Does a CD have the best of both worlds?

[pamela7]

Clearly transitioners and CIS folk have their worlds and make the best of them, but for those here who are not going to transition, do you feel like you have the best of both worlds?

My own feeling is that I lived over 50 years presenting male, and now the genie has to be out of the bottle, and there's no going back, I see only one world going forward. You?

[NicoleScott]

It's easy for me to think that I have the best of both worlds. I am a guy and like it and all that comes with it. I also like to dress up occasionally (defined as: whenever I can). But, for those guys without the internal drive to crossdress, they find comfort and pleasure elsewhere, and they aren't missing out on anything. So while I may have the best of both worlds, it's not better than the life of a non-crossdresser. Anyway, how could I ever know?

[josrphine]

Hi Pam, I do belive that i have the best of both worlds. My wife of two yrs, an I have been together for 10 loves me as her girl friend. Here if Florida there are about 7 to 1 women to men. O K you say why then are you a C D . Like most of us C D 's we like wearing womens cloths. Now when we go out, we are just like most of the other couples out there. I have lived most of my life in a closet an hideing my love of women cloths. Now I dress almost ever day an we go out for dinner an shop. As for the man part it was very good, but now at the age of 75 lets say its very far an few between . Jo

[Sarah-RT]

I identify as gender fluid, not solely male but not female enough to transition.

Sometimes it feels like the best of both worlds where I can jump between conversations with friends in the pub such as talking sport with the guys and shopping with the girls.
I also personally feel it makes me a better person, I have a much higher regard for women and what they are capable of. I spent a long time thinking of them as lesser then men, I guess as a way to avoid admitting what I am. The character rey(female Jedi) in the new Star Wars is a perfect example of showing how women can be strong and interesting and not just something to look at and it was very refreshing to see a female hero.


However I find it's as equally a curse as I want to be female but not enough to transition (I think, still trying to discover how deep the rabbit hole goes) so I end up hating being trans* at times, others times I hate being male.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

For me women, in terms of appearance, have the best of both worlds- they can wear what they damn well please and still be a woman. For CDs it's always going to be a charade, even if we do it 24/7.

[alice clair]

I agree with Pamela I like having the best of both worlds. Being a guy has its rewards, But dressing as a Woman has it's many rewards also. I lean more towards my feminine side and absolutely love my clothes. My wife shares with both sides and has been by my side for 24 years. She loves Michelle and my male side equally and sometimes is more in touch with Michelle I think. I underdress everyday and fully dress every night and all weekend. She is the best wife a CD could have.

[DMichele]

Pamela,

IMO, yes.

Being ambi-gendered or two-spirited enables us to better understand people and life. In hindsight, it helped me throughout my life.

Just my 2 cents,

[CarlaWestin]

Of course CD's have the best of both worlds. I just couldn't imagine not having the female me in my head. On that note, if I were to completely transition, I'd still enjoy all of the male stuff I do.

[donnaS]

I'm with Sara
I'm gender fluid. Would love to transition.
Unfortunately life and circumstances won't allow that.
So I'm in between. I wear my girl stuff everyday. Just underdressed. Brows plucked to a "T". Ears pierced.
But male at work and when the wife needs her man. Any other minute I have,
I'm in the girly clothes and stuff.

[flatlander_48]

p7:

Interesting question as I've never considered that. Evidently my psyche requires a significant amount of time, though not overpowering, in female mode. For the past year I've gone out fully dressed 2 to 4 times per month and neck down at home 1/2 to 2/3 of the time. While I have no plans to transition, I do feel that I have some degree of dysphoria because when I started dressing it just seemed like I had been doing it forever. There was a bare minimum of shame and guilt and never a thought of purging.

That said, I don't dislike my male self and presenting as male is not a burden. This feels pretty stable for the next period of time, so we'll see how things may progress, but I don't anticipate much change. I do feel that I've gained a unique insight as to how things work for women. That perspective should be useful.

In thinking about it, I won't necessarily say that it is the best of both, but it may come fairly close.

DeeAnn

[Robin414]

I think this speaks to 'acceptance' or maybe 'self acceptance' IMHO. Male privilege is alive and well and I don't want to give that up but at the same time I seriously enjoy 'female privilege' as well....I sometimes feel 'greedy'...but to answer your question, I guess us 'tweens' do have the best of both worlds...that's not being greedy, is it? 😕

[Angie G]

The best part of my world in crossdressing. My day to day male world sucks. The dressing gives me some escape form it.:hugs:
Angie

[Candice June Lee]

We do have the best of both worlds and the worst in my opinion. Especially at first the high and lows are frequent but more freeing. And then as my time has progressed, I found the the highs last longer and are better. But the drop at times gets the better of me. However the lows don't seem to last as long as they did when I was hiding.

[Krististeph]

I take advantage of 'male privilege', when offered such. I like being able to think of myself and occasionally pass as female. I like to be able to act and present as female as desired.
I present as a guy, a fair number of people peg me as gay (for several reasons), my investment and interest in femininity and female aspects of behavior, feeling, actions, activity, and thinking, I do think goes a long way to understanding how 'the other sex' might feel, or understanding the inability to bridge the gap.
I can't say this is a best of both worlds thing.

I think a cd/tg person has better ability to access the best from either world as needed, and appreciate the uniqueness of this position.

Very much like some native thought- the transgendered person has an aspect of shamanism. What as individual does with it is a whole other story, of course.

But think to the Oracle at Delphi- one is given knowledge- but the price for that knowledge is that one must share it. If cd/tg persons gain perspective or position from being cd/tg, it would seem then that one is incumbent to then use this information or ability to move society (or at least a portion of it) forward.

Being cd/tg is an alternate conduit. Not chosen, but when understood or embraced properly, has the potential for more fluidity in the world than a monogendered mind.

So the best of both worlds? No. Do we have an advantage? Quite likely. But there is a definite cost.

Is it "worth it"? Hmmm.. very convoluted and complex, that.

If it does exist, is it logical to try to use such advantage? As much as possible, HECK YES!

How to use it to advantage... this is the money maker... It is a multi-mentioned ethereal thing, subtle. Very yin. A very good thing to consider at this new year.

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Anyway, how could I ever know?

Very good question. That's worth pondering for a while. Thanks!

[heatherdress]

I feel I have one world and I try to live life to the fullest in it. I am always me. Crossdressing does not change who I am. It is not a different world. Crossdressing makes my life fuller, richer, wider. It expands who I am. But there is no switch to become another person or to enter another world. I am always me.

[Bruce64]

I am not sure what you mean by the term " best of both worlds". What I can tell you I live to the fullest.

[Pat]

Are there two worlds in play here? I think for each of us there is just one world and we do the best we can with it. My particular world includes being transgender -- it's got its perks and its drawbacks. I don't have experience of a world that doesn't include being transgender so I can't know what that's like but since I like my world I feel I'm getting a benefit from it. I think that's actually a good state of affairs -- many different people, all with their own world, all thinking they're "winning." :) The place where ugliness comes in is where people have their one world and think everyone else should have that same world.

[Stephanie47]

I think threads such as this really need to define what it means "best of both worlds." If the attraction is solely being able to wear a dress, heels and hosiery, pretend to have breasts, then maybe women have the best of both worlds. Yes, the can wear jeans and boots, flannel shirts. Ask a woman the same question. You'll get a different answer, especially if thinking in historical terms. Doctor vs nurse. Elementary school teacher vs High School Math Teacher Army Infantry or Artillery MOS vs Clerk Typist MOS She stays home with the baby/kids while he goes off to a job and communicates with adults all day. I think I have made my point.

I have many many male friends who are more nurturing than their wives. It is not necessary to wear a dress to be nurturing. They encourage their women to be all they can be and want to be. Of course, over the years I've met men who only want a woman for one thing...be available for sex, stay home and take care of his offspring. And, it will follow that he will take his sons out to do manly things and leave his daughters at home.

That's my rant for the day.

[Amanda M]

I think I have the best of both worlds. I can appreciate the feminine things and way of thinking, without having to disparage them. I can be my wife's "man", I can be her girlie friend. My work has helped me to be empathetic, nurturing and understanding, but curiously, I am able to retain the male 'objectivity' and deference to 'tough love' that is so hard for some women. I DID say "some women".

I have learned so much from my wife in terms of human relationships. She continues to astound me with her insight, strength and love of people. I think that my CD persona has grown because of her input. I do NOT mean by that that I push the boundaries. We do have one. Just one. NO feminine perfume! I am so blessed.

[ShelbyDawn]

I only have one world and crossdressing is a part of that.
I truly like myself and am happy with who I am.

While my life is very good, to truly have 'the best' of my life, I would have to be able to wear whatever I want in public without repercussions.

Right now, I am wearing a tank-top and denim skirt over my panties and bra with strappy pink sandals. I feel great and am at peace. This is what I am most comfortable in.

'The best' of this world would be able to grab a jacket and go rather than having to change into more 'gender appropriate' clothing.

I guess 'the best of both worlds' or the perfect world would be to have the same liberties with my wardrobe that women have with theirs.

Anyway, As I said, I have a very good life and crossdressing is a part of it.

[Katey888]

Been pondering this one a while because as krististeph says, there's some hidden complexity in how you view 'best' and 'both worlds'...

There are a lot of answers here (and I'm sure there will be more) that are predominantly about the clothes - I think that gives cause to the argument from transitioners here (who I realise have not been asked to comment on this) that a lot of CDing is not about identity, it's about something more surface: visual or tactile and/or possibly sexual as well. I think this is misleading, however, because I'm sure that not everyone thinks very deeply about this and the clothes are just the most obvious manifestation of expression so they miss what lies beneath...

And embedded in the question is a fair old chunk of binary thinking too... A Man's World and a Woman's World... hmmm... Stephanie's mild rant (come on Steph! Put yer back into it if yer gonna rant properly! ;)) has picked up on the stereotyping we see so much of here and that no longer exists in the same way in our combined world... That isn't what I feel when I think about how and why I have the need to express my feminine side. Yes, the visual imagery is a big part of it - I'd be lying if I said otherwise - but it's also about having an outlet for me of something that would otherwise be trapped and have no expression... It's more than just being genderfluid - it's about wanting to escape into a fantasy of myself representing as a female me - part of me, but much more than is just represented by male me...

If you test the 'best of both worlds' principle, just take a look at the downsides...
- Acceptance - not universal and not guaranteed - many of us keep our femme identities totally secret or fear of the impact on family, friends or careers
- Conflict - an inner conflict that varies by degrees but is there in all of us and constantly pulls us in different directions (if it's only pulling in one direction, you should probably be transitioning... ;)) - between male and female, not always easy to balance
- Stereotypes - we're all doing it for fetish, to shock, or to pull guys... we're gay, perverted and less than 'real' men...

I really don't feel we have the best of any woman's world - which can't just be about wearing a nice top and some slingbacks and sipping a latte after shopping, can it..? Really...?

Of course, there are some good points (thank goodness!) but I think we're really just putting a brave face on the only world we have - that one of being stuck in between and trying to find a way to satisfy the needs, desires and expressions of both or all parts of us. After all, it's not like we really have any choice, is it...? :)

Katey x

[laurenp245]

I don't see it as "the best of both worlds", for me it's a bit like having to sort out "two worlds colliding". I know everyone is different in this regard, but I've always felt like my brain is this jumbled up mix of male and female thoughts and emotions. Day to day I live my life as a guy, crossdressing is the process that allows my female side to have a chance to exist in the real world also. Don't get me wrong, I don't think for one second that I am a completely different person who is now magically a woman just because I put on a dress and makeup. However, when I do get a chance to dress up it's as if it allows the female part of me to physically exist on the outside instead of just being trapped in the space between my earrings. I love having been born this way, and crossdressing provides a means to outwardly express both sides of my psyche in the real world.

<3 Lauren

[pamela7]

keep them coming, this is all great stuff.
@Katey, it's not binary thinking tho; i appreciate the "both" looks that - CD implies a binary in its "cross"-ness, which I'm probing, being allover the place myself. :-)

[Sky]

While I agree that the "both worlds" thing is open to interpretation, a pretty immediate one would be the male and the female world.

If that's the case, I think we don't quite have the best of both. We are male. Let's say that we have the best of that half (the lucky ones that is). But we are not female. We can dress like women, try to look like them to the extent possible, and maybe have sex kinda (not quite the same) like them. But we're not women. Just for the most obvious fact, we can't be mothers, and that's a huge part of what being female is. So I'd say we can have a good thing but "the best"... not quite. Plus it sounds too Panglossian.

[Pat]

Just for the most obvious fact, we can't be mothers, and that's a huge part of what being female is.

Ignoring the side-quibble that not all women can be mothers, there are also rites of passage that men and women go through in life that shape them and set their roles in society. I'm thinking most of us in this section of the forum have gone through only the male set of those rites and so we're not in a good position of understanding for what being a woman actually means. I have an affinity to the feminine, but if I made claims of understanding what it is to be a woman it would be empty hyperbole.


Plus it sounds too Panglossian.
I always thought "the best of all possible worlds" was pushing it, but I'm the best I can be with the choices I've made playing the cards I was dealt. Just call me "doctor." ;)

[sometimes_miss]

The best of both worlds, or the worst? We're chastised by women for being unfeeling, insensitive, macho brutes, then for being sissies that they can't depend on, too. Men find out we have feminine desires and feelings and we get made fun of it endlessly.
No, not exactly the best of both worlds.

[Krististeph]

I think threads such as this really need to define what it means "best of both worlds." If the attraction is solely being able to wear a dress, heels and hosiery, pretend to have breasts, then maybe women have the best of both worlds.
That's my rant for the day.

It is kind of an open question Steph, I can see where it can lead to not know how one wants to answer the question, but what you did was to refine the question for yourself and then answer it, what you did.

The problem is that like any other groups of people, we all lead vastly different lives. This is similar to the 'labels' debate, in my opinion, in that if one becomes hung up on specifics of the diction or lexicon, one loses sight of the larger concept or question.

I struggled with this a bit too- but Pam does that intentionally sometimes- it allows us the freedom to define the terms for ourselves. Perhaps the act of framing the question to our own situation is the more important action.

Your comments just got me to thinking... Thanks, & happy new year Stephanie!


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The best of both worlds, or the worst? We're chastised by women for being unfeeling, insensitive, macho brutes, then for being sissies that they can't depend on, too. Men find out we have feminine desires and feelings and we get made fun of it endlessly.
No, not exactly the best of both worlds.

This a very good counterpoint, there is plenty of room to be on the receiving end of negative aspects of both gender-worlds, along with a significant opening of insight into the opposite gender's world. But is has to be done with care, appropriately in terms of time, content, and intensity. You don't use a band-aid to to fix a torn tendon, you don't use laparoscopic surgery to treat 2nd degree burns.

CD/TV opens 'both' worlds, exposing more of the good and bad, and the added guff we get from from those who cannot think in terms non-dichotic terms.

I think what being CD/TG does is that it allows us to more openly see the advantages (and pitfalls) of the male and female worlds (my ad hoc definition of 'both worlds')

Now, understand I'm not saying this is why we crossdress, but rather it is an adjunct or emergent feature/consequence.

[Sarah-RT]

I think the drawback of this thread is that it seems to point towards the physical image - dressing.

My life is currently working in a shop while I go to college to get a good paying job where I hope to better my life. I come home to watch some TV, have dinner with my family and go out to hang out with my friends. I have lots of hopes and desires for my life and many fears as well. This I feel is an apt description of most people my age, both male and female.

Where do you place in what it is to be female? Excluding the social norms such as male privilege. Yes women have it harder on the jobs front but that is through our own way of treating them and not what they are capable of doing.

Being able to carry children is a defining fact of being female but that is insulting to women who can't have children, to those who have transitioned and the fact that women don't sit around waiting for a kid to appear, they go out and lead their lives and better themselves, they work, they relax and they struggle. The time comes when they want children but so do men. It just differs in the reproductive department.

If you take away social constructs of male privilege etc we only have 1 world that we all share where we want the best for ourselves so to answer the question we already have the best of both, it's the same thing.

[MissDanielle]

Being able to carry children is a defining fact of being female but that is insulting to women who can't have children, to those who have transitioned and the fact that women don't sit around waiting for a kid to appear, they go out and lead their lives and better themselves, they work, they relax and they struggle. The time comes when they want children but so do men. It just differs in the reproductive department.I'm single and will begin transitioning this year. I want children but at the same time, I know that I'm probably going to have to go the adoption route since having biological kids of my own seems to be out of the question seeing as just how much it will cost to freeze my sperm. Does it hurt inside a bit? Yes. It really does. But I also know that if I don't start on hormones soon, it's going to get harder and harder to put on a male act knowing I'm a straight girl at heart.

[pamela7]

I think the drawback of this thread is that it seems to point towards the physical image - dressing.

If you take away social constructs of male privilege etc we only have 1 world that we all share where we want the best for ourselves so to answer the question we already have the best of both, it's the same thing.

My OP does not point to the physical. I expected a certain amount of: "worst of both", "there aren't only two" types of responses. Being in this spectrum we are "different" to the "rest of the world" (in some eyes). Being in any niche or minority creates this sense of being different from "the others at school/work/neighbourhood". Here's a little list of some of mine:

left-handed
high-functioning autist
dyslexic
dyspraxic
wind-spirit and werewolf tribe

then i can niche on jobs etc etc - all of these are different "worlds", like the world of the engineer is really different to the lawyer or accountant's world. I'm talking "perceptual worlds"