The Journey Begins...

[MissDanielle]

It's the start of 2016 and I've got an exciting year to look forward, too. Sure, it will be scary for my bank account with all the clothing sales but I'm looking forward to the challenges that lie ahead.

Step one: Moving out of my parents house in mid-February. I'm working with a few apartment people in landing a studio that I will be able to move to in just over a month.

Step two: This is the biggest step by far. I have my initial appointment set up with Howard Brown Health in Chicago for two days right after I move. I waited until nobody was home so that I could make this phone call to set things up. I couldn't be happier. There were days in college and even over the past few years that I seriously thought I was crazy for evening thinking about wanting to start on hormones. I'm not crazy. I was just living in denial that this is who I really am.

Howard Brown has counseling services under their roof so I will take advantage of that during this journey. I've also found a few support groups, especially those that are geared towards LGBT Jews. It's one thing to be Jewish and trans. It's another thing to be Orthodox and trans because there is always a chance of being shunned by our own community, let alone our family members. The Orthodox movement as a whole is slow to accept transgender Jews. This is why I am coming out to friends and family at my own pace. My goal is to be living full-time by the end of 2016...and still keep my relationships with friends and family. Aside from one person, everybody that I have told has been accepting and supportive.

After moving, I'm starting laser hair removal. I've been studying Groupon deals and may have to wait another paycheck or two before I can purchase one. I know that electro won't be cheap but I'm hoping that the amount of LHR sessions will help in saving the hours needed in electro.

In the early hours of the new year, I started writing my memoir. It probably won't be published for a few years but it will also be therapeutic to write it. It's definitely not the memoir I planned to write as of a few years ago!

[barbaraclothes]

Wow great big steps.. you go girl..

[dreamer_2.0]

Keep on stepping forward!

[Bria]

Danielle, I'm glad to hear that you have made some plans for the new year. Remember that you can't cast those plans in stone, they may need modification particularly with regard to timelines. As has been said, one foot in front of the other and eventually you get there.

Friends and acquaintances in our faith traditions can be a problem, I hope that you are able to surmount the obstacles

I'll remember you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria.

[EllieMayxxx]

Congratulations! I am excited for you

[Janice Ashton]

Sounds like an exciting year ahead? Good luck

[steftoday]

Ah. Apparently I never caught the "Orthodox" part in the past posts, now I understand the whole "hair removal" thing.). Best of luck in 2016 with your transition.

[MissDanielle]

Thanks, everyone. Counseling, support groups, and supportive friends should help with my getting through the year.

The goal is certainly to be full-time by the end of the year. Will that happen? I don't know.

The good news, at least for me, is that wearing a bra all the time is helping with the dysphoria while I am under my parents' house.

[Dawn cd]

As a former book editor, I suggest that you don't start a memoir until you've experienced the whole journey. One has to know the outcome before one fully understands the many steps along the way. What you might do, though, is keep a personal journal, which would be invaluable when it comes to writing a memoir. A journal establishes chronology and will remind you of your feelings at different stages of the journey.

[flatlander_48]

MissD:

Interesting what you said about how your faith has a possible impact on your gender identity situation. To me this is just one more wrinkle in what is already a multi-faceted deal. For many their faith is something that must be reconciled somewhere along the journey as they seek their real selves. It appears that your faith is very important to you, so it will be something that can't be sacrificed.

Best Wishes as you sort through this,

DeeAnn

[Robin414]

I (as many here) have been 'following' you! Congratulations MissD! I know we're 'virtual' but all of us here support you!

[Eryn]

Any step in the right direction is a good thing. Do the things you can, plan the things you can't.

[missjoann]

Your first step is the most Important step...you are headed in the right direction for you and nobody but you...thoughts and prayers and best wishes are with you for you new journey

[MissDanielle]

As a former book editor, I suggest that you don't start a memoir until you've experienced the whole journey. One has to know the outcome before one fully understands the many steps along the way. What you might do, though, is keep a personal journal, which would be invaluable when it comes to writing a memoir. A journal establishes chronology and will remind you of your feelings at different stages of the journey.

It may start out as a journal. We'll see what happens.

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MissD:

Interesting what you said about how your faith has a possible impact on your gender identity situation. To me this is just one more wrinkle in what is already a multi-faceted deal. For many their faith is something that must be reconciled somewhere along the journey as they seek their real selves. It appears that your faith is very important to you, so it will be something that can't be sacrificed.

Best Wishes as you sort through this,

DeeAnn

My faith is very important to me and I would wager to say that it is single-handedly one of the biggest reasons why it took me so long to accept that this is who I am--and believe me when I say that I have had some of those WHY ME days. Thankfully, I have great friends who will listen to me vent when my guitar is not doing the trick on those days. I'd guess everyone here as had those days.

- - - Updated - - -


Your first step is the most Important step...you are headed in the right direction for you and nobody but you...thoughts and prayers and best wishes are with you for you new journey

And that is what my parents will have to understand and come to terms with at some point. I'm their daughter. I want to have a relationship with them. I have to do what makes me feel happy. I'd rather my bras supporting B or C cups right now rather than these very flat breasts!

[Zooey]

The goal is certainly to be full-time by the end of the year. Will that happen? I don't know.

I know the temptation to set date-based goals like this, but I would caution you against it. I know it may not seem this way from where you sit right now, but you're not at step 2 of 10. You're at step 1 of 1000. Everybody has different steps, and some will take more or less time for each person. The most important thing is to make progress at a pace that feels right to you - where you're confident at each step that you understand where you are and where you're going.


I'd rather my bras supporting B or C cups right now rather than these very flat breasts!

Throughout your posts I see you getting really focused on specific physical attributes you want, or clothing you want to be wearing. Physical changes are important - believe me, I understand - but I really must caution you to make sure you spend as much time (or more) focusing on your insides as you do your outsides. Hormones can help a lot. Surgery can help a lot, but is also very expensive. Your outside is fairly unlikely to ever live up 100% to the image you have in your mind, and it will take a strong set of insides and a solid sense of self-identity to make it through without just adding a potentially crippling lack of self-confidence and body dysmorphia to your bag of issues.

[MissDanielle]

Thanks, Zooey. I've always been deadline-based. Maybe that's the writer in me with always having a set deadline in having something accomplished by a certain point in time.

Updated on 1/4
Apartment secured. Groupon for six sessions of Laser Hair Removal treatment for my face has been secured.