feeling like it's more

[Sexy_Stephanie]

I have been crossdressing since I was 12 and I have always thought of it as a fetish. Recently when I was cross dressing with makeup on I was looking in the mirror and all I felt was a sense of rightness and happiness. Recently whenever I look in the mirror whether I'm dressing or not all I can see is a girl begging to be let out. Its all I think about all day when I'm at work is how I just want to go home and get changed already. It is just really hard because I dont want to have to deal with all of the negative ramifications of coming out of the closet as a transgender, but it is eating me up inside knowing that I cant be the person that I know I am.

[Beverley Sims]

Stephanie,
Have patience, we have all had these feeling at somtime, some more than others.
If you feel strongly about your thoughts time will help with your thoughts as will certain situations that will arise.

At your age when the girl is made up she shines through prominently.

[MarciManseau]

Just enjoy the pretty girl in the mirror as often as you can. In a few weeks your desire to dress up may be a lot different. Relax, smile and enjoy the wonderful clothes and undies :)

[Robin414]

You're not alone Stephanie! I don't have any advice other than to say try to stay focussed...Electrical Engineering is a tough bit to deal with in itself!

[EllieMayxxx]

Hi Stephanie, I felt the same way as you, I don't own any makeup but i used an app that you can add makeup to a picture, (my avitar), when I saw myself with makeup on I felt so happy too. It was like a release of weight off of my chest, that is the best way i can describe it. A few weeks have passed now and I still feel good about myself but the rush has worn a little.

[hope springs]

Im in the same boat. Id lose everything if I transitioned. So i dress and luckily have a tolerant wife. Im not happy in my own male skin, but realized it too late in life. Too much denial and shutting emotions down. Point it gender dysphoria is rough, and I feel for you girl. Most of us have well established lives as guys, trying to be anything else brings down our house of cards.
Thats why transitioning is hella brave... Your giving up everything to be yourself.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Please believe that it will eat at you for the rest of your life ! All I can say is get to know yourself as soon as you can be honest with yourself and it will become easier. The World does not come to an end people have their own problems not to over concern themselves about you.
I say this in hindsight and possibly now regret I didn't do it myself sooner !

[Rachael Leigh]

Stephanie yes I can relate it's been happening to me lately as well. I see me more as a girl more often then I ever thought I would and it kinda scares me but it happens

[pamela7]

Stephanie, listen to that girl and let her loose, you live this life to live it, not to deny your true beingness.

[Katey888]

Stephanie, I'm sure I've read similar words of similar feelings on these pages many, many times in the past couple years... :hugs:

If the feeling remains strong and continues over time, perhaps the time would be right to seek professional help and speak to a counsellor - it could help to settle your uncertainty one way or another... :)

Katey x

[Sexy_Stephanie]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm just just going to keep doing what I'm doing. just too many feels :/

[kittie60]

Just stay focused on your job and let Stephanie out when you can and then in time you will definitely know what you want. Enjoy being Stephanie when you can and after awhile it will all come together for you. Good luck to you.

[Marcelle]

Hi Stephanie,

This seems to be a common theme for many who post on this side. IMHO, the salient point is . . . How emotionally crippling is it to you to hide Stephanie from the world? Is this just a longing to dress more, express yourself more or is it an emotional void/black hole that you cannot be who you need to be? If it is just about dressing a bit more or expressing that side then my advice is to do so when you can. I am not sure of your personal circumstances (i.e., married/not married) but if you have some latitude to dress when you get home or if you are so inclined to go out dressed then this might help take the edge off. However if this is more about a sense of loss of identity (not being a woman) then I agree with Katey, find a good gender identity therapist and have these discussions with a trained professional. They won't give you the silver bullet answer (i.e., you are or are not TS) but they should help bring order to chaos and allow you to self discover where you truly fall on the TG spectrum. It is a lengthy process but well worth the time if you are having serious identity issues.

You are right, there is not need to out yourself to the world if it is just about dressing and feeling good. However, if it is more then it is likely to become a necessity at some point and you will need to jump into the abyss because emotionally you won't be able to cope in day to day life . . . hence the reasoning behind the suggestion to see a therapist if it is that extreme. :)

Cheers

Marcelle

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stephanie:hugs:, It sounds like a good dose of Pink Fog has overcome you,

Just enjoy having the best of both worlds. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Krisi]

The fact that you enjoy dressing as a female does not make you "transgender". There's a lot more to it than that. You might try asking in the transsexual section for advice.

Of course it this persists then you should probably seek professional advice. Folks here can only speak of our own experiences and we may be too involved to be rational.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I was looking in the mirror and all I felt was a sense of rightness and happiness.

There are people who live their entire lives without feeling that.

Clearly you are on the right track.