Strange greeting by SA

[Suzie Petersen]

I went to a womens clothing store the other day to find a gift for my wife for Christmas.
As I entered the store, in male mode, a young female SA greeted me with a smile and said "Are you looking for someone??"

What an odd thing to say!
I looked at her and replied, with a poorly hidden dose of sarcasm: "Normally when I walk into a store, I am looking for something, not someone!". She got all red faced and said "Oh I am sorry, can I help you find anything?" and I just replied "No, I doubt it ..." and walked away.

Wasn't that weird? You would think, or at least hope, that men would come to the store to find things for their wifes/GF's now and then, especially just before Christmas. But more than anything, it made me wonder how she would have greeted me, or any of us, in girl mode!

- Suzie

[Eryn]

So let's see. an inexperienced salesgirl makes an incorrect assumption that a man was looking for someone (perhaps his wife?) rather than looking to buy something in a woman's clothing store. Your response is to be sarcastic. She apologizes and asks to help you find what you want. Your response is to be insulting and then walk away.

I am very happy that you weren't dressed. I'd hate to have been the next CDer that went into the store if you had been!

[donnalee]

I think she meant to say "Are you looking (for something) for someone." I don't think a simple mistake justifies jumping down someone's throat. Lighten up.

[Marcelle]

Hi Suzie,

Tough call. Before transitioning and going into women's clothing stores(actually to shop for my wife) I have been asked "are you looking for something for someone special" or "are you shopping for someone". You are correct in that the it could have been worded "are you looking for something in particular" but I suppose the SA could have had a momentary brain freeze and wanted to say "are you looking for something for someone special" and it just came out "are you looking for someone". I wouldn't read too much into it IMHO :).

Cheers

Marcelle

[Deedee Skyblue]

So let's see. an inexperienced salesgirl makes an incorrect assumption that a man was looking for someone (perhaps his wife?) rather than looking to buy something in a woman's clothing store. Your response is to be sarcastic. She apologizes and asks to help you find what you want. Your response is to be insulting and then walk away.

I am very happy that you weren't dressed. I'd hate to have been the next CDer that went into the store if you had been!

What she said. The girl (who may have been a temp hired only for Christmans, might have been her first sales position, might have been poorly trained?) walked away thinking 'I was trying to be helpful and that <insert term here> treated me like crap. Why bother?" Or maybe she just laughed it off as the kind of thing you have to put up with when you deal with people who come into your store. I hope the latter.

Deedee

[Laurana]

What's so weird? A man walked into a womens store and the clerk asked if you were looking for someone. Not odd at all. Nor is it weird.

Your reaction on the other hand was uncalled for to say the least. You could have just said no and continued shopping, but instead you decide to get sarcastic and rude.

[Lee Andrews]

Your reaction seemed harsh. Maybe she was tongue tied, misspoke or new?

[Krisi]

I agree with the others, you over reacted.

When you go shopping for women's clothes, don't go into the store with the expectation that they will clock you as a crossdresser and not want your business.

[Launa]

People can make assumptions and mistakes when greeting people. I have my own rule in a argument or situation and that is if someone apologizes then I drop it immediately. In your case I don't think she meant any harm.

[Suzie Petersen]

Ahhh .. you guys are funny. This was not nearly as dark as you read it from my post.
Btw, I did my shopping in the store and all was fine.

- Suzie

[reb.femme]

Hi Suzie,

Ooh! We were in a bad mood weren't we? :heehee:

I think I'd go with DonnaLee, in that she probably meant are you looking to buy for someone? But we were not there for the intonation of course and only you can know that one. I'd have hoped I didn't just walk away as you did, but I'm prone to acts of petulance myself, if I'm really honest.

Reading your last post, I see it wasn't so dark an episode. Sometimes, things just hit our euphemistic 'funny bone' and cop for a bit of attitude from us.

Becky

[Erica Marie]

Im thinking someone here had a bit of grinch going on. With the hectic season and Im sure the SA was new covering for the holidays. She deserved a little break, nice reply would have probably made her feel more at ease. Its over time to move on and remember everyone is human and we all make mistakes.

[Maria 60]

Sometimes you have to be in the situation, because my kids work retail I would like to defend the s/a, but I have to admit that at times those women can be very stuck up, erragent and B's. When I went to buy my wife's Christmas present I had to go after work in my construction work close, I couldn't believe that nobody wanted to serve me in a jewelry store,I was about to leave when the manager was walking in, I actually told her I didn't know if you wear construction cloths you don't get served, and thank God I wasn't dressed as a women. She apologized but I explained to her that people were walking in after me and they choose to help others first. She apologized again and then she said that she would be very happy to serve me and asked me how she could help me, I told her you can help me by talking to her staff about serving everyone the same, and I left. Maybe I was a little harsh to but I wasn't even dirty or anything, just a work jacket and maybe my jeans were dirty and I even put my runners on, not to go in the store with my work boots on. Susie I'm with you on this one

[Suzie Petersen]

I think I should clarify the story a little since it is obvious that what I found to be the interesting part is being missed in translation.


Erica Marie: Im thinking someone here had a bit of grinch going on

Nope, not at all actually. Was in a good mood and smiling the whole time. Caught a number of people off guard that day by saying Merry Christmas to them as I passed them. Brought some good smiles and cheers in return.
The "I usually look for something, not someone .." part was said with a smile and a wink. Of course, the way I wrote it, y'all couldnt know that.
I do admit I have a bad habit of sarcastic humor, and I did watch several episodes of House MD the previous days!

So I didnt actually "Jump down someones throat", that certainly wouldn't be nice to do to anybody, would it now!! ... ;) but rather, I just made a smart-ass remark.

Annyyywhooo ....

To illustrate the point of the first story, here is a similar experience from a different angle:

I was in an automotive parts store one time and a woman walked in. The guy behind the counter looked at her and said "Are you looking for someone?"
Woman replied, with a slight snarl: "No, I came to get a 7/16 Deep Socket and I can find it myself, thank you very much". Guy got red faced.

OK, so that was totally made up .. at least some of it .. but I have experienced that kind of behavior from SA's in typical male stores from time to time. I have also seen female shoppers at the part store, clearly much more knowledgeable about the car project they were working on than the male clerk behind the counter. Always got a kick out of that.

My point of both stories, both the one that actually happened to me just a few days ago and the made up one, is that I find it interesting that the stereotypes are still being observed. The young lady at the clothes store, trained or not, did not expect that I was in the store to shop, but that I was more likely looking for my wife. I found that to be interesting.
We often talk about how the world is changing for the better when it comes to gender and that maybe, just maybe, we are getting a little closer to a point where it is normal enough to encounter someone who is somewhere between the traditional gender presentations that others just dont even notice anymore.
But we are not there yet! This story obviously does not relate to gender issues as I was not dressed and it was not at all in the equation. The story is more about typical gender roles and what we perceive to be typical male and typical female.

My other comment, about how the same SA would have greeted a CD'er, is a different thing. I my little situation, the SA made me feel like I was out of place in that store. She didnt mean to imply that at all, I'm sure, but her greeting suggested it anyway. In that situation, it didnt make any difference to me at all, but after I left, I thought about how I would have felt if I had been there dressed, or partially dressed, or even if I had been there in male mode but with the intent of shopping for myself. See, I have shopped in girl mode a number of times and in male mode for girl things for myself many many times. However, I have never felt real comfortable with it to be honest. With that in mind, I think her greeting could potentially have made me feel nervous or uncomfortable enough that I might have left the store!

- Suzie

[sometimes_miss]

I'm going to go along with a lot of others here. I think her question was perfectly reasonable; men wait for their wives/girlfriends at clothing stores all the time, as compared to the number of men who either shop alone for themselves or their SO's in women's clothing stores, which are very few. The SA probably knew there were women in the dressing room and was only trying to help.

[Stephanie47]

Frankly, I think you were totally rude to the sales associate. All she was doing was asking if you were shopping for a gift for a wife, girl friend, SO or even yourself. Your response was "weird." Don't be so thin skinned.

[stefan37]

I think your response was rude. And I'll bet as the SA walked away. Thought to herself what an A hole.

[Suzie Petersen]

Nope, I promise you the situation was humorous and light. We were both smiling and there were even some birds chirping in the lush trees near by. I was not being nasty to her, promise.

I am surprised that none of you find it funny or interesting or .. something, that a male in a woman's clothing store is considered to probably be lost or at least not there to shop??

- Suzie

[Leslie Langford]

Nothing to get overly bent out of shape over - it's just part of the current vernacular. When movie stars and assorted other celebrities appear on the red carpet at various awards ceremonies and strut their stuff in their fabulous original designer gowns, they are invariably asked "WHO are you wearing?"

[AbigailJordan]

That's the thing Suzie, most would take it that the girl was not actually making such an assumption. It is far more likely that she meant to ask if you were shopping for someone etc.

I think if the SA had in any way considered that you may have been a CD shopping for themselves that she would have been ultra careful about how she phrased her opening question. The fact that her opener was so ambiguous suggests that your perception was mostly responsible for the course of the exchange.

[Bobbi46]

Hi Suzie, It takes all sorts and I think that sometimes we must take it with a pinch of salt. She should have said something not someone. By the way your in box is full.

[Jenniferathome]

...What an odd thing to say! ...

Indeed, your comment was a very odd thing to say.

[suzanne]

I think the SA just made an honest mistake. Firstly, a man shopping for dresses for himself is still a rarity and will be for some time to come. So it follows that a SA with little experience might not have dealt with one before. Secondly, around Christmas time, most people ARE shopping for someone other than themselves. A little grace and humor (not sarcasm) goes a long way. And it's more ladylike, too.

[Sharon B.]

Whether the SA's made a mistake or not we have all heard a remark like that one time or another and if it was me I would have made the same comment or went else where to spend my money.

[Sheila11]

I Have a friend who is a manager in a Dress Barn in an outlet mall. She says that most of the guys that come in are looking for their wife. Very few are shopping.

[Suzie Petersen]

Wow! This thread went in a totally different direction than I was expecting. And I have to say I was also not expecting the harsh tone of the comments.

Thanks for letting me know the inbox was full Bobbi, I have cleared out some space so there is room for more .. colorful .. emails.

I wonder how this would have gone if I had just told you the part about the greeting being "Are you looking for someone", and left my reply to the SA out of it?

Anyway, you are right, I did not have to make the smart-ass comment I did.

- Suzie

[Bobbi46]

Suzie, No it was not a smart arse reply it was how you felt at the time the sa should have worded her comment better.

[Stumble]

I found your comment hilarious. She may too when she has a chance to tell others about it.

[Laurana]

the sa should have worded her comment better.

Why? The clerk did nothing wrong nor did she say anything wrong. She asked a simple question. That's it. And yes, it was just a simple question not some deep quandary that needs to be thought out beforehand.

What if the situation was reversed and Suzie was in fact looking for someone and the clerk said something? Is the same sarcastic response warranted?

[Allison Chaynes]

Working retail part time right now (Vanity Fair Outlet, no less) .... If I am looking to help a customer, I will ask simply "Can I help you find something?" But it's not unusual for an SA to try and determine who you are shopping for, so they can help you find the right product. Sometimes they can get tongue tied.

Fyi I sold at least six males panties on Wednesday alone. Of course I always wonder if it's a fellow sister, but we keep things professional. The only comment I make at the register is about our return policy. I have only had one this week that I knew with certainty was a CDer buying for herself for probably the first time, with the nervous "It's not for me, it's for someone else!". I told her (she was in drab) that it was going to look great on her "someone else."

[Sarasometimes]

I think you were rude regardless of how you think you said what YOU wrote as your very words "No, I doubt it..." and walked away. You thought we would all come to your defense and when that didn't happen you add that it was said nicely and tried to back-pedal. What you said can't be said nicely based on your post. Also the illustrations you posted are weak and sound more like an excuse for your rudeness.
One nice thing I have added to my en male behavior is to be more friendly to strangers and give them the benefit of the doubt as i find this to be more of a feminine attribute which is just nice.
My guess is that she will likely now opt to just ignore males when they come in and take her chances that way.
Please be kinder next time.

[tamaralynn]

I think a dream of mine in my forties, would be to have a young female SA ask me if I was looking for someone. I would have told her I am flattered but am happily married. That's my spin on it! Wishful thinking?

[AngelaYVR]

Every so often we make a mistake. I think the point has been hammered home now.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzie:hugs:, It looks like everyone just wanted to take you to the Wood Shed, I didn't see it that way. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Eryn]

Of course, "Are you looking for someone?" could also be interpreted as "Are you looking [to buy a gift] for someone?" depending upon the subtle vocal inflection.

English is such a tricky language

[stefan37]

So. The SA walks up with a smile and asked if you were looking for someone. Probably meant are you looking to buy for someone. And you answered her sarcastically and retorted " I doubt it ". Had you been enfemme? I would have imagined she would have approached with a smile and asked the same question.

Not sure what was going through your mind, but you acted rudely.

[Angie G]

I'm sure you have said something the your head didn't send to youe mouth. I don't belive there is any reason to talk like that to anyone.:hugs:
Angie

[Suzie Petersen]

Sorry, the feeding frenzy is over. I am not taking the bait.

- Suzie

[jjjjohanne]

Once I was in the women's lingerie, hosiery, pajamas section in a department store and a saleslady asked me roughly the same question. She said, "Are you shopping for someone else?" At that point in time, I was not nearly out or confident. I was dressed as a boy. I was shocked. There were customers near by. I replied with the truth, "No." She realized what had just happened and then I think she started feeling as awkward as I did. She probably picked up from my reaction that she had made me uncomfortable. Anyhow, I ended survived. No one reacted meanly to me. But, I still do not know what she possibly could have meant by asking that. Perhaps she was trying to distinguish if I was there with my wife or if I was by myself shopping for her. But, I was option C, No, "I'm a dude who wears this stuff."

[Robin414]

Not directly related to the OP but the worst greeting I've gotten from a SA...none at all 😡

As a guy I'm completely Alpha but as a tween or full femme, I'm still completely 180 and need (and fortunately often receive) a little encouragment 😓

[Mink]

Sorry, the feeding frenzy is over. I am not taking the bait.

- Suzie

you still don't even understand what's going on do you?

hehe!



man some people are really odd in how they read things (and I thought I was really odd!) ... like that other one... "are you shopping for someone else?" ... and you wondering "what she possibly could have meant by asking that" ...?

are you kidding me?

she meant just what she said... the assumption being that you are shopping for someone else... because that's reality!


hoo boy this thread is a goldmine!

in the case of the thread starter some people are DAMN out of it yet darn proud of it!

that "doubt it" in regards to her helping you was one of the meanest AND most out of it things I can think of

and you STILL don't know why!

ha!!!

[shayleetv]

It sounds to me that there had been a lot of husbands looking for their wives before your encounter with the SA. You have to be aware that people ask question in that forum based on their experiences before you encounter them. I don't know how many times I have been looking for my wife and been asked "Can I help you find something?" My answer to that question is "My wife!" Sounds to me the SA was asking a reasonable question based on what might have been happening in her encounters with the men coming into that store.

[Katey888]

Oh dear... pre-Christmas spirit was running thin on the ground everywhere it seems... :)

So everyone here has never had a bad day and never snapped at someone because of a misinterpretation or because they were perhaps focused on something else like - what they were shopping for..? :angel: Right...

In defence of Susie, a question that incorporates a premise based on an assumption, is a bad way to greet anybody walking into a store. While I have limited retail experience, if I was training SAs in any sort of store where customers self-select, I'd want the greeting to be: "Good morning - is there anything I can help you with today?" :) (except for afternoons and evenings, obviously.. ;))

The more I think about this, the more "Are you looking for someone?" is a really bad thing for an SA to say. Implicit in that is the belief that you can't be shopping for something... wrong attitude! Everyone who walks in the door has money to spend whether they're grumpy, happy, sleepy or dopey... customers have every right to shop however they're feeling. On the other hand, SAs are on the clock to present a helpful, pleasant assistance to their customers whatever mood they're in...

I'm sure Susie and the SA overcame the poor greeting to leave the world a happier and lighter place at the end of it all... :)

Katey x

[haylee_burnett]

that's a funny one, depends on the sa.
I remember one asking me do you your wife size - reply yes I do and I mine as well. she had tude right off the bat
and some just know im shoping for me:battingeyelashes:

[Alice_2014_B]

That's interesting.
I've never thought about that before.
Nor can I recall ever being asked that.
:)

[MelanieAnne]

She may have thought you were the husband or boyfriend of someone who works there.

[NicoleScott]

"Are you looking for someone?"
"Normally when I walk into a store, I'm looking for someTHING, not someONE."
"Sorry, are you looking for someTHING?"

Now it's time to double down on the sarcasm.

"No, I'm looking for my wife." haha

[Sometimes Steffi]

What's so weird? A man walked into a women's store and the clerk asked if you were looking for someone. Not odd at all. Nor is it weird.
Your reaction on the other hand was uncalled for to say the least. You could have just said no and continued shopping, but instead you decide to get sarcastic and rude.



I'm going to go along with a lot of others here. I think her question was perfectly reasonable; men wait for their wives/girlfriends at clothing stores all the time, as compared to the number of men who either shop alone for themselves or their SO's in women's clothing stores, which are very few. The SA probably knew there were women in the dressing room and was only trying to help.




Frankly, I think you were totally rude to the sales associate. All she was doing was asking if you were shopping for a gift for a wife, girl friend, SO or even yourself. Your response was "weird." Don't be so thin skinned.


I agree with those above. 'nuff said.

[Julogden]

Given the setting and time, she assumed you were looking for your wife/girlfriend who you were shopping with. Why get angry at her for an honest mistake?

[Kimberley May]

Sorry, the feeding frenzy is over. I am not taking the bait.

- SuzieI am also soooooo sitting here in judgment over you of what a real meanie Minnie you were to this poor SA girl. You've likely shattered her confidence and ruined her day. Tut tut tut.

Nah not really. I wasn't there so I can't really say. She likely got over it in a second anyway. Doesn't sound to me like any major deal. So I think it's a little ironic that you're being told to lighten up. TBH it might actually make her a little more unassuming and a little more confident when dealing with guys, as that is likely why she bumbled her words in the first place. You've likely done many other guys who shop there either for their SO etc or for themselves a favour actually :heehee:

[sue ellan]

just an honest mistake.

sue ellan

wear nice panties.

[Krististeph]

Yeah, a little aggressive, but i'm willing to bet money we all have done that. All part of learning. If it really bugs you, go back and shop the store, and if you see the same SA, just be nice, ask a question or advice on some minor fashion thing.

Interactions- even in the best of circumstances have potential pitfalls. But more the more relaxed you are the better you come off.

As crossdressers, we will forever be educating new and young SAs, so this is a skill one might work to refine. Odd, but very true.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Ouch! That poor sales person.

When I have been out shopping I have noticed that some men while in the women's section shop with other women. Even when I shop for myself I most often have my wife with me. In addition I have been asked the same question, and never have I got sarcastic with them because they were only trying to help. It is easy to get separated from the person you're shopping with and sometimes a little help finding them goes a long way when trying to establish report with a sales person that may someday be helping you find something you're looking for yourself to wear.

@--}----
Michelle