breaking the old habits

[GabbiSophia]

As I am trying to press forward it has become very obvious how rooted the traits while learned being a guy. I find myself at a constant struggle with acting, or should I say over acting as a guy out of fear to protect myself, and just dealing with the situation. Prime example is work. I find myself puffed up and out to make sure I prove myself so that there is no questions. This mentality that was learned for the last going on 40 years is a hard habit to break. While I am trying to not only fully come to terms with things out of my control, my fears make this very difficult.

I can only ask how long did it take or is it still a daily chore to, not act male, but to shake the things that became second nature? I am not talking about the over inflated things to prove your a man. I mean the simple things. I head nod to a guy walking past in acknowledgment, or the way I hold a door for another woman. These things just do not fit in my opinion. I am truly finding how deeply rooted being male I am and how well of a job I have done trying to protect myself. There are many many layers to an onion... lol

[Marcelle]

Hi Gabbi,

I could have this wrong in how I read your post but, I take you are not "out" at work as a woman? If so, then if you are trying to protect yourself then playing the role of a guy is probably your best defence vice trying to break those habits IMHO . . . just don't overplay and things will be fine. If it is your intent to "come out" or you are already "out" then just go with the flow and allow your actions to slowly adjust. To be honest there is no real way to behave when it comes to being a woman as each person (male or female) is different. As a woman, I have doors held open for me but I also hold doors open for others (male and female) as it is the polite thing to do. I nod good morning when I see someone who is not well known to me which I don't see as a typical male greeting. As I continue my transition at work, I just let the situation dictate the response, if a man holds a door open for me, I say thank-you and walk through. I may shake hands with a colleague when I meet him/her or may hug them if they reciprocate (although I will admit this is mainly women I do this with).

Cheers

Marcelle