Awkward situation :|

[Lovely Rose]

Hello everyone,

I usually hide my femme clothes and lingerie in a drawer that is completely forgotten and rarely accessed, but a couple of months ago my mom decided to rearrange things around the house and she (in my absence) found my stash, and threw all my clothes away. When I decided that I need to dress, I was shocked that my stuff were gone and new stuff are in that drawer.

I didn't ask my mom about it because I'm not open about my crossdressing yet, and I found myself in this awkward situation, I'm guessing about what is going through her mind about this but I guess it's one of the following:

she may think that these belong to one of my sisters but she will probably ask them and all of them will deny this.
she might think that these belong to my dad and I don't know how she will handle this with him.
She may know that I crossdress but she is in denial.
she may think that these are mine but I got them as a souvonier a girl that I'm in a relationship with.


Well it seems that the most convincing one is that she knows about me and doesn't want to face it, It's been about two months since this happened and she never said anything or even changed in any way with me.

what do you think? what should I do?

Love.
Rose.

[MarciManseau]

I'd talk to her about it. Secrets are never good for any relationship. First go over what you're going to say to her, then think it through a few times, maybe even write it down. I'm sure she'll love you either way. Moms are great that way.

[AllieSF]

Also, next time, just put a nice note on top of your femme clothes asking your Mom not to throw them away and to talk to you about it. Throwing other people's private things away is wrong with some prior conversation about it, including your children's things. Good luck.

[Bruce64]

You can always say you were keeping it for someone. My Sister did my Laundry this one time and I had 6 really expensive panties with my reguler mens clothing and they disappear.

[Saikotsu]

I have a lesbian friend whose mother figured out her sexuality a long time ago. When it eventually came up, she was surprised her mother had figured it out. Apparently, she was waiting for her daughter to be ready to open up about it.

This may or may not be the case with you. Given she threw it away, I'm a bit concerned her reaction may not be positive. Tread carefully.if you wish to talk about it with her, don't be angry about the loss of the clothes. It's understandable to feel angry about it, but don't bring that anger into your discussion, because that will just make things turn ugly.

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Rose, I remember reading your intoductory message where you explained that dressing is frowned on in Syria. Maybe it's best to say nothing and find a better hiding place. Do be careful, whatever you choose to do.

Take care

Sarah

[Katey888]

Rose - a lot depends on what you want and what you believe your mom is aware of...

If you believe she already knows, then surely she would have used this as an opportunity to speak to you if she had wanted to...

But she has not - so perhaps she doesn't want to, or simply doesn't know...?

If you want to come out to her, you should speak to her - but this is always a choice for you. You just have to be prepared for a negative reaction too :)

If you want to remain secret, say nothing - plausible deniability is possible as you have a number of sisters... :)

My personal feeling - say nothing and let it pass...

Katey x

[JessiFoxx]

I'm with Marci on this! The sooner the better as you will live a more happy life and be more confident each day!

[JanePeterson]

she may have just been really surprised and confused and stuck them in a box somewhere and never given it a second thought... so be prepared for a complete surprise if you decided to tell her... i wouldn't count on her having figured it out. I get the feeling that most folks don't even consider their loved ones possible candidates for this stuff unless you're really hard over on the fem side as a man.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jane has alluded to something that struck me. Are you absolutely sure she's thrown them away or just rearranged them into another place. Mom's do that, just move stuff as it doesn't fit the plan they've made.

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Rose,

Where you go from here depends, in my view, on two main things: 1. Whether you want to come out to her and 2. What you think her reaction will be and how this is likely to affect your relationship with her.

It's clear from your summary of the situation that you're not sure if she knows that the clothes belong to you. Re point 1. above, no one would choose to have their things discovered by someone else. But if you had planned to come out to her then perhaps this gives you the chance to do that at this point, even though you might ideally have chosen to do it at a time of your choosing.

So, is this an opportunity? If yes, follow the great advice below and plan how you're going to broach the subject and pick the right time and place to have that conversation with her. If you hadn't planned to open up to her, plausible deniability is still there for you. But you still need to rehearse what you will say if she raises it at some point in the future. If she does know then she's in the driving seat right now. If you raise it then you're taking matters into your own hands. If you remain silent, then that passiveness leaves her in charge. This, though, might still be the best option. Only you can determine this.

Point 2 above is self explanatory - only you will know how she is likely to react and how this will affect your relationship with her. Although ultimately unpredictable, you will have gleaned an idea about this from her views on gender and sexual matters from family conversations or her comments over the years on subjects like this. Give these some consideration when you plan how you will approach it if she raises the subject. The fact that she hasn't said anything gives me to think that she does know. But even you don't know for sure.

You're right. This is an awkward situation and I feel for you and I hope it all works out well. There's a lot of good people here with good advice. You've come to the right place.

Love, Michelle

[sometimes_miss]

Moms are great that way.
Uh, not all of them are.

My Sister did my Laundry this one time and I had 6 really expensive panties with my reguler mens clothing and they disappear.
She may have felt you either stole them, or kept them as 'souveniers' of sexual escapades. So she was disgusted and felt you were behaving like a cretin and so threw them out.

Given she threw it away, I'm a bit concerned her reaction may not be positive.
^this. Sounds like she wasn't exactly pleased about your keeping female clothes for any reason.

As always, consider the worst possible reaction from her, and if you can accept that, then go ahead and proceed to talk to her about your crossdressing. I don't know much about the culture in Syria and how people feel about crossdressers. But that might figure into whether you want to be out to the world or not.

[docrobbysherry]

She knows! Katey took the words out my mind!:eek:

[Krisi]

How do you know it was your mom who found the clothes and how do you know she (or whoever found them) threw them away?

The only way to answer these questions is to ask your mom directly. "Mom, I had some clothes in my drawer and they are gone. Do you know what happened to them?"

I've said it before and I'll repeat it here; Hiding your crossdressing from people you share a house with is nearly impossible. You will be found out sooner or later. This goes for wives, girlfriends, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and roommates.

I don't think it's right or fair for your mother (or whoever it was) to take your belongings but of course they don't care what I think.

[NitaCD]

It could be that your mom is in a similar position about this as you are and not sure what to do herself. She may be holding on to your cloths and waiting for you (or someone ) to come looking for them. If it has been two months and no one else has said anything to you about this I am willing to bet that she knows, and is waiting for you to bring it up to her. As MarciMenseau has stated secrets are never good so maybe now is the time to let the cat out of the bag and have a good talk with your mom. You know her better than we do and probably have a pretty good idea of how she will react. Lets hope the answer is that she knows about you and doesn't want to expose this to anyone else until you and her talk. One thing is for sure, if you do talk to her now you will never have to wonder or ask the question again. Good luck! And hope thing get easier for you from this point on.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

what should I do?

Find a much better hiding place, and say nothing.

[Stephanie47]

I went back to your introductory post. You may want to talk to her and ask what happened to the clothing that was in your drawers. She may have a reasonable explanation for violating your privacy. Being in a war zone and living in a culture that is narrow minded may taint your parent's attitude. It was be more than just her not be accepting and leaving it at that. She and your father may be concerned about being 'outed' in a society that does not accept any sort of deviation from the norm. I suspect your mother knows of your crossdressing over the years. A woman knows when someone has been rummaging through their lingerie draws. Heck, my wife has a particular manner in which she rolls up socks, let alone her panties.

[Lovely Rose]

Thanks for your feedback on this topic everyone.
About how I knew that she found and threw away my clothes, I know she did it because she mentioned that she cleaned up the house and threw away some old/useless stuff, so I linked everything together.
Knowing my mother, there is a great chance that she will understand and accept me if I told her (maybe after being shocked at the beginning), but I also know that she is going through a lot in the recent years of war, and I don't want to throw this huge load over her, so I'll avoid the topic for now.
Frankly I would be very happy if she talked to me about it as it will be easier for me, but after all this time, I believe she won't.
Love.
Rose.

[Wen4cd]

Just be noncholant...

"Hey Mom, where did you put all my crossdressing stuff?"

[reb.femme]

Hi Rose, I remember reading your intoductory message where you explained that dressing is frowned on in Syria. Maybe it's best to say nothing and find a better hiding place...

As Sarah alluded to earlier and I don't know Syria per se, but having lived in Saudi Arabia for a short while, I'm guessing the family wouldn't be greatly impressed by such a revelation. I really hope this isn't the case, but better to keep the secret than be completely busted.

I always start from the position of, 'what is the worst case scenario if she hates what she hears?'. Can you leave home and just set up somewhere else without any come back? Probably better to find a new hiding place that you can lock securely and that is out of bounds to others or are you not allowed such secrets? I hope it works out well for you, whatever you do.

Becky

[Amanda Monica]

Depends on your relationship with her.

[heatherdress]

Rose - We really do not know enough about your family and your living situation to suggest what you should do. Generally, an honest discussion would seem to be best, but that may not be what you should do or can do with the stress of war in your country. If nothing has resulted from the discovery two months later, nothing further will probably be brought up by your mother. She most likely knows you crossdress. Also, if your feminine items were discovered once, they will probably be discovered again. So you need to, at least, make some changes if you want to continue crossdressing. I wish you peace and good luck.

[laurenp245]

I completely agree with several of the gals above, say nothing unless you are truly ready to have a conversation with your Mom about this. She will, understandably, have some questions for you and if you are not currently ready to be open and honest with her and answer those questions, it's better off leaving this unspoken. If she suspects that the stash was yours, she obviously does not want to force the issue with you either, I would just leave it dormant until one, or both, of you are ready to have this convo. Good luck Rose! Hope it all works out.

<3 Lauren