Parents throwing a fit

[MissDanielle]

My mom won't stop throwing a fit about my being trans. She keeps going on about how G-d gave me one body and that I'm ruining her life and mine.

According to her, all trans girls marry gay guys. I repeated this at my support group and everyone laughed about it.

All my online orders are now being sent to a cousin because my parents keep marking everything as refused or moved. I am moving in February.

My parents don't want me to tell any family and hate that I've told my friends that I am trans. I hate living a lie and would rather be open and honest with everyone.

Furthermore, I am in a field of business that will require all this to come out sooner rather than later.

[Meghan4now]

Danielle,

Parents are going to be that way often. It's hard for parents to accept non-normal behavior from their children, and TS/TG is not normal. I'm not saying bad, just most people are not TG. Add to that the fact that transition is a serious life altering process, and of course they are worried. In addition your mother said it would ruin her life too. This is a part of the reaction that she needs to work on. She thinks she has failed and feels blame and shame.

Like it or not, you need to be more mature than almost anyone you know. Is that fair? No, but it is the reality. You don't get to act like a petulant child or throw a fit, or stomp or even raise your voice. You don't get to do the silent treatment or any of a million emotionally charged responses that you might feel like. Sorry.

No dear, you have to be the adult, and more so than your parents. They don't see an adult, they see their little boy, and one that is making a tragic mistake.

Only by being the most mature, logical and stable person they've met are you ever going to convince them that this is not just some mistake. Also, in as kind of a way as you can, you need to let your mom know this is about you, and not her.

[MissDanielle]

By hiding and repressing, I get seriously depressed...and I am already at that point where I have to force myself to do things.

I can't wear what I want to wear.

[Bria]

Danielle, I'm sorry that your parents are not supportive, but can you help educate them, they need to know the facts about TG. Meghan has given some good advice, I will hope for a better understanding by your parents as time goes on.

I'll remember you and your parents in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

[Cindy.]

It's sad how every set of parents wants the same 2 things for their unborn child (happy and healthy). Then as soon as gender is established everything changes. My father will disown me if I ever transition.

[MissDanielle]

They want me to be miserably depressed.

They don't believe that I'm really a girl because I never showed signs from 4-7.

And when I did start having all the dreams, urges, etc., I just stayed quiet and coped through reading trans fiction. No privacy meant no way to wear any clothing except the one time I raided the closet.

[VanTG]

I hear you and offer you full support, seems like parents would rather have there kids unhappy, then happy. Hoping you the best.

[jamielynn_ca]

So sorry you're having trouble with parents.



... They don't believe that I'm really a girl because I never showed signs from 4-7...


And again here's how the pop-culture narrative really harms some of us. Late bloomers stories need to be told as much as those who "knew when they were 5". Not knowing or showing "signs" at 5 doesn't mean you can't be transgender.


Danielle,
... TS/TG is not normal


... maybe another misnomer, TG/TS falls within +/- 3 standard deviations of the normal distribution, doesn't that make us normal???? <grin>

[MissDanielle]

They want to check me into a mental hospital for being nuts or mentally ill.

The dysphoria has led to my being in a serious depression.

[Meghan4now]

... maybe another misnomer, TG/TS falls within +/- 3 standard deviations of the normal distribution, doesn't that make us normal???? <grin>
3 sigma is .3%. Often quoted incidence of TS is .3%. Outside the 3 sigma distribution. Regardless of percentage, I can not swear to the distribution shape.

VanTG, I doubt very seriously that many parents Want their children unhappy. It may work out that way sometimes, but not usually intentionally.

Look, Danielle has a real issue here, and she needs help. She indicates that she is suffering from serious depression, and is somewhat incapacitated or impaired in her judgement. If this is true, then her parents have cause to be concerned. Commiseration and lambasting her parents is not providing her with helpful suggestions.

Dear, if what you say is accurate, you are in fact in need of help. Now I hope you get real help, not "deprogramming", but it may take time and patience.

[MissDanielle]

I don't like having to live a lie. All my online orders get marked as refused. They don't think I'm a girl because I never showed such traits or behavior. I repressed who I was for so long because I was teased so much in school that I didn't need another thing to be teased for.

I just have to cope until February but it's not easy knowing that I can't really be me and have to continue to put on an act all the time. I feel like these forums are one of the few places where I can truly be myself.

My mom wants be to stay a guy because "that's the body G-d gave you." Her words, not mine.

They argue the dreams, urges, etc. that started in middle school don't mean a thing. If they don't mean a thing, can somebody please explain what led me to look up sex change online in 8th grade? Or start reading trans fiction in high school?

[VanTG]

Can I make a suggestion, order stuff and send it to a post office box.

[Megan G]

Danielle,

The only advice I can give you is not to allow them to have this much control/power over your happiness. Right now your in a tough spot because you are currently living with them but as you mentioned you're moving out in Febuary so there is light at the end of the tunnel..

I too experienced complete rejection from by mother and brother so I can relate to how you feel, a lot of harsh things were said. I had to distance myself from them so I could continue with my journey. The only communication we had was the occasional text. I was not going to sacrifice what I needed to do for my own health/wellbeing just so they could be happy.

I did not close the door on them completely, I left it open a crack so when they were ready to accept me as Megan and wanted to be a part of my families life (including my sons life as I denied their access to him) the ability for them to do so was there. But I kept them at arms length for the longest time until I felt I could trust them again.

That was a year ago and since then I have gone full time and we are just starting to really communicate again. It is a strained relationship but hopefully over time they will see that I have never been happier and will come around full circle..

You need to do what is best for you.

Megan

[MissDanielle]

Can I make a suggestion, order stuff and send it to a post office box.
Everything is going to a cousin's house. When I reordered, I should have sent things there.

- - - Updated - - -

What's not helping my mood is looking in the mirror and so badly wanting to see a girl looking back.

I can't remove my body hair until I move. Same with facial.

[steftoday]

aren't you 31? what's stopping you from removing facial or body hair? my apologies if I don't "get" it; I guess I don't understand the restrictions you have placed upon you...??

[MissDanielle]

Living in my parents house means not being able to express who I really am on the inside.

I have to carefully sneak any clothing inside and then stuff a drawer.

They don't think I'm trans when I know that I am. I ID myself as female despite having to present as a male while living in their house. The only piece of clothing I can wear on a daily basis are panties and it's been very fun hiding that from them.

[dreamer_2.0]

Can you not begin things like facial hair removal? That takes a very long time and would be less noticeable to others but still help move you forward.

[Megan G]

I can't remove my body hair until I move. Same with facial.

Not sure I can understand this part, how is it you cannot begin laser or electro until you move out? The only way they would be able to stop you is if they were present at the appointment with you. Go start it, they will never know and truthfully at 31 who cares if they find out.

I agree with Steph, sounds like you are placing these restrictions on yourself. There is a lot you can do without them ever finding out..

[MissDanielle]

They would find out about anything because I have no lock on my bedroom door and my mom ALWAYS checks my checkbook.

I have absolutely no privacy in that house--I purged ALL my shorts and my mom had an absolute breakdown. I'm coping as best as I can until I move in Feb. I'm starting everything as soon as I move and told my therapist as such.

They are returning all my online orders so they would just throw another fit if they saw me walking around with no hair. The shower that I use is in their bedroom so yeah, that's another reason why I am waiting.

Groupon has great deals for hair removal but since a lot are six sessions, I'm waiting until moving out before that.

[Megan G]

Ok again, your 31 and your worried about your parents looking thru your bedroom and thru your check book? You have allowed them to have way too much control over your life.

There are ways to do this, hide your check book, use cash or debit card. There is lots of ways to do this..

[MissDanielle]

My checkbook is pretty much the register for my debit card. I track everything on my PC as it is.

And my mom keeps insisting on seeing how much I owe the credit card since I went to paperless statements.

This is why it took so long to start opening up to admitting who I really am on the inside.

They never see me do anything considered girly because I never let them. I wait until complete privacy.

The moment I move is the moment I start to really transition.

[JanePeterson]

are you financially independent from them? if not, its going to be extraordinarily difficult to progress unless they change their minds... :/

[steftoday]

wow. just...wow.
do you have a friend that will hold stuff for you at their place? including your checkbook and financial records? I would go absolutely batshit if my parents snooped in my own personal account, especially at your age. I can almost understand playing by their "rules", since it is their house... (do you pay rent to them?) but, again, I'm assuming here, you have a good paying job/career. your finances, in that case, should be none of their goddamn business.
I don't blame you for wanting to get out of there, and I *hope* you can hold out til February.

[MissDanielle]

My cousin is letting me use her address to ship orders.

I have a job, don't pay any rent (which has helped rebuild my savings since I went unemployed from 2012-2014. I moved out right as the economy tanked and had no choice but to be forced back to live there since I couldn't find a job.

I am doing my best to get to February without another breakdown.

[Nicole Erin]

Who the heck still controls their kids when they are over 30?
The main focus right now should be getting them out of your life. Once you do that, keep them out. No contact.

I am just guessing here but did they get worse when you moved back in? I had a few months when I was 22 where I had to go back to my step parents house and it seriously sucked. It wasn't too bad growing up but going back was the worst.

February seems far off but even if we are talking the end of Feb, that is only two months and a week from today.

[MissDanielle]

Mid-Feb

I cannot imagine a life in which I cut family off.

[AmandaM]

Feb will be here soon enough. Maybe you can stay at the cousin's until then?

[MissDanielle]

She has a cat so that's not an option.

Going from trying on women's clothing straight into wearing men's clothing didn't do me any favors.

I did buy 4 tops at Old Navy.

[jandebs]

Danielle, you have one priority: move out. If mid February is realistic you have to focus on making sure it happens. You're being manipulated, particularly because you're not having to pay rent. I'll bet you feel you owe your parents: loyalty, obedience respect. However their behavior is beneath contempt, denying you privacy, going through your stuff, your money, dumping bucket loads of guilt on you.

At the moment you have security and relief from some kinds of worries, particularly financial, but living with them is hurting you. And that'll never change while you're there, stuck in a kind of endless childhood.

You've done one massively important thing: you've told them you're trans. It's not a disease or disorder, it's the creative harmony of a wonderful life, a life in which you are truly yourself. Your whole self. And you can have it. It's no longer a secret for you. These few weeks of discomfort are nothing. There's so much more for you.

Just make sure you move out.

[dreamer_2.0]

For the record, Danielle, I too felt trapped living with my parents and I was the same age as you. Goodness it sucked being in my early-30s and still with mommy and daddy. While I was able to hide stuff like facial hair removal, moving out was the biggest catalyst to beginning my journey. As previously stated, make moving out your priority. Make it happen. Though don't expect moving out to make things any easier as you'll have to start taking more responsibility for yourself. Learning how to do that while transitioning at the same time will be difficult, but you can do it. Step one is getting out from under their control.

Make moving out in February a reality.

[MissDanielle]

Moving out is definitely happening in mid-Feb. Southwest flight purchased overnight. It was long overdue but my bank account had to reach the right number to really be able to live where I am moving to and be comfortable in case it takes a bit longer to find a job. I'm also looking up Groupon offers for LHR and need to find one that can do the full face for something affordable and not thousands.

[Heidi Stevens]

Miss Danielle, I think there's more going on here than just gender dysphoria. I see by you're location you live in western Kentucky, not quite a haven for those with any behavioral oddities. You have been of majority age for a long time now, so you should have taken steps a long time ago to tell your parents to recognize that you are an adult. Leaving the house is at least a great step. Just make sure that should the parents come over for a visit, it's when you're there and they are welcome only in the areas where You let them.
You really would benefit from regular counseling besides gender counseling. You need to get control of your life first and then take on the gender dysphoria. But you need to show others that you are an Adult and expect to be treated as such first. Best of luck!

[MissDanielle]

Not in Western Kentucky...

[Eryn]

Danielle, you have one priority: move out.

Absolutely correct! With your family exerting such draconian control over you, a normal life isn't possible. You cannot reason with religious fanaticism so the only alternative they have left you is escape.


Not in Western Kentucky...

When you move, let it not be "down the street." Move somewhere where TG people are treated fairly and where you can find support. Otherwise you'll slip back into your parent's grasp.

[MissDanielle]

I moved out in 2008, the economy tanked, and got forced back against my will.

My mom doesn't want me to tell friends or family. It was going to come out eventually especially with the career plans that I have.

[Suzanne F]

I am from Owensboro Ky. My parents and siblings still live there. No it is not a haven for trans people. I knew when I was 10 years old that I would never grow up there. It has been challenging to come out friends and family there but I have done it. I just sent another round of friend requests this week to old friends from KY. I will post about that later. All I can say is that although I left many years ago I let their small town attitudes affect me way too long. Intuitively I knew there was a better and bigger world. It just took me awhile to totally embrace that. Get out and start living your big life!
Suzanne

[Dorit]

Danielle, you certainly have the classic Jewish mother! I really hope the best for you!

[MissDanielle]

It's another "I can't be trans" breakdown tonight and if I'm trans, I must be gay. I'm a girl so if I am into guys, how can I be gay? Can somebody answer that?

I need the outside to match the insides and they just don't right now.

[char GG]

Hi Miss Danielle,
I justed wanted to share my friend's story.

She had a daughter, that I knew since birth, whose name was Kendra. When Kendra was 20, she transistioned from female to male and is now known as Ken.

My friend spent three years grieving over losing her daugher, the dreams of her daughter someday getting married, having children---(the whole happily ever after story that parents hope for their children). When Kendra became Ken, my friend's personal dreams/visions for her first born was dashed. After much stress, many tears, and depression, she began to accept that Ken is who he is and now whole heartedly embraces her son Ken. Ken is a wonderful person a real sweetheart.

Ken was also engaged to a beautiful girl that ended up leaving him, not sure of the reasons because he had already transitioned when they met. That also broke my friend's heart.

My friend's worry now is that Ken's formal education ended after high school. He has two part time jobs in food service. So at 25 years old, rather than getting more education/training, his focus is having surgery.

I obviously don't know you or your mother but the point of this post is... you know what you want for your life but maybe it will take some time for your mother to come to grips with what you envision for your future. I don't agree with her intercepting your mail and/or returning your packages but my suggestion is that since you are living there, try to lighten up on the mail orders until you move out. Try to reason calmly with her. You both are struggling but for different reasons.

Best of luck to you.

[MissDanielle]

I can't take advantage of holiday sales in Feb. I have to ship my winter boots to my cousin because the risk isn't worth it.

We were talking at the group session last Monday and everyone said that their mom was the one who threw the fit.

[Krisi]

Danielle, you sound very immature for a person 31 years old (if I understand correctly). More like 15 or so. You are blaming everyone and everything but yourself for your troubles.

It's way past time for you to buck up and solve your own problems. Not problems of where to ship female clothes, problems like growing up, moving out of your parent's home and fending for yourself.

Your parents love you and they are concerned for you. You don't agree with what they want for you but you need to be mature enough to understand their feelings. And maybe you do need professional counseling.

I hope you can get your life together and live it how you want to live it, but it's up to you at this age to get yourself straightened out.

[MissDanielle]

Do you know what it's like to have to REPRESS who you are? I'm not talking about a few hours a day. I'm talking 24/7 and my mood really shows. I'm moving out in mid-Feb because that is the earliest that I can move. Trust me, if it were not for the recession, I would have never been forced back home against my will.

My urges have never gone away but I don't have the privacy like most people to dress when they want, let alone where the want. I only had that privacy very few times at home and took advantage when I could. Right now, I'm too tall for my mom's clothes but if last week was any indication, the moment I go from girl clothes to guy clothes, I get moody really quick. My GD is really bad right now and my parents just aren't able to accept things and it sucks. They are out of town in mid-Jan and chances are that they will throw an even bigger fit if I removed all my body hair before moving.

I am not immature and I resent that. But because I can't wear what I want to wear because of my living situation until Feb, my mood shows. If my parents really loved me, they would let me wear what I want and when I want. They only buy into the narrative that the only trans people are those who know when they are 4-7 years old. I knew something was off in middle school but we don't have enough rooms for more than the master bedroom and the bedroom I shared with my brother. No basement either.

I'm seeing a therapist. My parents even met with my therapist and still continued to return my packages (trust me, I dropped a lot of money on clothes) after their meeting so excuse me if my relationship with them is nowhere close to what it used to be.

Words that my parents have used when talking about people who are trans: bored, weird, loner, mentally ill, crazy, nuts. It's not easy living with people that say that about me. I'm holding on as best as I can until Feb. If it were not for a friend's wedding, I would move a lot sooner than I am but I'm not going to drop half of apartment rent money for a flight and hotel room for the wedding.

[Badtranny]

I'm a little surprised to say this, but I totally agree with Krisi.

MissDanielle, I don't think you have any idea what transition is all about. It is NOT about clothes at all, it's about living an honest life. So many people here get caught up in dressing and lament about how they can't be their 'true selves' but I'm here to tell you that it's all BS. Being your true self is about just that. Figure out who you are and be that person. Stop pretending to be macho or straight or a man or whatever you're pretending to be. Just stop it. That's step one.

Yes people might thing you're gay when you honestly tell your dude friends that you really don't care about football or whatever it is that you're pretending to care about so they don't think you're gay. This is called coming to grips with who you are and not giving a damn what anybody thinks about it. When you're comfortable with this, than start coming out as a TS woman or a gender fluid person or whatever you are. Start socializing in your target gender. You will eventually have friends who never knew you as a dude. Sure you will be an obvious tranny or CD or whatever but that's okay. Disappearing into your target gender will take time. A lot of time.

You might fall back on the whole "doing it your way" tripe and call me an elitist, or a gatekeeper or whatever the fence sitters like to call me but here is the hard truth; Transition is hard and it takes a lot of courage. There is no easy way. You will have to come out. You will have to stand on your own two feet. You will have to pick yourself back up many times before your past becomes your history. It's just the way it is. There isn't a girl here (who has already transitioned) who has done it any other way.

If everything you're writing is true, then you need to get a grip on your big girl panties and pull 'em up cuz you're in a tough spot. Stop buying boots and start growing a backbone, transition ain't for sissies.

I wish you the best.

[Krisi]

I'm a little surprised to say this, but I totally agree with Krisi.
........
I am equally surprised to read this.

[MissDanielle]

I was PMing back and forth with debstar and I'm going to copy/paste as much of what I told her as far as background on my end. It may help you all to see the situation from where I am coming from on things. Because the TS forum is one of the few that are public for those not logged in, I have to be even extra careful of what I say because of my status as a b-list celebrity and while I'm out to a select number of friends, I'm not at that point where I am going to fully come out as trans on social media and email until early 2016. I'm starting hormones in February when I move--that was always my plan regardless of whether or not my parents threw the fit that they did.

After graduating from college in 2007, I served our nation by doing VISTA for a year. I was dead set on moving to Chicago but that didn't happen at the time so I settled for the first job I could get. This was a one year gig that ended the following August when I moved to Chicago.

I lived in Chicago in 2008-09 for the comedy scene and stronger religious community. The downside was that I moved right as the economy crashed so finding a job was tough. It didn't matter how many temp agencies said I had a fantastic resume, they couldn't find me a position. My parents kept me up financially through end of September 2009 when they forced me back to the house. There was one agency that called me about a temp opportunity but the call came one week too late as I was already back in Kentucky. After they moved me back to the house, I never had any intentions of renting an apartment in Kentucky because that would resign me to living once more in Kentucky. And take money away from what I needed to move back to Chicago...my savings was depleted. I worked three days a week at my dad's office, which helped to rebuild my savings but it was not enough to rent an apartment, let alone pay my bills and rent an apartment.

I worked at my dad's office until I got laid off right before the London games in 2012. This was the biggest waste of my life as my talents were wasted scanning and shredding records. During my downtime, I was always writing, sometimes comedy, sometimes trans fiction. I have a BA in PR but because I couldn't find a PR internship (no car either) before my senior year , I ended up doing a internship at a law firm where I only wrote one press release. This did me no favors with finding a PR job in Chicago. Paralegal studies certificate in 2013 while collecting unemployment and buying way too many autographs and paying for them by credit card because of my impulse to shop. Yeah, I've always been a shopaholic but I ended up buying way too many of other things while repressing this urge to by clothing whenever I entered a store. Autographs, books, movies, you name it.

I worked for one year at the local water company and was split between two departments. Two months off after that job ended, I ended up landing a temp job doing data entry. At the same time, a notable health insurance company was interested in interviewing me for a temp job that was up my alley. This would have given me more than enough money to move back to Chicago but they ended up canceling their interview and never rescheduled. As a result, I've been slowly biding my time while rebulding my savings to move back. Not helping the rebuilding was a wedding in August out of state in the Big Apple. It was my first time there outside of layovers at JFK so I spent a bit more than I'd have liked but it was worth it!

Water company hours were inconsistent, especially after the holidays, so I could only really pay bills more so than save money up. It paid more per hour than my current job but also was half the hours when I worked the maximum amount.

I rolled over from a temp employee to permanent in mid-September. I came to terms with being trans at the start of November.

Last year, I started writing a book, a trans action comedy, as a way to explore my feelings because I couldn't transition under their roof, and with a lack of privacy overall, dressing was never an option. As trans visibility increased over the years, I've started to get a better idea about who I am underneath and the last few years, I was doing some serious gender identity questioning but over the last year, writing this book has helped me with discovering just who I am underneath. Around the end of October, I realized that I wasn't online shopping on department store sites for what these characters were wearing, I was really looking for clothing that I wanted to wear all the time. And that's the moment that it really begin to hit me: I'm trans.

I emailed close friends and they couldn't have been more supportive. It was emailing family that I really shouldn't have done. Sure, my first cousins have been accepting and supporting. But my parents won't have any of it because I never showed the signs. I did things in private like CD in 8th grade and in high school when I only had time to wear my mom's heels. There were so many nights where I really wanted to wake up as a real girl and no matter how hard I prayed, it never happened.

Repressing who I really am on the inside only leads me to be really moody and (a word that I probably can't say), let alone depressed. It's not fun but it is what it is.

My mom is going to insist I get a haircut in January and I am going to tell her no. I usually get one every two months but I'm starting to grow it out. I'm going to remove all this body hair when they are out of town next month. I don't even care what they will think about that.

I've got to start living my life for me and not what anyone else thinks. I've been self-aware since middle school but stayed quiet about it at the time since I wasn't sure what to make of things especially with wanting a sex change in 8th grade. If visibility was like it was now, I would have said something and likely started to transition but at the same time, it's Kentucky so I would have been teased even more than I was in elementary and middle school. High school alone was brutal for me with being teased all the time to the point that I had to get LHR for my eye brow area. I discovered trans fiction in high school and read those when nobody was around--even in college when my roommates were gone, I would lock the door and read trans fiction. I kept reading trans fiction regularly up until maybe last week or so. It's become an addiction and I need to see if I can live without reading it.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain how or why but I've wanted my own breasts since middle school when all the girls started growing theirs. I want to part ways with the package down (not like I ever play with it, only touch it to move things around for comfort or to hide it while looking in the mirrow, I've never done the things with it that "normal guys" do) there because that bulge is doing my panties no favor in looking smooth. When I lose my virginity, I want it to be as a woman and that could explain why I never lost it before. I'm not the dominant type. I've always been insecure about my height as a guy but as a girl, I'm comfortable enough with being 5'7". I'm a tall girl but not too tall. I've been working to get my weight down to at least 155, not sure if 150 or even 145 is pushing it too far.

Have I opened up enough for you all?

- - - Updated - - -


I am just guessing here but did they get worse when you moved back in? I had a few months when I was 22 where I had to go back to my step parents house and it seriously sucked. It wasn't too bad growing up but going back was the worst.

February seems far off but even if we are talking the end of Feb, that is only two months and a week from today.

I went from having the TIME OF MY LIFE in Chicago to being miserable.

Outside of religious services/dinner and a few concerts, I have next to zero social life compared to Chicago. Most of my closest high school friends moved out and nobody from college lives here.

I'm pushing through to Feb and hope the next month and a half flies by quickly. Moving in Mid-Feb.

[Marcelle]

Umm ... I am a bit confused? You statell you are a B-list celebrity but when you recount your work history there is nothing to indicate so?

Marcelle

[MissDanielle]

I am from Owensboro Ky. My parents and siblings still live there. No it is not a haven for trans people. I knew when I was 10 years old that I would never grow up there. It has been challenging to come out friends and family there but I have done it. I just sent another round of friend requests this week to old friends from KY. I will post about that later. All I can say is that although I left many years ago I let their small town attitudes affect me way too long. Intuitively I knew there was a better and bigger world. It just took me awhile to totally embrace that. Get out and start living your big life!
Suzanne
I have a lesbian friend from high school and she feels the city we graduated in is not as progressive as it could be. It hasn't been a challenge coming out to friends, save one. Everyone has been supportive. Even my religious friends don't look at me any differently (except for one, who has nothing to do with my life anymore). The girls are so awesome in how they are treating me just like I am one of them--even if it doesn't look that way on the outside just yet, I've always been one of them!

- - - Updated - - -


Umm ... I am a bit confused? You statell you are a B-list celebrity but when you recount your work history there is nothing to indicate so?

Marcelle

Because that would really out myself and I'm not ready to do so just yet. I hope you can understand. The work history is more to finance myself until my main career plans get going...that can't happen until I move.

[Zooey]

Just so that this doesn't spiral into something bad...


Umm ... I am a bit confused? You state you are a B-list celebrity but when you recount your work history there is nothing to indicate so?

I spoke with MissDanielle over PM. As I told them, I would probably disagree with the "B-list" classification, but I will say that if they shared anything much more specific about their work history, they would be very easy to Google in an immediately identifying way.

Take my judgement for whatever you think it's worth, but I am willing to believe that they are who they say they are at this point.

Now, that said... Based on the posts here so far, I do think that there are a number of areas that MissDanielle is more than a bit naive (and possibly a bit misguided) about. I think there's a lot of really valuable frank discussion to be had here, and Misty has already expressed some of the concerns that I had.

As I told them via PM, HRT is not a magic fix, and neither are SRS/FFS. All of these things can and do help with certain types of issues, but they cannot (on their own) make you comfortable with being yourself, and they cannot make you capable of navigating transition successfully. That has to come from within, and I strongly recommend getting some experience with actually LIVING as yourself before jumping to HRT, etc.

[Marcelle]

Hi Zooey,

Thanks for the clarity. Sorry . . . should have been a bit more clear (was texting on my phone) . . . I was interested more from a financial independence POV as the OP had suggested a celebrity status which could imply a certain amount of financial freedom so I was going to respond as to why she is waiting until February but I can see how that could have been interpreted as me questioning authenticity . . . that will teach me to use my phone :).

Marcelle

[Zooey]

Well, whether I misread your post or not, I WAS wondering/questioning a bit. So, I'm going to assume other people might have been as well, and now that's hopefully taken care of. ;)

[Megan G]

I strongly recommend getting some experience with actually LIVING as yourself before jumping to HRT, etc.

This seems to be a common issue here lately with a few posters screaming "I can't express who I truly am as X person (insert spouse, parents, GF, whatever) won't let me but I want to be on HRT and get SRS.

Everybody is searching for that magic bullet to cure their GD but they are missing some very logical and much needed steps. They should be out getting some experience living as their target gender and building a real life support system/group for when they do finally come out of the shadows and yell "this is who I am"....

As Misty mentioned they are so focused on the clothes and not where they should be putting their priorities... They don't need a dress or shoes to start laying the groundwork...

Megan

[MissDanielle]

Will respond to some of the other comments after work but I can say that I do have a support system already in place.

Living as my target gender will be easier in a month and a half from now. I was going to remove all the body hair when my folks went out of town but a cousin said to hold off until moving if it just means adding more stress to the situation.

Wearing a bra to work and feeling less moody than the last week. This is a big step for me because I've been afraid of outing myself at work. You can see the outline of the back of my bra in the mirror. I always wear two layers in the winter so that may not help the situation. I'm going to be wearing bras all the time when I move, anyway. If it makes me less moody now, I'll wear them all the time. I had only been wearing them while sleeping.

[steftoday]

I'm trying to understand what would happen if you went ahead and removed the hair you want... It's...hair, for gosh sake. It grows back. It would make you feel better, right?
Would they kick you out of their house or something?

[MissDanielle]

Removing hair would make me feel better, yes. But my parents will just throw a fit. I pretty much decided over Thanksgiving weekend that I would move in Feb. Need to pad that bank account for just a few more weeks!

- - - Updated - - -


As I told them via PM, HRT is not a magic fix, and neither are SRS/FFS. All of these things can and do help with certain types of issues, but they cannot (on their own) make you comfortable with being yourself, and they cannot make you capable of navigating transition successfully. That has to come from within, and I strongly recommend getting some experience with actually LIVING as yourself before jumping to HRT, etc.That experience living as myself will come soon enough.

I'm just hoping to wear my new jeans and a new top tomorrow. Snuck the jeans in tonight under my jacket...that was fun.