Turned on by men when dressed

[Mystique]

Lately I've been having fantasies about being with a guy while dressed. Does anyone else that crossdresses fantasize about this?

When I'm dressed as a guy I don't find myself noticing men.

It's something about giving into the whole fantasy of being a girl. I don't know if I'd go through with it but I'm definitely curious.

I just have crazy fantasies of a guy coming over my place and dominating me, making out all night, and falling asleep in his arms. It's turning me on right now. I don't know if I'd do this non dressed it wouldn't feel as right.

Regardless, I've accepted the fact I'm at least bisexual.

[Krisi]

If you've decided that you're bisexual, that's fine.

I can't believe that just strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig can change one's sexual preference. Having a fantasy of what it might be like to be a woman and be with (and have sex with) a man is one thing but actually doing it or even considering it is something else. For one thing, you don't have the genitals to actually do it so it's not going to be the same.

Clothes are just clothes. Breast forms and a wig are just props. They cannot change your feelings.

[Mystique]

Hmm, good point. I guess maybe the dressing part of me decided to explore my fantasies a little more and just became more open to it I dunno. Like my more wild side.

I still don't know if I'd go through with it tbh.

[EllieMayxxx]

I am exactly the same, i was bi-curious but my desires are really strong now. If I had the chance of being dressed with a guy I would definitely go for it. Like you when im dressed as a man it doesn't feel right. I would like to be with a woman and have 'best of both worlds' for me. But I totally understand your feelings.

[Mystique]

I posted ads on craigslist looking but I am super picky. So, it's never went anywhere.

[DanielleLee]

Simply put, and agreeing with Krisi, clothes have no impact on your sexuality... Period. End of story.

[CONSUELO]

Not uncommon, so don't overly analyse yourself. Your cross dressing is an expression of something else in you, as it is for all of us. Sure the clothes don't change you but the need to dress as a female does change you. Many cross dressers like to be together with men or other cross dressers and it can be very fulfilling. One thing that I have not understood or seen a good explanation for, is the interest in men when dressed yet if you go out in public you may find that you do not notice men in a sexual way.

[Krisi]

Here's an example to back up my statement:

A few years ago, a bunch of our friends decided we should have a "Pirate Party". Everyone came dressed as pirates, yet no one felt compelled to pillage or plunder. They acted normal.

[Mystique]

Well, if dressing is just the same as wearing a costume for you then sure!

It feels wayy different to me. More like taking on another personality.

[flatlander_48]

M:

I think all that happens is jusy allowing yourself to consider other options when you are dressed. I would guess that you are basically bisexual, or something close to it, and that dressing puts you in a situation where you are not constrained by being a "regular guy". Sexual orientation and gender identity don't change, but owing to society and how we've been reared, we may allow ourselves more or less freedom to explore. Also, remember that bisexuality is also a spectrum. It isn't 50/50, 90/10, 10/90 or necessarily anything else. All it means is that there is an attraction to both sexes.

DeeAnn

[Sky]

Lately I've been having fantasies about being with a guy while dressed. Does anyone else that crossdresses fantasize about this?

Some do not fantasize but actually do it.

Sorry to disagree with others but clothes do make the part, at least for a sizable number of us. I understand some others don't feel any change in sexual attraction whichever clothes they wear, and that's fine. But some of us do, very clearly. Check out the idea of "social and character masks" in good ol' Karl Marx (if you are the serious kind) or watch "The Mask" movie for some cheap laughs but essentially the same concept.

[EllieMayxxx]

like taking on another personality.

That is how i am.

DeeAnn, what you said has clarified somethings for me, I definitely like women more than i do men but I would only go with a man if one of us was dressed.

[Laurana]

Nope. I don't do this as a way to explore sexuality.I don't do it to have fantasies or have sex with men. Just because I wear a bra doesn't mean I want some guy trying to take it off.

[flatlander_48]

L:

And what you said fits you. Remember that NOTHING on this site is a One Size Fits All...

DeeAnn

[Katey888]

To Mystique, Charlotte and others of your persuasion (for there are many of you here, perhaps not so vocal, for obvious reasons...)

Your feelings about how your choice of expression or presentation affects your feelings of sexuality are ENTIRELY VALID - Enjoy them! :)

Unfortunately it seems difficult or impossible for some folk here to think or empathise outside of their own self-imposed boxes and they feel much more comfortable by trying their hardest to deny what other people here feel and experience, as if they are somehow tainted by the sexuality of others here and by loudly declaring "NO - I never feel that - that's just nonsense.." it provides them with a curious but nebulous reassurance that they retain some normality in a community that has their gender and sexuality compasses swinging wildly all over the place... :facepalm:

As for the logic of people at pirate parties not plundering - well, Socrates must be turning in his grave... I think we can all see the fallacy of an example that proves zip... :bonk:

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Of course you find men attractive.

You are trying to emulate a woman.

Aren't you?

[hope springs]

Yes OP, i am in the same boat. Hetero in drab, extremely bi curious while dressed. To the point my fantasies while dressed are guy only. Threads have popped up like this before, and most will say your delusional or in denial. Ignore them, its your life so live it how you want. I stopped questioning why the sexuality shift occurs while dressed and just go with it.
Your original question was does anyone else feel that way ( bi only when dressed). So im not sure why many want to tell you your feelings arent valid. While clothing doesnt make the woman. The potential attitude, personality and preferences can shift while dressed. And that shift could include fantasies and desires. We muddle our way through this however we choose.

[Teresa]

Mystique,
Not all Cders have this feeling because they may not have a female trait, if you do , the needs are met by dressing and the combination is enough to have feelings of attraction to a man. Some do have these thoughts occasionally , I'm totally attracted to women so I surprised myself when it crossed my mind for a short period.
I will say that viewing some of the more explicit websites can have an effect but that's what they're there for, the best action is to leave them alone and move on !
Cding is a confusing issue and it's easy to think I look like a woman I must act like a woman in every respect. The danger is if you go that far what sort of guy are you going to attract and what harm might come to you !

[Mystique]

Good advice. That's what I'm thinking with this whole CL thing. Stay safe and CLEAN.



[QUOTE=Katey888;3872718]

As for the logic of people at pirate parties not plundering - well, Socrates must be turning in his grave... I think we can all see the fallacy of an example that proves zip... :bonk:

Katey x

Well, everyone was thinking it at least someone said it.

I've just been exploring more my sexuality more the past year or so. Like another poster said sexuality is not necessarily a black and white thing.

There seems to be this stigma that it's alright for girls to play both sides of the fence but the minute a guy mentions it he's labeled homosexual.

Regardless, the past few years I decided not to be so repressed and explore a little more. Oh well, I'm a perv!

[Robin414]

Of course you find men attractive.

You are trying to emulate a woman.

Aren't you?

I'm kinda 'non sexual' lately (yah, tried the red meat and porn idea...nothing 😕 Emulate? I AM a woman, it's not physical, it's emotional...I get it GGs 😊

[pamela7]

i really do only have eyes for my wife. I can admire other women, tho really now i'm more interested in their clothes and body shape than any thought of sex.
As to men, while crossdressed I remain the same, I just don't feel any attraction. It's not a denial Katey888 - when I was 15-early 20's I had a boyfriend as well as girlfriends, so I was open then - I just don't get the feel or urge one iota since back in the day. Maybe if there were a guy crossdressed with similar enough body form and looks to my wife that might give me a rise, but so far, nope, and I do hope it stays this way.

[Acastina]

To Mystique, Charlotte and others of your persuasion (for there are many of you here, perhaps not so vocal, for obvious reasons...)

Your feelings about how your choice of expression or presentation affects your feelings of sexuality are ENTIRELY VALID - Enjoy them! :)

Unfortunately it seems difficult or impossible for some folk here to think or empathise outside of their own self-imposed boxes and they feel much more comfortable by trying their hardest to deny what other people here feel and experience, as if they are somehow tainted by the sexuality of others here and by loudly declaring "NO - I never feel that - that's just nonsense.." it provides them with a curious but nebulous reassurance that they retain some normality in a community that has their gender and sexuality compasses swinging wildly all over the place... :facepalm:

As for the logic of people at pirate parties not plundering - well, Socrates must be turning in his grave... I think we can all see the fallacy of an example that proves zip... :bonk:

Katey x

Very well put. You know that feeling when you're all ready to write a rebuttal to another's point of view, then you read exactly what you intended under someone else's byline? Like that. It is clearly denial for some, evidenced by the certainty and the occasional false analogy. I respect much more the simple statements of "It's not like that for me" without generalizing to others. My preference for the prenatal neural-connection anomaly hypothesis of gender (including sex, which after all has a physical binary and thus fewer inherent shades of grey) variations leads me away from asserting universal truths in this most enigmatic human behavior of ours.

Mystique's question is a common one here. May she find the courage and opportunities to explore it on her terms.:hugs:

Craigslist is active and local, but your caution is wise. Be patient and picky and careful.

[Lorileah]

Dream of driving a Racecar doesn't make you a Nascar driver. Dream about flying: you're not a pilot. Thinking of sex with men while dressed? That is a common fantasy. But just because you think about it doesn't mean you will or can do it. The pirate thing is totally a red herring in this case.

Since I have played both ball parks, let give you my inside feelings.

Being with a man can be fun, if you like being with men. Being with a man isn't fun if you don't like men. It is scary and boring. And you feel bad afterward. Also take into consideration that being with a man, EVEN with safety measures, immediately marks you as gay or bi for many things. Do you give blood? Not anymore. Your doctor will probably suggest testing (but IMO everyone who has casual sex should anyway). I assume you would be honest about the encounter. Remember it can only takes ONE time to catch things. If you are married or in any other manner attached to someone, you put them at risk. Especially if you are on the down low. Risk/reward. Having sex with someone isn't like trying on a fetish outfit. It is FOREVER.

We all have ideas of how others would be. Some of us think being a woman means you clean the house, even though that stereotype has been quashed. Some think you get to be the belle of the ball, glass slipper. Some think you can walk the streets and get picked up (ell you can but not in a way you would find fun). Personally, I rarely wear slacks. In my world, in my mind, I see dresses as what my image should be.

People here often make the analogy about putting the genie back in the bottle. Being with a man is like that. If you like it, now you may want to do more. If you didn't, it is in your mind the rest of your life.

Caveat: Just because you think you play safe, doesn't mean you are. Things happen.

[CarolBrown]

Being and feeling like a girl is very much part of the fantasy, but, this girl is very much a lesbian when dressed...

[reb.femme]

Oh no it doesn't! Damn! Pantomime season is over. :heehee:

What ever floats your boat Mystique, is good for you. I would agree with others in that dressing somehow allows you to fantasize or think beyond 'societal norms', whatever they are for you. Not something that happens for me, I'm all the man I need :heehee:. Happy hunting?

Becky

[Krististeph]

Lately I've been having fantasies about being with a guy while dressed. Does anyone else that crossdresses fantasize about this?

It's something about giving into the whole fantasy of being a girl. I don't know if I'd go through with it but I'm definitely curious.

I just have crazy fantasies of a guy coming over my place and dominating me, making out all night, and falling asleep in his arms. It's turning me on right now. I


Hi Mysti-

Okay, I'm happy you are thinking 'outside the box' (that's kind of ironic, huh?).

Spend a fair amount of time thinking about guys. Really. In the abstract. Personally, it is not for me. No macho issues- I will admit to being as much (or more) of a sissy as you can conceive... but guys? Eww.. really .. Girls, now we are talking (amongst other things)

I would suggest, talk to a guy. Explain, totally. Do it 6 times if need be. At the end- if you are still into it- try it. Is anyone 100% gay or straight? LOTS of Adorable guys and gals out there...

And as someone who has been married for nearly 3 decades- care for your other, above EVERYTHING else: be kind; be sweet; massage; smell; pause; call in sick; mutually feed and groom; withdraw.

Do these things. If you do not spark, at least you have learned a great seduction routine.... I can really understand the whole falling asleep in his (her) arms thing... But IMO... guys? You have got to explain this to me.. :-)

[DanielleLee]

To Mystique, Charlotte and others of your persuasion (for there are many of you here, perhaps not so vocal, for obvious reasons...)

Your feelings about how your choice of expression or presentation affects your feelings of sexuality are ENTIRELY VALID - Enjoy them! :)

Unfortunately it seems difficult or impossible for some folk here to think or empathise outside of their own self-imposed boxes and they feel much more comfortable by trying their hardest to deny what other people here feel and experience, as if they are somehow tainted by the sexuality of others here and by loudly declaring "NO - I never feel that - that's just nonsense.." it provides them with a curious but nebulous reassurance that they retain some normality in a community that has their gender and sexuality compasses swinging wildly all over the place... :facepalm:

As for the logic of people at pirate parties not plundering - well, Socrates must be turning in his grave... I think we can all see the fallacy of an example that proves zip... :bonk:

Katey x

Katey,

"Some folk" aren't denying the feelings others may experience, making light of, or even denying our own sexuality... we're just stating that gender identity and sexual orientation doesn't change because of the clothes that one wears.

It may allow for the wearer to think differently or be more open to the possibility of a same sex relationships, but dressing in and of itself doesn't change who we are at our core...

If I misinterpreted or read too much into the OP post, than by all means I apologize...

Mystique,

Fantasizing while dressed is common. Have fun with it and enjoy... nothing wrong with it.

[Sky]

... we're just stating that gender identity and sexual orientation doesn't change because of the clothes that one wears.

And you're just wrong.

What's true to some of us is not to others. There is no one size fits all recipe. We get it, your sexual orientation does not change because of the clothes you wear, and that's all. Guess what? Mine does. As simple as that.

(at least this time you did not end your post with a "Period. End of story.")

[AllieSF]

I like what Katey said. Being considered gay, for a straight male, has traditionally been considered a put down to some, as if they were less than a true man. Thus, many straight MtF CD's here tend to over emphasize their declarations of being a true straight male when others discuss that they may possibly be interested in guys and maybe even same gender sex. Another way of looking at what some may be saying is to consider how one feels and acts when dressing as the opposite gender. How about asking yourself how you feel when you put on a distinct costume, whether a period one, a movie character or something made up. Many people take on the role of the costume at the party or event and feel liberated to act more freely and openly than they normally do. An introvert may become more talkative and even be the life of the party. In a way it is like hiding behind a mask and letting one's inner self out a little more. You could think of our feminine attire as that costume and mask, which can give us an opportunity to think and act differently than we usually do.

Can dressing as a woman change one's sexual orientation? I would say no. However, maybe one did not know that they had sexual gender crossover feelings. The dressing may be that liberating factor, that mask that allows one to think about exploring something that they never could imagine before. Can dressing in a costume are as a woman (for a man) change a person's feelings, I believe that it can. It can give one more courage to be or try something different, and that is not bad. We should always be exploring who we really are.

[DanielleLee]

What's true to some of us is not to others. There is no one size fits all recipe. We get it, your sexual orientation does not change because of the clothes you wear, and that's all. Guess what? Mine does. As simple as that.

The first two statements... no disagreement there :thumbsup:
The last one... :straightface: okay....

[Katey888]

Guess I'm in full Socratic swing today (no - not a dance step... ;))

Danielle - I am all for you being honest about your feelings and your experience - in fact, I'm like you, my sexuality doesn't appear to change in the slightest when I'm dressed and out - but what you said was (my bold for emphasis):


... clothes have no impact on your sexuality... Period. End of story.

Some may say I'm being pedantic, but I think it's important to counter this for those who do feel this - you may not have meant "your sexuality" but that's what you wrote. We see it all too often here - a dogmatic approach that seems to say: "I know what you're feeling" - How can you know? And I am at a loss to understand where this intolerance of alternate and highly individual perspectives comes from...?? If someone could tell me this is anything beyond simple closed-mindedness I'd love to hear it...

Pamela, :)


It's not a denial Katey888 - when I was 15-early 20's I had a boyfriend as well as girlfriends, so I was open then ...

Did I say you were denying anything about yourself? No - nor did I say that anyone else was in denial about themselves - I said this of some people:


...they feel much more comfortable by trying their hardest to deny what other people here feel and experience...

And I'll restate this because I think this is central to tolerance and acceptance in our community - something most of us seem to crave but not all of us practice:
You have every right to feel the way that you do and to believe those feelings valid and true - Nobody has any right to invalidate the way that we feel as individuals - that is so much the weapon of bigotry and prejudice in our community, where feelings (be they of feeling more 'like a woman' or experiencing different perspectives of sexuality or feeling right about methods of expression) tend to be targeted in the same way that colour of skin, obesity, or other, obvious physical or ethnic differences are the target of choice in the normal world.

I do wish we were able to find far more similarities that pull us together than differences that push us apart...

:rant:

Katey x

[flatlander_48]

I do wish we were able to find far more similarities that pull us together than differences that push us apart...

Won't happen without two key ingredients: the transsexual population needs to quite trying to splinter themsleves off as does the crossdresser population who do not identify as transgender. This also includes those who loudly proclaim that they are straight. You know, it isn't like we're a massive population. We really can't afford to slice & dice like we have, yet it persists.

DeeAnn

[Trishpdxcd2]

Of course you find men attractive.

You are trying to emulate a woman.

Aren't you?

Well I would say well said Beverley but also really agree that "one size doesn't fit all." We bring different sexual likes and dislikes with us into crossdressing and evolve a few after we crossdressing. I do find that being attracted to a man is very natural when femme and much less so when not. Thats just me.

[Heatherose]

Quite the opposite for me. I identify as bisexual as a man. But honestly... Heather is, for lack of a better term, a lesbian. My wife is the only one I want while dressed en femme. Maybe someday down the line I'll change my mind, but I doubt it.

[AmandaM]

Another one of these threads! Yikes. I agree with Katey888. I am one who has the sexual fantasy of having sex "as a woman" with a man. I only had gay sex once, went all the way. When the girl clothes came off, it basically ruined it for me. I've also seen a lot of pron. When I see guy on guy stuff, itt does nothing for me. When it is a man and a woman, I can picture myself as either one and like it. So, the definition of gay/bi is a guy liking guys. That doesn't quite fit me does it? The diehard gay fans will claim I am just a bisexual in denial. I feel like I'm 50% girl. Sometimes, she wins.

[docrobbysherry]

Altho, it took me 10 years to figure it out!:brolleyes:

When I began dressing out of the blue at age 50, I began having a number of fantasies of being the woman with men. Most were sexual in nature but a number weren't!:o

"OMG! I have suddenly turned gay", I thot to myself! :eek:

I found/find nothing about men physically attractive! Yet, the fantasies of being a woman being used and pampered by them is still tantalizing. :battingeyelashes:

And that, my dear GF's is the answer!:D

If u r attracted to men's physicai parts, u r probably gay or bi. If u r not, but still thinking about men? I believe u r a dresser experiencing the common dream of being treated like a woman!:tongueout

[Tracii G]

If you feel its a fantasy then it probably is just that.
Sometimes acting on a fantasy like that with some schmo on CL isn't a great idea IMO.
Sex with a man is dangerous because he is behind you doing the deed and if his protection slips off you may never know for sure and could very well catch something.
Its a pretty common fantasy but if you are married its still cheating no if ands or buts.
What still escapes me is having sex with someone you don't know or have strong feelings for as a person.
Letting some man you really don't know tapping your honey hole is disgusting, sorry for me there has to be love before doing things like that.
Sometimes is best to just keep it a fantasy.
This feeling you are having falls into what is known as the pink fog and we all know how the fog is.

[CourtneyJamieson]

I am in the camp that has had similar fantasies when dressed. The idea of being a vulnerable female and being "taken" by a man is something I think about when dressed. When I am in male mode I have no similar thoughts and have no desire to ever even think about having sex with a man. And mostly my thoughts when dressed revolve mostly around oral. As to thinking about sex with an anonymous acquaintance, that is my preferred fantasy rather than with someone I have a relationship with. Guess it goes back to my old college days. As a male, I never needed to develop a relationship before sex. Just wanted someone kind of cute and willing to play. This is the same fantasy when I am dressed in fem mode. The ideal of knowing a man and developing a relationship actually lessens the fantasy. In my case I don't have a real strong urge to ever fulfill the fantasy so it will probably stay just that. But it adds to the excitement when I CD. As I said I am not attracted to men as a male, only when dressed. I am hetero but I guess maybe "bi-curious as a CD". Is that a category ??

[flatlander_48]

Sex with a man is dangerous because he is behind you doing the deed

You realize that men also do the missionary position?

DeeAnn

[Tracii G]

Oh I am aware of that flatlander .

[Traceyjo]

My sexual preferences definitely change when I am dressed. Before I started CDing ing my late 30's I could never imagine having any desire to have a relationship with a man but after a few years I attracted the attention of a guy in the internet and I was very sexually excited by his comments and I readily responded to his cyber desires. The thought of a guy treating me as a woman and wanting sex with me enhanced my feminine feelings immensely. Six years ago I began chatting to another guy and we have had a very loving and sexually exciting relationship online ever since. I find it so fulfilling and it adds considerably to my feelings of being a woman. I'm enjoy looking at pics of athletic naked guys and love compliments from men to my photos.
I'm not at all ashamed or embarrassed by these emotions even though when I'm in normal male mode I couldn't even imagine having sex with a man.

[Sky]

You realize that men also do the missionary position?

DeeAnn

Too bad you can never find the right size pillow. :rofl:

[Krisi]

Claiming that strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig changes one's sexual orientation is absurd. It defies logic. I won't post any more examples because they are too difficult for some people to understand.

[flatlander_48]

K:

Exchange "changes" for "may reveal" and that is what happens. Orientation does NOT change which is why reversion therapy doesn't work. Similarly, in the discussion about The Danish Girl, being presented with the clothes helped to reveal Einar's true gender identity. It didn't change; it was just made accessible.

DeeAnn

[Nikkilovesdresses]

a bunch of our friends decided we should have a "Pirate Party". Everyone came dressed as pirates, yet no one felt compelled to pillage or plunder. They acted normal.

Sounds like a dull party indeed.

[Krisi]

My friends are 50+ years old. There was food and alcohol. And music and dancing. If you make it this far, that's what you can expect.

[BillieAnneJean]

I fantasize about my wife in guy mode and when enfemme. It could mean that I am a lesbian when dressed and a hetero male when in guy. It could also mean that she is just my style. Or all three. But I never fantasize about guys. I prefer to not even look at guys except to look straight in to their eyes.

[ReineD]

I am in the camp that has had similar fantasies when dressed. The idea of being a vulnerable female and being "taken" by a man is something I think about when dressed. When I am in male mode I have no similar thoughts and have no desire to ever even think about having sex with a man.

^ This. This is what I've read in this forum repeatedly over the years, it seems to be a common sentiment.

And so the attraction isn't to males, it is to the idea of being a vulnerable female and being taken by a man (and for some CDers, it is the idea of being a vulnerable female who is taken by a woman adopting a certain role, or being taken by a CDer).

To the OP, you say you have accepted yourself as bisexual. If you can have a relationship with a man regardless of how you are dressed, then I agree with you. But, if the sexual gratification revolves on you being vulnerable and being the sexy woman who makes a man want her, then it's an attraction to yourself as that woman and not an attraction to the man especially if you don't feel this way when you are not dressed.

We have terms that describe who we are sexually. Heterosexual describes a person who is attracted to the opposite sex. Homosexual describes same-sex attraction, bisexual describes an attraction to both, asexual describes a person having no sexual attractions. There is also autosexual which is an attraction, not to others, but to specific situations (using others as props) or to objects. Still none of these are cast in stone, there are overlaps. And all of them are valid sexualities, we all are who we are.



Regardless, the past few years I decided not to be so repressed and explore a little more. Oh well, I'm a perv!

No, you're not a perv. Just celebrate who you are, but be honest with yourself about what fundamentally sources your sexual attraction.

[Princess Ludwyna]

I feel a bit like Mystique, but the difference is I know I'm totally hetero. It's just a fantasy when I'm dressed. Nothing more. It's like I fully embody the feminine character i've created when I'm under my secret identity ;)
But for me crossdressing is a game.

[EllieMayxxx]

People might think that i am just fantasising but i am 19 and single so i want to try both women and men so I know what I like.

[docrobbysherry]

Wow, Reine! When I read this, all the lites came on! That explains perfectly why I have this continuing fantasy, while having zero attraction for any of the often charming men Sherry or I have met online and in person! Thank u!:hugs:

^------------------------------------- But, if the sexual gratification revolves on you being vulnerable and being the sexy woman who makes a man want her, then it's an attraction to yourself as that woman and not an attraction to the man especially if you don't feel this way when you are not dressed.-------------------------------

[Amy Fakley]

:rofl: this again ... it's gotta be second only to "I love me some pantyhose!" in the anthology of cd.com greatest hits.
And just like always, it has provoked a chorus of "well I'm definitely not gay" from the insecure crowd.

Here's a perspective that I've not seen mentioned too often.

A HUGE component of loving someone else, is loving yourself. If you can't do one, you really can't do the other. I think this likely extends beyond just relationships, into the realm of sexuality. If you are not happy with who you are, how you look, your body, etc ... you will find it hard to become aroused, no matter who you are with.

So ... of you're self-medicating your gender dysphoria by crossdressing (i.e. tricking your eyes into perceiving a body that matches the girl you feel like on the inside so that you can feel 'right' for a time) ... is it any wonder that as you begin to find love and acceptance for yourself, that you might also find that block restraining your sexuality has been removed?

And that while we are in this odd state of fantasizing that our body is different than it actually is, that we might also fantasize about partners with equipment compatible with our imagined new bodies?

As others have said ... for many of us, clothes do not change our sexuality, but provide an alternate interface to it.
I don't think it's that big of a deal. As with anything else .... y'know ... dont do things that would hurt someone else (like cheating on your SO), and don't do thehingshings that will affect your health negatively. But don't have a huge freakouts about of you're gay or not ... for goodness sake ... it doesn't matter! You are you, accept and enjoy that, whatever it is!

[reb.femme]

... it has provoked a chorus of "well I'm definitely not gay" from the insecure crowd.

If I state that I'm completely hetero, how is that to infer insecurity? It is a fact for me aged 56. Please don't tell others how they are. How can you possibly know?
This is as narrow-minded a view as I've seen posted in a while.

Becky

[Amy Fakley]

If someone is 100% hetero, that's totally cool, and definitely not a sign of insecurity.

On the other hand, if someone feels need to tell the world about the fact that they are 100% hetero... repeatedly ... in any thread that even hints at the idea that cross gender expression may sometimes also involve homosexual expression ... well, that to me, positively screams insecurity. Maybe that's not the case, but it certainly seems like a reasonable inference. Especially when said posts seem to imply strict labeling.

But hey, that's just my opinion . Everyone on the internet has several, lol.
I don't think 'close minded' is a particularly good description of it, but hey whatever, lol

[tanyagurl76]

Good comment Amy: "You are you. ENJOY it" stop the tags and accept that we all enjoy different experiences. I for one am totally gay when dressed. Not for everyone, but what i choose.

[Laurana]

On the other hand, if someone feels need to tell the world about the fact that they are 100% hetero... repeatedly ... in any thread that even hints at the idea that cross gender expression may sometimes also involve homosexual expression ... well, that to me, positively screams insecurity.

If a question is asked and someone answers it truthfully how is that being insecure?

The question asked is "Do you get turned on by men when dressed?"

Some(myself included) stated quite clearly that No we don't get turned on by men just because we slap on a pair of tits. How is that being insecure if it's the truth?

There was no bashing of anyones feelings or opinions.......or rather there was no bashing from those that said no.

[Pat]

And just like always, it has provoked a chorus of "well I'm definitely not gay" from the insecure crowd.

Wait -- I'm definitely, 100% not gay! I can state that emphatically or sotto voce. I am, however, bisexual and happy about it. So, now where do I fit on the insecure spectrum?

Just saying, as we should have all noticed by now, we're a very diverse crowd. Saying you're not gay doesn't necessarily say you're hetero or hiding or anything beyond the fact that you're not gay.

To the question: yes, I am attracted to men when I'm presenting female. I'm also attracted to them when I'm presenting male. (Maybe I should get a furry costume and see if I'm attracted to them when presenting chipmunk....)

[flatlander_48]

If I state that I'm completely hetero, how is that to infer insecurity? It is a fact for me aged 56. Please don't tell others how they are. How can you possibly know?
This is as narrow-minded a view as I've seen posted in a while.

r.:

Often this is a ""The lady doth protest too much, methinks." kind of moment. By that I mean that the response (denials) are well out of proportion to the original question. That always makes me wonder what the motivation is.

DeeAnn

[Acastina]

My friends are 50+ years old. There was food and alcohol. And music and dancing. If you make it this far, that's what you can expect.

Were they singing pirate songs, you know, in the key of "Arrrr"?:laughing:

[Amy Fakley]

I am truly sorry if anyone feels thrown under the bus by my earlier comments in this thread. That wasn't my intent, but in hindsight, re-reading what I wrote ... I can see how that may have been hurtful to some.

Please accept my apologies ... My only motivation was to say "don't worry so much about the labels, and just be free ... Be yourself, love yourself. It's all good"

-Amy

[Jenniferathome]

How can one provide the right answer?

just like the notion of "denying too harshly" or "protesting too much".

This topic appears too often to even consider any longer. All the same factions have the exact same things to write such that there is no debate to be had. There should be a special forum area for this topic alone given its frequency in appearance and redundancy in comment.

[donnaS]

I agree with Amy. My SO has commented "why don't you just live life" to me many times when I question my existence of how I truly am.

[irene9999]

It's ironic so many crossdressers are getting up in arms about the suggestion of being attracted to men! Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to either gender when dressed, I myself have fantasized about a variety of scenarios and although a night with a man might be interesting to try (at least for me anyway), I'm not really attracted to that as a long term lifestyle

[heatherdress]

This tread probably best demonstrates that the overwhelming commonality we share is difference.

We are so different and unique from one another, there should be no surprise that opinions vary significantly, particularly on serious topics.

What is always disappointing is to see personal attacks which demean others or belittle individuals. This is a website and none of us know the individuals and behaviors we too often judge. I think few us are professionally educated or trained to offer diagnosis, labels, medical opinions or opinions about mental health and normal or abnormal behaviors.

These are our personal opinions and should be recognized and accepted - as opinions. And each of us is entitled to our own opinions.

It is nice to have a thought-provoking thread which does not ask what our favorite color is or when did we first try to use lipstick. But these serious threads often get too serious - and hurt people. This forum should be about support, education and enjoyment. Lighten up.

[Mystique]

To the OP, you say you have accepted yourself as bisexual. If you can have a relationship with a man regardless of how you are dressed, then I agree with you. But, if the sexual gratification revolves on you being vulnerable and being the sexy woman who makes a man want her, then it's an attraction to yourself as that woman and not an attraction to the man especially if you don't feel this way when you are not dressed.



That's exactly how I would describe it. The fantasy doesn't involve a particular man. But instead being taken, dominated, treated like a woman, and the idea of pretending to be a woman in the most extreme sense. I don't really feel the emotional attachment to men anymore than as friends though. In my fantasy it's no mans face in particular but instead just a manly fit strong body.

I go to the gym all the time and sit in the sauna sometimes with very attractive fit men. I don't find myself getting aroused but moreso an appreciation of their body and a general recognition and acceptance that they are indeed attractive.

I have hooked up with another dresser once. TBH I didn't enjoy the experience all that much. Definitely not into anal. Penis sort of gross me out tbh. But I can fantasize about the experience and get off on just playing the role...hard to explain I guess.

I hooked up with one guy at a gay bar in drag when I was out once. I wouldn't let him kiss me but enjoyed taking him to the bathroom to sort of dominate him and make him blow me. I wasn't getting turned on or any rush from it so I just ended it.

Like I said...I'm a perv. And also, don't discount the right man could maybe change my mind from what happened at the bar.

May just leave this one in the fantasy bin based on experience.

[Allison_CD]

I opened the door to a "meet" and he had a grey beard. Oh! tought I.
The feeling of him on top of me and his breard bruching my lips and chin.............
A real man loving me .............

[Melissa in SE Tn]

While so many have shared their fantasies or real life experiences in this matter, for my personal opinion, the thought of being dressed with another man is foreign & repulsive. That is my opinion, with no commentary as to other respective life styles, and an opinion rendered to give some balance to the original question.

[Lorileah]

That's exactly how I would describe it. The fantasy doesn't involve a particular man. But instead being taken, dominated, treated like a woman, and the idea of pretending to be a woman in the most extreme sense. I don't really feel the emotional attachment to men anymore than as friends though. In my fantasy it's no mans face in particular but instead just a manly fit strong body.



:eek: wow....just wow. Is that how one treats a woman? If so, I am staying high and wide of you. Maybe you should look into the life of a "Kajira" I know a few who tried it, many have the scars mentally and physically. Keep it a fantasy, trust me

[gokatiegirl]

Okay, I'm not attracted to men when dressed. However, in male mode I do find selective men attractive and have had encounters with them. I do play with other cross dressers frequently and can say it's much different then playing with a man. Feminine on Feminine is gentle and erotic, man on man is rough and to the point. Cross dresser on man is usually one-way and rough.. not enjoyable to me.

[Mink]

HAVE YOU STOPPED BEATING YOUR WIFE?

How can one provide the right answer?


by saying "I never beat my wife!"

life isn't always yes or no / black & white!

uh!

[ReineD]

:eek: wow....just wow. Is that how one treats a woman?

No, of course not. But the fantasy that Mystique describes certainly is a common one here among CDers. Lori, you're read just as many posts as I have over the years ... wanting to feel vulnerable and wanting to be dominated is pretty high on the fantasy list.

[AmandaM]

What Reine speaks of is on point. It's the total fantasy of it. Like looking at the cover of a Romance novel. Some CDers want to be the girl, they want to be the beautiful woman in the arms of the strong, handsome, and romantic man. Not just romance. It's the total fantasy of being her. It's also about seeing the great looking women shopping, at the beach, doing anything and wanting to be them. And you can almost delude yourself into thinking that this overwhelming desire to be them means you are transsexual. All in all, it seems to be a serious fantasy, a fetish, or maybe even a mental condition similar to OCD. I have it, and that's how I view it.

[Krisi]

"being taken, dominated, treated like a woman, ..................... "

Unfortunately, this attitude is far too common on this forum. Hopefully, it's just immaturity that people will grow out of but it's a pretty sick attitude even in a fantasy.

Does anybody think it would be fun to be forced to allow a man to penetrate your ...............? To suck your .......... ? To be told what to do and when to do it? That's essentially slavery.

I won't say sex has to b about love or procreation, as long as it's fun for both parties and isn't hurting anyone, that's fine. It's wrong though when one person forces themself on the other.

We are well into the age where women are considered "people" and equal in status to men. For anyone who doesn't understand this, it's time to grow up or get some help.

[Laurana]

"being taken, dominated, .. "
That's essentially slavery.



Another word would be rape.

[Katey888]

Stop being numpties!

Nobody has suggested that an innocent party is actually forced to do anything they don't want to - this is someone describing a FANTASY that they themselves might participate in CONSENSUALLY. There are no laws in our jurisdictions against what people are allowed to fantasize nor indulge in with other parties if everyone is a consenting adult, no matter how much some of you might prefer that to be the case.

Fantasies of this type may not be common but they are documented widely amongst females and if some of you actually had the capacity to think or read beyond your boundaries you would realise that your world is not the world.

In retrospect this thread has been derailed enough already and is becoming far too judgmental of minorities here. I'm sure we'll have similar nonsense in the future but enough of this for now.

It's done.

Katey
Moderator