Relationship Problems

[Jules_Hawthorn]

I know that I am new to this community and I really don't know anyone here but I feel that we do of coarse have something in common. I'm writing this post to hopefully get some advice on my relationship. I am engaged to a girl who I am completely in love with. I came out to her about my crossdressing a year ago and we have been together for nearly 2 years. She is very understanding of my needs and even helps to satisfy certain fetishes. But more often then not I know that she is not comfortable with my alter self. I have always tried to simply be me and I know that this post touches topic probably on 20 other topics but I find myself in a situation that even without any possible answers from you I feel I should explain so that I may get support or even some response on others that may have been in my situation and have learned more. I am 20, still young, I am attractive in both my femme and my masculine natures. I am transgendered and I enjoy crossdressing. I have no real ambition to become a GG, although my fiance I believe doubts it. I love her for her support, but often times I feel that she doesn't trust me (with reason) due to some of my past actions. I spend 60 hours a week at work and often times in between spending time with her I try to get online as much as possible. My girlfriend though feels that I spend too much time on the computer. I though feel that I don't get to spend enough time doing anything. We often find space between us once something is said and we carry on a silent feud. I feel that she is the right one for me but often times I question whether or not it's worth being with her when I have had so many chances to go off and do the things I've wanted to do. I feel though that I'm stuck. I love her, but her attitude is bringing both of us down. I fear that if we were to break up that I may never be able to find someone who is going to be so willing to accept me for who I am. There is more to this but I won't go on to much about it. Any words of advice on my situation? Anyone been in a similiar situation, I would love to hear more from you please..

[TracyDeluxe]

Yours is a universal human condition, whether TG or not. "How much of myself must I suppresss to please my SO? And is it worth it?"

And the only one that can answer that is YOU.

I am not a therapist or counselor, but I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. ;)

[Jules_Hawthorn]

I often feel that our relationship is falling apart and yet I ask myself why should I try and save it. I want to be accepted and she accepts me for who I am more than anyone else I've ever known. I fear I don't want to loose that acceptence. I appreciate your feedback..

[TracyDeluxe]

Jules, I didn't mean to be flippant, but my last relationship with a woman was a bit as you described. She "accepted" that I was TG/TS/CD (neither of us really knew at that time where I was on the spectrum), but it was an intellectual acceptance only, she never wanted to see me in dresses, or share, other than verbally, in that part of me.

Eventually, although I felt a larger "safeness and love" with her than anyone I had ever known, I couldn't accept the suppression of that large a part of me for a safe haven. The thing is, to this day, I don't know if I made a mistake, or not.

For me, and this is just me, my bottom line question was, "If I was laying in a hospital bed, dying, would I regret not having given this the best shot I could?" For me the answer was, "Yes".

[Jules_Hawthorn]

I feel that I'm still at that point where I don't know where I'm at on the spetrum I have some good guesses. But for the most part I'm just really confused. I look to myself for guidance but a thousand answers and a thousand questions bubble to my surface thoughts every second. Your question is a hard one.. I'll definiately have to think about the answer to that one.. Thank you for your comments. Your input is already greatly appreciated..

Thanks Tracy.

[Katrina]

Jules,
I'm in a similar position. I am very much in love with my GF and she accepts me and my CDing. Sometimes I think it bothers her but sometimes she even buys me stuff too. I know that I will never find another woman like her, but I'm afraid that my dressing will eventually take a toll on her and leave her unhappy. We are working through our issues and I'm going to counseling. She was going to go to counseling too, but had trouble getting an appointment.

[DonnaT]

Hi Jules,

My wife thinks I spend too much time on the PC as well. We've been married 30 years, BTW. For example, I'll be online in the morning as she sleeps, then when she gets up she accuses me of spending too much time online. So I ask, what else should I be doing, wasting my time watching television? She has no plausible answer, and knows I am right, but she still say I'm online too much. The reason she says this is she is jealous of how much time a share myself with people online. This may be how your girlfriend feels. You'll have to ask her, without causing an argument.

In other words, ask her, then say thanks, something I have to think about.

You're young, not married yet (note we got married when I was 20, she 19, and after only a few months together) and many people will say you should experience life some before making that kind of commitment, and that getting married so young is doomed to failure. We've proved them wrong (so far).

When we were dating, we spent as much time together as possible. Likewise, after we married. I never had the need to go off and do the things I've wanted to do nor the feeling of being stuck, like you mention. If there was something I wanted to do, I'd ask her if she wanted to as well, if not then I'd ask if she had any problem if I went ahead.

Now's the time to learn the art of compromise.

Compromise on time spent online by discussing it with your girlfriend. Find out what she considers too much time.

You don't mention how much time you spend with your girlfriend. Nor how much of that time is NOT enfemme. Do you know the answers?

She may be right about your online time, but you two need to discuss it like adults and compromise.

As for your statement I have no real ambition to become a GG, although my fiance I believe doubts it. I love her for her support, but often times I feel that she doesn't trust me (with reason) due to some of my past actions., many SOs have fears about what's next. My wife has known for 30 years that I am a crossdresser, yet she still wonders "what's next".

Why? Because she's read accounts of others saying they are content where they are, and yet a number of these CDs do go further. So it's a fear that simply won't go away for many SOs.

You said She is very understanding of my needs and even helps to satisfy certain fetishes. But more often then not I know that she is not comfortable with my alter self. It sounds like she is thinking it is a fetish that will go away. You know you are transgendered, and thus know it is not a fetish. Accordingly, she needs to know that it will most likely be a part of who you are until you die. You need to know if she can handle that.

If she doesn't know if she can handle it in the long run, you might ask her to join this forum. Then you can share online time ;)

You say you love her, so be open and honest with her. Talk about everything. Don't guess about what she's feeling.

[kathy gg]

HI Jules,

Actually work sounds like more of a pain in the butt then your girlfriend :D

The advice I am about to give you is what I told a couple who have been having problems. I said "when doing things for your loved one start to become chore-like or if you start to feel like pleasing them is a sacrifice... you have to ask yourself if that is your definition of happy."

Spending time with a loved one should not feel like a drain on the rest of your social life. If you are wanting to spend more time at work and on your home computer that says alot about where your girlfriend ranks in the grand scheme of importance. I am not saying work should "not" be important. But that is alot of hours, even for Donald Trump and P.Diddy.

Maybe sleeping less is the answer???:cry:
Sorry..that was a joke...

But seriously ...I know I would feel totally bummed if my husband just wrote the post you did. Using the word "stuck" makes it all sound like such dregery and just a general tone of "gee...do I really have to be here??"

I dont' think this is a "she is wrong and you are right or vise-versa situation", for sure you guys have some issues.

But newsflash....everyone who is married has stuff. If you don't disagree about this, there is always something else to have conflicting opions on. The big question is... will this be a HUGE problem tha tboth of you let ruin your live's ten years from now, or do you both start some really honest and open communication before having to call on the lawyers down the road?

I have been married to my guy for over 6 years. I love him with all my heart and soul and don't even want to think about living a life with him not in it. I feel he has the same thoughts. We just really dig each other. I also know that me being accepting about the dressing is not REASON ALONE to want to stay or have married me. If that was the only thing holding us together we would have lasted about 6 months because after the novelty of being with an accepting partner wears off, you have real life to contend with. And real life is about sharing time with each other, working out schedules, respecting each others interests and likes and dislikes and giving each partner room to still be their own person. It is a delicate balance and it is not about "control" or who is in charge. It is about being nice to the person you love.

I don't know if any of this advice makes any sense, but all I know is I never have looked at my life with him and thought "gee, there are other things I would rather be doing". If I ever felt that way, I would not be married to him.

Best of luck .....I say make it a longggg engagement.

[Kimberley]

Excellent comments Kathy.

Jules,

I think you have already answered your own questions in your post. You have some choices to make and they can affect you for the rest of your life and believe me it is a very very long time and even worse if you are unhappy. It sounds to me like the seeds of dissent are already there. It is quite possible to be head over heels in love but not happy. Please be very careful.

I would take some time away from the computer, talk to her and bare your soul about exactly how you feel. You say you are a TG and that is one of the things she fears. If she cant live with that then you need to decide what you are going to do. I would also get to a counsellor to sort your own feelings out because we can often let our emotions cloud things.

I think you will find that if you read these forums carefully you will find that those of us that have been around for decades will tell you that this is something you can't quit because it is a part of your core personality. You might stop for a while, (purge) but you will come back.

I think you will find the GG's here will tell you pretty much the same thing. This doesnt just affect you but her and in some of the most profound ways.

Deal with it now or it could tear your life to shreds down the road.

HUGS
Kimberley.

[Aloha_Dana]

You girls are GOOD.

Nice feedback.

Dana

[Jules_Hawthorn]

To Everybody that has already replied thank you so much for your advice and it has been surely helpful and I hope that you understand I will be quick to apply what you have told me.

Thank you DonnaT, Katrina, Kathy, Tracy and Kimberly! I'll post a follow up reply here later on once I talk to her tonight. No better time than now and I feel that anymore postponement will only further the space between me and her.


Jules

[Petrina CD]

You sound like you just work too damb much. Sixty hours a week doesn't leave time for much else. Take all that computer time and redirect it to her. Many of us only get to dream of having an accepting SO/wife. Your comuter will still be there later on .

When I came out to my girlfreind of ten years, she moved out within about two months saying she couldn't handle it. She moved to another state and got a new job and all. Well , I managed to talk her into coming back. now we have been married fourteen years.( I'm 52)

Still she does not like to see me dressed. When we go shopping at the mall she allways busts me on getting excited when we get to the womens dept. I can buy whatever I want within reason and our budget. If I buy somthing fem she doesn't mind helping me to try it on when we get home but then after that she would prefer not to see me in drag.

Comunication is the key. Talk to her about your feelings. Take it easy on the silent feuds as that can really make it tough.


We all get chances to do stuff outside the relationship but that is a no-no if you love this woman. My wife was OK with me for awhile to go out with a dominatrix as she knew it was my fetish's that she was satisfying and that I promised her that there would be no sexual intercourse. I no longer see her ( the dominatrix) because she got married and her new life left no room for
fetish's.

Do the days seem too short? I allways want to dress as much as I can and it never seems to be that no matter how much I dress it is never enough. It's like one minute is too much and a lifetime isn't enough.

Take care of this girl , she sounds wonderfull . It is very easy for us to get carried away with our desire to dress. As I write this my wife just left for the gym. I'm going to put on a nice black dress , but when she gets home I will change back to drab. If I don't change I know she will not get pissed or anything but I also know that she would rather not see me that way.

I hope my babbling helps you. I'm gonna go change now .

Petrina cd

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

Well I am not in a relationship myself, but I have had ladyfriends who know of my crossdressing. Presently I am in contact with a foriegner now... Anyway cutting to the quik, Crossdressing in it's self is not such a big issue everyone makes it out to be... don't get me wrong as an issue it's a major hurdle, but relationships have and will work with it. I think the main problem is time spent with the partner reassuring her is the best way forward and not so much being attached to the computer. You have a girl right now who knows you dress, she hasn't done a runner, so theirs every hope she won't... but sitting spending your valuable reassuring time away from her and stuck to the computer is going to send her the wrong signals. I think switch off the computer or share it with each other at the same time... Personally If i had a lady in my life, I'd spend loads of time with her... not only would I reassure her, but I would probably have completely educated her lol about the sort of person i am, plus i would obviously have reassured her that I am very much a true male too... and that I have no intentions of becoming a woman, nor am I going to live perminently crossdressed. I would try to bring my dressing into roleplay with my partner as a way of bringing her round to my way of thinking, showing her that my other side could be fun, not something to be consistantly worrying about. Lifes to short to mumble, have fun and and the matter of crossdressing will slowly ebb away as the fun increases... I am sure this will happen... think about this, don't suggest this to her.. think about it first... and consider it.... it might be one way out of your dilemma

[RobynP]

I am 20, still young,

I think this sort of sums things quite a bit... You ARE young! Why are you in a rush to get married or to even be in a steady relationship? You should be finding out who you are and where you are going. For any marriage to work, both partners have to provide a solid foundation. Can you honestly say that where you are right now?

Your answer is probably yes... At least mine was. I was married at 23... I was originally engaged at 21 to someone else... For some reason I was in a big hurry to get married.

One of my favorite t-shirts says "Before you become old & wise, you must first be young & stupid." I used to laugh at that when I was younger... now I understand!

My advice for you is to slow down and don't be in such a hurry.

Robyn P.

[Jules_Hawthorn]

Ok Everyone. The cards where all put out on the table.. even a couple I didn't want out there.. But in the end we are moving things along towards the better for now. I am far more happier that I have nothing hiding in my closet as well as I learned more about myself as I talked to her. Tears where shed and to start off the entire convo I had us practice a exercise where we each received a piece of paper and wrote down all of our aggravations and pet ps and anything that happened that bothered us about the other. (Trust me this could of ended much worse than before I know.. but I thought do or die.. It was worth it now I guess) But ok so she had like a two pager front and back.. I know I'm not perfect and watching her continue to write pushed me to write more and well.. we had a long conversation. We told things about each other we recounted things and admitted to lies. It was good. But most importantly she choose to stay with me and I with her. I love her. We actually read over my prior posts and your replies and she seemed rather interested. Well again I wanted to thank all of you but any further advise is welcome it can't hurt to strengthen our bonds. Thank you!

Jules

[Shelby]

Well I am not in a relationship, but those who have read some of my posts in the Lounge know that I have been working up the courage to ask a girl out on a date. We had gone to school since Kindergarten and then 13 years passed by and suddenly our paths crossed again. I saw her this summer at her brothers restuarant - she was a little tanked and didn't recognize me. The second she saw me, she still didn't recognize me. We had an event last week at the restaurant, a murder mystery and I played a woman who had been through a sex change. She asked another actress who knew of our school days, "who is that good looking girl over there,I think I know her." When she found out that it was me, she was floored. Well to move this story onward we spent much of the evening catching up on the past all while I was enfem. I went to the restuarant today to ask her out to lunch with a copy of the pic of us together in hand. She accepted and was so thrilled to get it. She said she was going to frame it and post it on the bar wall once I signed to her like a famous person would.

She works a lot, I work 40 hours but have my community activities. She has a 7 yr old son, again I have my activities. Trying to find a day and time to have lunch with her will require a calender. I've never been in a relationship and I wouldn't consider this to be just yet. But I have watched my parents all of this time and I have learned that you have to prioritize what is most important to you. I'm sure you want this relationship to last a long time, so you must make compromises and sacrafices. The same goes for me. I want to have more then just a lunch date, if we continue on I may have to scale back on what I do in my community. It's called a relationship, you're either in or your out. As time goes on and you understand each other better, you may find time to put in more hours, or resume some of your personal hobbies.

I know there will be a day that I will have to participate less in my theater, I won't be able to do all of the things I do today - and you know what - I'm willing to give it all up for her. I'm a closet CDer, but she has seen me in a dress and even refered to me as her girlfriend Shelby while talking to another old HS classmate. Will there be room for Shelby in this (what I hope will be a) relationship? Will I have to totally for go all theater activities? Will I have to suppress all cding urges? Will I have to work more and she work less? These are things that I hope to discover. But when It comes down to it, you and I will make choices. I place a huge value on love right now, and I'm willing to give up a lot for it.

[MsJanessa]

Hi Hon--she probably thinks that you want to eventually undergo SRS---often a woman in a relationship---wife girlfriend etc---can't handle that type of thing----I know probably 5-6 TS ladies well enough to talk about the issue---3 were married when they started the change(the other 3 had the change in their 20s and have always been attracted and involved with men, not women) Of the three that were married, one has had SRS and is still married, the second had SRS and is divorced(wife just wouldn't accept it) and the third has had everything but SRS, planning on getting it in August, and is still married so far. What you have to do is figure out what you want and maybe what you are---do you eventually want to undergo hormone therapy, breast implants and SRS? If so now is the time to tell her---but be prepared for her response, it may well be negative---if on the other hand you know that you do not want a sex change and are happy with both our male and female sides---like to dress occasionally but not all the time etc then tell her that too---it may reassure her. Good luck.

[Julia Cross]

Having been there, having found someone who I though accepted it and whom I thought was THE ONE, I totally understand your struggle. But, in my case, she called it quits, and yes we were married, in part because she knew the dressing would never go away and I sense worried where it would go. At the time I also thought will I ever find Mrs. Right again. Well let me tell you. I did, and she is fantastic! I would never encourage people to break up over an issue like crossdressing, but to be honest, you are not married, at least do yourself and her the favour of coming to terms with the dressing and how it will effect you both before you tie the knot and then decide you shouldn't have. If you think it is hard top end things before the wedding, it's so much harder afterwards. So much more pain and frustration, and much more expensive. Not to mention the fat that you have wasted away a valuable part of your life which you can never get back.

Julia

[DonnaT]

Hi Jules,

Good to hear you two have had a meaningful conversation, and no arguments arose (I presume). That's great.

Think she'll join the forum?

[kittypw GG]

I I . I came out to her about my crossdressing a year ago and we have been together for nearly 2 years. She is very understanding of my needs and even helps to satisfy certain fetishes. But more often then not I know that she is not comfortable with my alter self.
. I am 20, still young, I am attractive in both my femme and my masculine natures. I am transgendered and I enjoy crossdressing. I have no real ambition to become a GG, although my fiance I believe doubts it. I love her for her support, but often times I feel that she doesn't trust me (with reason) due to some of my past actions.
I spend 60 hours a week at work and often times in between spending time with her I try to get online as much as possible. My girlfriend though feels that I spend too much time on the computer.
I though feel that I don't get to spend enough time doing anything. We often find space between us once something is said and we carry on a silent feud. I feel that she is the right one for me but often times I question whether or not it's worth being with her when I have had so many chances to go off and do the things I've wanted to do. I feel though that I'm stuck. I love her, but her attitude is bringing both of us down. I fear that if we were to break up that I may never be able to find someone who is going to be so willing to accept me for who I am. There is more to this but I won't go on to much about it. Any words of advice on my situation? Anyone been in a similiar situation, I would love to hear more from you please..

First of all Jules,
It is good that you have been up front with your girlfriend from the begining and it is cool that she cares enough about you to participate in your crossdressing and your "fetishes" whatever that may be. But you must know that she is participating because she cares about you not because she has totally embraced your "fetish" after all it is YOUR fetish not hers. I would bet that before you she never even dreamed she would participate in such an activity. So please love her and give her credit for that. Most of us GG'S are not looking to be involved with females, if we were we would be involved with real ones, not ones that look like girls but think like guys. This leads me to your comment about wanting to be a GG. That I am afraid would never be possible anyway because you and all of the other fems are genetic males. You can alter your appearance and introduce hormones but you can never change your genetic structure. That my friend is the reality and one that many get confused about including my husband who thought for a while that he was a women trapped in a mans body. Lots of crossdressders go through that and her fears are totally not unjustified. She deserves a little extra understanding from you, afterall you are asking from her things that most gg's would not even consider so treasure what you have for your sake as well as hers. From your post you say that you wonder whether or not it is worth being with her and that you feel trapped. Well maybe you are not ready for a committed mature relationship. Especially if you say that you hang on to her because you don't know if you will find someone else who would be willing to accept you. This is no reason to stay in a relationship!! If you feel that way then care about her enough to let her go so that she does not waste her time loving someone who does not love her back. And you can not hide your feelings for long wich is what she is probalbly picking up on and causing the emotions. I know from expirence that if you were into her you would want to spend every moment with her and not complain about not getting enough time on the internet. Look, you need to decide what is important to you in your life, being into yourself and being involved with a computer or loving a real life flesh and blood women who accepts you for who you are or is at least trying.???????? Just my two cents worth Kitty

[Cheery GG]

Hiya jules,

sorry i seemed to have missed your post.

I cant really add anything different from the other replies youve recieved. I just wanted to say that any relationship....regardless of crossdressing, has its difficulties and they can only be overcome by communication....It seems like you and your girlfriend are very much in love and want to conquer this together, whch is a great start.

My only advise is always be honest, truthful, respectful, and most of all keep talking, it is so crucial....

I wish you the best of luck......

cheery
xx

[Sarahgurl371]

Jules, the time thing - balance - I think its a struggle for most of us.

I absolutley understand your situation. I was married at 19. almost 15 years ago now. I wish I was in your situation back then. You seem to "know" who you are. You have been upfront with your SO. And you are asking yourself some tough questions. The do I really love her or am I afraid of being alone thing - yep, asked myself that question a thousand times. So much of this as it relates to our own fears and concerns, seems to boil over into our relationships with our SO's. If we feel it, they can as well, and I am sure its scary for them.

My wife thinks I spend too much time "choosing" to either think about, or do something about this stuff. The thinking about it thing - never goes away. The doing it thing - whether its actually dressing, or just looking at stuff pertaining to it on the computer, I try to respect her feelings on, but I am the one dealing with all the questions. I am trying to learn and understand myself so I can give her the answers to the questions she is asking. Besides, this stuff has been bottled up for 20 some years now. She is afraid of it, so am I. I choose to learn about that which frightens me, she cooses to bury it. Yea, I understand the looking for the balance thing.

I wish I could tell you something positive, but I really can't right now. Just communicate with each other. If she is willing, and she seems to be a pretty nice person, learn together. And sometimes do something nice just for her.

[Jules_Hawthorn]

She joined the forum today. I have to figure out why the site isn't allowing her to post. But I will surely update you and introduce her to everyone as soon as she gets home from work.. She's on her way now. Thanks again everyone..

[TracyDeluxe]

She joined the forum today. I have to figure out why the site isn't allowing her to post. But I will surely update you and introduce her to everyone as soon as she gets home from work.. She's on her way now. Thanks again everyone..


I think (could be wrong) that membership has to be approved by one of the admins. It took a fair amount of time (hrs, not days or anything) before I was allowed to post. In the meantime, I scanned all the previous threads. Maybe it will take longer on the weekend?

Anyway, good luck, and Hello! to your S/O! :thumbsup:

[Lover Babe]

I would like to thank you all for your advice and comment. For all of tose who do't know who i am, I am Jules's lover babe. I care very much for her. I would do anything for her and that is why I am here. It's hard for me to come to grasps with her. I was raised in an old fashion family. So I adopted my own belief that TV/TG/TS/CD ect where all, for lack of a better word, abominations. I thought that I would never stand for that way of life. But I met Kai and through Kai I met Jules. I fell so hard in love for Kai that i couldn't see my-self with anyone else but him. So when he told me about Jules I thoght well maybe it wasn't so bad, until we got into the actionsof it all. I didn't think that I could handle it, but I stuck it out becuase I love him. Well as time progressed and we where together for about a year, I realized that I may be Bisexual. So I thought it was ment to be. He is okey with it. But any ways to make a long story short he wants Jules to have sex with another person. He siad not like sex to be friends but like a one-night-stand so to speak. I don't like the idea of him sleeping with another man/woman ect. I told him that I had no intentions of sharing him with anyone else and he said that he had the same feelings. But lately he obviosly doesn't feel that way. I love him and I love Jules very much and I don't want to lose either of them.
Well I appreciate you listening to my side. I anticipate hearing your ideas. Thank you for your time. ( I love you Jules!!! )

Yours Truely,
Lover Babe :x

[DonnaT]

Welcome to the forum Lover Babe.

I'm with you, if a couple are in a committed relationship, sexual activity should be exclusive to both partners. Mainly because a committed relationship should be based on love, not sexual activity. And if you love someone, you show that love by being faithful to your partner.

If both partners can agree on an open relationship, and that both can see anyone they desire, then that's fine. I may not understand it, but it's not for me to judge.

[Jules_Hawthorn]

Hi everyone. If you read far enough down this thread then you should know that Lover Babe is my SO (thats her pet name of coarse though.. lol ) and I would just like to clarify that for everyone. We really hope that your advice can help us. Again thanks everyone for your help!

[DonnaT]

Note, you may want to post in the new members section. And you may want to add GG or SO after your name.

[kathy gg]

hi babe,

I wanted to reply to your post, but I cannot read what you wrote using that font. I dont' want to ask you to change it if it is really important to you, but it literally starting making my eyes hurt when I tried to read it.

Anyway, I gather you are Jules SO....other than that...sorry that I can't reply , these 34 year old eyes must be too old! ;)

[TGMarla]

I thought about this for a while. I'm married, and have been for nearly 12 years. It's not always a bed of roses. Sometimes I see what other couples have with each other, and see the things they do together, and I realize that I do not have these things in my marriage. I love my wife, but there are times that I regret that we don't have more in common. That said, you aren't married yet, you're quite young still, and yet you see things in your relationship that may be huge obstacles later. Even the smallest stone may cause an avalanche. My advice, for what it's worth, is to make this a long engagement, and to wait and see whether or not this relationship really is the one you want to make permanent. Otherwise, you're in for a life of compromise and unhappiness.

[DonnaT]

I would like to thank you all for your advice and comment. For all of tose who do't know who i am, I am Jules's lover babe. I care very much for her. I would do anything for her and that is why I am here. It's hard for me to come to grasps with her. I was raised in an old fashion family. So I adopted my own belief that TV/TG/TS/CD ect where all, for lack of a better word, abominations. I thought that I would never stand for that way of life. But I met Kai and through Kai I met Jules. I fell so hard in love for Kai that i couldn't see my-self with anyone else but him. So when he told me about Jules I thoght well maybe it wasn't so bad, until we got into the actionsof it all. I didn't think that I could handle it, but I stuck it out becuase I love him. Well as time progressed and we where together for about a year, I realized that I may be Bisexual. So I thought it was ment to be. He is okey with it. But any ways to make a long story short he wants Jules to have sex with another person. He siad not like sex to be friends but like a one-night-stand so to speak. I don't like the idea of him sleeping with another man/woman ect. I told him that I had no intentions of sharing him with anyone else and he said that he had the same feelings. But lately he obviosly doesn't feel that way. I love him and I love Jules very much and I don't want to lose either of them.
Well I appreciate you listening to my side. I anticipate hearing your ideas. Thank you for your time. ( I love you Jules!!! )

Yours Truely,
Lover Babe :x




Her msg.

[Danielle]

I applaud you for that and if all women had an open mind as you than maybe the world would be diffrent place.High five and thanks for teaching me in a weird and funny way.thanks!!!

[Jules_Hawthorn]

hahaha.. lol.. I actually read her post this morning and I made mention that I could barely read her font on that post.. I told her she could go in and edit it. She's right now visiting at her parents about to be on her way back here (we live in an apartment together. ). But I guess DonnaT is one step ahead and was able to qoute/post a more ledgible and easy on the eyes version. Thanks DonnaT!

[kathy gg]

Hi Jules and Jules SO...

Okay, read the message....much better (thanks Donna)

Lover babe said:
"So when he told me about Jules I thoght well maybe it wasn't so bad, until we got into the actionsof it all. I didn't think that I could handle it, but I stuck it out becuase I love him. Well as time progressed and we where together for about a year, I realized that I may be Bisexual. So I thought it was ment to be. He is okey with it. But any ways to make a long story short he wants Jules to have sex with another person. He siad not like sex to be friends but like a one-night-stand so to speak. I don't like the idea of him sleeping with another man/woman ect. I told him that I had no intentions of sharing him with anyone else and he said that he had the same feelings. But lately he obviosly doesn't feel that way. I love him and I love Jules very much and I don't want to lose either of them.
Well I appreciate you listening to my side. I anticipate hearing your ideas."

Gee I sort of wish someone else had responded to you on all this stuff. If I am reading this correct you {babe} believe 'you' might be bi-sexual. You mean, you might like women? But I am guessing you have never acted on this?

And he now is also wanting to experiment outside of the relationship? With either sex? So he to could be bi-sexual as well? Am I reading that correctly?

Anyway, you Babe sound like you have made clear what you want. A monogomous relationship. Albeit with a twist in that if you truly are sexually attracted to women... are you comfortable never acting on that? While Jules wants to have a one night stand while still having a faithful girlfriend waiting at home.

My advice is break up, go crazy being single and then when you both feel you have done what ever things you felt you needed to do then evaluate if you really are ready to be engaged and married.

Alot of people will not like my advice. And it may sound stange coming from the wife of a crossdresser. But I think that if you get hitched too soon, both of you will be regretting all the wild things you never got to do when you were younger and had less restraints. Be safe, be smart, and be healthy in your choices. Some of the people that have gotten married very young and only been with one person their whole life often wonder about what life would have been like had they done more before making the marriage commitment.

I know if you were my daughter/son I would be advising you to wait on the marriage thing. If you both are meant to be you will find your way back to each other.

You did ask for "ideas".

Not saying my idea is the right one.

Okay those who think my idea sucks may commence throwing the rotten tomatoes now...:hiding:

[Anita Mae GG]

Kathy I agree...take some time apart and explore yourselves and see where that leads you. You are both very young and still have so much growing to do, I know you probably don't want to hear that but it is sooo true. I am still trying to figure myself out sometimes and I'm 34 years old, married with 4 kids....

Listen to Kathy, take the time and see where it leads. Who knows you may see that you absolutely need each other etc....but you must explore yourselves and sow some oats first otherwise you WILL regret it later in life.

Monogamy in marriage (unless agreed by both parties to explore) is ESSENTIAL!!!

Good luck to you both!!!

[jo_ann]

my wife doesn't care if I'm online a lot because she's just as much of an addict. the only thing that she doesn't want is to be seperated (me on the computer upstairs while she's on the laptop downstairs), which is why I'm building a custom computer/coffee table so that I can be on my PC whenever while I'm downstairs watchin tivo. lately I've been using her old laptop in the meantime and it's worked out great. basically what I'm saying is that just be true to yourself and don't dance around the issue. if you want a strong relationship, you have to do things together (surfing, xdressing). if she's not into either, and those things are important to you, then staying in a relationship may not be worth the compromise. If your only 20, I wouldn't get serious yet. I didn't date till I was 23, and got married shortly after, and sometimes I wished I had waited and explored the world more, but I don't regret it either because I learned a lot and grew up being married.

[Jules_Hawthorn]

I know that I've been a little sparse on details between me and my fiance but I would like to clarify some things for everyone. I am beeing honest now and I'm going to continue being honest with her. I love her for so much more than just the fact that she accepts who I am. I love her because of who she is to me. She is my world. She cares about me, and trust me that is something I find is really rare in this world, and I care about her. I would hope that most people would see that I would have never of reached out for advice or help from a community such as this if I had wanted the relationship to end. My first post on here was sketchy and in some points it was ignorant and even just not nice of me to say or even think those things. Thanks to your advice we have opened up a lot and things have definiately turned out for the better. I would hope that you will continue to support us through our problems and issues as I'm sure they are to arrise as no relationship is perfect. I appreciate everyones input, negative or positive and I hope the best for you all too.

Jules