Feeling depressed because i want t dress more and need more items and help

[dannithompson]

I am feeling depressed because I really do not have the support of my SO because of what I want to be. Can anyone help me out?

[Jenniferathome]

Well, first of all you are not alone in this. But why is your SO's support a requirement? What will she do that you can not?

[dannithompson]

I guess that I am having mixed feelings because I feel that I am in wrong shell. She is somewhat supportive but she has told me she is not a lesbian.

[Teresa]

Dannit,
I guess we need more information, first of all how much does your wife lnow and if she does how did she find out. You don't mention if you have children or not , that does complicate things, you wife has other things to think about , so your CDing may not be the top of her list.

I've made this point before but these thoughts surface more in your forties, many of us choose to come out during this period, it either goes well or you find you've jumped on a roller coaster ride. If you feel depressed go and get help now, don't be afraid to admit to your GP the reasons why you're depressed, he may give you medication to smooth things out or suggest counselling. Please don't leave this till it's too late , I nearly ended my life through a set of circumstances, so don't treat CDing as a passing phase, it's for life and you have to come to terms with it.

Many have had heard the comment your wife made, try and ignore it until you know where you are with your CDing, I know now that I'm part female but don't wish to transition anymore than I have, so I consider myself a male lesbian, I still have enough of my male side to satisfy my wife's needs .

[Tracii G]

Its so much more than you think it is at this point.
You are still you so I don't understand her lesbian comment.

[reb.femme]

My wife doesn't touch me when I'm dressed, so I get the lesbian comment. My wife married a man and she isn't into girls in any shape or form, especially when it is me.

Are you saying that your wife doesn't accept you dressing in totality or what? Can you elaborate on your situation?

Becky

[Michelle (Oz)]

I am feeling depressed because I really do not have the support of my SO because of what I want to be. Can anyone help me out?
Danni, don't start with a precondition that your SO must be supportive. The majority of us will testify that you'll be disappointed. You may luck out and, in the longer term, your SO may be tolerant/accepting.

To your advantage she knows. Often it is the telling that has very tumultuous and long lasting consequences. Gain hope from what seems to be her minor reaction.

If what you want to be is to be full time then you have a whole different conversation.

[Kate Simmons]

If it's making you depressed you most likely need to speak with a professional counselor to sort out your feelings.:)

[sometimes_miss]

Danni, you'll need to find a gender specialist therapist. There are numerous sites on the web where you can find one (hopefully) in your area. And, in today's teleconferencing, if there's no one in your area, it is likely that you can do a video discussion with someone (local hospitals are now carrying this service in nearly every emergency room that does not have all specialists on staff). However you should know that many therapists think that they can handle anything, based on what they were taught during their training. So don't just accept a run-of-the mill psychiatrist/psychologist. Find a gender specialist. It will make a world of difference. Here are a few that will either have someone appropriate to talk to, or will be able to refer you to someone. A few quick finds via google:

http://www.trans-health.com/clinics/

http://darahoffmanfox.com/how-do-i-find-a-gender-therapist/

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

[Krisi]

You need to provide us with a lot more information before we can post any useful suggestions.

[reb.femme]

A nice and very helpful response from sometimes_miss, with insightful advice reference Psych types.

Becky

[Amanda M]

Dannit, from the tone of your post, I get the feeling that you do not really know what you are, or what you want. And those are the first things that you need to find out, and then, when you know, you need to know what impact that would have on your partnership. There are so many hurdles at which you could fall, so keep things slow and gentle.

Her "lesbian" comment is a very common reaction. She married a man, and she expects her sex life to be with a man, and will have the most incredibly difficult time trying to be a lesbian lover to your female persona.

I’m going to suggest that you would benefit greatly from a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx
If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

I am a mental health professional.

[pamela7]

We could read between the lines here and imagine transition given the lesbian reference is most likely sexual in nature. Therefore I don't really agree with a CBT approach but more the gender therapist approach.
I don't actually agree that a gender therapist is the right answer from a therapeutic perspective, but from the idea of getting a "label" in order to proceed in certain directions, it's necessary.