separates them from society's queer community. Just my opinion from observation.

[Kimberly Kael]

The lingering negative connotations of "queer" left over from my youth all carry the implication that being different is wrong. These days I can proudly turn that around and own being queer because I'm not afraid to stand up for diversity. It helps that I'm not trying to blend in as a heterosexual woman. I'm a lesbian, so even when people don't know my trans history they can still understand that I'm proud to be different. The sooner everyone understands that there's nothing wrong with diversity, the better off we'll be as a society.

[flatlander_48]

R G:

I think the split by age is significant and it has to do with the notion of activism. I am part of the older group at 67. Folks of my generation are more likely to have had some contact with activism and social/political organizing. I think that is also true for the range of younger adults that you mention. However, I suspect that may not be the case for those positioned between these 2 groups. I suspect that they are less likely to be engaged in political movements, the environmental movement, etc. in general and in the LGBT community in particular.

Personally, I cringe a bit when I hear Queer as a blanket term. I think in the general public is has multiple meanings and you're never quite sure what it means to the person you are talking with. It is just too indistinct for me. Now, some might say it is OK to use within the community, but things usually go beyond artificial borders and become part of the wider vocabulary.

K K:

I'm in 100% agreement with the last sentence you wrote and is something that will always be very important for me. However, there is an interesting paradox here. Often we have discussions here (aka skirmishes!) about labels. Whenever I see someone rail against the idea of labels, it always strikes me as a way of avoiding the understanding of Difference, and by extension, Diversity. They are not understanding how Diversity can be appreciated and used for positive reasons. I think what it is is that they are stuck in situations where people have used Difference as a wedge for their own purposes. That is a gross misuse of the concept.

DeeAnn

[Prissy Linda]

I've had these feeling of wanting to be a girl as long as I can remember, my mother would let me put on her makeup and eventually bought me a dress because I kept asking her for girl clothers. Everything was ok until I went outside one day all dressed up and a few of the boys saw me dressed up like a girl so they started calling me a queer, I had no idea what that meant but I soon figured out that it was not a nice word (around age 5). There weren't many words in those days to describe someone who dressed up like a girl other than queer or homo so I hated the word but I sort of accepted that I must be kinda queer at least since all I wanted to do was dress and act like a girl, there weren't really words like crossdresser or transexual back in the 50's that I knew of, ok, i must be a queer. Later in the 60's or 70's I first heard the word transvestite but didn't really like it much either so I just thought to myself I'm a queer. Now of course there are many labels or term to describe someone like me that aren't nearly as offensive but I've lived so long with the term queer that it doesn't really bother me. go figure

Linda
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