Out With Your Dressing

[Donna Indelco]

I talk to a lot of girls who are in the closet with their dressing for a myriad of reasons. None the less, most don't want to be. Fortunately for me, I'm not one of them. What I am curious about is are there more of us in the closet or out. I'm leaning towards more that are in. However, I must admit I have no idea what the real answer is. Care to weigh in?

[Lauri K]

Donna, I am betting there are more folks in the closet than out.

However like you I am out of the closet "finally"

Best thing I have ever done is accept myself for who I am, besides hiding in the closet is no way to live life, and there is no one to talk to in the closet.

[S. Lisa Smith]

What do you mean by out? I don't live 24/7 nor do the neighbors or friends know. My wife (and one son) knows and I go out in public a fair amount in the cold or cooler months. Am I out or in?

[kittie60]

There are untold.numbers of.people who are still in the closet. Fortunately I'm not one of them. I've been out for years and is the best thing I have ever done. And by the way Donna welcome to the forum. It's a great place to be.

[somestimeskaren]

I'm in the closet I guess.My x wife new of my dressing but my kids don't.

[AllieSF]

Yes, what do you mean by that? Have told some or all people, go out of the house with or without telling any existing family and friends, etc.?? I go out of the house all the time and interact with the general public, but I am not out to family and friends.

[Laurana]

Ever since the weather has turned colder I've been dressed 24/7. But for me that's just a pair of jeans and some sort of t/tank/long sleeve shirt, with bra/forms all under a sweat shirt. I go everywhere that way(except for the gym, there I don't wear bra/forms).

During the warmer months is when it'll get tougher.

So I guess I have one foot over the threshold.

[RADER]

I was so in the closet that I built a large addition to my house just so I had
more room to roam around in.
I am a large person, nothing fem about me, plus a Mustache doesn't help either.
I do under dress and wear fem jeans only, so I am almost dressed.
Rader

[Nadine Spirit]

Yeah, you really need to be more specific about what you mean by out of the closet.

For me, I am out to everyone, everywhere about my gender non-conforming things. With considering myself transgender, I'm out to just about everyone. With cross dressing I am out to mainly just friends and family.

[MissTee]

There will likely be more flavors of "in" and "out" than you would think. I am out to a supportive wife, but I don't "go out." I don't dress at my 1st home, but I have a second home that is my girl palace and decorated accordingly. I shave my legs and wear clear nail polish, but nothing more femme than that when in public.

The list of dichotomies is indeed a long one.

[docrobbysherry]

I go out dressed at least a couple times every month. But, NOT to any nearby venues where friends, friends of my family, or aquaintances mite see me. I consider myself a closet dresser. Because I'm more happier and more comfortable dressing in private!:)

My guess is; there r between 3 and 5 closet dressers for every 1 that is "out". Whatever u meant by that!?:heehee:

[Suzanne F]

Yes, what do you mean by that? Have told some or all people, go out of the house with or without telling any existing family and friends, etc.?? I go out of the house all the time and interact with the general public, but I am not out to family and friends.
What, I am not your friend?
Suzanne

[Rachelakld]

For me, in the closet means never being "in public" (ie dressed at home, by your self or other family members)
I would in that circumstance expect at least a 3 to 1 ratio - for every one of us who goes outside, 3 others will be only at home or underdressing
(not including the people with fetishes who probably aren't on this site anyway).
I believe for most people in developed countries, being see outside, in a skirt, would have to many negative reprocussions (it's socially more acceptable to be gay).

[Katey888]

We have wardrobes in the UK - do they count...? ;)

Definitely more in than out... and don't take the active members of this site as representative - people largely post here who have something to post about (not exclusively, but mostly) and the view from a closet doesn't change a lot... I'd say around 10:1 in: out - and...

(not including the people with fetishes who probably aren't on this site anyway).
You should read more here Rachel - there's a touch of fetishism around - especially at weekends... :) But yeah - if you added in all of the fetishistic TVs, probably 100:1

Katey x

[CarlaWestin]

I believe it's a closet of many doors.
Wife's door, 3/4 open.
Daughter's door, 7/8.
Small group of online girlfriends, full open.
Neighbors, slightly cracked.
This forum, picture window!

[Lacey New]

I'm in with the "in" crowd. My friends on this forum know that I am a crossdresser and I know that at least one SA at a Dress Barn knows that there is a guy that looks like me is a crossdresser and I'm sure that there are other SAs in a number of various stores who might suspect that a guy like me is a crossdresser - after all - why is this guy buying size 7 panties, or a 42 A bra (back when I could find one at Catherines) or Queen tall pantyhose or a size 42 slip or camisole? But beyond that, no one else knows (at least I think that anyway)

[Krisi]

You need to define "crossdresser" as well as "in the closet". Some folks just wear panties or maybe a bra, some go all out with rubber suits. Most are somewhere in between. And of course there are those who are a "man in a dress" and those who do their best to pass as women.

Regardless, I would say there are far more of us concealing our "hobby" than out prancing around town.

Some web forums have a "poll" feature. A poll could be posted and the results tabulated. This one does not.

[Rachael Leigh]

After a long time in I too am out and have enjoyed it much more then in. I find it to be an experience I never thought it would be.

[Meghan4now]

What do you mean by out? I don't live 24/7 nor do the neighbors or friends know. My wife (and one son) knows and I go out in public a fair amount in the cold or cooler months. Am I out or in?
Lisa, we could sistah's of another mistah'! Wife and one son knows, out about once a month, neighbors don't know. Isn't a garage with an automatic opener great!? Of course warm weather actually works for me. Long story.

[Sallee]

good question I think there are a lot of us in the closet at least 3 in for 1 out but maybe high.
FOr me I would say I am in the closet but the door is open. I go out once or twice a month and I go to clubs movies malls and interact with folks in those places. My wife knows and a few others in my other life know. I kind of like the mystery/stealth of it and if I get outed no big deal at least to me. It keeps cross dressing fun.
Actually I getbored with dressing if I spend several full days dressed. It usually takes 3 or 4 before I get tired of it and need boy time.

[Janet161]

I consider myself in the closet. I go out once or twice a week-to friendly establishments where I don't have to worry about disapproval. I go to meetings of a support group here in my town on occasion. My wife knows and my adult daughter knows. Except for a very, very small group of friends, no one else in my world knows about this. I'm not happy about it, but, this is where I am.

[CarolBrown]

Very much in the closet and not likely to come out soon.

I know I won't pass as I am close to 6'2, so I would stand out from the crowd in public and that's before they see my long beard.

I guess the definition of the closet really sits around who knows. If you SO held everything as secretive as you do, then really you are still in the closet as much as anyone who is fully secretive...

[susan54]

As many others said - it depends how you define closet. I may be slightly out but creeping back in.

I have been going out fully dressed for years, going on holiday as Ssuan, and never had a problem.

But life changes. The stakes can get higher. The buzz from going out reducesn - when you know you can do it as much as you want you find you no longer want it so much. I no longer even want to have my toes permanently painted professionally.

My retreat is not based on fear. It is recognition that I no longer get much more from going out than staying in, and the risk to my personal standing in the community is now too great to justify that reduced outdoors buzz - I get almost all I want dressed from head to toe most of the time at home. I go out a couple of times a year instead of 2-3 times a month.

[Tina Davis]

I consider myself securely in. I dress in my own home, alone. I have underdressed for work but no one, not even my wife, knows I have. The rare ventures outside (I can count them on one hand) were wracked with worry and embarrassment unless it was dark. Even then I felt unsure of my female appearance. I just can't see myself ever getting the chance to dress openly or when I want. But I'm okay with that for now. The closet is still safe for me.

[Stephanie47]

You almost have to make this a multiple choice question. There are varying degrees of being 'out.' In my situation it is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." My wife knows of my cross dressing and has absolutely no desire to participate in any degree. More than thirty years ago was the last attempt by me to gain some sort of acceptance. I have related that dismal failure several times in threads. I just wanted her to buy a pair of panties for me for my birthday. We went to Mervyn's where we did buy a pair or maybe two, but, for her it was like a 'deer caught in the headlights.' I have a good idea why she is so adamantly opposed to the idea of cross dressing. She does not even snoop around and look for things. I think she does not want to discover any of my female clothing. So, if I categorize myself I figure I'm "Out." But, only in the sense my wife has knowledge.

It would be nice to have at least a wife who has knowledge and maybe buy a pair of panties for her husband without yet wanting to see her husband dolled up as a woman.

I think many women would see a husband wearing feminine panties to bed as a 'fetish' and not cross dressing. Maybe the GG's could weigh in on my thought.

[Wen4cd]

.......there is no one to talk to in the closet.

There's actually a varied difference of opinion on that. Some say that if you stay in there long enough, and wish deeply enough, things will crawl out of the woodwork of your mirror-frames and even your reflection will begin to talk back to you. Then your closet becomes the proverbial 'wardrobe' to Narnia, and your internal gender conflict will seem like a lion battling a witch.

just sayin...

ps: you could also turn into a moth. Moths can live for years in closets.

[carhill2mn]

"In the closet" can have many meanings. I am en femme more than I am not. I go out in public several times a week. I am not openly "out" to neighbors, friends, or relatives. My daughters and their husbands "know" but have never seen me or photos of me en femme.

[Cheryl T]

After far too many years of hiding the only things in my closet now are my clothes.
I truly wish I had had the courage to come out when I was in my 20's (or earlier) but those were times that were not as "open" as today.

[2B Natasha]

I'm going with " out " Donna. No matter how you want to define it really. Wife knows, family knows, half the sales force I the city know. So I'm still going with out.

[Amanda Monica]

My wife knows, kids don't. Been "out" in public while away on business, but very much "in" back home.

[Lauri K]

There's actually a varied difference of opinion on that. Some say that if you stay in there long enough, and wish deeply enough, things will crawl out of the woodwork of your mirror-frames and even your reflection will begin to talk back to you. Then your closet becomes the proverbial 'wardrobe' to Narnia, and your internal gender conflict will seem like a lion battling a witch.

just sayin...

ps: you could also turn into a moth. Moths can live for years in closets.

I agree moths can live for many years in closets and they will eat your pretty dresses new or worn, so why let them stay there to feed the moths.............my message to the audience here is to go live your life as moth free as you can.......as so far my mirror frames are not doing anything at the moment but telling me to keep pushing on

Most likely that means pushing the boundaries and getting out of the proverbial closet before the moths eat your pretty wardrobe

Alternatively, I suppose you can just stay in the closet or wardrobe, but beware you may get moth-balled if you stay there too long

Gender conflict is truly a real battle, and many of us face it each and every day.......it is nothing to be laughed at .....but something that we must all learn to deal with...............

Take some time to think about it, but for me I feel really sad that we are philosophically talking about moths and sitting ourselves in a closet rather than figuring out who we really are and how to live our lifes with this conflict.

[Wen4cd]

I have taken years to think about this, and I'm still not certain

In the closet, are we who we truly are? We are true to ourselves there, and to our gods, whatever they may be.

Out of the closet, would we not be just as we are in everyday life, always putting on a persona to deal socially. Sometimes I am afraid that if I were to go out en femme, and try to 'be myself' I would take this special part of me that is precious, and just soil it with banal social contact, and taint it with the same old self-consciousness and social compromise that the closet is blissfully free from.

It's not always fear of discovery that keeps people to themselves. The closet can be a cloister, a personal monastery. Sometimes the mirror does come alive and talk, if you're alone with yourself and have no one else to perform to, to show off to, or no expectations to meet.

I think maybe the best thing would be to strike a balance. Sometimes you need to get out, sometimes you need to be alone.

But I agree that feeling that you can't get out would be absolutely intolerable.

[Ally 2112]

Not really in a closet but i stay in my house :) .Although i have been out for halloween a couple of times .Im not sure if that really counts as being out ?

[Joni Beauman]

I dress nights after my wife goes to sleep - chores and whatnot; when traveling for work would go out to eat or shopping dressed in evening. Did get the nerve to ask my wife to borrow her coat to go to Dutch Girl two nights ago, letting her know my plans. She seemed fine with it (turned her head when I walked through room to go) but is still concerned I might want to take the big leap. Dutch Girl kind of damped that notion for me. So "in" but leaning out the door a bit. Joni

[Anita Lynn]

Out with my dressing? well ok, its usually a cornbread dressing with the usual trimmin... Oohhh, you mean my dressing... I hide under the floorboards in the back of the closet. Don't think the world is ready for what I have to offer!

[sometimes_miss]

This is really a simple thing to figure out. Consider: How many people do you know and have known in your life (and before YOU came out, NOT counting anyone you've met online as a crossdresser) who are/were crossdressers? Should be about 1 in every 40 or so. So, if you've known, oh, 800 people in your lifetime, assuming half are male, you probably knew 10 crossdressers. How many of them do you know who have identified themselves as crossdressers to the public (outside of the family, because family has a good reason not to want it known)? I suppose it will depend on where you live, but in general, we have all known more people than we think we have. Because if they're a crossdresser, word will probably get around, slowly but surely. People love to gossip. So, working with the above figures, if you didn't know of anyone who is a crossdresser, then all 10 are in the closet. Other than those who live in, say, Greenwich Village in Manhattan or some other well known haven for alternative sexuality folks, you're probably not going to find higher incidence of crossdressers in one town from the next.

[Gina Torres]

I like to think i'm out of the closet because some family knows, all my neighbors have seen me coming out of my apartment dressed up. On the other hand if anyone at work found out I would be transferring to the other side of the country. I'm willing to wager more people are in the closet than out. It just feels soo much safer in the closet, but it gets too boring for my liking.

[Judith96a]

In the closet or out? It's just not that simple -but what in life is?
As far as being 'out' to my wife, family, (RW)friends, colleagues is concerned - I'm firmly IN the proverbial closet and don't imagine that that will ever change. It's a pain but it is what it is.
I'm no celebrity but I am sufficiently well known in certain circles to have, very occasionally, had someone who I don't recognise greet me by name. So, as far as Judith is concerned there's a 100 mile 'no fly zone' centred on home.
Otherwise, when away from home, I think that I'm reasonably 'out'. On my last trip away from home I actually spent more time en femme than in boy mode.
Out, or in? It depends on the context.