Dealing with Disappointment

[AndrewJenny]

How do I deal with the disappointment that, when I dress, I don't look like the woman I see in my mind? I just don't have a very feminine body, and while I can correct some of this with shaping and padding, I'm always going to be "blocky". A lot of times, I'm reluctant to even dress at all, because what I see in the mirror is so far from what I want to look like.

KKat

[gokatiegirl]

Some things you were born with and cannot change. You have to accept that. I wish that I can look more like a woman but wasn't built that way. I watch my weight, where padding and tone select muscles that keep my looking young. I do not worry about the rest. We have all looked in the mirror with disappointment. Don't focus on the bad only on the good... and make the good better to balance things out.

[Krisi]

One of the things maturity brings us is the realization that we have to work with what we are given. A different example would be wanting to be a professional football player but not having the size or ability.

So, you do the best you can with what you have. Just like a woman would do, you choose your clothing to accent your better features and minimize your "not so good " features. Look around you at women in your life or in public. Nearly every one of them has some body features that they don't like. Only the women you see on TV or in the movies are perfect. The chances are, if you had been born female, you would not feel your body was perfect, you would be trying to change or cover up some features.

[bridget thronton]

Women come in all sizes and shapes - i am content to be addressed as a lady when I am out in public settings despite my flaws though I suspect it may be that people are just being polite

[EllieMayxxx]

Don't focus on the negatives darling, use the time taht you are negative to amplify the things you like and you will feel so much better

[Katey888]

I wish that I can look more like a woman but wasn't built that way. .... We have all looked in the mirror with disappointment.

There's the truth in much of what we do... KKat, I can empathise with you and while the advice here about emphasising the positives is all good, perhaps you would benefit from just reminding yourself why you feel you need to do this to re-establish your motivation for doing so...? :hugs:

I don't often feel like doing the whole transform thing - so unless I'm really motivated to spend the time, I won't do it. Even when I sometimes feel like doing it, I get a lot of the old negative feelings and questions of 'why do I need to do this' - and the feelings of shame and confusion come back again. But if I can get through them, the ultimate feeling of just getting to look 'right' even though that may not be perfect (or even presentable sometimes) is still worth the effort to do so, despite the obvious flaws that we all see in ourselves much more than others may.

Just keep going; keep improving; and keep remembering how you feel when you're transformed, regardless of how you may think you look - focus on those inner feelings that I am betting are similar to many of us here: feelings of rightness, calm, harmony and release for me... :)

Katey x

[heatherdress]

It's what you feel like that is much more important.

As everyone has said, you can't wish your way to physical appearance changes. Maybe you can actually change some of your "blocky" attributes, whatever "blocky" means to you. Maybe it is with some weight loss, which you can do. Maybe you can disguise your shape with corsets, clothing, padding. But there is only so much you can do. So you really need to modify they way you think about, or perceive, your appearance to feel good.

Maybe enjoy elements of your dressing without the self-judgment you are putting yourself through. Look at, and take pictures of: your face with make-up; your legs in stockings; your feet in heels; your hands with nails and polish. Enjoy and take pleasure in what you can do.

Maybe you can enjoy being partially dressed (female jeans, shoes or accessories) in public without trying, unsuccessfully, to be fully dressed, if you feel that would disappoint you.

Continue to experiment. Accept who you are. Enjoy what you wear and the changes you can make.

[Sheila11]

Maybe you should ask a girlfriend. I don't know one woman is would not change something about herself if given the chance. Hair color, weight, eye color , teeth veneers, Botox, and various nip and tucks and enhancements. All because they don't see the woman they would like to see in the mirror.

I guess that makes you such a girl.

[Pat]

I don't think anyone, regardless of gender, looks to themselves as they look in their minds. So on some level that's just a human reaction. All you can do is the Serenity Prayer shuffle: change the things you can change, accept the things you can't change and have the wisdom to know the difference. As I like to say: be forgiving of yourself. And understand that acceptance of yourself will bring you more happiness than acceptance by the world at large. ;)

[Suzie Petersen]

One easy fix for this is ... Dont look in the mirror!

As others have already said, most people, incl GG's, are not totally happy with their looks. However, if they ask any of their friends, family, SO's, they will be told they look great/wonderful/georgious (depends on the relationship ).
So dont look in the mirror, just post a pic here now and then and ask us what we think! We will happily lie to you all day long ;)

The other thing is, if you read most peoples explanations to why they like to dress up, the answer is often that it makes them "feel good" ... not that it makes them "look good"! Go for that instead, and dont look too closely in the mirror.
You can also buy an old mirror on Ebay! As I recall, the image quality was a lot better years ago! ;)

Not to mention, you are still young! Hear me now and believe me later ... it will get worse "lol"! Some of us here buy foundation in the HomeDepot DryWall section!!

Last thing, there are so many tricks you can use as a CD'er to create the desirable illusion, which GG's cannot easily use in their daily lifes. Padding here and there, Tape for an instant facelift, Light and Shadow for picture taking, etc etc.
And of course, take 100 pictures and only use 1! We have all been there.

Most of all, we are all our own worst enemies. Dont ever let that ruin you day.

Hugs
Suzie

[Stephanie47]

I think you need to get out to the mall or some busy area, sit down with a coffee, and, watch the women go by. There many women who are "blocky." I an assuming you mean you do not have a Barbie doll exaggerated figure. I guess you fall into the figure of the size; "Woman," as opposed to juniors or misses. It has to do with body type. There are many nice dresses out there for women, who are not Barbies....thank God. I am six foot and 195 pounds. I wear a misses 16-18 or XL or 1X depending on the style. My figure with bra is 42C-38-40. I buy empire waist dresses that gather under the bra and hang/flow over the torso. That style may soften the "blocky" look on you. I also buy dresses without a defined waist because of my height. Otherwise I'm going to mimic old guys with their belted cinched just under their nipples. Sheaths also work well. Many summery dresses are made to be worn loose; gathering under the bra and flowing out to allow for a breeze to wisp away the hot air of the body.

From what I read on this forum there are way too many who are just as vain as GG's who do not want to recognize their body type and dress accordingly. I worked in a professional office for over thirty years. I met a good number of attorneys, CPA, and businesswomen who were overweight, if not obese. The vast majority dressed in a very attractive manner.

Of course, diet and exercise can also help to soften some of the "blocky" look. There are many guys in my family who started out slim and trim and have drank too much beer and ate too much pizza.

[AndrewJenny]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and good advice. I do feel a lot of pressure to be "perfect", because there's a big part of me that still feels it's not okay for me to do this (this isn't just an issue with cross-dressing, BTW: I have a hard time doing anything just because I want to, without some other reason). I also think there's a TG component: I'll never be a woman the way that a GG is a woman, so even if I could look exactly like my ideal woman, I still would be missing something really important. I will try and just enjoy what I do have, though: I guess that's all any of us can do.

KKat

[adrienner99]

I think GGs go through agony over their body image 100 times more intensely than we do--it's quite feminine of you to have a similar worry....I wish some GGs would respond...

But I am sure practically all of us struggle with some male characteristic we can't quite solve. As males, we have developed muscles that are hard to hide. I have facial hair that requires a LOT of makeup. Big hands, big shoulders, bad complexions, lack of grace, all give us away and make it hard to appear girly.

I take some solace in simply feeling pretty....it's a long, long way from actually looking pretty. But it is a true feeling if I am dressed in things I love.

[sometimes_miss]

One easy fix for this is ... Dont look in the mirror!
^this. Also, remember the Monty Python song. Always look on the bright side of life. We choose whether we will be happy or sad about things in life; sure there will be some that would make anyone unhappy, but for the most part, it simply doesn't make sense to feel miserable about things we can't change. find something you DO like and focus on that. Even if it's something small. I'm a barrel chested, tall, wide person. Virtually nothing about me fits with what I feel I am. So I dress up, put on a wig, and play with my long pretty hair. Feels nice. so does the feel of my dress on my stockinged legs. Maybe it's not as good as having a beautiful young female body, but it's something.
Choose to be happy. There's no reason not to.
Now go have an ice cream cone (or a mounds bar, frappacino, whatever). Do something you enjoy.