Wife's Attitude Toward Your Dressing

[Krisi]

OK, this is sort of a poll. What is your wife's attitude towards your crossdressing?

1) She seems to actually enjoy it. She shops with me, sometimes buys me stuff on her own, she will sometimes ask me to dress when I wasn't planning on it and she willingly goes out in public with me as two women on the town.

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

3) She tolerates it. I know she would rather I didn't do it. She makes negative comments from time to time and might make a face when she sees me dressed as a woman. She doesn't like to talk about it. My stuff has to be hidden away where she knows it's there but doesn't have to look at it.

4) Don't ask, don't tell. She knows I do it but refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman. I have to hide my stuff where she cannot find it because she might destroy it.

5) I've been afraid to tell her so she doesn't know about my dressing.


I'll go first: #2. If my wife gets up early and goes to the gym or runs errands, it's the same reaction when she gets home, regardless of whether Krisi or Homer meets her at the door. Of course if we are going out, it has to be Homer, she doesn't want the neighbors or friends to meet Krisi. Could it be better? I suppose, but I think I'm pretty lucky and I don't want to mess up what I have.

Anyone else?

[Anne K]

#! for me.

[ChristinaK]

4 for me :-(

[Dawn P]

2 for me

[Taylor186]

I'm somewhere between a two and a three, although I generally say she only tolerates it.

2) ... she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her ... she treats me normally when I'm dressed ... I don't have to hide my stuff ... it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

3) ... I know she would rather I didn't do it (actually I would rather I didn't feel the need to do it) ... She doesn't like to talk about it ...


I would add that she prefers me to dress in guy mode most of the time ... underdressing (panties) all the time is never a problem ...

[Teresa]

Krisi,
Put me down for 4.
I would be nice to think these polls achieve something , I guess it may help other members who think they are the only ones in this situation.

[erica2054]

#3 thats my wife

[1958Candi]

5 and I don't ever see that changing

[Stephanie101]

Mostly a 2

[Lee Andrews]

Mine is stuck firmly between 2 and 3 these days.

[Donna St. Marten]

2 to a tee.

[Vicky Peters]

I am a 2.2, let me explain. My wife's reasoning is that this has been going on since childhood so why try to stop the dressing and I enjoy it. She lets her thought known about style and makeup. My have bought me cloths and currently makeup. She will NEVER go out in public with me, period. Vicky is happy.

[reb.femme]

I'm between #2 & #3 but with a bit of #1 thrown in. Sorry, I can't be totally black or white on this one, but I don't think many of us pigeon hole that well. Sounds like a familiar story. :heehee:

She bought me a little necklace and bracelet for Xmas. Nothing expensive but the gesture was immense.

She accepts and/or tolerates it dependent on the day. I don't get dirty looks per se, but do get the odd remark every now and again. All my stuff is hung up or folded up in the drawers, with makeup, nails and other girl stuff on everyday display. She shops with me, whilst buying boots yesterday and having my ears pierced. Oh god, I'm looking forward to my first dangly earrings that don't clip on. :daydreaming:

She would prefer I didn't do it and isn't always open to discussing it either, but a little realignment yesterday has changed the dynamic at home, so we'll see how this progresses.

Becky - Hoping for a very happy New Year

[heatherdress]

Chrisi - my wife's support is a 1.

[1958Candi]

How much credit does she get for your appearance ... you are gorgeous!! Not to mention soooo lucky to have a wife that you can share this with.

[bridget thronton]

Solid 2 for me

[njcddresser]

I'm a 2. My wife accepts my dressing. She prefers not to see me dressed but is ok with it. Her only rule is that I don't bring it into the bedroom which I respect.

[Debby1194]

Definitely a 5.

[DanielleLee]

Definitely a 3

[Robin414]

I'd say I'm a 2 although I've never dressed in front her (well maybe a little, ladies skinny jeans, boots, cute ski jacket, long nails with clear polish, my usual look 😉 ) and my girl wardrobe is in the closet right beside the other crap...I soooo have GD! 😳

[CDRMolly]

A 2 for me,I don't have to hide clothes,some time the wife will even pick out and buy things for me,under dressed every day.
Thanks,
Molly

[AnnaMarie]

Five for me. Will it change at this moment I don't know but Anna is building up a lot of momentum. Making fab friends and hopefully getting out more

[Beverley Sims]

Between 1 and 2.

[ClosetED]

4 for me. Maybe 3.9 as she has finally handed stuff to me rather than give to charity and knows stuff is in locked trunk - in case kids ever tried to open it. I once let her look over stuff and she got upset. Does not want to see me fully dressed with makeup but has seen me as man in a dress/hose/heels/wig/beard.
Ellen

[Meghan4now]

2.7

I keep certain items in a drawer, but most of my outer clothing is hanging there. She makes a semi snide remark one in a while, but some funny positive ones as well. She definetly does not want to hang out with Meghan, and worse would be meeting other CD'S or TS gals. But I let her know when I'm going out. She is usually a little frosty for about a day after, but the warms up and everything is back to normal.

Of course, we've done this poll a number of times. This baits the question, why do you ask Krisi? Is something going on that you need to talk about? Fire away.

[Cheryl James]

4 for me, but a stronger 4 than described in your post. My wife considers it to be a perversion and those of us who dress to be perverts.

[2B Natasha]

Not a 1 but more of a .5 like in 1/2. My wife and I go anywhere and everywhere together dressed or not. She has gotten quite upset if we are planning on going somewhere, like the theatre and something interrupts are plans. She doesn't bug me things mostly because she hates to shop and I buy enough of my own stuff and I certainly need no help adding to it! That said. She would and we regularly go shopping together in a virtual world. I go shopping. Like it in the fitting room and take pictures and send them to her for her thoughts.

[Tonya Rose]

Between #1 and #2

[Krisi]

Of course, we've done this poll a number of times. This baits the question, why do you ask Krisi? Is something going on that you need to talk about? Fire away.

Nothing to talk about. Inquiring minds want to know. I think it might help some of us to know where others stand.

[debbeelee1]

0, she does actually enjoy it!

[Stephanie47]

I'm in the #4 column, sigh!

Years or decades ago when we were newly married my wife found me wearing one of her floor length nightgowns I had bought her. She came into the kitchen during the night when I had gotten up for a drink of water. There was no place to run or hide. I just stood there are told her the truth as it was at the time. I loved the feel of nylon. I truly love the fabric. It was like no other I had known as a male. I had discovered my mother's nylon slips that she hung in the bathroom to dry. Anyway, I had not worn anything feminine for years. I had no thoughts of engaging in any cross dressing activity. But, that nylon nightgown was too much to resist. My wife being one sexy beautiful young woman adorned in sensuous nighties was of course no help is squashing any desires.

Anyway, we did end up shopping for my own nighties. We bought on a shopping trip or two a floor length black nightgown and a knee length pink peignoir. The black nylon was tighter than the pink and it has long since been gone. After 40 years I still have the pink nightgown. My wife also bought me some stockings and a garter belt. Oh, the feel of that feminine stuff just kindled desires.

When my discovered I had bought some nylon slips, she wasn't upset. Still a nylon fetish things? However, when our three year old daughter pulled a vivid red Vanity Fair bra out of my draw while playing, my wife did a complete 180 turnaround. Why would a man who has nothing to stuff in a bra wear one? Valid question. That little talk, and, hence soon into DADT. We did try going on a shopping trip to buy me some panties for my birthday. It was a complete disaster, and, I never ever ask her to buy or in any way shape or form participate in my "thing." Once in a while I will inadvertently leave a garment out and she will put it on top of the dryer and tell me. That's it.

[Athena_]

My wife is a solid 4 in her attitude toward my dressing, but she is a 2 regarding the clothing itself. I hear the occasional funny remark, but also the rare annoyed comment as others have mentioned in prior posts.

[Rhandi Spencer]

Solid 5 never gonna change except if I stop. We all know how well that works out!..
Randi

[Taylor Dame]

Between 3 and 4. We are basically DADT because my SO has neither seen me dressed nor wants to, but she has found and purchased dresses for me.

[Mandy_K]

my wife loves it, I really hope she never reads this but she thinks she got me into it, after a year of dating she said i should try on a free thong she got from VS that were too big for her, she said my butt would look great in them, from then on it led to more panties, then slips and nightgowns, then bras and so on, now when im all dressed, she often says "arent you glad i got you into this!" :)) I just say "yea, its quite thrilling :) I wonder if ill ever tell her i have been doing this most of my life, oh almost forgot to mention, shes a #1

[Acastina]

Is there something stronger than 1? It's how we met, through an online affinity group that her ex started. In fact, it was a number of occasions before she ever met the boy.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

half way between 2 and 3 she wishes i didn't but rarely has said any hurtful things about it
i really couldn't ask any more of her especially since i hid it from her for the first 27 yrs
of our marriage

[pajeantv]

# 6, wife knows but has threatened me with bodily harm, like using a 9mm on me, if she see's hears' smells or tastes anything of it again when she first found out 15 yrs ago I took a cast iron frying pan to the side of the head.

[Robin777]

#2 for me

[Luciana Vitale]

3 working slow in a 2, but considered i was maybe a 5 or little less some years ago

[Linda Leigh]

Well #2 mostly

[Glendy]

For me it"s a 2

[Kandi Robbins]

A solid 2 without the shopping together. I am damn lucky to have her support and would not change a thing about it. It's the sole reason I enjoy doing what I do and being who I am.

[Amber-Sue]

#1 from the day we met

[OCCarly]

1.5. Wife knows, enjoys, gives me some of her old stuff, and is very supportive. I am allowed to go out partially dressed or dressed andro, but -- wife does not want me out to friends, neighbors or relatives because she is afraid I will be mistreated or my career/business will be damaged.

[heatherdress]

Nothing to talk about. Inquiring minds want to know. I think it might help some of us to know where others stand.

Krisi - Thanks for this topic. We have probably done every subject that appears in this section many times each year. Spouse or SO support is always an interesting and relevant topic, especially to new members. It demonstrates how significantly we differ with the support, lack of support, opposition members of this forum have. Comments are reminders of even more diversity which is often reflected in comments and opinions of other threads.

[Rachel PT]

Before marriage, she was an encouraging #1, if not better. Now, after many years, friends chatting, kids, etc, she is a #4 trending to #6. How did I let this happen? She knew, going in, that this meant "the world" to me. Could it be I was deceived, so she could get what she wanted? Are women really like that? Gasp!

[Kevyn53]

#1 for me. My wife is always on the lookout for clothing and shoes for me, and a couple of times a year we go out to a big city and do a fancy dinner enfemme. The only rule is that I don't flaunt it around our small town and screw up my work around here.

[Robyn-aus]

No 1 for me

[Jamie390]

Between 2 and 3. She doesn't want to see when I'm dressed, would never want anyone else to see me, but never makes any negative comments. is ok with me keeping her old clothes for myself, and I don't have to hide my clothes.

[Laura28]

Between a 1 and 2 for us.

[Sheila11]

have to be a 4 leaning on a 5

[StacyCD]

A definite 2 but hoping to move a bit lower.

[Just4me]

Mine is a 4 has told me I don't have to hide my things has even moved out of the closet so I may keep mine hung up but I don't becouse she would destroy it all so it kept in a suitcase in my car with a solid don't ask don't tell

[JeanW]

2 maybe near 1 shops with me (in boy mode) but buys things for jean with or with out me there.
I don't go out dressed in public except underdressed sometimes shes even conviced me to leave eye shadow and mascara on while out shopping

[Gillian Gigs]

# 2 sums it up very accurately.

[IamWren]

I've got a little of 2 but mostly 5.
My wife likes my girl's boy shorts and she recently bought me some girl's athletic leggings (they are all black though... no pink highlights) but beyond that she knows nothing about Sayyidah, makeup tutorial vids, diy hip forms and strapping on boobs.

Maybe someday.

[iGenny]

5. You wouldn't believe what comes out of her mouth.

[Zoe B]

Guess I am lucky, I would say around 1.5

[Cara Lacey]

I would have to say it's about a 1.5. She's very excepting, buys me things etc. etc. But we do not go out much together.

[Chandlyr Ellis]

1.33 here... Would be a #1 except for the "willingly goes out in public..." part. Don't get me wrong, If I would go out, she would willingly go with me, even suggests it fairly regularly. Give me a bit, and I'll upgrade to a solid #1. Otherwise, she shops with me, buys me things on occasion, doesn't notice when she gets home from work that I'm dressed... sez it's just "my normal".

[KassyRene]

#2
My wife is very supportive. She buys me clothing she thinks I'd look good in. Holds items up to me in stores. Asks me to "Get Pretty" for her. She tells me that they're not womens clothes, they're your clothes Kassy. She's the best in every aspect of our life together!

[AngelaYVR]

1.5, not that I take too much advantage of it because I want it to stay that way.

[Jenniferathome]

Almost 1. I can't put forth that she "enjoys" my cross dressing. She enjoys that I am happy. Everything else is accurate

[Angie G]

#2 for me Krisi. And no it couldn't be better not for me anyhow.:hugs:
Angie

[MissTee]

A strong 2 for me. She has hinted at me going out dressed with her, but in another town where we do not know anyone. I would rather keep it between she and I. That's all I need to get my fulfillment.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Krisi:hugs:, It's kind of between No.2 & No.3,
She accepts/tolerates it she just don't want to see me while I'm dresses, She even pierced my ears for me.
she has known about my softer side for almost 52yrs., Our 52nd :love:Anniversary is 02/02/16.

Nothing is hidden everything is in three different closets, Sometimes she will wear one of my tops or skirts
and sometimes I end up with some hand-me-downs.

If we are out shopping she will not pick out something for me but I will pick out something
and toss it in the cart , with No Problems, I respect our boundaries and life is great

[Eryn]

Definitely a 1. She's been supportive from my first tentative steps!

[Jackie27]

My wife is a 2, I have never ventured out further than the back yard at night and I doubt seriously that it will ever get to the #1 stage as she does not want me to bring it into our sex life.

[sometimes_miss]

Interesting way of doing a survey. It should be made a sticky, with a poll and vote so each member can only vote once, and we could keep a tally. It's nice to hear from all those with supportive spouses. I wonder what the rest of the 26,000 some odd members who haven't responded would have said over the years.
I'll go. My ex wife situation was firmly a 6, with a new catagory, those who are aggressively against it to the point of committing a felony in hate.
I'd mark it lower, but that's as far as we can go.

How's that for a reality check?

[lingerieLiz]

Somewhere between 1 and 5 depending on the day and all the other parameters. She would rather I not, but sees me dressed in drab fem style most of the time. We buy clothes together and we both point things out to the other. She doesn't understand it and really doesn't want to. We share laundry effort and all my clothes are in our joint closets and dresser. She has seen me in dresses and we have been out, but I don't usually wear dresses any longer.

[Mercedes]

I would say my wife is a #3 but I get the felling she would prefer is she was a #4. She tolerates but I think would prefer it just went away.

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Sometimes Steffi]

A little bit of 3, except refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman, so mostly a 4.

[Millie.Graham]

Unfortunately I have gone from a 4 to a 6. She has said that she will leave me unless I stop dressing.

[Jilmac]

It was sort of like #4 but with a twist, I told her while we were dating that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes but she strongly believed it would "turn me gay" because her only brother (who was gay) dressed in drag occasionally.

[Helen 2]

3.5 for me.
She knows, seen me twice en femme, knows where I keep my things -but does not get into them (that I know of) and does not participate with me.

[donnaS]

2 for sure!
Possibly 1 soon. Wants me to meet makeup artist and get the basics down.
Meet others and have safe place to go out on town.

[Nancy Sue]

Used to be #4, DADT, until three weeks ago when we had a long (two hours) talk. I got through about half of what I intended to say. We will talk again.

Now its about #3. She said she does not approve - but she knows she can't change the way I feel. She thought my going to a counselor would get me "fixed" (and she might still think that), but I have actually gained the ability and strength to say "I am the way God made me, and I am OK." I am not going to change. She has made negative comments in the past, occasionally, but has not made any in the past three weeks! My underwear in my drawer, and I know she has gone through it last fall, and at other times. My other clothes are hidden away. She has not seen me dressed.

[pamela7]

1.5. Wife knows, enjoys, gives me some of her old stuff, and is very supportive. I am allowed to go out partially dressed or dressed andro, but -- wife does not want me out to friends, neighbors or relatives because she is afraid I will be mistreated or my career/business will be damaged.

This. All of 1 really, but this concern for my and our wellbeing makes it a 1.5

[ReineD]

I'm at #1. But, I need to quantify your "because she enjoys it", in case it means that I actually have a preference for going out with my SO dressed. I don't, because it is somewhat stressful (fear of being judged negatively, fear of running into people we know whom we don't want to tell). I do enjoy seeing my SO happy, however, and so in this sense I enjoy going out with my SO dressed despite the stress. I'm also happy when we go out in guy mode.

[Alleybee]

This. All of 1 really, but this concern for my and our wellbeing makes it a 1.5

My situation is 1.5, much the same as quoted by Pamela7. I simply can't go out fully dressed due to the region/ country that I currently reside. Fem-andro is the best I can manage outside, with my wonderful wife supporting me by my side while we go out and about shopping etc. I am so very appreciative!

[SHY KIM]

Happy New Year Ladies!
I will find out later today. She mentioned it would be ok 2 weeks ago (a good incentive for me to lose wt.)
Today we are doing a 24 hr getaway and I will be mentioning I want to make dressing and going out a more frequent part of my life (6 or more times a year) plus wearing things around the house. Hopefully increase the frequency over time
My money goes anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5
Wish me luck!

[Krisi]

Thanks for the responses everyone. Keep them coming if you haven't already posted. It's interesting, the spectrum of the responses, especially those who were off the scale. I don't think it would be possible to assign a number for every different situation and of course some of us might be high in one aspect and low in another.

Someone suggested an actual poll with the results automatically tabulated. Some web forums have this feature but I could not find it here. Maybe after responses slow down I can manually tabulate the results and post them.

Thanks for participating.

[CarlaWestin]

3.5) She tolerates it. I know she would rather I didn't do it. She knows I do it but refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman. She makes negative comments from time to time. She doesn't like to talk about it. Don't ask, don't tell. My stuff is filling many dressers and a full walk-in closet. She knows it's there but doesn't want to look at it.

[Nikki Elle]

#1 She is awesome.

[Sarah Beth]

I honestly can't say where I am at with my wife with all this. It goes from totally with it and accepting and she has gone shopping with me and bought stuff and then the next thing I know she doesn't want to hear see smell or know anything about it. When our granddaughter moved in with us for a time a year and half ago I had to pack up everything I had and put in the storage shed. She told me not one sign of any of it did she want to see or hear about. After our granddaughter moved back home I brought my things back in and she asked me what it was doing back in the house. I just told her I had missed my things and she didn't say anything. She did then a couple of weeks later tell me if I had to wash those on my own she wasn't doing that laundry for me.

I do wear nightgowns to bed a lot and she doesn't say anything and especially when the weather is cold I under dress most of the time and she has to know that I do and she doesn't say anything. She had been out one day and came home and I was wearing a dress and she didn't say anything but gave me kind of look that was like she was maybe upset. After I got changed I asked her if she was ok and she said yes why. Then the other day something came up about the lipstick she had on and she told me it was mine. I said I didn't think so because I thought all mine was in my case in my trunk. She marched me into the bathroom and pulled out the tube of lipstick and show it to me. The end of the stick was blunt and she snipped at me that it had to be mine because she would never have hers looking like that. I realized it was the one I had been using for a beard cover up but I didn't say anything to her about it because she has had lately a bit of an issued with me using makeup.

It makes it hard to know what to do. Before our granddaughter moved in I had been dressing in the evenings a couple of times a week, since then it doesn't seem like is approved of. I am just treating it like DADT right now but I ordered myself some Christmas presents that aren't here yet and I'll have to see what her reaction is to what I got and how she is going to feel about me going to wearing panties full time.

[arial]

Between 1 and 2. Only exception is going public. That isn't going to happen. And that's fine really.

[Jill_cd]

Interesting way of doing a survey. It should be made a sticky, with a poll and vote so each member can only vote once, and we could keep a tally. It's nice to hear from all those with supportive spouses. I wonder what the rest of the 26,000 some odd members who haven't responded would have said over the years.
I'll go. My ex wife situation was firmly a 6, with a new catagory, those who are aggressively against it to the point of committing a felony in hate.
I'd mark it lower, but that's as far as we can go.

How's that for a reality check?

My ex-wife suspected as much and used my crossdressing as both rationale to cheat and the subsequent divorce.

[s.e.al]

Its between 1 and 2 what can I say my wife is a great person.

[jenniferinsf]

between 1 and 2.

for the largest part v supportive but when i push the envelope by wearing femme clothing or accessories or shoes close to home she is v v v uncomfortable.

she says that it would embarrass others, because society frowns on us it would make them feel awkward....we had a bust up yesterday about it as i had torn out a number of magazine pictures and asked her about hair styles that i could wear.....NONE was the reply

she really wants me to be a closet case

i felt that perhaps my long hair made it too easy for me to push the boundaries (just add earrings, necklace and t top and shoes to go out) so.....for the first time in 40 years went to my hairdresser...showed her the picture of daniel craig as the latest james bond and said cut it all off. she gasped, the hair covered the floor - so now i have short hair (think leroy jethro gibbs). 11am on the last day of 2015 was the last of jennifer for the foreseeable future.

the thought on my part, to be able to control my urges, is that no way will i dress en femme with hair like that. as i am not interested in a wig ....jennifer is going to be away for a while. perhaps a long while....a sad day given the level of support that i had received.

i am telling our concierge and others...its was just a way to start the new year

i had looked forward to a LBD and heels on new years, ended up with slacks and shirt

ttfn

[Jacky Aikou]

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.


Hi Krisi, thanks for the poll! Your posts are always poignant and sincere and usually ring true for me.

Now then, you probably don't need a 90th or so reply, but my wife is typically around a 2. It can trend downward quickly if I don't behave, though!
She does not want to go out with me en femme and forbids it in the bedroom, but otherwise I enjoy a lot of freedom. Even with our limited closet space she lets me hang my girl clothes between hers and my boy attire. She has given Jacky several hand-me-downs and gifts over the years. This year she gave me 2 dresses from Old Navy - one of which looked much better on the model than on me and will be returned, but oh well, we're learning! :)
She supports my going to TG peer group meetings, and is glad I will be seeing a therapist soon to try and work out my conflicts within.
With 2 young daughters at home, we both have bigger things to worry about, anyway.

Overall I feel blessedly lucky and wouldn't trade my wife for anyone. :hugs:
I wish all the girls and guys here could enjoy at least as much freedom as me.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I find it hard when the goal posts keep moving, as you describe your situation !
It sounds as if she thought your stuff has moved out for good when your granddaughter came to stay .
I said I was a 4 but where you are is difficult to say !

[karynspanties]

Sometimes a 1, mostly a 2.5 Depends on her mood of the day.

[Heatherose]

I'd say we're at a 1 1/2. I'm blessed because my wife is very supportive of my masculine and feminine sides. As I am with hers. But I've never gone out in public as Heather and really have no desire to. We get our alone time and it gives us both something to look forward to. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Go Seahawks!

[Tonya Fox]

#3 she definitely tolerates it. I know she prefers a macho man, And I can be. I do get the looks and the comments, but we do like talk about it, like a lot since I just told her a few weeks ago. But I don't have to hide anything, she actually gave me a few things to wear and a box full of make up. But she doesn't want to think of it as anything more then a sexual kink. Hopefully more time and we may advance to # 2.

[Dana44]

I guess we are a 1 and 2 but mostly 1. But there are limits, like she does not want me to get forms. Totally confuses me.

[chrissy111]

1 for me

[Nadine Spirit]

I would say.... Less than a 1 now. It wasn't always that way. But with learning and talking and talking and talking and talking...... You get the idea. That is where we are at now!

[KrissyP]

Solid 4 for me

[Diversity]

My situation is #4.
Di

[Tina June]

#2 for me.

[Jackie F]

#4 With the exception I hide my stuff in plain sight.

[AndreaSC]

#4 for me!!!! :'(

[Janet161]

OK, so it is constantly changing. #5 for the first 24 years of marriage. Then came the botched coming out and an extremely tense #4. Six months of that misery led to the re-reveal and my dear wife did her best to hold on to #3. Two months of that was too much and she threw me out of the house Lifetime Movie style. She didn't really want to throw me out so I came back, conditioned on living at least a #3. She did her best, helped once with make-up, lent me a skirt, getting all the way to a #2.5. She was able to hold that for about six weeks. Now we are somewhere between an unhappy #3 and #4.

[JocelynJames]

2 for me but we go out as often as I'm comfortable with. I'm usually very private so although I feel the need to go out, I very rarely do. She knows this and doesn't push- "when you're ready " she says.

[Meg East]

Put me down as a 2.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Somewhere between 1 and 2. (GF not wife)

Has never bought me female clothes, though has given me some old yoga pants to lounge around in when I was visiting her place before we moved in together. Has bought me some colourful male stuff, to encourage me in more exotic outfits. Example, came home the other day from the thrift store with a fairly spectacular waistcoat in an embroidered brocade, doesn't quite fit, so haven't used it yet, another project in my clothes modifying pile. Has given the thumbs down to some clothing/outfit choices, though mostly that's been a matter of style rather than gender. Has never objected to how I dress around the house, or how I come to bed. I could wish for more actual enthusiasm, but that's perhaps being a bit greedy.

[Riley57]

My wife has moved from a 2.5 to a 1.5 almost overnight. 2016 could be a good year. I've only been cross-dressing for a year, always at home. My wife, let us call her Kathy, seemed to accept it, helped me find right sized bras, gave me primers on eyeshadow and mascara. But she seemed to draw the line when the breast forms I ordered arrived.
"I think you are going a little too far," she said.
Still, no problems with my nighties camisoles panties and makeup.
I would wear a camisole and panties to work for the secret little through it gave me. Just recently I have been wearing the breast forms when I go out -usually covered up by a sweater, but the sweater came un zipped yesterday and she saw my "breasts" through my shirt. No problem. I bought my first dress yesterday - with Kathy's help of course and just love the way it moves across my ass. And today Kathy and I went to Lane Bryant so she could use her gift card.
It was my wife who gave me the courage to ask if I could use the dressing room to try stuff on.
It was no problem at all.
What a liberating couple of days!!!

[Marcia Blue]

I am living in a #2 world. Quite grateful that she is that accepting. Maybe one day we will venture closer to #1.

[TrishaLake]

I am between 2 and 3...stuff is out but we are still working towards a full #2

[flo]

My wife is a 1. She has bought most of my clothes. She prefers me dressed and often says she is disappointed if I don't dress.

[Melody A]

#4 all the way.

[Adelaide]

#4 and I'm so disappointed...

[Helen Waite]

Started out with 5. Then she found all my stuff and destroyed it. We're now at 4, after a lot of therapy for her. I can buy things, but she wants no part of any of it. Even seeing what I buy. Still, it's an improvement.

[Judy-Somthing]

4/5 Well today I said to my wife "since you won't dress up for me how about I wear a dress?" she said if you put on a dress it better be when I'm not around.

[Joni Beauman]

3 to 4; she has borrowed clothes and given me a few things. I have a special dresser in bathroom and dress nightly - after hours. But she shrieks if she sees Joni. Mixed signals seem to be the norm many of us are navigating. Joni

[josrphine]

Hi Krisi, Lets see when i first met my wife an I told her, she was a soild 2, when I moved in she wore more of my cloths then I did. Now a big 1 as I am able to dess any time I like an when we go out she would rather have Josephine then Joe. I have the same stile hair an color as we go out as sisters most of the time. Jo

[Martina]

[QUOTE=Krisi;3870203]OK, this is sort of a poll. What is your wife's attitude towards your crossdressing?


I guess I'm between a 2 & 3

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

3) She tolerates it. I know she would rather I didn't do it. She may make comments from time to time.

Of course if we are going out, it has to be Homer, she doesn't want the neighbours to see or meet Martina.

When we have been on a short break with friends on the last night Martina comes out and joins in the with the fun for the evening/night.

My wife has told me that my legs look good and has remarked how well I walk when wearing 4" heels.

Could it be better? I suppose, but I think I'm pretty lucky and I don't want to mess up what I have.

Martina

[Sarah Louise]

5 for me. Would love to tell, but while it would be great to become a 1, 2 or even 3 ( actually, I think I might cope with a 4) I worry it will be a 6 and we split up. It's such a potentially life-changing gamble to come out.

[Erika Lyne]

I'll play:

The simple answer: mostly a 2 with tendencies above and below.


The complicated one:
My wife is great to me but, she has qualities all over the lower numbered half of the spectrum. She does buy things for me without me present: 1) when I ask (i.e.: nylons, makeup or other toiletries), 2) when I don't have to ask for celebrations (i.e. birthday, Christmas). We do frequently go window shopping together, me always in drab. She will pick things out but never designates who she thinks would look good in it. I can sometimes figure out what she likes for me-- mostly by the size or the cut of the neckline, other times I'm not sure where she is going with her remarks. We have, on several occasions, specifically gone fem shopping for me. As another member mentioned, I've taken several items into a men's dressing room and sent her pictures of what I thought looked best. Her replies were always supportive and constructive. On a few occasions she has suggested that I go out in public solo. I think her biggest fear is us being made, recognized and/or embarrassed. Part of this is also our difference in height, almost 1' difference if I wear anything more than a 2" heel. I just don't think I pass as well as I would like--too tall, broad shouldered and just not passable. She also does not protest my dressing at home but if I dress and catch her off guard (& I can only assume she has time to prepare before she sees me dressed if she hears me walk in heels on the hardwood floors) she always turns away, just for a moment, before she is able to then turn back to me and treat me as normal. It is kind of like she is shifting gears. Also, depending on her mood, she will make a hurtful remark or gesture about me dressing, one of her frequent comments is,"I was going to ask you to go to the store for/with me but, I guess not now. I'll just go by myself." and then escapes quickly before I can descide if I would like to change clothes and go with her. She knows my fem name but only uses it in the Third Person and almost always when we fight, even if the disagreement started off with nothing to do with my dressing. Lastly, besides underdressing in panties only, dressing for romantic times are off limits. I tend to push the boundaries because presenting as myself is emotionally uplifting to me. Her bedroom support would be a huge step from tolerance to acceptance but, I try to understand where she is coming from.

As I said before, she is fluid but overall great towards my dressing. I would love for more support from her but I understand where she is coming from. Just like she cannot change my needs I cannot change hers, only she can and she has done wonders for me thus far.

Hugs,
-E

PS: Wow! 120 replies in this short of a time? I support the thought of this thread as a Sticky. It has been quite educational and eye opening as far as "We are not alone." would be concerned.

[jami]

#5 My wife is against cding

[Michelle Fox]

After 25 years of marriage, still at #5, would be happy even if things moved to #4. If I can work up the courage to have "the talk" it could be #3.

[Suzie S.]

I'd say a 1.9, only due to no public outings together. :) I will never take for granted how fortunate I am.

[wendy]

OK, this is sort of a poll. What is your wife's attitude towards your crossdressing?

1) She seems to actually enjoy it. She shops with me, sometimes buys me stuff on her own, she will sometimes ask me to dress when I wasn't planning on it and she willingly goes out in public with me as two women on the town.

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

3) She tolerates it. I know she would rather I didn't do it. She makes negative comments from time to time and might make a face when she sees me dressed as a woman. She doesn't like to talk about it. My stuff has to be hidden away where she knows it's there but doesn't have to look at it.

4) Don't ask, don't tell. She knows I do it but refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman. I have to hide my stuff where she cannot find it because she might destroy it.

5) I've been afraid to tell her so she doesn't know about my dressing.


I'll go first: #2. If my wife gets up early and goes to the gym or runs errands, it's the same reaction when she gets home, regardless of whether Krisi or Homer meets her at the door. Of course if we are going out, it has to be Homer, she doesn't want the neighbors or friends to meet Krisi. Could it be better? I suppose, but I think I'm pretty lucky and I don't want to mess up what I have.

Anyone else?

#2, with a mix of #1. I don't know if she enjoys it, but she does accept and support my CDing. She does not want me out in public dressed, and I am respecting that 100%.

She does go shopping with me, and since we are similar in size, she also tries on the clothes so I know the clothes that are being purchased will fit.

[Karen RHT]

Add me to the "mostly a 2, with a touch of 1 and 3 list." She does shop with me and even encourages with "buy it" or "you'd look good in that" comments. I don't need to hide anything, but she isn't comfortable with me in makeup or a wig. Then again, she has offered me cosmetics she doesn't use anymore. She simply won't participate in any form of "educational" dialogue, and is paranoid that neighbours or friends will see me and question her about it. Other days she is absolutely fine with me in a skirt or dress the entire day around the house.


Karen

[Stephanie Julianna]

Between a 3 and 4. After all these years little progress.

[karenph]

Between a 2 and 3. My wife tolerates, will buy items - like pantyhose only if I ask, ad I do not have to hide any of my clothes or makeup. She knows this is part of who I am but struggles to participate. I doubt it will every be better than a 2.

[char GG]

"Dressing" is not always the issue with wives. May you should add a number category such as: does your attitude and behavior change when you are dressed - does the wife like that?

[Raychel]

Pretty solid #2 here, It has taken some time to get here,
But honestly, My wife accepts me, more then I accept myself.

[Abbyru1]

Not really a number that applies. My wife knows, I wear panties all of the time and she does the laundry. My "girl" clothing hangs in the closet with my male clothing and we share the closet. So she knows everything but doesn't want to see Abby in any form. I buy my own clothing as there never any" gifts" from wifeypo.

[~Joanne~]

Mine has been #1 since the day I told her everything. She is willing to to go as far as i am willing to go with this. She has never denied me my freedom since the day we met which was quite sometime ago and is almost unheard of in the grand scheme of relationships. I haven't had to make any "compromises" and she is game for going out any time i want.

[RedFourteen]

Is there a #6???

[Judith96a]

#5 unfortunately. The irony is that, if I thought that she'd be anything other than horrified, she's the one person in the world that I'd want to tell.

[Teressa]

My wife was a #1 before her passing she supported and encouraged me. She never went shopping alone and not bring me something pretty home.

[sometimes_miss]

Is there a #6???

There wasn't one, some of us added a '6' because our situations were worse then any of the 5 options. The person who got hit in the head with the frying pan might even be a 7.

[carliestuart5]

3. She lets me have my time but she stays away. I understand how she feels but I often feel she is driven more by learned prejudices than actual distaste.

[Vintage4sarah]

The "Threads" that we post here on the Forum always provoke a sense of reflection for me and possibly others. I view this as a good thing. As far as the original post goes, I would give myself a #3*. I say that with the exception that it fits me well, but my wife seems to not be snide or negative when my CDing comes up, but more some stony silence. I wish it was more a #2, but it appears to be working for now.

[Connie D50]

2 for me

[Secret Sis]

What a fascinating read this thread has been! For me, it was a 5 six months ago, but I finally came out to my wonderful wife and I'd put us between a 2 and 3, probably much closer to 3. My clothes have moved from being hidden in a box in the basement to a drawer in the bedroom. She knows they are there but at this point is not interested in seeing me dressed (says she's not ready for that yet) and I understand and respect that. She has however had no objection to me being underdressed a few times and seemed to enjoy having that "secret" in public, so I consider this progress. She's also on a couple of occasions given me time in the house alone to dress when she could tell that I needed it- at my request.
I'm hoping to get to a solid 2 at least and am fairly confident that will happen with time. Not sure I even want to get to a full 1 as I have no interest myself in going out in public fully dressed, I'd just love for my wife to enjoy this and have fun with it around the house as much as I do.

[Di]

Is there something stronger than 1? It's how we met, through an online affinity group that her ex started. In fact, it was a number of occasions before she ever met the boy.
It's so cool to meet someone else that met like we did... We met here on the forum, became friends then dated as Sher and Di , not meeting the guy for a while. Now married and it's just our life:battingeyelashes:
So 1 here... It's just us being us and living life.

[Suzie Petersen]

I have been in all of those categories since I met her 35 years ago!

Went something like this:

#1.5 -> #3 -> #2 -> #4 -> #2 -> #5 and finally #"6" (stopped). Probably many more category hops along the way if I was really to analyze it, but this gives you the picture.

I told her a few weeks after we started dating, not a problem. Would call it a #1.5 as we did not exactly go out as girls, as none of us were ready for that. (so as an aside, telling early is no guarantee of an easier journey!).
After some years, she did not like it at all and it started becoming a problem, #3. Then when I started falling apart, she, somewhat reluctantly, accepted that this was a part of me, #2. Then she realized that she just couldnt deal with it, #4, until I really started falling apart which lead to #2 again.
Some time later, it became a real problem for her and she just blocked it out completely and we magically ended up in category #5! Honestly, as strange as it might sound, her ability to apply denial actually made it feel like she never knew about it at all.
I eventually just had to stop dressing all together and thats where it has been for a number of years now. No category defined by Krisi for that so I'll call that a "#6", non-active.

In retrospect, a lot of the changes for the worse have been entirely my own fault. I could not control it and pushed to boundaries too far, but thats for another thread some other time.

It has not been a fun ride.

- Suzie

[Teresa]

Suzie,
Did you ever score a goal ? I thought my goalposts keep moving but still not as bad as yours !

[richelle1]

#2 for me :)

[Sarina Curtis]

I'm a solid 3 on this scale. My wife knows but has no desire to see me dressed. She wants to keep it hidden from our kids, with the caveat of waiting until they're old enough to understand and keep confidences. We have been talking about it more lately so I hold out hope of category 2 being a possibility.

[Suzie Petersen]

Teresa: Suzie, Did you ever score a goal ? I thought my goalposts keep moving but still not as bad as yours !

:) That has definitely been a big problem with this for me, "Moving Goalposts". None of the category changes were discussed or announced, I would just slowly realize that something had changed. As I said, a lot of the problems were caused by me pushing the boundaries, but the problem was, I never knew where that boundary was in the first place.

- Suzie

[Majella St Gerard]

It would be #1

[Robinadress]

I am a 3) with a little bit 2).

She accepts that this is a part of me, and my clothes is in my closet so she can look whenever she wants. I tell her when I’m going out, but she really doesn’t want to talk much about it. This was an agreement because in the beginning she and I hated that I had to lie to her when I was out. She hasn’t seen me dressed yet, but I hope it will happen soon. I am shore she would like this part of me to disappear, but she tolerates that this is a part of me.

[Robin-in-TX]

To some extent we are a 3. I wear panties almost constantly and they are in my underwear drawer. She bought panties for me once two years ago. While she did fold them for me at the beginning, she doesn't do that now. She throws them in my drawer. Now, that is not a big deal as I do the laundry, it is telling. She does not say anything about me wearing panties. I sleep in them, don't hide them and wear them everyday. She does not know about my other clothes and I do not know her reaction but I know that she does not want to be divorced from me and I believe that if I pushed it, she would not openly object to my other clothes. She would tolerate it but not be "down with it". At this time, I don't feel the need to add that to our dynamic.

[Jayne]

I'm somewhere between a two and a three, although I generally say she only tolerates it.

2) ... she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her ... she treats me normally when I'm dressed ... I don't have to hide my stuff ... it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

3) ... I know she would rather I didn't do it (actually I would rather I didn't feel the need to do it) ... She doesn't like to talk about it ...


I would add that she prefers me to dress in guy mode most of the time ... underdressing (panties) all the time is never a problem ...

I fully agree with Taylor between 2 and 3 similar comments too.....

[Jackie7]

My first wife was a 3 trending toward 5 as the marriage disintegrated. My second wife has been at #1 from the day we met, I am one lucky TV.

[Roberta Lynn]

I told my wife before we were married in 1966. Although over the years I’ve increased the frequency and the degree that I crossdress she has always been a solid 2,
I’ve been out to several conventions, with her encouragement, but we’ve never been out together.
I know if we did go out, with me dressed, she would be more worried about how any negative reactions would affect me rather than any reflection on her.

[Beverley Sims]

Having read through the posts I feel those that have lost ground over time have tried to push the boundaries too quickly.

I think many of you should read and learn why attitudes have changed and what specifically turns your SO off so to speak.

Others have taken it gradually and generally met with success.

Disaster can come at any time so remember all that bridge building can come tumbling down very quickly.

So read carefully and patience does help to mend those fences.

Good luck.

[Tina Davis]

Definitely a 4 for me. She has been very vocal about me not dressing at all and would be extremely angry with me for continuing to dress. She believes that my talking to a therapist will help stop the behavior. At least the last one I saw understood that the urge doesn't go away and counselled me to be tolerant of her rigidity.

[Tina_gm]

For my wife, it is a mixture of # 2,3 and 4. I do not dress in her presence. She has bought me a couple of small feminine items. We do talk about it from time to time. There are plenty of non conversation small usually playful comments or jokes. She is very respectful of me about it. My stuff is not hidden, but out of respect for her, not out in plain sight either. She willingly lets me wear the clothes that fit me that are hers.

[Vikky]

Hi Krisi

Somewhere between 2 and 3. Its a DADT situation, she doesn't want to see me dressed, but has a couple of times. She knows where my stuff is and wants see anything new that I get. She has also bought a few things she has seen in a charity shop. Gradually I think she is warming to the idea of me being CD and is a little more accepting lately - I slept in the spare room for a few nights recently (en femme of course) and she was OK about it.

Vikky

[Karan]

Between 1 and 2. Only thing from being a 1 is going out, but we do also enjoy some inside jokes and laughs at the situation. She is more likely to buy for me than I do for myself.

I am blessed with a great wife.

[Julie Denier]

5 is the closest to my situation. I was seriously dressing for several months when my wife caught me and $hit hit the fan. Stopped dressing as things cooled down, tried to stay away ... and we all know how that goes ...

[Allison2006]

I'd say my wife would be a 1, although the only times we've been out with me dressed fem has been on Halloween. She has siad in the past she would go out with me to local support group or girl's night out, but we've never done so.

[Ashley01]

A 2 here, definitely. It took a few months to get there - after she asked who I had bought a dress for - but we've happily been at 2 for best part of a year now. I'm much happier and even got bought a lovely dress for Christmas. The January sales are much more exciting this year!

[Katrina26cd]

Mine is stuck firmly between 2 and 3 these days.

Mine as well she allows a certain amount in public but I keep trying to push the limit she does like the fact I like shopping with her but she seems less accepting as when we were younger I think she thought it was just a phase or just a sexual thing but it has not slowed down one bit for me. Actually getting to the point I'm starting counseling this week to figure myself out

[DTelia]

I'd say a 1. Started as a 2, but mostly because we didn't understand it even though it's been a life long phenomenon. She has wanted to embrace it, understand it, and does the encouraging.

We don't go out, but that's on me 100%. I haven't ever even brought it up. She's joked about me winning a Halloween contest or something, but we know that would out me for who really goes all out with the details, etc?

She's not again of buying a lot of stuff out of practical reasons, but that doesn't bug me at all.

Here's the kicker...as I've stated before...I rarely dress. Sometimes a once every few months for a couple hours...sometimes a couple times a year. My wife would be cool with me dressing as much as I like as long as we kept it between us. We're parents.

[Traceyjo]

I'm between 3 and 4 . The only reason I'm not a 3 is that my wife never sees me dressed and doesn't want to.

[binair10]

I would say a 4. She has seen me dressed and also been out with me dressed. But she does not want anything to do with it. She has said that she is ok with it when we go to parties, and with me going out alone. But other than that....NEVER.

I think that it could be because I look a damn sight better than she does.

Julie.

[NicoleScott]

2-1/2. She accepts/tolerates but doesn't participate. My stuff is stored out of sight of other family members who don't know.

[EllenJo]

My wife is a solid 2. Truth is we went from a 4, that lasted for 17 years to a 2, 3 years ago. The change was her idea. I shop on my own and rarely leave the house dressed so 2 works just perfect for us. She gives me fashion advice and has even told me to add some of my feminine colors to my male wardrobe and not be so bland. Often in the evening she will ask me if I am going to have any girl time. She seems to know when I need to dress, she has no problem with me dressing everyday. I think she is glad that i enjoy doing housework while dressed.

I feel very blessed in my situation.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Rachel32533]

I must be very lucky, 1.5!!! She buys me girl stuff all the time
and I keep them in my closet. She helps with makeup and hair, and agrees to go out sometimes. She shaved my legs for the first time last weekend.
She's the best and I think I will keep her.

[cdterri]

# 1, wife has no problem with my dressing at all.

[Chrissy1966]

#2. She bought me some nice things for xmas and helps with my makeup. With kids still in the house, we don't get to play together very often but when we do, it's generally a giggling, silly, vodka-fueled fashion show. : )

[Sissy_Michelle]

Two for me...

[vixenvicki]

Mostly a 2, with elements of a 1 and a 3. Over the years she has brought the occasional gift for Vicki. We've shopped for Vicki while also shopping for her, and my entire wardrobe is in the closet/dresser. She has no problems with my under-dressing, or the occasional full body shave. However, actually meeting Vicki and interacting with her, is still on the to-do list. I told her up front about my dressing and she accepts it, but doesn't really want to talk about it.

[XdressingSlave]

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

My wife is quite understanding and says it isn't hurting anyone. We in fact will go out together shopping. She will spend just as much time looking for stuff for me as her. She never asks me to go get dressed up though. I am the one saying "Susan's coming over if that's OK"

[claire1d]

I am very fortunate and close to 2). She accepts it. We go shopping together and I don't have to hide anything, we share clothes too. She has no problem with my under-dressing and sometimes buy me stuff. She gives me space and time to dress, she is fine with me going out if I want to (I never had the courage to do so, yet). She does not mind looking at pictures of Claire, often makes compliments and suggestions on what looks best but she do not wish to see me in person. So besides meeting Claire face to face it is pretty close to 2).

[Saikotsu]

My girlfriend falls into number 1 with a caveat. She's totally accepting and encouraging, she sometimes even points out items I'd look good in, or more often than not, she'll notice when I want something and gives me a little nudge, encouraging me to go ahead. Sometimes she wants me to be in male mode, which I totally get. For the most part though, she's patient enough to wait for me to want to be in male mode. Man I'm blessed...

[Michelle_NY]

4 for me she actually just hates tthe idea totally

[DEANNA57]

When we first met the first thing I told her about me was I liked to wear women's cloths. She thought I was joking so probably the third night she stayed over she ask if really did wear women's cloths I said that I was very serious. Her reply well I have to see this so after a half hour or so I emerged from my bed room skirt thigh highs heels make up. She looked amazed saying she didn't even have any heels that high. At first she was ok then she kinda changed her mind. The longer we were together I kept dressing when she wasn't home but she knew finally she had came back around helps me with my make up and has bought a couple of wigs for me. We have a ball I'm such a lucky girl

[TanyaR]

OK, this is sort of a poll. What is your wife's attitude towards your crossdressing?

1) She seems to actually enjoy it. She shops with me, sometimes buys me stuff on her own, she will sometimes ask me to dress when I wasn't planning on it and she willingly goes out in public with me as two women on the town.

2) She accepts it. She may shop with me, she doesn't make snide remarks or give dirty looks when I am dressed around her and she treats me normally when I'm dressed. I don't have to hide my stuff in the basement, it's hanging in the closet with my other clothes.

Wife here: I'm going to rank myself. lol
I would say I am at a 1.5. I don't actually "enjoy" it, but I do love seeing my SO happy and I know this makes him happy. I do ask him to dress sometimes, but only because he gets kind of cranky when its been awhile. We do not go out dressed in public around town. I worry about people recognizing us and the backlash that could happen with my kids and husbands job. We did have our first public outing last month at a Tre-Esse meeting in another town. It was a wonderful time with a great supporting group of ladies.
Now Note: as accepting as I am and willing as I am some times I can hit a 3 - I just tolerate it and don't want to deal with it. Mainly when she is in that Lovely Pink Fog.:battingeyelashes:

[Kiersten]

At first it was #2 but now its #4

[5150 Girl]

Mostly a 2, however depending on my Polar Bear's mood, it could swing to a 1 or 3...

[Brenda456]

Probably a 2.5. The poll makes me think I am better off than I realize. Thanks for making me think about this.

[JessiFoxx]

Went from a 2 to 5 after my son was born 4+ years ago.

[mehere]

Somewhere between 1 and 2

[Shayna]

3.5. She accepts me, but doesn't want to talk about it.

[Joe Ann Miles]

Well, i think its 4,5 by me.

I told her years ago, when she found some lingeri in my closet, ! and was asking: if i had something going on with an other woman. I said no, its my OWN. !!
She was sad, but we worked it out over some time, i was hidding my CDìng away some time. .-)
I now dress when alone at home, and i think she knows, and at some pont accepting it. ( DADT ) and she always give me an aprox. time when going or one on messinger for her arrival. :-)
As im writing, sitting ind my leatherboots 4" forms and a pretty skirt, i am the most happy "girl" on earth, and loving my wife bigtime.
I`l of course hope for a lower / better number over time. :-)
Hugs to all.

[Jenn_8B]

She is somewhere around a two. Most of the time she lets me buy stuff and will approve or disapprove what I pick. Once in a while she will actually dress to match what I'm wearing. Sometimes I wonder what she is really thinking because she is not really open with her feelings. All in all, she's a great wife and is very tolerant of me.

[leannejacobs]

I went from a 2 to a 4 and don't see that reversing any time soon :-(

[Teri Ray]

I believe I am a 3.5

[Samantha_Smile]

Somewhere between 2 and 3.

Say 2.5?

[CallmeAlice]

I'm going to say #1, my girlfriend is absolutely thrilled that I cross and accepts it probably way too much lol

[Genni]

I would say wife is somewhere around 3 or 3.5. She wouldn't throw my pretty things away, but doesn't want to see them or talk about it.

[Lacey New]

Somewhere between a 5 and a 43 5/8ths I don't think she would or could handle it well. And the few times I get to dress and shop satisfy me enough to keep it this way - even though in a dream world I would like to do the whole thing, wig, jewelry, makeup, shoes etc.

[threeheavenshigh]

I'm a 4. Wife really doesn't like it and gets cranky if she can tell I've been made-up.

I can't fault her... We had no clue when we got married. :(

[Lucypink]

5 for me!

[kelseygal]

I'm in for 2 at the moment. Hoping for 1 in the future :)

[xNicolex]

#1 for me :)

[shawnsheila]

I would say 3 for me. Wife swings from accepting to very cranky about it... mostly cranky though

[Alisonforme]

#4 without the aggression. She only learned about 2 months ago. So far I'd say she's handling it well.

[dee4127]

# 1 for sure

[Jenn A116]

My wife is probably a 2, maybe a 1.75. No issues at all with the CD part of me.

[Kelli Jo-ann]

3 to slightly 4 . funny how she was totally Intuit when I told her 12 years ago before we were married. Although I cross the line a few times, I have just started dressing again after a six year break. She hates it now and wishes I would stop. So I guess you could say we are on a DADT for now.

[Jamiegirl1]

#4, she knows and never wants to see me dressed, she has found my stuff before, she will never throw anything away, I am lucky in that way...

[nikkiwindsor]

I'm so fortunate. In the beginning our relationship, my wife (fiancee at the time) was aware of my desire, was between a 4 and 5, wouldn't tolerate me dressing up, and was scared that I may want to transition full-time. Now, many years later, she's between a 2 and 3. She allows it, knows it makes me happy and content, brings us closer together realizing that she is expressing unconditional love for me by allowing me to be my true self. From time to time, she does need assurances that I'm not interested in transitioning into a woman. She's absolutely wonderful and I have to keep reminding myself not to take her for granted and to repeatedly remind her how much I love her and to thank her for supporting me in expressing my feminine side...Nikki

P.S. My clothes and wigs are in our walk-in closet, my makeup is in a drawer in the bathroom, she'll occasionally shop for me in bricks and mortar stores, let's me shop on-line using her name, gives me all her makeup she tries and doesn't like or gets tired of, willing to talk and learn more about my crossdressing whenever it comes up, watch transgender shows together such as Caitlyn Jenner's show, she's not comfortable yet seeing me transformed as Nikki but expresses interest that she may be open to seeing Nikki in the future, and allows me to dress anytime I feel the desire.

[Secret Drawer]

It took me since the day of the OP to think this through, as it is rather complicated and somewhat fluid with my relationship. She varies between mostly the 4 in the DADT or the 3 of "tolerates it." She is a 3 with the "rather I didn't do it." She is a 4 with the "refuses to take part in any way (especially) including seeing me dressed..." She is a 2 with not hiding my stuff, it is in fact "hanging in the closet with my other clothes." The rest is still sort of fluid... she is a 3 as "she doesn't like to talk about it, but not a 3 with the "occasional negative comments," as she has actually never made any mean spirited comments, only common questions that come from misunderstandings, etc.
I often wear "leggings" or thick tights around the house in winter, as I slip pants over them to go out in the cold and I prefer to stay in them (frankly!) instead of changing into pants once home for the day, and I notice that the trend seems to be nothing said or generally weird in the air, but NO kisses or closeness... I wonder if it is even conscious on her part...

[nikkiwindsor]

Alice, any idea why your girlfriend is thrilled by it? Nikki

[Sister Rachel]

Somewhere between 2 and 3. I don't think she'd like to go with me to buy stuff in the shops, and when I was buying a lot of gear online she worried about the money I was spending, Then again, when we moved house recently, she ( unbidden ) washed and ironed my dresses, skirts and tops and told me which wardrobe I could find them in in our new place :) I have a slight gripe in that all my black panties ( but not the white ones) have gradually migrated to HER underwear drawer ....

[haylee_burnett]

guess I'm a 1

[Pumped]

I am somewhere between #4 and #5, but with some strange conditions. I am allowed to wear womans jeans, and panty hose, but she found a pair of panties once and it darned near ended the marriage. Also she hates me wearing heels and forbids it, but I have a pair of medium heel boots with a block heel she allows. Absolutely no under garments, no high heel pumps. We are not even at DADT, heck I would love to be accepted to that point.

[Melissa B]

I guess I'm some where in the 5 to 4.5 level. She doesn't know but I have occasionally made mistakes and left items that she's found. I made up some excuse for it. She will usually respond "That it weird, that just weird." I don't say anything more and just let it go. So it leaves me wonder if she might suspect something is going on and is in a DADT mindset or if she is just not putting all the pieces together. Do you girls think she might suspect?

[alice clair]

Mine is definitely a one, my wife loves for me to dress and be happy. We go almost everywhere with me wearing something feminine and she buys me clothes all the time. When we go somewhere she will remind me to not forget my purse and looks me over before we leave to make sue I look my best. I love her dearly

[Lydia Hamilton]

Number 2 for me. It would be Number 1 if many factors were not hindering. Happy New Year Ladies!

[JamieG]

I think I'm going to have to go with a 1.75. All of the 2's are met, and sometimes I get little bit of 1: she sometimes buys me stuff on her own. However, I know she doesn't enjoy it, although she does enjoy seeing me happy. She has never asked me dress (although she has asked, "Isn't about time you went out to another support group meeting?"), and we never go out as two women on the town.

[threeheavenshigh]

I guess I'm some where in the 5 to 4.5 level. She doesn't know but I have occasionally made mistakes and left items that she's found. I made up some excuse for it. She will usually respond "That it weird, that just weird." I don't say anything more and just let it go. So it leaves me wonder if she might suspect something is going on and is in a DADT mindset or if she is just not putting all the pieces together. Do you girls think she might suspect?

From your description it sounds like she may be on to you. She may be suspecting an affair though, depending on what she's finding. If she's finding her own stuff borrowed, then she's probably suspecting the former. Don't freak though, it can be dealt with.

How do you think she'd respond if she knew?

[sometimes_miss]

Having read through the posts I feel those that have lost ground over time have tried to push the boundaries too quickly.
I will agree with this, but I have something to add. Left on your own, going slowly might just work. BUT.....once she knows, and goes looking for information, she's going to come across some other angry wives who will get her thinking about all kind of things. My ex started going to support groups who got her into believing that THEY were the only people she could ever trust, and our relationship gradually went downhill as, over time, she pulled away from not just me, but her family and friends as well, believing that everyone had some hidden agenda. She started seeing manipulative behavior everywhere.
So just be aware that you cannot always completely control the gradual exposure of this; there will be outside influences, if things go bad, it might not be all your own doing.

[Maria 60]

I'm good for a #2.

[rachel de Corvus]

I am very fortunate to report 1.5! She loves to see me happy and is in favor of everyone being able to express such desires, so long as they do not hurt others. She is happy to hanging out together in private or seeing pictures and hearing stories of solo outings. I've not asked about outings together, in part because we do not live in a conducive environment. Years ago, we both enjoyed going out together on Halloween. With that said, I fully understand that she married a man and wants it to stay that way. Again, I feel very lucky.

[Jennifer Kelly]

#3 for me. Trying to help her be more supportive but I fear she may have reached the limits of her acceptance.

[TaraGrace]

I'd guess #1 for me.

I actually just asked my GF a few mins ago if I wasn't freaking her out (since it's only been a few weeks), and her reply was the best: "Hunny, you have been freaking me out since the day we met, I love you"

Sitting here with a huge smile right now :D

[PamelaRI]

I've never been at a 5. I told my now wife of 20 years, when our relationship looked as though marriage was possible about my dressing. At that time, it was don't do it anymore. I really think that I tried for several years, but I eventually couldn't resist. Over the years, we've gone from that stance via a few insult laden conversations to I'd prefer you don't do it, but if you do I don't want to see it or any sign of it. Without being overly TMI, I had a major health scare last year and one of the end results is that I've lost that 70+ lbs that I said that I'd never gain when I was younger. Of course that necessitated buying new clothes to fit the new me. And while I would have loved to replace both of my wardrobes with just one wardrobe that allows me express who I really am that just isn't really possible because my best friend/wife would freak out and leave and it would most likely have a significant impact on my income and other relationships. After a somewhat intense, awkward, strange conversation during which the words lingerie, panties or women's clothing were never used, my wife resigned herself to allow me to wear panties as long as she doesn't see it and and anything not obviously feminine. The rest of my preferred wardrobe is still in the DADT zone.

So I think we've progressed to a modified 3 without the negative comments so far. I still have tighty-whiteys that I don't wear in the dresser drawer while my real underwear is hidden, but I've been able to migrate my comfy around the house pants to nicer, softer black ladies fleece pants and my exercise wear consists of ladies exercise tops, compression shorts and loose fitting bottoms. Now I have to work with her on migrating my undershirts to tanks - but I need to know that she's really OK with where things are now before I even think about that. Then hopefully she'll allow things to migrate to the drawer or at least somewhere more convenient than the container in the basement workbench.

[Connie.Marie]

Mark me down with a 4. My wife has found my stuff & threw it all away. Never said a word about it.
She doesn't want to see me dressed, she said "I am not a lesbian".
Never another word in 38 years. What's a gurl to do??

[Lilly Diadem]

As mentioned over in my introduction post I'm fortunate enough to enjoy a blend of #1 and #2 without the going out bit as I don't do that anymore.

I did get a pair of sparkly red 4" heels from my wife at Xmas which was a complete surprise but I'll often get gifts of underwear or hosiery.

If I don't dress for a while I'll be asked why and I always sleep in panties and a nightie now and if I reach for the boxers and a tee shirt before bed again I am asked why.

It wasn't always this way so I know just how fortunate I am now.

Lilly x

[ReineD]

For those of you who are interested, I took a few minutes to place all the answers in a spreadsheet. I have columns for each of the 5 categories plus columns for answers between the categories. Some people gave answers like 1.9 or 2.7 and I counted them as being in between the categories. I also added column 6 for the wives who are violently opposed to the crossdressing, and a last column for posts that were non-answers (just discussion posts).

The results are as follows, up to post #219

1.0 - 33
1.5 - 26
2.0 - 44
2.5 - 23
3.0 - 13
3.5 - 17
4.0 - 27
4.5 - 2
5.0 - 14
6.0 - 5
Non-answers - 15
Total - 219

So this means:

Accepting (1, 1.5, 2, 2.5) = 58%
Tolerant (3, 3.5, 4, 4.5) = 27%
Doesn't know (5) = 6%
Despises it (6) = 2%
Non-answers = 7%
Total = 100%

A near 60% acceptance and near 30% tolerance is not bad, in fact it represents nearly 90% of all the wives! :)

Also it surprises me that only 6% of the wives do not know. I commend the overall honestly of our members! But, maybe the people who mostly lurk here without posting would increase this number considerably if they posted. Thousands of people log in during a three month period, but there are only 219 responses to this thread so far, excluding me.

[Katey888]

Awesome Reine... :clap:

If you want to add one statistic to that analysis that does have a bearing on the members here, some time back I did an analysis of Introduction threads and whether new members (who did an Intro) were out to an accepting wife or in some other circumstance. At that time (during 2014) 47% of new members were out to an accepting SO... (I know - I should probably do the update for 2015... :() I suspect that indicates something about the nature of new members and why they join...?

About 14% were married and fully closeted/secret. Many of them possibly wouldn't have been drawn to the poll because the title implies your wife would need to know to have an attitude. :) Statement #5 was also a little judgmental - "I've been afraid to tell her..." Personally I choose not to tell her - so you can put me down as another #5... that'll take it up half a percent... ;)

Katey x

[dana 1]

I'm a two, I can't imagine having a better wife and best friend.

[heatherdress]

Thanks Reine. I suspect that data might demonstrate how inaccurate and misleading our site polls can be. Does anyone really believe, after consistently reading of threads about spouse non-acceptance and members hiding their crossdressing activities, that 90% of spouses on this site know and accept our crossdressing?

I would only offer that 90% of those - who replied to this thread - have accepting spouses, not 90% of all site members or 90% of all crossdressers. That's all that is reliable or accurate from this poll. This is the type of poll that members who have positive crossdressing acceptance and support from their spouses would be willing to reply and praise and thank them. But those who have non-accepting spouses, or who hide their crossdressing from their wives, would be more likely to avoid a reply.

[MonicaGirly]

Actually I'm going to change mine to a 4.5 Because of how much she dislikes it. It`s pretty lousy the way she reacted when she heard about it. Hopefully she'll warm up to it some day.

[heatherdress]

Katie - Your 47% is also a rather suspect number because it probably only represents new members who specifically admit their marriage status, spouse awareness and spouse acceptance in their initial message. Most new members, however, do not address their situation with a possible wife, partner, girlfriend or significant other. There is also no scientific way to apply a factor for the non-responses.

I appreciate the work you must have done reading and trying to keep track of new members who mention their relationship status, but when so many don't, I don't think the 47% is probably very reliable.

[TaraGrace]

..Thanks Reine. I suspect that data might demonstrate how inaccurate and misleading our site polls can be. Does anyone really believe, after consistently reading of threads about spouse non-acceptance and members hiding their crossdressing activities, that 90% of spouses on this site know and accept our crossdressing?


No being new, but having read a lot of the posts here in the last days I expected the oposite to be honest.

A thought did come to mind.. in any forum (and I've been around a few since the internet started on all sorts of topics) it's quite common for a thread to develop left or right.. human nature.. for instance a thread with the first 5 or so responses being negative will generally lead to more people feeling it ok to respond similar.. where as a thread with the first responses all positive will discourage a large deal of people to respond something negative.

Oh, and then there is also anonymity.. filling out an anonymous pole seperated from a comment thread for the sake of trying to compile a realistic view of our 'scene' is one thing, but there's bound to be plenty of us that will not bad mouth their SO even if she was not supporting. Having to fill out a form for 'science' or having to write something bad about your SO makes a big step too.

[ReineD]

I would only offer that 90% of those - who replied to this thread - have accepting spouses, not 90% of all site members or 90% of all crossdressers.

Well yes, I can only count the people who have responded. :)



But those who have non-accepting spouses, or who hide their crossdressing from their wives, would be more likely to avoid a reply.

Right. I also stated that if everyone who logs in on a regular basis responds, likely the percentage of "wife doesn't know" would increase dramatically. According to the forum stats on the index page (if they are not broken), there are currently just under 4,500 people who have logged in during the last three months (Active Members). Only a few hundred people participate in the threads on a regular basis, so I suspect that the vast majority of Active Members are fully OK with crossdressing in secret, I surmise for no other reason than sexual release and so there is no incentive to tell a wife ... in fact admitting this to a wife might well tend to be counter-productive to the marriage. Or, we may also have quite a few people who became members (but do not post) to spy on their spouses/family members/friends? :p

-----------------------------

If this thread keeps going, I'll update my spreadsheet and post the updated results.

Mods, before you close this thread for inactivity, would you let me know so I can post a final tally? Thanks.

[Krisi]

............................ Statement #5 was also a little judgmental - "I've been afraid to tell her..." Personally I choose not to tell her - so you can put me down as another #5... that'll take it up half a percent... ;)

Katey x

"judgmental" - seriously? It's just a silly little web poll! Nobody is judging anything. I though it might be nice to have something with a little substance, not another "I underdressed today" or "What color are your panties?" thread. You have to try pretty hard to find my poll "judgmental".

As for your "choice" not to tell your wife, we all make choices. We choose to tell our wives or we choose not to tell them. The only ones who didn't make a choice are the ones who did not tell their wives and then got caught. They made the wrong choice.

I wonder why anyone would choose not to tell their wife if it wasn't because they were afraid of her reaction. Are they ashamed of being a crossdresser? Haven't admitted to themselves that they are a crossdresser?

As one who has been on both sides of the fence, I can say from personal experience that life is much simpler not having to hide things and constantly worrying about being caught.

[SHY KIM]

I'm just getting back into dressing completely en fem again after a long 12 years. We had a good conversation about it just before Christmas and within that short time frame I would rate things at 2-1/2
She supports me, helps me when I ask, and I do wear panties, nylons or nighty to bed on occasion (I have done this during the 12 year drought:) thank goodness)
She most definitely does not want to see me dressed. Maybe down the road, if I look convincing enough.
I can certainly live with those guidelines and actually consider myself very fortunate!
Kim

[claudiaxander]

( 1 ) we have always made love as women though we don't go out dressed anymore as i'm afraid of getting aggressive with intolerant individuals.
i used to work on the door of a club in Camden London and used to enjoy re-educating those deluded fools that misinterpret femininity with weakness ;)
"crouching tiger hidden pussy!"

[Heather J]

I'm between a 2 and 3

[Katherine L.]

Between a 2 and 3, but probably closer to 2.

[Mary Morgan]

My wife is somewhere between 2 and 3. We shop together, we talk about it, occassionaly she will buy me something and often suggests things, but doesn't want to see me dressed.

[s.e.al]

2 and part of 1 shea been great since I told her, just whish I had told her sooner, what can I say shes a geat wife and friend.

[Harumi]

For me it's 2. She definitely accepts it. She's a great GF and i feel so lucky everyday!

[JeanTG]

2 for panties except that she won't shop with me, 4 for anything beyond.

[Maria Ann]

4) Don't ask, don't tell. She knows I do it but refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman. I have to hide my stuff where she cannot find it because she might destroy it.

But my wife wont destroy my clothes, but I do have to keep them somewhat hidden though.

[RachelF]

Between 2 and 3

[Sarah Louise]

5 for me. Would love to tell, but while it would be great to become a 1, 2 or even 3 ( actually, I think I might cope with a 4) I worry it will be a 6 and we split up. It's such a potentially life-changing gamble to come out.

This was me a few weeks ago. Well now, I'm a 2.5 which is great. It turned out that it wasn't that big a gamble. My wife doesn't want to see anything, but has quickly come to terms that this something I do. She often brings it up in conversation. Yesterday, she was asking about what dresses I had. She also said she might want to see a photo one day, but not yet. Things are getting a bit better every day.

[leotard fan]

for me 1...

[Tina81]

#2...She fully understands I was born this way. She figures most of the time when I'm home alone I'll change into a skirt/blouse or dress.

[Chelsea B]

Somewhere between #3 and #4 for me.
It's DADT, but she knows and agrees that I have to do what I have to do.
She doesn't want to discover my stash, but wouldn't destroy it if she did.
As for seeing me dressed, I don't want that either, at least not yet.

[BrynP]

My wife was completely OK, we went clothes shopping and I dressed up under my guy clothes for work and for halloween and we even talked about going out and picking up a guy once. We had good fun dressed up sexually. Then she cheated on me and started blaming my dressing up for her behavior saying she wanted a real man and not a girly man. When her and I had sex I would only be dressed say 10% of the time. I stopped dressing for 4 years and actually threw away a lot of my lingerie and toys, all of my favorite stuff. The other day I found my fishnets, work bra (like a bikini top that worked well under guy t-shirts so I call it my work bra) and panties and oh my god it felt good.
I'm close to telling her that I started dressing again whether she likes it or not and if she doesn't want to partake then fine.

[joandher]

4 for me but all my clothes and under wear are in my wardrobe and draws, except my outer wear, which is at a friends.

[heatherdress]

No being new, but having read a lot of the posts here in the last days I expected the oposite to be honest.

A thought did come to mind.. in any forum (and I've been around a few since the internet started on all sorts of topics) it's quite common for a thread to develop left or right.. human nature.. for instance a thread with the first 5 or so responses being negative will generally lead to more people feeling it ok to respond similar.. where as a thread with the first responses all positive will discourage a large deal of people to respond something negative.

Oh, and then there is also anonymity.. filling out an anonymous pole seperated from a comment thread for the sake of trying to compile a realistic view of our 'scene' is one thing, but there's bound to be plenty of us that will not bad mouth their SO even if she was not supporting. Having to fill out a form for 'science' or having to write something bad about your SO makes a big step too.

Tara - I was not questioning the honesty of those taking the poll. I was only pointing out that a poll on this site only represents the people who responded to the poll. Our polls are not scientific and should be considered a source for discussion or simply entertainment, depending on the topic. The results are not representative of all crossdressders. Based upon many threads here as well as discussions with crossdressers I have met at many events, the reverse is most likely more realistic - more wives would probably be not accepting.

[renae.lake]

#4 except she won't throw away my stuff, and has even given me things that don't fit her. I guess it's OK as long as she doesn't see it, though I can get away with wearing women's dress socks around her (woohoo!).

[Krisi]

Yes, the poll results represent only those taking the poll, that should be pretty obvious. I think though, since most members consider this a pretty safe place, the active (married) members or members who happened to see the poll probably answered and answered honestly. I thank you for that.

The results wouldn't stand up in court but they do help us see where we fit in the "acceptance" scale.

[Vale]

My CD relationship with my wife would probably be a 2 -- with a daily variation of course. In my mind, it really represents our combined comfort levels.

If such a pole could have been taken 25 years ago, imagine the likely results.

Vale

[Connie D50]

2 for me

[kimberly c]

Its a two for me, I share everything with my wife.

Kim