Here's my first question

[Bruce64]

I have been trying to get some Female clothing on line and it's not working right, mostly wrong sizes, I want to go to a store and shop, problem is I am male and I get very nervous in the Female sections, and to cash it out is highly impossible, I know there are others who have done this kind of buying the opposite sex clothing and have suceeded I tried to buy a few times but couldn't, any positive feedback would be great.

[Jenniferathome]

The stores want your money. They don't care if you're a cross dresser or buying for a wife. Green is all they see

[donnaS]

Jennifer is right.
I get some stuff from Walmart.
Cheap and its gives me more ideas for
The expensive stuff.
Plus, nobody pay any attention to you at Walmart.

[Riley57]

I do not know if this helpful but my local Lane Bryant encouraged me to use their dressing room. My wife used one and I used another

[Melissa73]

1st, welcome to the "club'.... we have all been there! 2) i have found in the beginning, thrift stores are best to get clothes at first. They are cheap.... and u can guess at sizes. (if it dont fit, u spent 1-2 Dollars, vs $10-20 on an outfit!......As u shop, pay attention to actual sizes. IF u buy a size 13 dress example, and its tight next try a 14 or 15..... and adjust as needed!

BUt trying is the best part anyways..... get to pick ur style and wear different clothes :D

[Alyssa]

Personally I just gather up all my courage and block out any negativity in my mind, and i fill my head with thoughts on how cute I'll look with the clothes I bought!

[Barbara Jo]

If you go to a "big box" chain type store, their job is to serve the customer.
If you go to a private boutique, they are glad to have your business.

If you act like you are doing something wrong, people will think you are.

However if you act with confidence, they will think nothing of you purchasing female clothes.
In fact, they will often just assume that they are for a female in your life and you must be very secure in your manhood to be doing so.

[docrobbysherry]

Bruce, no matter where I shop? I rarely ever try anything on in the store. I take a small tape measure with me and measure the chest and sometimes the shouldefrs of items I buy to see if they'll fit.

Of course, I still mite not like the way a piece looks or hangs on me. Expensive things I return. Thrift store items I just drop off next time I'm there!:heehee:

[Robin414]

Hi Bruce and welcome to the forum! My first time was online from Long Tall Sally (pretty good size charts on the web site) and I chose 'in store pick up', great way to ease into it and pretty sure there's a LTS in T.O. 😉

That was a little over a year ago, went in en drab but confidence builds, I still get a little nerved out shopping there after about 7 trips but now I go en 'tween', skinny jeans, boots, light makeup and find if I go first thing in the morning during the week it's pretty easy. Many times the SA even asks if I'd like to try it on ☺

[heatherdress]

Try Amazon. It is safe. You can order items and have them delivered inconspicuously to your home. And if they don't fit or if you don't like them, you can easily return them.

[CourtneyJamieson]

Welcome to the website Bruce64. Hopefully we can give you some good suggestions and help you out. I have been into big box stores, department stores, and boutique stores shopping for female items for my SO. I guess I was never self-conscious when shopping in the women's section because I was a man shopping for my wife. Never felt out of place. Even when 20-something VS sales agents asked if they could help. I usually said no, that I was just looking. Then when I went to the same stores to shop for clothes and lingerie for myself I was never nervous or self-conscious. I had done it before so it was no big deal other than I was looking for stuff that would look good on me rather than things that looked good on my SO.

First go to Walmart. Nobody notices you anywhere in that store. I recently went in my drab attire and picked out some fem clothes. I threw in some men's jeans and tops and asked to use the fitting rooms. No glances. No questions. I spent my time and tried on the Fem clothes to get the right fit. Walked out with my Men's clothes on top and didn't get a second glance. I knew I then had some Fem clothes in hand that I liked and that fit. I would have had no problem going to a checkout counter but if that bothers you then most Walmarts have self-check counters where you wouldn't even have to pass by a SA.

I recently went to the mall dressed in all Fem attire. I went into Sears which is a great place to shop. No sales agents roam the floors. I spent over an hour in the women's department looking at dresses, skirts, coats. I finally found a dress I really liked but wasn't sure of the size. I picked a size 12 (which I thought was right) and marched right into the unmanned women's fitting rooms. Tried the dress on to confirm it was the right fit. Walked out and nobody was even around to notice. The only dicey part is that if you find something you want to purchase you will have to check-out with a SA. My experience was wonderful. Even though she knew I was a male, based on my voice and cc name, she made no mention and treated me will respect. I think you will find most SA will be the same as they want your $$$ and their commission. My advice is to get the courage up to browse the isles until you become comfortable. (Remember you could just be a man buying for his SO). Then get up the nerve to buy something in drab and pay for it in front of a SA. Eventually you will WANT to try buying something in Fem and trying it on in a department store. Just one step at a time. Believe me, they will take your money and probably not bat an eye.

As for shopping at VS to buy some awesome lingerie dressed in Fem.....that is still a goal out there for me to attempt some day. Not quite there yet but hopefully eventually. Happy Shopping !!

[Just4me]

Welcome bruce. if you got a Ross near you they don't bat an eye at you trying things on in the dressing room I travel alot and have been in more Ross stores than anyone should ever admit to. oh and I shop in drab

[Gina Torres]

I went shopping once dressed completely male except my nails were painted blue. When i went to the check out the cashier asked me how old my daughter was. I was confused for a second then started laughing and told her I don't have a daughter. Point is no one will know unless you tell them.

+1 on the thrift stores. Most of my stuff is from there, i love it when all clothes are 50% off.

[ShelbyDawn]

Welcome Bruce. You are right were just about everybody on this forum was at one point or another. Shopping on line is tough no matter what you are shopping for. I Love Woman Within and find their sizing pretty consistent and they have a great return policy as well as some really cute stuff at reasonable prices(OK, commercial is over) :)
Before I could actually trust the size I was ordering, I went to the Lane Bryant by my house close to closing time(at the recommendation of one of the ladies on this forum) and had the clerk 'size' me. She fit me for a bra and gave me a size range to work with. The sizes are different for tops and bottoms. My tops are size 18 and my bottoms are a 14. I don't do full length dresses because they just don't fit right.
I ordered a few things in the size I thought would work from Woman Within and got lucky the first time.

When I finally got to the point that I was ready to go out in public fully dressed, I rewarded the clerk at the Lane Bryant by purchasing my outfits for the big day from her. I stopped by the store after I was ready to go and I think she was as excited as I was.

Moral of this ramble is, relax, as many have already mentioned, the sales clerk just wants your money and many of them, especially at some of the plus size stores like Lane Bryant are very accustomed to "us." and are more than willing to help.
I think they know that if they make us feel comfortable, we will be good customers. The clerk at Lane Bryant still calls me by name when I stop by for something new. :)

[Kevyn53]

Welcome Bruce. Two words, thrift stores. And like the others posted, all they care about is your green.

[Charlyne]

Hi Bruce, I suggest going to a "secondary" thrift store. One of those that represent a local animal group or something like that. You might find the nerve (excitement) to try something on. Tell the clerk you are buying for your sister and you are about the same size.

[Melissa B]

I agree with all the other girls who've posted. Thrift shops work well for me for shoes. I find that my local Good Wills have many new items sent to them from big box stores like Target.

They too, Target, have sections in the back of the womens area with the markdowns of new items, 30%, 50%, 70%. Great item are found mostly on Tuesday and Wednesday, thats when they mark down the women's clothes.

I'M trying my best to shop more in fem. I did a few times over the holidays but did not go through with the purchase to a SA. But I plan to get there eventually.

Happy hunting.

Melissa

[sara.rafaela]

I think all the girls have said it all, but I have a tip. Back when I used to be nervous, I would take out my cell phone and call someone. The added distraction of the phone call made it hard to be nervous. Truly, no one cares what you are looking at. Most if not all of the sales ladies will be very helpful. My favorite stores are Ann Taylor, MAC, Macys, and Nordstrom. Once you get a few garments that fit you will be able to better understand the sizing and be more successful on line. Macys and Nordstom even have an app on their web site that helps fit you based on previously purchased garments.

[susan54]

Hi. I can only speak for the UK. If I am dressed as a man I would always ask before trying on just in case someone complains and it is VERY rare to be refused even in small high-end female-only boutiques. Sizes can vary within a single shop, and they can also change over time - I always used to take a 14 in Phase Eight and now usually a 16 - but my old dresses from there still fit. I have favourite shops where they know me and are really nice to me no matter how I am dressed. Confidence (easy to say) and a smile open all sorts of doors including the fitting room. The first few times are the worst - there is only a small chance you will get a negative reaction and if you do just go somewhere else - don't be put off. Shops like LTS now regard men shopping for themselves as normal. Good luck.

[Krisi]

Yes, it's nerve wracking the first time you shop for female clothes in a store and it's even harder to walk through the checkout line and pay for them.

The best thing to do is just run through your mind before hand what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. Do this several times so you have a plan.

Now - Just go and do it. It's a bit like jumping into a swimming pool when the water is cool. You can't sneak up on it, just jump in.

It can be easier if the store has self checkout lanes and it can be easier if you mix some generic or male items in with your women's clothes.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Bruce64,

Take the plunge. Go to a department store near closing or bright and early once they have just opened. Find a sales representative that your comfortable speaking with or bring your wife / girlfriend. Be open and truthful and assertive. I was the same way. Shy and not willing to ask questions resulting in a lot of wasted purchases and disappointment. Wasn't until I was in my favorite lingerie shop that I was asked, "is this for you or your wife" (she shops there too). I just blurted it out, "it's for me", since then she has helped me out a lot. But I don't go when they are really busy, and when other customers come in I conclude my business and leave. I have been caught coming out of the dressing room, and purchasing items. It will happen. I just had to tell myself, "who are they? And why would they be bothered with me?"...

Department stores can be tricky because they seem to always be busy. Know your size if you don't wish to spend a lot of time in there. Or ask them to measure you. They are there to sell a product, the last thing they want to hear is you asking to see their manager because they don't wish to sell merchandise. "I am woman hear me roar", you can do it, go to Goodwill or a small outlet store near closing. They are more supportive than you think.

@--}----
Michelle

[nikki2014]

Welcome Bruce. Walmart is the place to go. It's a great cover up. Go buy what you want and what you think might fit. If you're that scared to buy the clothes alone try these few things. 1 - Go grocery shopping. Buy the things you need to fill the fridge and pantry. Then throw a few clothes in the basket. The checker will check things so fast they won't even care. Plus your stuff is all thrown in the basket and they won't care or thing twice. Do this with make up too. 2 - If you don't want to fill a cart full of groceries and just want the clothes, go get the clothes you want and get a happy birthday card for your wife (even if you don't have one). You might get this look from the checker as if "this guy is lame". You're a guy, you're supposed to buy lame gifts. Hahahaha. 3 - As another said go to Ross. I go there all the time and buy for myself. I look as long as I want and get what I want. Then when I'm ready I go check out. To break the ice with the checker I always ask how their day is going and if they've been busy. It takes their mind off what you're buying. Make short talk with them. Hope this helps cause it's helped me a lot. Cheers, Nikki.

[Beverley Sims]

As said before, diversification works well, a bit of this, a bit of that, a pair of bras and a pair of panties, once you get the drift you will get used to it.

real easy that way, go for it.

[Teresa]

Bruce,
Are you guessing your size or have you worked it out ?
If you have trouble with on line with dresses you might find it easier to choose skirts and tops.

[flatlander_48]

B6:

Welcome! As they used to say at the Olive Garden restaurants: "When you're here, you're family!".

I would be very careful on Amazon, and places that sell off new items like Sierra Trading, Overstock, etc. Reason being that it isn't unusual for them to not have the accurate sizing data from the manufacturer. Instead they will put up a generic sizing chart and it becomes a crap shoot after that. As we all know, there is great variance in the sizing of women's clothes. On top of that, items may change as a function of fit. Depending upon how an item is designed, it can be intentionally tight, form fitting, slim, regular, loose or oversized.

Thrift Stores: I frequent a chain of thrift stores called SAVERS. They are in the US, Canada and Australia, although they are under different names such as Value Village, UNIQUE and Village de Valors (or something like that in french speaking Canada). Their claim to fame is that they partner with local charities where their stores are. Anyway, the thing about thrift stores is that you will rarely be approached by store personnel. That's not their job function as compared to personnel in department stores. I've shopped for DeeAnn as DeeAnn and as Don. As Don, I usually give female shoppers some extra space. Logic being that I try to avoid putting people in unpredictable situations. You just never know when someone is going to claim righteous indignation. As DeeAnn, I'm any other female shopper. Also, for the ones I've been in, the fitting rooms are all together and not gender specific.

Online Vintage and Used Clothing Stores: The thing that is helpful about these shops is that they understand how sizes change from period to period and manufacturer to manufacturer. Therefore they measure the items that they sell and post it in the descriptions. So, matching the items with what your measurements are (or would be with bra, forms, padded panties or whatever) is greatly simplified.

DeeAnn

[Saikotsu]

First off, if you look or act nervous, people will pick up on it. Walk in like you belong there. It's just clothing after all. If people give you hassle, just tell them a white lie like, "I lost a bet" or "I'm getting it for my girlfriend." Most people won't bother you though. Some might, and some might be aggressive about it, so be careful.

I actually did something extreme to conquer my fear (for the most part)
I had come from a counseling session at my local gender identity center, and I had gone there dressed. When I left, I dressed back as a guy, but for some reason, I decided to keep my forms. (i figured I could put my coat on over them). On my way home I decided I was going to go get some women's cargo pants. I was feeling extra brave after the session, so I figured I might as well go for it. So I stop by a target and sit there in the parking lot for about 45 minutes, working up the courage.

Sure, I could have put my coat on and walked right in, but I wanted to conquer my fear that day. I finally worked up the courage and walked in. It was close to closing, so very few people were shopping. I strode right into the womens department and picked out a pair of Capris(couldn't find cargo pants :\) and I tried them on in the dressing room. I then proceeded to check out and paid for them. When I got back to my car, I allowed myself to breathe. After that little stunt, going in and buying women's clothes while dressed as a man didn't seem like such a big deal.

In fact, I've gotten to the point where I can walk into a specialty bra store and pick out a bra for myself. I even had one fitted a while back...I need to find that bra.

Keep in mind, my little stunt was rather risky. But really, the best advice I can give you for facing your fear is just do it. It gets easier each time you do it. The first time is tough. But just take a deep breath, stay calm, and go for it. If it helps, do it at a store farther from home. Where no one knows you. After all, you'll probably never see those customers ever again and if you do, they probably won't remember you.

[sara.rafaela]

I actually did something extreme to conquer my fear (for the most part)

I did something similar, but not like you. I spent a couple of days out of town and had a chance to dress. When my last morning came, I did not want it to end. Before checking out of the hotel I put together a little outfit. Skinny pants, rust colored. Dark blue 3/4 sleeve sweater, and purple Mary Janes with a short block heel. Everything else was guy mode. I thought the look was kind of metro. I had to go take a drive to visit family so I could not really dress up. I walked right through the lobby of the hotel, to my car, packed up, then went to the deli to get a breakfast sandwich and coffee for the road. No one paid me any attention. When I got to my parent's home, I simply swapped the Mary Janes for my running shoes, and slipped my puffy men's jacket over the sweater and no one could tell the difference.

[Rachael Leigh]

Fear in this area is real and if you start slow like some say by going to Walmart using self checkout is a start. Then maybe go to the stores that don't monitor dressing rooms and try on things, you can always take male stuff in as cover.
It's hard to get past fear but trying on will help knowing sizes in your online buying too
Good luck to you
Leigh

[Tracii G]

Welcome Bruce,
We have all been there so we do understand how hard it can be.
The thing that pops out to me here is the fact you haven't totally accepted this is who you are so maybe you should work on that first.
Stores don't have a problem with you shopping in the womens section its you.
The stores don't care what you buy they really don't.

[JaimeCD]

Hi Bruce;
I can relate to clothes not fitting. I was buying them in the store and guessing whether they'd fit or not and then have to deal with returning almost everything. Last month, I guess I manned up and started trying things on, right now my shopping for clothes is limited to Walmart and Target (trying to loose weight and don't want to buy things that won't fit in a couple of months). Not sure about where you are at but in Northern VA it seems both Target and Walmart have all the dressing areas in the ladies section so it is a little less obvious. No one has said anything to me and when I am shopping I am just a husband buying clothes for his wife.

[I Am Paula]

Remember- you will always be the LEAST strange person in WalMart.

[gokatiegirl]

Remember- you will always be the LEAST strange person in WalMart.

How true is this! :) I buy panties there

I only buy my clothes from t-girl shops. Their dresses are tailored for a mans body and when clothes fit that nice.. you come across as genuine. In fact, I cannot find any clothes in regular shops that fit my body good enough to go out in. More money? Yes but worth every penny. However, you need to be slim to wear those types of dresses I'm 6-1 and 165 lbs. I'm not sure what success others would have with a different body type.

[Andrea2656]

If you have access to an outlet mall it is a good place to shop. The prices are okay and the selection is vast. Shopping at a GAP or Banana Republic outlet store is pretty easy since you can pick up a "male item" and take it with you into the coed dressing rooms along with any women's clothing you want to try on. I realize that many will scoff at this and simply say get over your reluctance and shop. However, it is not a bad way to start shopping for women's clothes. You will eventually build up enough confidence to shop anywhere. The other day I wanted a camisole and went into the Bali store and picked it out and tried it on. There was no "men's clothing" coverage option!

[Riley57]

Love the Walmart joke. As they say, it's funny because it's true

[Sarah-RT]

I remember my first few trips, the fear, the terror but it goes away in time, especially when you know what correct size you are since it makes shopping easier.

I think paying for it is easier because staff are so uninterested they don't bat an eye. It's the customers that get me panicked but you learn to phase that out.

Recently I went into the city to spend some Christmas money, the first shop I was nervous but by the 3rd one I was browsing the rails, checking out the materials because I was spending MY money on clothes for ME so everyone else could think what they like.

I bought a charm for a bracelet in a jewellery shop but they didn't have the one I went in for and when I asked I felt stumped because I didn't want to say "let me see what else you have" so I just said "I better send a text" as in I'll see what else the significant other wants ( who may not exist). Easily deflects paranoid suspicion

[Bruce64]

Thank you all for the responses, well I have been trying to buy some of the fem items when I shop my mens clothes, sometimes I just enjoyed going through the women section and obsessively looking and searching for somethings I like wearing like panties , bra, slips, pantyhose and lots of times I get the sizes right and mostly they dont fit, too tight, too loose, things like that. I am getting braver and going say Sears and buying lipstick and jewellery and I am wondering how far would I go . I love dressing up in the comfort of my own home at first then I took it to another level and would wear female underweat to work and going overseas and walking down the streets in Toronto, I guess no one would know what I am wearing underneath, recently I start wearing skirts and bras at home and feel like this is the best thing I have ever wear especially a bra, I would not take it off I slept in it, guess I would stop there for now... you know where I am going. I however am not gay and I am attracted only to women, this is a kinda mix feelings but I love to crossdress if that's what it is called.

- - - Updated - - -

Interesting

Welcome Bruce,
We have all been there so we do understand how hard it can be.
The thing that pops out to me here is the fact you haven't totally accepted this is who you are so maybe you should work on that first.
Stores don't have a problem with you shopping in the womens section its you.
The stores don't care what you buy they really don't.

- - - Updated - - -

I have accepted that I wear womens undergarments, the things is I do not want others to know about it, I do not display my fashion and who would know what exactly i am wearing under my pants.

[Helen_Highwater]

Bruce,

Welcome, Hope you find what you're looking for.

My 2 pen'eth worth.

As a male it's very likely that your top half is a different size to your bottom half when it comes to femme sizes. Me, UK 18 top, 16 bottom. Hence I shop online and differentiate depending upon what it is I'm buying. My top tip is to pick one, possibly 2 online retailers that sell stuff that is suitable for your age, use their sizing guide to get at least in the ball park and buy a dress or blouse in whatever size to test the top fitting and ditto for the lower half with a skirt. While there will be some size differences most retailers tend to be fairly standard in their sizing. If something you ordered doesn't fit, send it back as most provide free returns. Alternatively order 2 or 3 of the same item in different sizes and send back the 2 that don't fit free. Once you find what your sizes are it should be the case that most items regardless of retailer will fit. Yep there will be exceptions to this but that's the same for GG's.

What you then have to appreciate is as a male your shape is different from that of a GG and this is never more evident than in skirts. What fits in the waist will usually hang like a sack over the hips. GG's have bigger hip to waist ratio which is why many of use use hip and bum padding to correctly fill out women's jeans and skirts. Check out the many posts regarding hip and bum padding.

So I would say, stop using a scatter gun approach, pick a retailer, (or 2), zero in on your general size and work from there. Also look for online retailers that have "Tall" options, if you're above 5'10". These will fit better, surprise, surprise!

Best of fortunes in your shopping.

Helen

[JaimeCD]

So true!

[Tracii G]

Wear whatever makes you happy.
The one comment you made about not being gay is where your fear of shopping in the womens section may come from.
Do you feel if you are seen in the womens section looking at clothes that other shoppers or store people will assume you are gay?
Over 90% of crossdressers are straight males and usually married with children.
Just because you enjoy wearing the clothes does not in anyway change your sexual preference and we understand that here.

[paulaprimo]

valentine's day is coming... always a good time to shop!! :)

[Helena J]

Once when i bought some female clothes in male mode the cashier called me ma'am out of habit felt good actually :o she qiekly corected her self and we both laughed - i was extremely nervous buying it all my haert was pounding really hard it was shaking my whole body with every beat felt like i was going to pass out - but when it was all over and done with i felt really proud of my self for doing it

[Bruce64]

I will be brave, going Sears in Promenade Mall this Saturday, usually I look around get a few items, put it in a basket and then put it back, this time I will cash it out, thanks for the encouragement.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bruce:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are you are home.
what ever question you have it's 99.97% possible that one or more members will have an answer for you.

RE: Shopping, No one really cares don't act nervous and another thing that will help you is don't make eye contact
with other shoppers. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Tracii G]

Have a great trip to the mall and have fun.

[Bruce64]

I will, thanks for advice

[Jenny22]

Hello, Bruce. in drab, just do it. Shop like everyone else does. You may get a few looking at you, but so what! Look back at them and smile. I always shop in drab, dresses, bras, panties, shoes and anything else feminine that I fancy. I often hold something up to really look at it, admire it, and have even asked women what they think, or does a panty match a bra sufficiently, color-wise. Really, its fun, and I have never had an embarassing moment in all my shopping years.
OX
Jenny 22

[Bruce64]

I did go to the Lingerie store I looked and looked, I did see a Bra that I would like to get , they didnt had the colour I'd like so I will go to another store Tomorrow, It's much easier than I thought it would be, without all you great ladies here I could not have done it, Thanks.

[flatlander_48]

B6:

Fear is an important tool in Human Life. When it works correctly, it can keep us from doing clearly stupid and injurious things. However, it can also act to limit us when we know that there is something that we must do, but we allow the Fear to paralyze us into inactivity.

So, what you did yesterday was to realize your Fears, but not pretend that they don't exist. Use that Fear to drive you to understand what the real nature of the situation is and figure out how to deal with it.

DeeAnn

[Claire Cook]

Like others have said, there is a real learning curve here. First for me was just getting up the nerve to buy female stuff, Then there is the issue of women's sizes that make little sense (I have a size 8 dress and a size 14, and they both fit!). My final solution: shop dressed with all the padding in place and try things on, just like other women do. (Even a $3 top at Good Will is money lost if it doesn't fit...) Added plus: some of the SA's now know me, and have suggestions about what will work.

It's a bit daunting at first, but at the end the ride is worth it!

[Bruce64]

I took the big plunge and got a few items, was much earier than I thought, thanks to all the Girls here, guess I would have to go get that bra fitting and a make up next.

[jjjjohanne]

My first purchase, pantyhose with a small basket full of unwanted groceries.
My first try on: I had asked a saleslady in the store about some specific women's clothes. Then I asked, do you allow men to try them on? She said, "Oh, yes, come on." She set me up with a room and she and another SA brought me other things to try on.
I have shopped in Walmart as a man and taken clothes into the dressing room. These days, their security is better. The clerk will ask to see what you are taking in. Also, Walmart and many other stores have cameras behind the mirrors in the dressing rooms.
Thrift stores have unattended dressing rooms. But, the clothes are cast off items. I no longer find anything that I want there.
Clothing shops like Cato and Dressbarn are pricey, but they have nicer clothes. The clerks are normally trained and very understanding. They will bring other outfits to the dressing room.
Big department stores train their employees about crossdressers, I think.
Consignment shops are good. Those are clothes that are good enough for the owner to try to get something for them.

My best experience has been to buy something that I like and then pay to have it modified to fit MY body. But, then you have to out yourself to a seamstress...

One particularly fun memory: In a consignment shop, I was holding a dress that I wanted to try on. Someone was in the only dressing room. I was browsing the racks. The owner, a stranger to me, walked past me and whispered to me as she passed, "You can try that on if you would like."

[Nine]

When I was searching a dress to offer to my wife, I had no fear.
The first time I did it for me, fear is come...
Now I just think that I want to give me pleasure...and I like shopping so much...
My great regret...I am not able to go to dressing area for woman...

[Bruce64]

One observation I made today is Women clothes are way more expensive than Men, makes me wonder.

[CallmeAlice]

Lucky for me I have an accepting girlfriend who will buy clothes for me, go to the mall pick something out and she'll buy it. But I know many others dont have this luxury, I've gotten away with the excuse "I'm getting this for my girlfriend/ wife for her birthday (or Christmas)." Every time no one said anything other than, she'll like this or this is pretty.

[Bruce64]

I did called a Store Today to get some info on a Bra I would like to purchase, they invited me for a Bra Fitting, my knees are knocking.

[Alice_2014_B]

As many have said already, stores want your money.
I've taken dresses and skirts into dressing rooms, but they're tucked under men's trousers that I never intend to try on.
Sometimes I also make sure I have my wedding ring on when I purchase high heels, dresses, and skirts.
:)

[sometimes_miss]

Not sure how I missed this thread the first time around; probably because I don't buy at stores much, because they simply don't have anything I would like, that's available in my size. But that's not why I'm posting.

If you do order on the web, or mail order, there are certain companies that, if there's a delay in shipping or something is out of stock, will send you a POST CARD telling you
DEAR BRUCE, YOU'RE:

SIZE 8 PANTIES

ARE CURRENTLY BACKORDERED AND WILL BE SHIPPED AS OF FEBRUARY 25TH. IF THIS IS OK WITH YOU AND YOU STILL WANT YOUR:

SIZE 8 PANTIES

PLEASE CALL 800 123 4567 TO CONFIRM OR CANCEL.

Of course, this post card is readable by anyone, and does not come in an envelope of any kind.

So essentially you may be automatically outed to the mailman and anyone who might accidently get your mail by mistake. The companies that have done this to me are 1. Hanes, 2. Hanes subsidiary 'Just My Size', 3. National Slip, aka 'shopnational.com'.

This is why I have a mail box at the local UPS store. No accidental mail errors or deliveries of fem things dropped off to my neighbors.

[Dakota1981]

Welcome Bruce. When you go to a store like Walmart for example, in my experience almost no one cares what you're buying. If it's female clothes, the cashiers normally think that there is a woman in your life that you're buying for. Really the worry is all in our head cause it's a foreign concept. People in big stores are normally too busy worried about what they are doing to focus on someone else unless they look creepy and may cause a problem.

The confidence will come given a couple tries. It did for me. I noticed quickly that very few people if any cared what I was doing while shopping.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've done the thrift store thing, but there are two disadvantages for a newby shopper.

1. It takes a lot of looking to find something you like in your size. Sorting thru racks takes time, and fear builds up the more time it takes.
2. You'll probably have o wait in line for a dressing room, with girl clothes in your hands. Again, fear builds as time goes on.

I've shopped a lot of places en homme and en femme, alone and with friends.

Go to a Dress Barn. Not only are they trained to serve, but, IMHO, they're alo rained to serve men.

I've been in many different Dress Barns in both modes and have always been treated well.

Ask for help, admit it's for you, ask to try it on, be confident (or at least not creepy) and it will all work out fine.

[mechamoose]

Maybe this will help?

Conversion chart (http://www.lauras-playground.com/size_chart.htm)

The SAs won't care. It is just another SKU to run through the register. Don't expect judgement. It won't happen.

- MM

[SharonDenise]

I've gotten to the point where I can shop at my local Dress Barn with only being slightly nervous. I shop en drab but ask the SA's if I can try their merchandise on. The SA's are happy to accommodate me. My 70th birthday is coming up soon. I'm toying with the idea of going to a major department store like Macy's or Nordstrom's and using their personal shopper service. I would also use their make-over service. At 70, how many more birthdays do i have left?

[shawnsheila]

Melissa is right,
We have all been there (scary,exciting nervousness... we think everyone is watching us) Start cheap at a thrift store and Payless shoes has some great shoes AND is very CD friendly.

Most of the stores I have been too (Target, Marshals, TJ Maxx, etc) either almost no one cares or, more than likely, they will be very helpful. I have had one occasion where I was buying lingerie and a teen clerk at Khols made a face and made an uncomfortable giggle about it but other that it being kinda rude, it didn't really bother me that much. After many shopping trips I just by what I want to by and it is no big deal now :)

[flatlander_48]

1. It takes a lot of looking to find something you like in your size. Sorting thru racks takes time, and fear builds up the more time it takes.

The Goodwill and Salvation Army stores that I've been in group items by color. Size is irrelevant to them. Once I found out that this seems to be the only way that they work, I avoid them. And I agree; that is time consuming. Therefore, I shop at SAVERS as they do group by size and item type. In that sense, it's no more taxing than shopping in a regular store. I've shopped at SAVERS in Rochester NY, Toledo OH, Las Cruces NM and Phoenix AZ. They are all laid out in essentially the same way.

Store Listing: http://assets.savers.com/images/SaversFamilyofThriftLocations_111515.pdf

Actually, for me, the anxiety works in reverse. The longer I stay, the more relaxed I become.


2. You'll probably have o wait in line for a dressing room, with girl clothes in your hands. Again, fear builds as time goes on.

That's more a function of timing and can also happen at department stores during really attractive sales.

[renae.lake]

I' too, am a very nervous shopper. I'm not so worried about the SAs as much as the other customers, which I haven't seen mentioned in this thread. When I do work up the nerve to shop (always in guy mode, usually with the help of some Ativan), I avoid any area in the store where anyone else is, which sometimes has me circling a location until the other person moves on, or leaving the aisle I'm in as soon as someone else approaches. For budgetary reasons (and because I'm even more intimidated by a real clothing store), I stick to thrift stores (Savers!) for clothes. Even though I don't have a problem taking a bunch of women's clothes into the dressing room, I always feel rushed to buy the first thing that kind of fits, often ending up with garments that don't really fit once I get them home, or have stains, tears, etc. (And I'll be damned if I can figure out the mystery that is women's clothing sizes.) Cosmetics are a similar story; I'm way too self-conscious to spend the kind of time in the aisle I really need to in order to figure out WTH is going on and get what I actually want. I've given up on shopping for lingerie in stores; that's all through Amazon (which has a generous return policy with free returns if you are a Prime member).

I'm not really sure what to do. I know it doesn't ultimately matter what a stranger thinks of me (as long as they keep it to themselves), but I am an incredibly shy person to begin with, so I'm overly sensitive to any perceived rejection. I can't afford to just buy everything online - even if I could, I'd still prefer to see the thing IRL before I bought it. I'd love to shop in an actual women's clothing store or department store, but that seems waaaay overwhelming. I don't have any GG friends who could be shopping buddies (that would help a lot I think). I wonder if it might be easier to shop en femme, but I don't think I am passable enough yet. I am hoping this gets easier over time (so far it hasn't). I'm open to any suggestions!

Cheers,

~ Summer

[BettyMorgan]

I will echo the ladies who've mentioned stores like Value Village and Goodwill. I've had good luck with the outlets in Canada. I've even purchased several items with the original tags still attached so they've never been worn. One was a velvet and chiffon evening dress with the original tag price of $210 and I got it for $16. And they don't care if you are browsing the dress aisle - just be relaxed and you will be fine. I usually throw the dresses over my arm and walk into a change room. They often don't have enough staff to guard the change rooms. I used to get so scared about being in the ladies section but I've overcome that. No one cares and if they do they won't ever say so.

- - - Updated - - -


I' too, am a very nervous shopper. I'm not so worried about the SAs as much as the other customers, which I haven't seen mentioned in this thread. When I do work up the nerve to shop (always in guy mode, usually with the help of some Ativan), I avoid any area in the store where anyone else is, which sometimes has me circling a location until the other person moves on, or leaving the aisle I'm in as soon as someone else approaches. For budgetary reasons (and because I'm even more intimidated by a real clothing store),

I was exactly like you. If a female entered the dress aisle, I would turn tail and scurry away to the men's suits and wait until she left so I could go back. Now I won't budge if a woman is browsing next to me. And I'm at the point where in my mind I'm saying, "Don't you dare take a dress I might be interested in." Lol Using the force as best I can.



I stick to thrift stores (Savers!) for clothes. Even though I don't have a problem taking a bunch of women's clothes into the dressing room, I always feel rushed to buy the first thing that kind of fits, often ending up with garments that don't really fit once I get them home, or have stains, tears, etc. (And I'll be damned if I can figure out the mystery that is women's clothing sizes.)

Been there too. I've learned to only buy if it looks really good. I take my time - sometimes I'll take off an item and try it on again just to be sure. I will go over the piece careful, looking for any tears, pulls or stains. Don't forget to check that all the buttons are there and the zippers work. I'm not a seamstress so I can't repair or alter clothes. Don't be in a rush and don't settle.





I'm not really sure what to do. I know it doesn't ultimately matter what a stranger thinks of me (as long as they keep it to themselves), but I am an incredibly shy person to begin with, so I'm overly sensitive to any perceived rejection. I can't afford to just buy everything online - even if I could, I'd still prefer to see the thing IRL before I bought it. I'd love to shop in an actual women's clothing store or department store, but that seems waaaay overwhelming. I don't have any GG friends who could be shopping buddies (that would help a lot I think). I wonder if it might be easier to shop en femme, but I don't think I am passable enough yet. I am hoping this gets easier over time (so far it hasn't). I'm open to any suggestions!

Cheers,

~ Summer

It's in your head, like everything else. I have worried so much about what you wrote in the last part of your quote and now know that it's my perceptions that are the issue not the SA or other customers. I'm building confidence and may have to go to a different city to shop en femme. It will be nerve wracking at first but it's a goal I'm and going for.

Up close, I'm not sure if many part time cross dressers are really passable. It's more your attitude that counts. So when you feel like going for it, not caring so much about everyone else, you will know it's your time. Good luck.

[JeanTG]

I've had the same nervousness. Recently I decided to grab the bull by the horns. I e-mailed the customer service dept. of a plus-sized women's clothing chain that had nearby stores. I explained the situation, that I was a CD but would shop in male mode (don't have the necessary skills or confidence to go public), and were they OK with customers like myself visiting their store and shopping for myself? To my surprise they responded and said that they had no problems, that they treat all customers with respect, and it would be a pleasure to schedule a fitting for me at a store of my choice. So I chose one close enough to make it easy to get to but far enough to reduce chances of recognition, went in first thing in the AM when it opened, and was greeted with open arms. The SA made me feel totally at ease, and the result of the experience was a bra that fits (finally!), two dresses, two tops, and some shoes. Turned out to be an awesome experience, and now that the ice is broken I won't have any problems going back when my play budget refills again.

So I don't think it's a bad idea to call ahead and ask if only to put yourself at ease. Most likely you'll get a positive response. Last time I checked our money was just as good as anyone's, and the retail sector is competitive and always trying to scratch out more profits and market share. The SA (manager of the outlet actually) told me she had several male customers and would I please pass the word along in the community that all were welcome to shop there and she would make it her pleasure to serve us.

She truly had great taste in figuring out what would look good on me. It's really worth it to have a trained eye help you out.

[Tina81]

Hi Bruce,
Lots of good advice here. From my own experience, I started shopping around the XMAS holidays and Valentine, saying there were gifts from my wife and asked for a gift receipt. I used the generic sizing guide found on clothing websites to get an estimate of my size. I'm a 12P. For shoes, I started shopping at Payless and tried the shoes on when no one else was in the aisle. I dreaded going to check out because I figured I wasn't fooling anyone, but to this day I've never had a negative experience from Payless. Just recently, it took me 30 mins to get the courage to walk into a Naturalizer shoe store at a local outlet. No one was in the store except the clerk. I walked in and she said, "Can I help you?" and I said "just looking for now". We I found some 10W ankle boots and tried them on. She had gone about her business of stocking some shoes and never watched me try the shoes on. It had to be obvious that I was trying the shoes on. I always picked a pair of 3" MaryJanes because the 4" pumps have been killing my feet when I wear more than a couple of hours. And, when I checked out, she mentioned to me that the purses where 50% off! I was thinking to myself, "Say What?!"

I don't go out publicly. My goal is to get a wig and learn how to apply make up and then go to Dress Barn. I figure I can go quickly from the parking lot directly into the store.

I'm not sure if it gets easier for me. When I do stall and can't get the courage to go into a women's specialty store, like Talbot's and New York and Co. I think of all the courageous women here and remember hearing about their experiences. They give me the confidence to stay "life is short and don't have regrets" to myself. I also just purchased yesterday 2 women's jean, a blazer (I had to get a 16P) to fit and a 38DD bra. I first took the jeans over to the men's dressing room. For the blazer, I just took off my coat and tried on the blazer. I thought for sure I was a size 12P for the blazer. I have several bra so I wanted a nice red bra for Valentine's to wear with my forms I bought on Amazon. My wife says they feel so real. They cost less than $50.

Anyway, it's feel great wearing a skirt, blouse with pantyhose and heels. I especially love the feeling of my breast forms being held in my bra.

So start of slow and use the excuse it's for my wife or girlfriend and ask for a gift receipt. I once asked a clerk to unlock a dressing room in New York and Co. store. She didn't bat an eye and opened one of the several dressing rooms in the back of the store. It was amazing and thrilling to try on dresses, skirts and tops.
Happy Shopping...keep us posted.
Tina

[Tracii G]

Tina's purse comment is a good one.
I have had that happen plenty of times and it just goes to show the SA's and cashiers don't care what you buy.

[jacques]

some hints -
know your size
if not sure buy a size bigger not a size smaller
buy in the sales until you are sure that you are right about the sizing
shop early in the morning to avoid having to queue to pay for your clothes
remember that your money is as good as anyone else's

luv J

[renae.lake]

@Betty,
Thank you for the encouraging words. It gives me hope to hear that someone 'used to' be like me in this regard. How long did it take you to get there?

As far as it all being in my head, I'm not sure if that's entirely true - people do give me strange looks, but I take your point that how I respond to it is up to me. I guess I just need to keep at it.

@Jean,
That is a very unexpected story and sounds like a wonderful experience. I'm not sure I could work up the nerve to call a store and ask that question, but it sounds like the results were well worth it.


Cheers,

~ Summer

[Shorebird]

A ploy I used, whilst still in the closet about my dressing, to get over the fear of going up to the checkout and paying for some nice Bras and knickers, I had only done on-line up to this point, was to treat my wife to some new things for her birthday.

We went shopping in Next on a busy Friday evening and I let my wife choose what she wanted. 2 bra's 4 pairs on knickers and a skirt, I then told her that as it was my treat I needed to buy them. So I sent her off to the coffee shop and I joined the queue of other women and waited my turn.

When my turn came and I handed the items to the SA she asked if I had found everything I needed to which I said yes thanks. She then asked me if I needed a gift receipt in case they needed returning, I answered no thanks everything fits fine. There was a slight hesitation before she smiled, said that's good, took my money and wished me a good evening.

I admit it was a bit of a nerve racking experience but it felt good as I left the store.

Two weeks later whilst working away from home I repeated the exercise, but this time without the wife and buying for myself, I chose a nice bra and a couple of pairs of satin knickers and went through the checkout line with out any embarrassment or nerves and felt really proud of myself.

Since then I have shopped for skirts and tops with no problem but have not gotten up the nerve to try things on in store just yet.

[Mandy Faye]

I agree , Summer ! I have no problem taking my time shopping ( I spend a lot of time in the makeup section ) , Not really caring about store workers .. BUT ... Am a nervous wreck about someone I know coming by and seeing what's in my cart .. I think of a hundred excuses of why I am buying all this stuff ! Having said that , I kind of get off on the thrill of it all ! HEHE I count heavily on Amazon clothes and heels ... If I can find it in an 11(heels) ... Which alot stop at 10. The things a girl has to deal with, Right ! Kisses

[Mayo]

I've bought mostly online with a few exceptions. I still have trouble coming to terms with the fear and shame and haven't yet managed to make it into a bigger store.