comming out. nieces and nephews?

[debstar]

Knowing my sister as well as I do I am anticipating her deferring explaining my TG/TS self to my 3/5 year old niece and nephew my self?

I am going to out myself in January to my sister but have already anticipated her reaction would be along the lines of you are such and such uncle and you have to tell them, because I am hurt by what you are telling me.

Clearly at 3/5 years of age I would expect the responsibility would lay with her and not me to explain how uncle is going to become aunt by a different name.

The kids are so sweet and love me to bits and I think look up to me as a role model. So will have to shatter that illusion at some point.

The rest of the family are older and can take me or leave me but young kids?

Can anyone else pipe in with some experiences and ideas.


Debs.

[Vivian Best]

I'm not sure children that young will have a clue about what you or their mother are telling them particularly the younger one. My opinion is since they are as young as they are their mother would be better communicating with them if she herself understands what you are doing.

[debstar]

Vivian I disagree. While they are young they do know and understand atypical gender roles even at this age. I am looked up to as a man by them and am worried how to approach letting them know I still love them irrespective of how my sister reacts.

But yes I feel that it is the job of my sister to tell them that I am transitioning not me.

Debs.

[I Am Paula]

My nephew was told when he was three. He understood completely, and now at six, has forgotten that I was once Uncle Paul.
I think they are the perfect age right now.

[Megan G]

Deb,

During the beginning stages of my transition I had to come out to my 8yo son and then my 10yo nephew and 6yo niece. I have to be honest my son was the hardest but after he realized this happens to other people as well (just never seen it) he was good.

When my brother told my nephew and niece and they both had zero issues, the first time I seen my niece after this she came running up to me and asked why I wanted to be a girl.. So after a quick 1 sentence explanation her reply was "cool, do you want to play with my barbies with me".... Lol

Kids are sweet and innocent, don't complicate the issue too much and you should breeze thru it.

Megan..

[debstar]

That's realy cool thanks Megan. Yeah I love them to bits and they are my proxy children as I have none. I am just so keenly aware of how I was at that age feeling weird and want to deal with it in a good way.

I know this is the best time 3-5. I have other nephews and neices who are 13-15.

[Brooklyn]

It sounds like the first step is to come out to your sister, right? Under the best scenario, it probably will take her some time to be okay with your transition. Once she is on board, then both of you can sit down with the kids and explain things using words they can understand. You want to present a united front, because kids need consistency.

[Nigella]

Kids will react depending upon their parents. When we told out daughter (aged 14), her reaction, "I had an idea, can I borrow your wardrobe?" She had seen a crossdresser out in town, well before I came out to her, she asked why that man was wearing a dress, all we asked was, "Is there anything wrong with that" to which she replied "No".

Our neighbour's kids were the same, we have watched them grow from babies and they were told by their parents at about 10 & 8, next time we saw them I was "Auntle" which soon became Auntie.

We offered to let them know, however, the parents decided that it was their place to inform them, we have never looked back.

I believe that the best approach for anyone is to talk to the parents of the child (ren) first and offer to talk to the kids either with them or on their own, don't make any assumptions, they know the kids way far better than you do.

[debstar]

Thanks all for your ideas / experiences. The main thrust of my question was how might I tactfully explain to my sister it is her job as the parent to tell them if she decides to throw it back at me as my responsibility.

I would rather not be put in that position. And this is all hypothetical at this stage.

Debs.

[Princess Chantal]

Well I recently came out to my young nieces and nephews this past year. They have been introduced to the lgbt* community for the past few years thanks to church teachings, parents raising and sister taking them to watch the Pride parades. Both nieces are fully welcoming of my crossdressing and have participated in some of my fun activities (mostly my vintage costuming fun). One nephew seems to be more closer to me when I dress up, however the other nephew seems to shy away and at the Christmas eve asked me to change to boy (he stopped asking when I changed into my victorian xmas dress, hmmm perhaps he accepts my costuming but is weirded out when in regular girl mode). My sister has been trying to get them to call me Auntie Chantal, however I have told her that I prefer to be still known as Uncle Jeff when dressed up. I let them know that if they feel more comfortable in public to call me Chantal they could do so.

[Megan G]

The main thrust of my question was how might I tactfully explain to my sister it is her job as the parent to tell them.

I would be surprised if your sister insists that you tell her children but who knows. As a parent I would not want anyone doing the initial talk with my children on any issue, I would want it to come from me or my wife. With that said be prepared however if they have questions but at that age as I mentioned above do not complicate it, keep the answers simple.

Best of luck, I know my wife and I stressed out for a very long time over telling our son and eventually niece and nephew and in reality it was a non-event. We have also had close friends tell their similar aged children and still nothing bad came out of it.

[AllieSF]

I think that you need to talk to your sister first and then see what she says. If she requests that you to explain it to her children, then do it. Think of it as having the opportunity to explain it correctly versus having your sister trying to do so after she just learned about it from you. I think that you would do a much better job, especially if you have your sister's support. She could be with you when you explain it to them, which shows her kids that she supports you too. My concern would be what if your sister doesn't want her kids to know? Now, that would be a much bigger problem. Good luck with whatever way you go.

[debstar]

Ok just a quick update. I have come out to my sister and after laying it all out in front of her am giving her a lot of space to digest it all on the back of advice gained here.

Her initial reaction was in no way negative but simply that of shock and surprise and that she needed to process the information.


Debs.